Are you ok?
Come on, wipe away those tears. We’re gonna be A-0k. Put that Bergkamp poster back up on the wall, put on your retro bruised banana shirt that doesn’t fit back on, then we’ll crack into some tasty Arsenal morsels.
But before we crack on, pet peeve of mine… social media bios that say things like ‘Beans on toast enthusiast’ or ‘Purveyor of cream cheese’… fuck off. Don’t be a wanker. Imagine introducing yourself at a party like that? You’d be asked to leave. Maybe have your ‘craft beers with an interesting story behind them’ deservedly taken on the way out for being so offensively twee.
Anyway, the club is apparently going after Ismaïla Sarr in the summer. ExMonaco defender Willy Sagnol had this to say on the winger.
“The star of this team is Ismaïla Sarr, there’s nobody else. It is he who carries it offensively. He is consistent in his performances, his efforts. He is the only one since the beginning of the season who brings real satisfaction.”
The rumour on the street is that we’re going to offer them Emi Martinez and £16m in the summer. This really would be the sort of signing we should be making. I’ve sadly had enough downtime this season to watch Rennes a couple of times. The player has Kanu like tight control (when it’s good, obviously), his telescopic legs allow him to fend off pressure, and he can explode into space.
You never know what you’re getting when you buy players so young from Ligue One, but it’d be harsh to sniff at a 20-year-old left sided winger who has scored 9 goals and dropped 6 assists in 25 games. That’s worth a punt. We’re getting in there before a Monaco do… and inevitably flog him for £600m in one season. This is Sven’s chance to deliver us a Dembele.
Foot Mercato report that we’re interested in signing Yannick Carrasco from Chinese power players, Dalian Yifang. It’s pretty obvious to me that it’d be insanity to give him £200k a week, but you know, he might hate where he lives so much he’s prepared to take a pay packet that’s more reasonable.
It’s clear whatever happens, it’ll have to be a loan move. Emery delivered some much-needed brutality to fans dreaming of a £100m January.
“We cannot make payments to sign players. We can only loan players. But we can only sign players on loan. I know the club is working to find players who can help us, with this condition.”
That makes our January window feel ever so familiar. The silver lining here is that if it were Wenger in today’s prezzer, he’d be telling us that he’s on the lookout for a super, super talent before pulling the trigger on a 38-year-old goat farmer from the Saudi league. At least Emery has set the expectation dial at miserable. Anything from here is going to be fucking immense.
I also want to lay to rest the notion that Arsenal aren’t appealing because we don’t have £4b to throw at the squad. Spurs has one of the best coaches on the planet, he spent nothing last summer and his net spend is in the minus figures. Or plus figures. What’s the symbol when you’re in profit?
Anyway, when the Arsenal job rolls around, only the mega coaches would sniff. If that’s Allegri, who hardly operates on mega money now (or gets paid well), that’s most likely because he never wanted to leave a club that just signed Ronaldo. Not other major coach was sniffing at a £200m wage bill and the chance to spend £80m last summer. As was pointed out in the comments yesterday. Poch spend net zero his first two season and Klopp spent net £35m in his first two season. Emery has dropped double in his first summer. Hardly poverty.
Arsenal is a hugely attractive role for 90% of coaches out there. Don’t kid yourself otherwise. Sven and Raul wouldn’t be at the club if it weren’t appealing. We just need to make our situation work. That’s getting back to wheeling and dealing. Very much like how Wenger operated when he first joined. Find the gems. The broken pros that need life. Hope that some kids make it big.
COMMUNITY POST: This was from Gambon in the comments. Him tackling the ‘it’s Stan’ issue head on.
Good argument from @TheMightyGambon as to why Stan really isn’t to blame for the mess we’re in (outside lack of leadership presence).
Some of our BEST decisions of the last ten years. pic.twitter.com/Gq7ZesnThZ
— Le Grove (@LeGrove) January 10, 2019
I think judging by our past dalliances in the January window, it’s probably best we keep our moves to loans, versus purchasing in anxiety mode.
Top 4 would be an incredible achievement from where we are, but it seems unlikely. Let’s spend our time trying to shift players other teams want. Mikhi apparently has admirers in Milan, if that’s true, let him go for whatever they’ll give us. Free up that £170k a week and make it happen.
As someone pointed out yesterday, the likelihood is we’ll need to dramatically reduce our wage bill, and one of our most saleable assets is Lacazette. Get that salary off our books, regardless of how much I love him. We cannot operate with someone that expensive occupying the bench. I’d miss the goals, but surely he’s a £65m striker if Chelsea paid £70m for Morata? We could buy 2 and bit Torreira’s for that.
If Emery can’t motivate Ozil to care, the club has to come to a deal this summer and remove him. It’s going to be hard to find anyone to foot that bill, that said, we did find an Italian club willing to pay Ramsey £280k a week GROSS. Unreal figures, so it does show you, anything is possible if you force someone’s hands.
From there, it’s taking punts on players with high ceilings/hoping some of the kids coming through can up their levels and give us some magic.
See, anything is possible when you write it down in a blog. I think we solved Arsenal? Have a great day! x
P.S Don’t be selfish, listen to the fucking podcast.