The weekend did not go for Arsenal at all. We’ve gone from an outrageous unbeaten run with dreams of the promised land, to being level points with United inside a month. Our next three Premier League fixtures are Chelsea, Cardiff and Manchester City. 6th place isn’t worst case scenario, it could be looking very appealing if the aforementioned games go poorly.
Arsenal came out of the West Ham debacle without a win in 5 away Premier League games. A truly miserable statistic that capped off another Emery disaster class.
We’re rapidly moving into a new territory where it’s not just the defence, the stagnant attack and the lack of style that are proving to be embarrassing. Now the big talking points seem to be centered around how badly he’s managing two of his best players. Mesut Ozil is no doubt a massive whopper behind the scenes, he’s tough to deal with, he’s precious and he can be incredibly uninterested (according to my sources). I’m sure that’s irritating, as it would be at any club, but that’s Emery’s reality. His most expensive player, who doesn’t want to leave, is annoying. That means it’s the managers’ job to work out a way of motivating him, to find a position that works and to get him into a side that is desperately lacking quality in the final 3rd.
It’s going to be a tough away day at the worst new stadium in the country. We head east to play WEST Ham. There’s a confusing one for you non-London folk.
Anyway, I’m worried about how our defence is going to hold up tomorrow. On the one hand, I’m excited to potentially welcome back Hector Bellerin, on the other, I’m deeply concerned about how we’re going to deal with Mustafi, Koscielny and Monreal playing together.
Are you ok?
Come on, wipe away those tears. We’re gonna be A-0k. Put that Bergkamp poster back up on the wall, put on your retro bruised banana shirt that doesn’t fit back on, then we’ll crack into some tasty Arsenal morsels.
But before we crack on, pet peeve of mine… social media bios that say things like ‘Beans on toast enthusiast’ or ‘Purveyor of cream cheese’… fuck off. Don’t be a wanker. Imagine introducing yourself at a party like that? You’d be asked to leave. Maybe have your ‘craft beers with an interesting story behind them’ deservedly taken on the way out for being so offensively twee.
It’s not often I’ll concede and take a fat L, but today, I must.
Aaron Ramsey’s agent has only gone and done it. £140k a week NET fam… which works out at around £280k a week GROSS. That’s good cash. Baldwin, you’re the British Raiola, and we’re proud to have you raping the game for all it’s worth.
Processed with VSCO with fs1 preset
Leeeet’s start with a bang.
SIX Arsenal players are back in the mixer for Arsenal.
That is great news. I mean, you kind of have to discount Ozil, he’ll be back on the medical table at the next rumour of being dropped, but the others will all help us.
I’m intrigued to see what the plan is with Mavrapanos. I remember when he was signed above Wenger’s head, there was a lot of concern the manager wouldn’t like him… then the story was that he was very impressed and he started giving him games. He looks a good player. He’s absolutely huge, he’s pretty quick from what I remember he knows how to play the ball from out from the back.
Is the future him and Holding? We’ll find out.
Matt and I speak at length on the podcast about the reality of Arsenal and how we tackle the rest of the season.
The true reality of Arsenal is we’ve emptied out the piggy bank by making incredibly short-sighted decisions over the past 5 years, which were further compounded last year when we decided our strategy was a short term BURST for the Champions League spots. We didn’t sell Ramsey in the summer, we tied Ozil down to the most outrageous contract of all time, we gave Mikhi £170k a week despite him playing like a Championship player for years, and we amped up everyone’s deals.
The reality is that now we have the highest wage bill in the Europa League by quite some margin. That’s not sustainable by any stretch. It’s so unsustainable, we had to pull the Aaron Ramsey deal and let him go for nothing.
To make things worse, it’s clear we’re very unlikely to make a go for the top 4 this season. So that gives us one route out of this mess. We have to greatly reduce the wage bill. To put things into perspective, our wage bill is 260m euros, the next richest Europa League side is Milan on 163m euros! Now, we don’t have to drop that low, but it gives you a little perspective as to why we’re strapped.
As Matt said, we’ve experimented with what a ‘no wage cap’ looks like, and it’s a bit shit (because it’s been poorly executed).
So that opens up a scenario for the rest of the season. Do you gun for the top 4 positions and chop in players that don’t have a future with us in the hope something miraculous happens (CFC looking decidedly toothless of late). Or do you write the season off and see what the kids can do?
Maybe it’s a blend of both. But simply put, our strategy moving forward has to look smarter than the half-baked thing we have going on now of buying in some young talent and peppering it with ok experienced players.
I also think it’s that time of the year when we call for real solutions for the defence.
Yep, I’m gonna say it… GET STEVE BOULD ON THE JOB!
He knows how to organise a defence. He’ll literally tie them together with electrical cable, everytime Mustafi dives into a challenge that might not even exist, BOOM. They all suffer. We do that in advertising when we’re practicing a pitch.
‘Thanks for reaching out’ ZAP
‘Ummmm’ ZAP
‘Holistic’ ZAP
You gotta learn ’em good people.
Harry Kane took an embarrassing tumble to win a penalty and take Spurs within spitting distance of their first trophy since time began (if you were born March 2008). I’d love to see them lose again.
PETA France has bantered Franck Ribery by sending him a basket of vegan snacks coated in gold after he dropped a £1000 on a salt bae steak. Good work. I think the player was also fined heftily after he went nuts on people criticizing his choice on the menu. Bellerin is a vegan… you know who isn’t? The bellends that protested outside Greggs because they lauched a vegan sausage roll. Imagine being the kind of person that’ll march for something like that.
Finally, before we go. Myles Palmer, I thought we were buddies? The fireside chats at AGMs? The casual exchange of e-mails about the Gooners?
IT WAS ALL A LIE. How could you give a regular column to a resident crazy over here that sends me actual hatemail? This is the biggest betrayal since Wenger told us he had a surprise signing we’d like in 2008.
I would love to share some of the contents of the e-mails I have, but I’m not that mean. But damn, does this guy cover some topics. Rape, Zimbabwe genocide, hatred for millennials… quite the roster of topics let me tell you.
Anyway, the whole thing has cut deep Myles, you were my blog hero. Tears all over the keyboard.
WHILE YOU ARE HERE, listen to the latest podcast from me and Matt (EKB).
SPOTIFY | STITCHER | ITUNES | GOOGLE | POCKET CASTS
FIRST PODCAST OF THE YEAR HAS LANDED.
Yes sweet people.
Listen to me and Matt shoot the shit about his love of Emery and my quiet distrust of what’s going on.
ALSO, I know you want words, so check out yesterday’s post that most of you missed if you’re part of the morning crew. It’s about Edu and what it takes to be a Sporting Director. Good words, I’m sure you’ll agree. (POST)
SPOTIFY | STITCHER | ITUNES | GOOGLE | POCKET CASTS