Good banter travels far. The humorous comments section conspiracy theory grew legs yesterday and had a lot of people talking. Someone with contacts in the insurance world dropped this comment.
‘They were able to prove that the high profile player’s injury had in fact been caused by playing too many video games. In his case it was a knee injury caused by sitting on sofa for hours on end with his feet on the coffee table, This causes minor hyperextension of the knee. I think? Good luck with your conspiracy theory.’
Absolute gold.
This is mostly tongue in cheek, a lot of folk from countries outside England sending pelters my way because they don’t understand world class British bantz, but the reality is, spending that much time in front of a screen is really unhealthy. I know first hand what a corrupting influence the screen can be on your life, and I’m being absolutely genuine here.
My career has been built off the internet. Everything in my life past the age of 21 is owed to this blog, Twitter and the power of the Arsenal community. I’m on my phone a lot. This year, Apple added the screentime function. I was spending an average of 4.5 hours a day on my phone. That’s minus the computer screen I was sitting in front of. If I went on a mad session, I couldn’t concentrate, I actually started to feel sick.
Don’t tell me that mad screentime doesn’t impact your life. It can be devastating to relationships, your work, and the outside world. Best thing I’ve ever done is delete all the time drainers. I don’t have Instagram, Twitter, Fishbowl, or my e-mail on my phone. I’ll bring Twitter back for games… but I remove them straight after.
The impact has been electric. I’m more present in everything I do. I’m a better boss, a better creative, and a better human.
Screens are a fucking cancer on the brain. But, you know, big thanks to 80% of the traffic that comes from mobile. I love you. Never leave me.
ANYWAY. Man United today. What a fucking exciting proposition we have.
Unai Emery not only has the chance to extend our incredible unbeaten run, he can potentially end the tenure of the most obnoxious manager in history. If Jose loses his job, the best he’ll ever do moving forward is Roma or Everton. This is a HUGE game for him.
We know what he’s going to do. It’s going to be a shit-house special. He’s going to set up to bully us out of the match. Fellaini will start, all his sharp-elbowed fiends will join. No doubt, all will have been sleeping outside in dog kennels. It’s going to be a shameful spectacle. The sort that’d give Graham Souness an erection. The type that’ll have Gary Neville lamenting the soft spine of Arsenal ‘yet again.’
But you know what? We’ll be prepared. We’ll be fired up. We have dirty players. This game could be an epic announcement to the rest of the league. This really is the chance to put the ‘soft Arsenal’ bollocks to rest. I can’t fucking wait.
United are utter shite. They’re 8 points behind us. Their goal difference is -1. The squad hates Mourinho. Pogba and the manager are at war as reality dawns that he’s not elite and United blew £94m on him. Sanchez would top himself if it weren’t for his dogs. No one is performing to the level they should be, mainly because they don’t want to.
The special one is dropping Arsene Wenger like statements in the press in a pathetic attempt to draw sympathy for his privileged attempt at making United a proper team.
“Before Palace, I said my target would be end of December in top four. Now the target has changed. Now we have to try to be very close to these positions. We need not to be so unlucky with problems that we have. We need some players to perform.”
“I can agree even though the investment Everton made was phenomenal,”
“I don’t think Everton will be in front of United by the end of the season.”
He is complaining about Everton’s investment! Un-fucking-real. What a pathetic man. The only reason United curtailed his spending this summer because his sporting director attempts have been utterly shambolic.
The press love him though, they don’t want him gone. The BBC ran an article about whether the Portuguese was getting harsh treatment.
‘However, there is frustration among some Old Trafford insiders who believe Mourinho is held to different standards, being compared both to his predecessors at United and rival managers at other clubs.’
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! The last time United were in a position this shite, it was under Moyesy. Jose has dropped £350m. If the ‘legends’ are critiquing a shite brand of football and 7th in the league, they are well within their rights.
But football is all about the hierarchy. Mourinho has a sharp tongue, he’s handsome and he’s won things. His failings can’t possibly be down to his lack of interest in developing his ideas, could it? And look, I spent 11 years arguing Wenger was past it, and regardless of how correct my commentary was, people still wanted to side with the ill-informed folk who pushed a ‘good old Arsene’ narrative.
The irony that the manager who nailed Wenger so perfectly is now begging for the same ‘look the other way’ treatment is not lost on any of us.
Anyway, I can’t wait for today. We should be winning this. But football is a cruel beast and Jose always raises the bar for Arsenal. Mix in the fact that Emery has never beaten Jose in 5 attempts, and you start to worry.
However, this is a different era, we have the winds of progress on our side, the Arsenal players will go to war for Emery, and it’s about fucking time we put the Mourinho hoodoo to bed.
I am so excited.
See you on the other side. x
P.S. Listen to my fucking podcast.
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You know what’s coming.
Fellaini header or nod down.
We know it.
Cover it.
LOL
Goal of the season
our goalscorer looks hurt too
Shit shower @ manure
LacaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAaaa
1 – 2
Make it fucking stick.
fucking delay in the US…. the board is moving too fast. LOL
Im just seeing lukaku sub
There you go.
