It’s World Mental Health Day.
A moment to talk about one of the most important self-care items going: What goes on in your head.
A moment to talk to an audience that is the most likely to be affected by it and not say anything (you, my friend).
Men are pretty shit at this. Mostly, it’s men that read this blog. So let’s have a chat about it.
It’s ok not to be ok sounds cliche, but it’s true. Mental health, no matter how many ‘wellness days’ brutal office cultures offer up, is not respected to the level it should be… still. That’s why I think it’s so powerful superstars of elite level sport are crafting a way forward for normal people. Simone Biles tapping out of some of the Olympics? If she’s ok to say ‘no thanks,’ after all the shit she’s been through, then guess what… Pedro who makes tweets for a living can tap out if things are going badly.
I did a podcast last week with someone that works in a high-stress environment (football) and they shared this little gem with me:
‘We have a rule that I have made very clear to my people. If you are having a bad day, you tell me upfront. You don’t have to talk about the details. Or you can talk about the details. But if you’re having a bad day, I want to know, because we all have them.’
I loved that. So simple. So easy to implement in any job. Beautifully disarming in a way. You don’t have to get into the details, you don’t have to pull out a chaise longue, but if everyone around you knows the deal, it can really take the steam out of some heavy things going on in your head. How many people going through some severe shit would just like to say, ‘I’m having a bad day’, and haven’t, with sad consequences? I sat next to someone at new London job, the nicest chap you’d ever meet, incredibly sharp and easy going. He helped me navigate this new monster organisation I worked in. He set the tone for the culture of the office. He was beloved. One day, he just didn’t show for work. He’d never show again. Just like that, gone. I never thought to ask him how he really was, but I wonder if he’d been able to say he was having a bad day, whether things would have been different?
I actually don’t think I can remember ever having the courage to say something like that, but you know what, that’s going to be a new rule I bring to all my teams going forward. It’s a small thing, but it’s actionable, and if only one person reading this does it, then it’s a win.
Part of me wonders if some of the newfound empathy we’re seeing in football might be partly related to the tough year we’ve all had sitting in a box shut off from the world. Everyone wrestled with demons this year. We all needed something a little deeper than a Zoom happy hour. I wonder if the softening towards athletes is here to stay? They aren’t robots. They’re at work like you and me. Maybe the game is just better if we’re a bit nicer offline and online.
… as for the online bit. This is another area we can all be a little bit better and I will 100% hold my hands up here and say I need to take it easier and realise that it’s just football. Maybe we could all be kinder to people on the internet? It’s just a football opinion. It’s just a game. If you wouldn’t say it to someone in a bar, maybe you shouldn’t say it on the internet… because you never know what is going on with someone behind the keyboard. I’d say the internet is a dreadful place generally, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised how kind everyone is to me, Johnny and Matt on the Youtube videos. It’s very sweet. Same with the podcast stuff. The world is a better place when there’s a bit of kindness out there, life is a little easier, and one less thing to worry about is good for everyone.
Someone who has dealt with mental health issues is Tyson Fury. What an incredible story. I think he gave an entire paycheck to a mental health charity earlier in his career. He’s a symbol of someone dealing with his challenges head-on and coming out the other end a hero. So massive congrats to him.
Would it be wrong to cite Bukayo Saka as well? He missed a decisive penalty in a European Cup Final, he came back into club football, now he’s back scoring goals, looking extremely well. What a player. You absolutely love to see it.
Anyway, bit of a weird one from me today. It’s hard to write things like this, mental health cuts brutally close to the bone for me, so this is uncomfortable, but if it makes one person feel even 1% better about themselves, then it’s a win.
Be good to each other, check in with those you love, and set up a ‘bad day’ rule in your work team.
See you in the comments. NEW podcast below. BIG LOVE xx
Going for the Tr8phy!
Let’s do this!
It’s been too long.
Oh before I forget, Belgium have got to be the Spurs of international football.
So much talent and yet never can get themselves to win a thing.
here
Bankz why?
Midnight’s fight between Fury and Wilder has got to be an instant classic.
Both fighters were at the top of their game but Fury was just able to find that inner resolve over and over before the final KO in the 11th round.
Art8ta’’s permanent spot
Lol.
Sorry Zaco.
I came for both Wenger’s and Arteta’s trophies.
@Banks as a French goober I concur : Belgium are definitely the Spurs of international football. They are such sore loosers, they are still going on about the 2018 World cup semi final they lost to France claiming they were the better team!
Pedro: Good work mate on that post mate
Top post Pedro.
A little kindness can go a long way.
Good post Pedro.
Well said, Pedro
Respect for this post, Pedro. Big love to all who need it today, and any other day x
Great post Pedro
Thanks for such an amazing effort with this blog!
