Well how is everyone this fine day?

Arsenal linked to Coutinho, who is available for £105m. In our dreams people, but wouldn’t that be a sweet fucking dream?

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I’ve penned this opening about 68 times.

Sincere? No

Advisory? Don’t be daft

Funny? Hmm… could age badly

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Word up bitches, I just downloaded the Peloton app with a free 90-day trial and I am feeling rich and sexy. I am trying yoga, there is literally nothing sadder in this world than watching an unflexible (is that a word?) mid-twenties guy *cough* dropping a downward dog in his living room… but who cares, I’m a Peloton person now and you are all peasants.

The latest movement from the Premier League coterie of teams appears to lean very heavily on the idea of finishing the league and cups this season. Basically, TV has said, if you don’t, we’ll be coming for that £750m you took from us… or we’ll blow out some knee caps.

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