That’s for a jammy first goal.
funniest goal ive seen this year
No way can we hold a lead for 25 mins.
Need another goal.
WTFFFFFF
lool this game is a joke!!!!
our defense is HORRIFIC!
amazing. fuck you rojo
WTTFFFFFFF
Come on Arsenal!!!!!! Strange goal but i’ll take it!!!
Yes!!!!
Clown utd. Trying to hurt our players
YES!!!!!!
WTF
Embarassing
ONE FUCKING MINUTE
What the fuck is wrong with us.
This season is a complete write off.
Half of the PL is conceding less than us.
hahahahahahahahaha
Rojo should get a yellow for that last ditch tackle
That should make his own goal worse
YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Kolasinac are you kidding me?!?!?!?
My word that was ugly!
What a mad game with silly mistakes every where
this game is ridiculous.
That is absolutely fucking shocking.
United go on to win this now.
Sokratis, Mustafi, Kolasinac.
Fuck me.
How the fuck!!!
Jesus, I’m close to switching this off, what kind of fucking defending was that?
Fuckkk we cant even hold for 5 seconds… Kola really fucked up there.
Fucking slow stream fuck
i see 2-1 on BBC website yes!
Fuck off Kolac you rubbish defender gave an assist to the Manure.
Fuck off Leno
I am turning this off
Emery has his work cut out for him.
We need to spend some effing money
The result of this game means absolutely nothing for either team.
Neither have any chance of making the top 4.
fcuking hell … This fcuking ground
I’m seething at this.
How are we giving this game to this shower of fucking shit?
x2 comedy defenses at their best
Stupid
So the usual suspect is off, who are we talking about now?
Mother. Fucker.
Typical Arsenal, everytime. The gift that will forever keep giving.
Like I said we gift our goals to the opposition.
We raised the tempo.
Kolasinac is dirt.
How have we not just scored
Shocking from Mkhi
Christ almighty
Two BIG chances missed in minutes.
C’mon Auba.
Disgrace to let that happen off a kick
Off.
Wankers
Mhikihahaharian
Marko
I am just as baffled.
We are better than this united team but anything other than a loss is good tonight.
Mikki is fucking toilet.
How did Mhkitrayan miss that?
Even if United didn’t field a team we’d still draw or lose. We need all the hoodoos gone but maybe collectively shitting our pants at Old Trafford is just too ingrained into the club?
What is it with Auba and missing sitters?
Unforgiven.
Game is so stretched
Aubu for FFs
How much do we miss RVP and Henry.
Mkhit is absolute dogshite.
Cost us points v Chelsea.
Fucking hate the Man U rejects
FKIN SECOND YELLOW FOR MATIC NOT GIVEN.
Auba has missed two golden chances! What a frustrating watch
Ref United yet again. 100% second yellow. Not even a replay ofc.
Seriously mad about the 2nd goal.
Kolac assist with no danger.
Dirt.
I feel like we will still nick this at the death.
I hope Pogba fucks Mourinho game plan up
We give away the dumbest goals. So pissed off with that. Kick it out, do something, just not leave it for that big nose mug to score.
Come on Arsenal, you can do this.
So I guess all 4 goals tonight have been blunders of some kind.
Comedy match this
dont lose faith!
Wolves 2 Chelsea 1
Wellbeck gone in the summer. Hopefully mkhit as well. Clean out the dross.
Need Auba to kick in more
We should be running away with this.
Matic should have been off for 5 mins already. Fkin hell.
We totally gave this game away, frustrating
20 goals conceded in 15 games.
We’re on course for 50 goals.
What a complete shambles.
We should’ve picked up Shaqiri. 12m a bargain.
Lads
What the fuck is this shit?
Amateur hour mistakes
Guendouzi is not in this game
If even if we nick this, our defensive lapses in concentration really needs to be addressed.
Unforgivable that we concede so soon after taking the lead.
Laca and Auba need to start shooting.
Kolac must be made to pay for it. Can score with his left boot.
Shoot on sight now. Last 5 min
Shit! No one is awake….Laca looking for someone
Holding onto the fucking ball!
Just pass it
Unforgivable is a kind word
Who even does that…a minute
I got that Chelsea score wrong … very wrong
Our players look to be running on empty
Mouri the happier tbh.
As it is, two points dropped.
C’mon. Win it for all.
Some seriously shit football. Its like watching a totally different team…
And Man Utd, fuck me what utter dross.
This cvnt Mhki can’t ever get the weight of his passes right
Of all the players to pull hair. Ridiculous.
Mykhitaryan is absolute trash.
Our attacking midfielders are just completely shocking.
Fellaini pulled Guendouzi’s hair not even a card?! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!
Dirty cunt Mancs
This is amateur hour.
Everything we’re doing we’re letting them in this game, poor passing, no pressing, defensive shambles
Disappointing.
Really is.
If there was ever a Wenger player it’s mkhit
Fellaini should have seen red for pulling Gwens’ hair. Un-fucking-belivable that he did this. Then again we all know he is a cunt.
Just everything.
Everything is amateur.
Haha thaf would’ve top this off if that register as a goal.
Probably 4 mins of injury time.
So 93.57 the only safe time to score a winner