SAKA RETURNS

WE'RE SO BACK

I know what you’re thinking—I should apologise for posting AI art yesterday, especially of a filmmaker who despises using machines to make imagery. You’re right. But the last laugh goes to Miyazaki, because I’ll lose my job making really fire tweets long before he stops getting calls to make films.

This whole AI thing is slightly unnerving. It’s personally given me the ability to act like my own content studio. Things I previously would have had to pay independents for (that I didn’t), I can now do on my own. It’s mostly boring stuff, but those boring things add up. I can clip social content from video, create little graphics for the top of a blog, edit sound, make YouTube thumbnails, fix my typos, and even run legal questions while I’m brokering your data to the far corners of the internet.

But the one thing AI will never be able to do is give you feelings. Feelings like Bukayo Saka announcing on the internet that he’s back in contention. AI can tell you your ‘more snacks at work’ proposal reads real nice, but it can’t make you lean over your desk and shake your fist at Jan from Procurement screaming, “GET THE FUCK IN, SAAKKAAAAA.”

The big ITK accounts are suggesting what I told you the other day: he could be in contention for the Fulham game. That would give Arteta the option of having his most talented attacker available for the Real Madrid game at home.

PROMPT: Imagine how I’ll feel, ChatGPT:

“As an Arsenal supporter, seeing Bukayo Saka's name in the starting lineup against Real Madrid would likely evoke feelings of excitement and relief.”

You’re damn right creepy sentient machine, damn right.

If you need something a little more evocative to get you going, take a look at this sad little chart.

Was kind of hoping the graph would be pure propaganda for me, but it just made me soy boy sad seeing Martin Ødegaard sitting so low in the table. We really need him to get some proper rest this summer so he’s flying next season. The graph also reminded me how gutted I am that we’re missing Kai Havertz for the rest of the season. Fans absolutely ruin him, but those numbers are pretty damn good by any standard.

Back to Saka—getting him back in the mixer will be a huge lift for the fans, the players, and the system. He gives us control, power, and clinicality both in front of goal and with that final decision in the box. He offers options on the left, the right, and in that false 9 role that Trossard just can’t handle. But most importantly, he brings a threat that demands respect.

Nuno saying they weren’t concerned about our threat because we had Merino at 9 gave them options they wouldn’t normally have going forward. Now? We have a monster on the pitch.

Very exciting.

David Ornstein poured cold water on Madrid coming in for Zubimendi. That rumour never really made sense, considering the collection of 6s they’ve already got there—and the relative age of two of them. I think Zubi is exiting Sociedad for guaranteed starts, and I’m not sure he’d get that at Madrid.

I also get the sense Arsenal have been working on this deal since Merino. I suspect we tried to move for him last summer and struck a deal to pick him up a year later. He really does feel like the Xabi Alonso signing we never made, way back when.

That we beat Liverpool to him really does feel unbelievably sexy right now.

Speaking of Liverpool. It looks like Mo Salah might be one of the golden oldies they just can’t resist tying down to a new deal. Here’s the beauty of the situation: Arsenal win either way.

If he leaves, he goes on a free transfer, and there’s simply no way they’ll replace his output.

If he stays, he hoovers up massive resource (signing on fee, big wages), and I am deeply skeptical someone of his age is going to be in the top 5 for Premier League minutes next season (same for Van Dijk).

Remember Arsenal fans, we have all seen what giving a new deal to an aging player in the last year of their contract looks like… when the magic goes, it goes down than my stock portfolio after investing heavily in Metaverse IPO’s in 2021.

I appreciate I called the demise of Liverpool last summer, but honestly, if you were betting on the full fitness of VVD and Salah, and the outrageous luck streak of Arne Slot… all power to you, I hope the winnings are nice.

Maybe you could use them to sign up for a WE’RE SO BACK SUBSCRIPTION to this very website. Primo content, ratings, LIVE On The Whistles, Q&As, Discord Access, and a new Voicemail phone in style format we’ll be experimenting with (all advert free).

Ok, I’ll be dropping a Fulham Before The Whistle podcast a little later on. I’ll be back tomorrow with more exciting content. Check out the latest Therapy Session below. xxx