ARTETA, WHERE'S THE MAGIC HAT?
ARSENAL LACK THAT SPECIAL SOMETHING, SOMETHING
I don't know what it is about football in 2024, but I don't feel the same joy going into games as I used to. December is a slog, like a marathon after a 9-pint session—it's unpleasant, the stomach is on edge, there's no fun in it… mostly because you're expecting to win the whole damn thing.
That leads to some adverse reactions in the moment. I felt dreadful after that result yesterday because in my bones, I knew that's where the game would finish after about 22 minutes.
The difficulty watching Arsenal now, compared to 2013, is that I work with athletes and have a slightly different perspective that you'll find unsatisfying.
The players were flat after 3 games inside 7 days—they were flailing and lacked the zip we have come to expect from them. I expect the very best players to be robots, to never dip, but it happens, and that’s what it looked like with Arsenal. Could that be on Arteta? Maybe. He has broken players in training in the last month. Maybe he’s doing crazy training sessions? Whatever the reason, the boys were dead on their feet.
Everton had over a week to prepare for Arsenal. They had clearly trained well. There was more energy in their legs. They were ready for everything Arsenal had to offer. Fresh vs unfresh is always going to be a story at the highest level. Bang the table all you like, but I know you needed a nap after a really big turkey burger at Christmas drinks last week, don’t pretend you have the minerals to beat fatigue.
Martin Odegaard had new-dad-brain. He was sh*t against Monaco and he was terrible against Everton. You knew he was cooked when he miscontrolled a basic pass after 10 minutes. Does he have 14 nannies? A wet nurse? 24/7 access to a private chef? Yes. But having a kid at any age is an emotional rollercoaster and you can tell he ain't all there at the moment.
Declan Rice had a blinder of a game but you can tell he's carrying a slight problem at the moment—he's been good, but not his imperious best, it's because he's struggling.
You can interrogate a dominant performance like that all you like, but when it comes down to it, the problem is we're once again on the wrong side of the variance and now it's becoming a bit of a theme for the season.
There are so many games that we're dropping points in that are the finest of margin variances, it's hard to know what we could be doing better.
Some of it comes down to the summer transfer window. Merino, Calafiori, and Sterling went from looking quite smart to looking like something you'd rather not talk about in public.
Sterling is not sitting on the bench for any particular reason. Arteta just chose to play Jesus and Nwaneri over the Chelsea loanee. It's the same rationale he had for not using MLS, who now looks like he should have been starting 2 months ago. It's a choice thing, but a painful one when you realise we've not found active cover for Saka across 6 transfer windows. I don’t want to bag on Nwaneri, but he’s not impacting games the way we thought, so why is Arteta throwing him on? Is it a message to the board? Who knows. But it’s weird decision-making. If Arteta is unprepared to coach someone else’s player back to health, we shouldn’t do loans.
Merino is a floor raiser if you're talking about someone who has come in and shown they can cover at 6 or 8 for, say, Mo Elneny or Dani Ceballos. But I'm really having a hard time understanding how we messed up replacing Granit with Kai, then replaced Kai with a slightly older and worse version of him. Is Merino really a left 8? He can duel, he can do some nice bits in midfield, but where is the work in the box? Where is the passing under pressure? What problem is he really solving right now?
Calafiori is like buying a Maserati Ghibli II in the 90s. When he's there, it's a lot of fun, but most of the time, he's in the garage awaiting repair. Why did we move on another fullback with engine issues brewing? What was the point in the risk?
The most upsetting part about the game yesterday was this: When we took Martin Odegaard off for Jorginho, it wasn't a defensive move, it was the most creative attacking move Arteta could make. Argue it, I dare you. Our second most creative midfielder is Jorginho. Maybe it’s Thomas Partey? I’m not convinced. My bigger issue here is why it felt like we had two 6s on the pitch for a team we knew had no interest in attacking. Couldn’t we trust that Declan could do the whole job on his own like he did for West Ham? Isn’t Saliba good enough to handle a striker more famous for going on the front cover of a mag in a pencil skirt than he is for scoring goals?
I don't want to be too harsh on our attacking players, I'm not sure the service was up to standard, but at the same time, there were some moments I expect to see better.
Martinelli should have had his Super Bowl moment yesterday. That was a massive game we needed to win, he was up against a full back the same age as me, he had unfair physical advantages and… he didn't beat Young for pace once. He was only a threat in a conceptual sense. Against a man who should be starting a podcast series with Ben Foster, he looked lost, insecure, deeply out of form. This was Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson, but Mike pulled out the mid-80s haymakers. At this point… is it just form? Or have we overestimated his potential ascent? I wouldn’t be surprised to see him Ramsdale’d in the summer.
Kai Havertz looks like the guy we feared signing when he was at Chelsea. He had one shot on target out of one attempt. He made the third-fewest chances. He created two openings. It was all a bit bland. We desperately want him to be our striker solution, but as each week passes, the problem becomes clearer… Kai can't make his own magic. At this level, with the very biggest prizes at stake, you need to have a forward who can do things that defy logic.
Alex Isak might not be able to duel like Kai, but he can pick up a ball 40 yards out, beat three men, and put it in the top corner. He has the magic. Diogo Jota has the magic, so does Salah. Cole Palmer has the magic and sometimes, so does Niko Jackson. City have KDB, Bernardo, and Haaland who all have it. This season? Arsenal have Saka. That's it. Odegaard has one goal. Martinelli has dried out. Jesus is finished. Kai can score, but it's never something he made himself.
I read Gareth Bale lamenting his injuries in the week. He said he was the best free-kick taker at Madrid and reckoned everyone knew it. This is a guy who could play 12 minutes all season, then score a bicycle kick at the death in a Champions League final. Madrid are not the best coached, they don't work the hardest, but they have the squad with the most magicians. We have a great system, very good players, but the idea that we'll win Champions League or Premier League without a bit of David Blaine feels fanciful right now.
But… it's possible. Arsenal are in the same position they were two weeks ago. Liverpool are not invincible. City are going to have problems all season. We are not dead and buried yet.
The Rage-tubers who've been reduced to meal deals in Asda over the past 4 years are the only people enjoying that result because they’re hoping to get back to drinks at Oriole with a chef table at Brat. Don't fall for their tripe (not the Trippa alla romana type). They aren't analysts, they are there for your rage, they want you to take their bland mindset into the stadium because Arsenal in chaos works for their pockets. Ask yourself this, do any of the ‘personalities’ calling for Arsenal to sack Arteta right now look like the sort of folk you’d trust to deliver a newspaper? Would you let them fix your tumble dryer? Of course not. Don’t be swayed by people who have never had to make decisions of consequence.
If you are giving up now, why should the players fight on? If you are a coward and can't handle seeing this out until the very end, what gives you the right to criticize the players? The truth of the matter is this: The Premier League is hard. Every team will face downturns. Now is not the time to give up. A draw is not a disaster. We all need to shake ourselves down and move onto the next game.
Right, that's me done. If you want to subscribe and get the On The Whistle in your ears right now, click the button below! x
NO magic hat bro. First