TUESDAY ARSENAL ROUND-UP

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE LOOMS

It’s Champions League eve and we’re all feeling a little frisky about our chances… but, we can also smell the light scent of a Saratoga-drenched banana skin in the air.

Madrid don’t lose quarter-finals to depleted Arsenal teams. We know they’re packed full of greats. But things don’t seem to be going their way in the build-up. They tried to move their game against Alavés, only to be told no. That game was not good for them — they won, but didn’t exceed 1 in xG, and Kylian Mbappé made one of the worst challenges we’ve seen all year and landed himself a red card and, most likely, a long suspension. Add to the mixer Rüdiger not allowing Bellingham to sulk and slamming him to the ground like some sort of prison cell domination move.

All that said… you can’t take a 3-goal lead lightly. They have all the tools needed to win the game. They’ve had the footballing gods on their side for the last 30 years. The refs will consume their water, which will liberate their values to be more PGMOL-like. The cauldron atmosphere will be intensified as they close the roof. It’ll be a very, very difficult game for Arsenal to manage. We also have this crazy record of not losing by more than 2 goals for over 400 days… a record there to be smashed. And as I type, Dortmund are 2-0 up against Barca at the 48-minute mark. SCARY.

But we like this sort of game. Teams that fall hardest to Arsenal tend to be those that try to play football. Madrid can’t deep block at home — their fans will demand they come to play — and if they come to play, our superior power and pace will unlock space all night long. All we need is one goal. They absolutely have to get a two-nil lead early to get their crowd onside and push us until the end. They need the goals early because I’m not sure they have the same levels of fitness and power Arsenal do. They were gassed in the last game after 60 minutes.

We also know who is going to be in the semi-finals. It’ll be PSG. A team we did really well against earlier in the year. Emery is giving it a go at him, they’re 2-2 with 45 mins to go, but I think the game is dead. The joy I take is 1) I didn’t want Unai Emery butchering me again in the biggest cup comp in the world, and 2) PSG gave up big chances and goals 3) We’re more than capable of beating them over two legs if we make it there. We have superior power and I think that’ll be advantageous over two legs.

Oh, you thought I’d let it pass? Where are the Ollie Watkins fanboys right now? There you are. Can you tell me why he didn’t start in a game Villa were trailing by 2 goals? Marcus Rashford getting the nod over him? What happened there? The guy you wanted to spend £60m on, at 29 years old, has already found himself dropped for a notoriously lazy striker who doesn’t even have a good record with Villa this season. They were trying to sell us a degrading product and you FIENDS were willing to take the goods laced with toxins.

Crazy times… people debase themselves in January transfer windows. They really do. That would have been a terrible move considering his age and what we know about players of that age.

If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t work in a cardboard box factory. I wouldn’t have spent many hours becoming really good at Twitter. I wouldn’t have started this blog.

I’d have been a football agent.

Nearly half a BILLION English pounds on agency fees. These guys are diving into cash money like Scrooge in DuckTales. Why did no one tell me this job existed? I do see people complain about agents, but they’re out there getting the max for their players — and football is the biggest draw in town. Their success is a byproduct of a game that is still on a rocket ship.

Arsenal have been linked with Kingsley Coman again. His name has been in conversations in the past, but one would hope that given the amount of time Arsenal have had to plan this summer, he’d not be near Colney anytime soon. We have to remember the problems of the prior season… so many stem from load management. People roll their eyes at this term like it’s some hipster idea… but it’s quite simple, and lots of factors impact it:

• Squad size

• Training intensity

• Minutes played

• Player lifestyles

• Player history

When you hire players who are never fit, you lose a squad player and limit your options to rotate. Calafiori is a handsome man with a lovely new tattoo… but I’d rather see him training than getting tattoos because he’s bored. We knew he was going to be problematic, but we signed him — like an ex taking a cheater back saying, “he won’t do it to me.” Coman is always injured. That’s why he’s leaving Bayern. We can do better. I genuinely don’t think we are in for him, but I just wanted to write that I hated the very idea there’s any enthusiasm for this move.

Ok, back to Madrid. Carlo is NOT going to release his starting XI early, which is very amusing. It’s something they’ve been doing all season. They know it’s going to be a monster evening.

Short one today, more in the morning, podcast later this evening. x