Great post Pedro – my firm have invested a lot of time now in dealing with mental health issues.
Seems like the pandemic in a bizarre sort of way has not only exacerbated the problem but given rise to helping to deal with it too – perhaps because it went so far across the line that this has helped put the subject very firmly into the public gaze.
Good stuff, Pedro.
Absolutely massive post today Pedro. What fantastic timing for something like this. I know it is mental health day, but it feels like you were speaking directly to me. I know it must have been difficult to write this, but I have a huge amount of respect for you posting this. Hopefully this message reaches others who need to hear it. Thanks again for this post and all of the great content you, Matt, and Johnny put out.
Until you have suffered with depression you have know
idea how debilitating it can be.
Talking to people who do understand is vital ( please talk to someone).
Fresh air and the open helps.
Really good that Pedro’s post today has highlighted this awful condition.
I’ve suffered mental health issues my whole life. The trouble was, until the age of 45, I didn’t know anything was wrong. I just thought everyone thought about suicide all the time, I thought everyone woke up four times a night drenched in sweat, I thought everyone watched the clock at work waiting for five o’clock so they could go home exhausted. Trouble was, the diagnosis at 45 of chronic depression and personality disorder was the start of a ten year journey, including 18 months in hospital, before they finally got the right combination of medication. I’m glad to report… Read more »
A really great post Pedro. The last few days have been quite the roller for me. Keep up the blog
You nailed it Peds.. well said. For what it’s worth I never take anything personally that’s said on here. I don’t think most of the bad stuff that’s said would be said to your face in real life. I enjoy the banter as I think a lot of people do and sometimes it goes too far. Plus the older I get the more I realize what matters in life, Covid focused that.
That said, Come on the Arsenal!!! Help a brother out with some wins.
Taylor Swift
Good on you mate. So glad the last 10 have been good for you; may it always be so!
Big Pharma makes money bandaging wounds while the nation bleeds out
https://twitter.com/mir_and_a/status/1442219300983504903?s=20
I’m all for people being nice to each other, helping each other – in other words learn to co-operate rather than compete – and the better chance humanity has of survival on this planet. But here’s the hing. Competition is the driving force of evolution. Survival of the fittest. Without that, life would be nothing more than micro-organisms in muddy shallows.
Nice
Pedro – top post fella. Love the sentiment and let’s all try and be respectful and positive. Makes the world a better place.
Now Deontay Wilder maybe had a bad day (third time) but did he really need to behave like such a dick after the fight. Can’t wait for the excuses this time – my gimp walk-on mask was the wrong shade of red, my rapper was too Jay-Z and not enough Eminem. AJ was beaten and showed class and humility – two things Wilder doesn’t comprehend.
Nice work everyone. Keep it up.
Top post Pedro. Going to implement that rule.
I don’t know whether any study has been conducted on it but physical activities such as weight lifting, aerobics, running etc. and yoga really help in curbing depression a little bit. And yes, staying away from social media helps too.
Great post Pedro.
Great message Pedro.
Too many big organisations pay lip service to this issue. When push comes to shove money talks loudest. I hope that the message people take from this pandemic is that health and wellbeing comes first, it’s okay to walk away from situations and people who aren’t good for you.
@TR7 – I’ve just signed up for the Brighton Marathon, will let you know how all that winter training impacts my mood! As I’m usually a SAD sufferer so maybe it might help.
‘That’s why I think it’s so powerful superstars of elite level sport are crafting a way forward for normal people. Simone Biles tapping out of some of the Olympics? If she’s ok to say no thanks’
Doesn’t help whatsoever for the working man in the real world. If you’re self employed in construction for example you have no choice but to carry on until you fall into your early grave
Good post Pedro.
Blog of……..love?
TR7 – totally agree. so too does variety – finding new ways to spice up life. However big difference between feeling pissed off and chronically depressed as i found out years ago when my best mate (a doctor) committed suicide. Played squash with him regularly, went on skiing trips and he was life and soul of party. BUT he was also chronically depressed and I had no idea…….
Andy
Keep running marathons if you can, surely helps. I can say it from personal experience.
North
I don’t know how some depressed folks manage to hide their pain. I wish I had that ability.
I am no expert on depression (except my own) but it seems to me that depression is vastly more prevalent now than it was when I was young. And yet we had so much more reason to be depressed, a war, rationing, no NHS, etc, etc. Evidently partly due to better diagnosis nowadays. But back then you mostly swallowed hard and got on with dealing with it yourself. I don’t mean to sound hard-hearted, it’s merely a personal observation, But one that asks for conclusions. One is that we’ve become too eager to seek medication as a crutch. It often… Read more »
Good post Pedro. It does wonders to be able to voice your feelings at the office, I work in a team of 5 running a biotech company and the culture is so that everyone can have a bad day. But more importantly, for me at least, is that we have the same rule at home. It is so important to be able to say to your spouse that you are having a shitty day and be accepted that way even more so with three young daughters with all their needs. On the same note, this break from real football is… Read more »
Great article Pete, I’m not hiding behind my own dark dog but I’ve replied to you in a rude and abusive way , to almost start an argument to make me feel better.
