Freeeeedddddiiiiieeeeeeee

by & filed under News Review.

I am so BORED.

Yep, I’m one of those children this week. Someone tap me out of international week. What a waste of fucking time. The fact a team as ‘ok’ as England hadn’t lost a qualifier in 10 years until last week tells you what a total nonsense having an ‘everyone can compete’ qualifier is.

Anyway, AMN, fresh from bitching about playing in the wrong position / taking a red card to end the experiment… is talking about how bloody marv Freddie Ljungberg is as a coach.

“There’s quite a few things [I have learnt] really,”

“He knows me as a winger, so attacking-wise he’s helped my game a lot. Defensively, I go to someone else to help me because they’re two different styles that I have to play.

“Him personally, he’s pulled me to the side a lot and has shown me different techniques and ways of beating players, ways of crossing the ball and shooting. It’s helping me and I’m happy to have him around because he’s such a big figure in the team.”

If this is the first piece of evidence in the deep state conspiracy to overthrow Emery, the comments Raul made about Freddie are the makings of case, with David Ornstein’s puff piece on the man being the smoking gun.

You don’t need me to punch the numbers into your pocket calculator… I am not going to be vaccinated. Simple as that my friends. #FreddieIn

The pinch of ‘hmmm’ you have to take with these stories: Does Freddie look so damn good against Emery because he can do the basics really well… you know, like speak the language? Mad piece of intel is he’s learning Spanish so he can talk to the Emery. How mad is that?

It’s also not difficult to see who has more sauce unless you’re a weirdo on the sauce spectrum. He’s literally a legend in the eyes of those kids. They’ll have grown up on his partnership with Bergkamp, the flash of red hair, and all the trophies.

I remain sceptical, but it’s hard to when you keep hearing kid after kid going out of their way to talk about how incredible he is.

If I were Emery, I’d get on the double sessions of Rosetta Stone, because outsourcing communications is a sure-fire way to lose authority… I just pray he never loses that ‘good ebening’ opener.

In other news, can everyone jump online and celebrate this elite piece of journalism penned by the mighty Rob Smyth?

He works for a paper that truly believes Twitter is a barometer for what’s really going on in culture, if we create enough noise around this story, maybe The Guardian will rally around a ‘Save OGS’ agenda.

That’s something I could live with. #SaveOGSHeDeservesRespectAndLongDeal.

Right, that’s me done. See you in the comments. Listen to my podcast. Sound is a bit off for the first 9mins, but then it gets better because I fix the mic problem (turned it on).

LOVE YOU xxx


Wenger book: MY SACRIFICE

by & filed under News Review.

I am noise sensitive. Not in the miserable sense, but if I can hear the detailed undertakings of mouth and saliva mechanics, it does something to me. It’s rage-inducing, I could literally jump over a table and pull out whatever you’re swilling around and throw it at a waiter.

‘WHY DID YOU GIVE HIM THIS’

I have the same problem in the cinema. It’s acutely distressing to sit in a public space and realise that only a small percentage of an entire nation had parents that’d call them out for being disgusting. Yesterday, I ventured out to watch Joker… I sat next to someone that was quite possibly the vilest human being in existence.

He processed food like a cartoon robot for the entire 2 hours. He ordered 3 drinks, two plates of wings, a HUGE bowl of popcorn, and he had a Trader Joe’s bag of chaser snacks just in case his blood sugar level dropped 0.2% below heart attack levels of overdose. This guy swilled his ice cubes before crunching them like they were a snack. He fellated his chicken wings before devouring them… then he performed the same act on his fingers to deal with the remnant sauce. It was harrowing.

If I ever come to power… I’ll have ‘HOW TO BE A DECENT HUMAN IN PUBLIC’ classes for the kids.

  • Airports
  • Concerts
  • Cinema
  • Dinner table
  • Commuting

Anyway… the film was good, reminded me of the comments section here. JUST KIDDING GUYS DON’T KILL ME ON YOUTUBE.

So what has Ozil been up to lately? He’s only gone and launched a game, hasn’t he…

The game is called The Longest Kick. It’s basically what it says on the tin. You time yourself to hit a ball a really long way. Not sure it’s taking down Fortnite, but bravo to the German for using his downtime for something productive.

Arsene Wenger is back in the news AGAIN, this time, hawking the fact he has a book deal coming out.

“Regret is maybe I sacrificed a little the winning potential against the loyalty potential or desire to build up the club & influence I had when we built the stadium, against the fact I could’ve won more by going somewhere else & being less limited financially”

It’s going to be insanely choked full of propaganda, I honestly can’t wait to read it. Cannot imagine that I’ll be on the book tour list of people to shoot the shit with, but regardless, it should be a fun read, because he has ZERO shame, and I am pretty sure this is going to be a legacy fixer. He cocooned himself from the real world when he was managing us, I think he’s now caught up on the shambles, and he’s embarrassed. He did not expect the world of football would reject him. It has been a sobering expereince. His chats to BeIN have gone from ‘I’ll be back shortly’ to ‘I SACRIFICED MY BEING FOR THE GAME I DESERVE, ME, ME, ME.’

If I were his publishing company, I’d take the book in the three parts. The good, the bland, the fucking disgraceful. Long it out, there’s surely enough of a market to sell all three. I’d also like him to go into detail across all three parts of his career. 300 pages is not enough space to do justice to his mixed bag career at the top.

I also hope there’s some sort of overarching theme across all three of them. It’d be nice of the book was useful in some way. Carlo had a book on leadership, it gave you a fix of Palace intrigue, but it also gave you his principals of leadership. Clive Woodward also had a great book as well. Would love to read something like that from Big Weng.

I just hope it isn’t an attempt to rewrite history. Some lame counterbalance that he thinks will tip elite recruiters his way. Just give it to us honest. What can WE the ordinary folk learn from someone that let power destroy his purpose in football?

I also don’t want the read to be a victim piece. Own it, Arsene. Arsenal gave you £100m, ten years more than you deserved and absolute control of the direction of the club. If you failed, it’s because we gave you permission to do things exactly the way you wanted to do them. Insipid leadership from Stan, embarrassing toady behavior for the Failure in Chief that is now tanking in Milan, are all valid points… but ultimately, it was all on you. If you’re too power-drunk to ask for help, that’s your problem.

I hope he has a good ghostwriter, he should go for someone like Rapha Honigstein. It’d show character to approach a penman that’d have a neutral view on the narrative.

Finally, Unai Emery’s deal is not up next summer. He has the full 3 years. That’s depressing. Like turning up to the airport a day early. Best hope he lands the Champions League this season if he wants to see the year 3 of that deal.

Right, that’s me done, see you in the comments. x