A few days later I re read your article or watch the live stream and think to myself “what a c@nt” I can be.
I sincerely appreciate this post and sincerely apologise to you on a personal level.
M
Quality post, Pedro.
We really should have gone all out for Luis Enrique as Wenger’s replacement.
He would have been perfect for us.
Middy,
Relieved to hear that you never take things personally coz I really think you’re a scumbag and don’t mind telling you.
Plus (the horror, the horror) you’re American, and (even worse) from the (yuk) MidWest.
Thanks for that Pedro good read as ever. It’s nice to read that there’s good humans out there with awareness for others.
Also brilliant always reading the comments, some raised eyebrows, some laughs. Nevertheless you don’t know the person sitting behind the keyboard/phone. I can only wish you all well and hope for more positivity
It amazes me how many people feel the need to abuse other people here for holding a different opinion.. It is not like you have to live with the individual nor do you know anything about him (her?)..
And I agree with Bankz.. I like the setup of the Spanish team
Positive words, Pedro. Showing empathy and consideration to others can be universal principles.
Though the whole ‘bad day’ / ‘duvet day’ thing is very much a perspective of employees / executives of multinationals and big companies. I can’t really see the same flexibility being granted to the self-employed by their clients: you eat what you kill, and if you fail to perform, there will be no calls back.
On football matters, the Telegraph are reporting that Newcastle are bringing in Ralph Rangnick to re-shape the club as technical director.
Emery was brought in by crook Sanhelli and also bought Pepe for 72m
Pedro
Good article
You do have to walk the talk though
You can’t be writing long treatises about depression, burn-out and online abuse when yuh are allowing gross insults like ‘bedwetting’ to stand unchallenged
It’s seemed as though, some things are passively lowed so long as it in defense of Arteta.
*passively allowed.
Spain’s front three are not fast enough. The midfield is better.
Pedri and Busquets are both world class
Steven Bullen – kudos to you fella – sometimes it takes a lot to admit you have ben a c@nt. We’ve all done it but maybe not always admitted it. I like what is happening on Le Grove today – don’t always…..
France CB played the man not the ball….
Anthony Taylor has the memory of a goldfish, he forgot to book Gavi, after playing the advantage.
Benzema!!!
What a goal
The game is heating up. 1 – 1
Top post Pedro respect to you for sharing this wisdom
Offside
All that celebration
clearly offside
It stands, like to see that again
Looked offside?
He ran in before the pass
France #15 sucks.
Great post pedro
You should be proud of this post Pedro.
The Bad day thing, what a fantastic idea
And well done Tyson Fury
Being called a bedwetter is now classed as a gross insult? Deary me, what a sheltered little boy you are dissenter.
And learn the offside rule and the new interpretations kid
I work for a company with a few thousand employees, that Bad Day suggestion will be put into action in my team tomorrow and to our Exec team via a virtual suggestion box type thing we operate.. they are always looking for initiatives like that, especially something so simple that is surely effective.
And don’t worry, I will credit this blog as where I heard of it first if it gains the traction suspect it will!
Pedro
Bravo. Big hugs and support. I generally love reading your blog for the Arsenal content. But this was a most welcome digression.
I’m old – and old school: never say or write anything, to anyone, that you wouldn’t want your parents to hear. Sometimes biting your tongue can be a bit painful. But good support from family and friends goes a long way. We need to understand that your blog is a community, just like your office, and people need to be civil and not insult for sport. You never know the mental health consequences.
Brazil so average against Colombia.
Nothing exciting or impressive about their football at all in that first half against Colombia.
Fabinho has been caught out a few times in midfield.
Paqueta has actually be one of the more accomplished players on the pitch so far.
Colombia have a very drab team now compared to their previous sides.
So many great comments today. Nice that if we can all be unified about one thing, it’s mental health. Great stuff everyone.
TR7, amen to that… exercise and deleting the apps always helps me.
A well thought out message on such an important day. Well said Pedro
Colombia are fancying this game now.
Pressing Brazil high up the pitch.
Good post. I always tell people I work with to refrain from criticising others in writing. There’s something about writing things that takes empathy out of it. When you read it, it comes across colder and meaner than intended.
I try to only say things here in the comments that I’d say to a person’s face but sometimes I make the same mistake I tell others to avoid. So if I’ve ever made anyone here feel shitty about themselves, I apologise. I appreciate the community and debate we have going on here!
Good post Pedro. If my eldest brother had spoken up when he was not ok maybe there’s a chance we could’ve helped and he’d still be here today.
I’m having a shit time of it myself at work recently, but I won’t do anything extreme. Just can’t wait for the corner to be turned and things to calm down. Exhaustion plus stress is a rubbish combination
Thank you Peter, thank you for this moment. I have been struggling with my thoughts ever since i lost my wife and at times i suffer in silence because i have that feeling that I’m supposed to do so. I have more good days than not now but admit easily that I’m incomplete without her as my partner and conscience. Covid is the vehicle by which i lost my beloved wife, but it may as well have been anything to be honest, the loss to me is profound and without any real recovery. Simply put, I struggle daily with reasons… Read more »
Btw I can’t stress enough how closely poor sleep quality and amount is linked to mental health troubles. Lack of exercise and poor quality diet as well.
Sounds obvious but it’s true. Brain chemistry is hugely hugely impacted by these things. Sleep most of all. That dark cloud descends ever so easily when you lack good sleep
You are so right China, sometimes simply let go of your troubles for just one night just feels so good. To lose oneself in their dreams can be so rewarding and yet so cruel at times when you wake up. Life is so worth living, please try to not suffer in silence, help at times is but a call away. Life is precious, please try to remember that.
So great to hear so many positive comments despite some very sad stories on here. Hope Y’all do ok.
Much love Ernest For me my biggest issue is a combination of having a hyper stressful, always on, job with being naturally a poor sleeper. Around twice a week I wake up about 2am and won’t get back to sleep until 5am no matter how hard I try In my work when we make any absolutely tiny mistake the consequences for me, my colleagues and the management are massive – and because everything is hectic and a constant rush mistakes can easily happen. Last Friday all was good until 9:30pm when I got a call from a colleague with the… Read more »
Loving family
Pet
Andy1886 That’s a tough trial you’re putting yourself through. Good luck on your training and hope you stay injury free. At 66 I stopped my gym training last Xmas to clear the many niggling injuries that even now haven’t cleared and will take probably until New Year to clear. Ernest My father and I lost my adopted mother 27 years ago, which my father never got over and where she is never far from my thoughts. In the end I finally brought my father to Thailand to live with us where he had 12 short holidays in the 5 years… Read more »
Thank you both China and Tony, i guess each of us carries a burden we would rather not have, but i also look at you both as sources of inner strength. Life is indeed a very fascinating thing and these days i find myself asking why i gave so much of a care about, what now is obvious, were really unimportant things. I hope that one day soon China you will find rest from a stressful life? Life, i now truly realize, is far too short to perhaps go to the levels you find yourself going, all in the name… Read more »
If i may be honest…I can say with honesty that i have had some God awful days, days that i just lay in bed and wished that i never woke up. Dark days, terrible thoughts, thoughts of terrible things. Through it all i have thankfully not gone into that place that those in my support group talk of, i just cant go there for my own reasons, but their stories ring loud within me and offer me the knowledge that i am truly not alone. I guess what i am trying to say is please don’t suffer in silence, and… Read more »
Love the post Pedro.
Good on ya!
Also from reading the last post: “The frustration is the team we have now isn’t built for an Auba. It’s built for a DCL, who we’re tracking apparently. Someone mentioned that this Arteta system, as it is right now, looks more like Atletico than City. Not where I thought we’d be taking the football, but hard to argue that a peak Diego Costa in the striking position wouldn’t make us immeasurably better.” I would say our team is definitely built for auba, the first half of spurs shows what we can do when we play on the front foot. The… Read more »
Ouch china
You ever try 10mg melatonin?
Helped me a lot
Crossfit, twice a week, will make you sleep like a log
Whisky strictly on Chrismas and Easter only
Pound the yam daily, if possible
Being linked with Oxlade Chamberlain.
SMH
This is a great post pedro. Men actually suffer in silence more often than not. And I don’t know talking to your buddies about how you are having a shit time helps that much in the long run. But it can pull you back from dark moments. Just someone checking up on you helps. Depression is a bitch. The ways to cope with it seem so simple but are hard to do day to day. You have to get the motivation to do those things. Anyway what I have found is the following things that help massively. – Having a… Read more »
We could yet see a midfield of Xhaka, Wilshere and Oxlade Chamberlain.
Great post.
I go to a cognitive behavioural therapist every 2 weeks for an hour.
People need to maintain their mind in the same way they maintain their teeth.
The leading cause of death for men under the age of 40 is suicide. Incredibly sad statistic and highlights how men ignore their emotions until it’s critical or too late.
Does pounding the yam come on prescription?
“Take 1 orally every six hours”
Sometimes I listen to REM to hang on