ARSENAL TAKE TITLE TO LAST GAME

ARTETA AND THE BOYS GET THE JOB DONE, AGAIN. ENJOY IT.

Listen, I know my writing leaves a lot to be desired with regards to the tactical unfolding of big games… this post will have even less of those, because to be quite honest, who gives a f*ck how we got the three points if we got them?

Bores. That’s who. If you’re sitting at your laptop this Monday morning crying about Arsenal not beating a shoddy United 8-0 - you are a bore.

The only thing that needs to happen in your 37th game of the season is a win. The history books do not remember the bad games, especially if the majority of the 36 prior were top-tier. All they remember is this:

‘Arsenal football club took the Premier League to the last game of the season in 2024’

Isn’t that f*cking fantastic?

Yes, it is.

My Uncle Russ breaks football down into its simplest principles:

‘Football is about the big days out and the parties. The more of those you have, the better your football life is’

That’s clarity.

Next week, I’m going to London to see my football family. I’ll be in a North London bar at 12pm on Sunday with a pint of Peroni. I’ll meet a whole bunch of internet friends. Some real-life friends. Probably eat a kebab and chips. I’ll arrive at the stadium, get emotional about the moment, and I’ll have a wonderful day whatever happens.

That’s what football is about - being in the big conversations, having great days out, and maybe an afterparty for the ages. If I miss my plane, it’ll be worth it.

Now, let’s be clear, we’ve had parties over the last 20 years, but they’ve been shit parties. We’ve been going to Aunt Karen’s 54th at Cranham Youth Center. Crates of warm Fosters and Tesco’s yellow sticker sausage rolls.

The party we’re going to next week is an open bar at Oriole in Covent Garden. We’re going to be drinking cocktails with a thrice-aged rum that needs to be paired with Liebestraum No. 3 by Franz Liszt and two ice cube-skating Ladybirds. This is a premium three-piece attire type of event; we’re wearing tie pins and pocket watches - ‘don’t you dare ask for a jug of Peroni you embarrassing man’ kind of vibes.

It’s what we’ve waited 20 years for. Arteta and his players have taken us as close to the promised land as possible. The future is bright regardless of the outcome; the feelings on the season will be epic whether a trophy lands or not.

We landed there via a performance that had the stench of a broken-down Northern Line train in the peak heat of a sweaty London summer.

But we don’t care…

We won. It was absolute control. United managed two shots on target. They went man-for-man like Luton would in the second half. The quality of their shots on target was worth 0.07 xG. Only Ten Hag’s suit was more pitiful, looking like the sort of thing you’d pick up at a Braintree River Island outlet for £16 in 2009.

Not many Arsenal players could argue more than a 6.5 rating.

William Saliba was one of them. It was a precise performance from the Frenchman. He didn’t give anything away. He took high-risk actions to stop potentially high-risk chances. It was a MoTM offering you get from the very best young centre back in the world.

Ben White was once again masterful. Why do Arsenal fans keep on insisting we’re signing right-backs to take his place? Ben White IS the right back we want. Dominant, creative, shit-housery-ish, and so resilient. His anticipation levels are so good, he’s not scared of fast wingers these days, and his bravery is that of a man who has just entered his prime years.

I’m not quite sure I was as fond of the Declan and Kai performances. I thought both were behind their best levels. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t consequential to the result. Declan kept us solid all game and made up for the horrorshow Thomas P put on. Kai dropped an assist after capitalising on sloppy play from £500k a week Casemiro. The pass into the front post to catch the Trossard run spoke to a man at the top of his game.

As for Trossard - he’ll actually be a legend if we win the league. Put a statue next to Bergkamp of him doing the binocular pose. He’s all about output. People slate his technique… what are they on about? This is a man on fire trying to deliver Arsenal the Premier League. He’s outrageous.

I also thought David Raya had another really good game. He’s just so reliable and positive from the back. His passing was great, he commanded his box really well, and he injected confidence into the bloodstream of a team that lacked it.

If I were to offer up a root cause analysis of the lacklustre 90, I’d put it down to inexperience.

Manchester City has been competing at the top for 11 years. They have added layers of experience and innovation to that squad every year unencumbered. They are good at the run-in because they have been spending outrageous sums of money on every imaginable marginal gain maker under the best manager in the world.

Arsenal are challenging in May for the first time in 20 years.

‘City would have finished United off’

Of course they would have. They have a £500m wage bill. They won the Champions League last year. They’ve won the last 3 league titles in a row.

The pre-criming of our failure is laughable - look at what we’re up against. The best there ever was. There is no singular issue as to why we *might* fail this season. City is very good. We needed to get a little bit of luck in a game it didn’t happen in. We needed to have slightly more resiliance after our first Bayern game in our first CL QF in 14 years - being emotionally shattered cost us that game. We needed better VAR decisions for the Newcastle game. We needed an early goal against West Ham.

We needed something to go against Manchester City, you know, at least once.

It still might…

But don't get caught up in thinking you can solve our season - or there was a glaring weakness. The only thing we can do is what we’ve been doing every summer. Incrementally improve with the resources at hand - and come back strong. City will crash at some point, just like Liverpool has done.

Then we’ll be ready.

To take it all.

Arsenal will win the Premier League within the next two seasons. We’ll win a Champions League before the end of the decade. We are on the right path.

Now take my advice. Don’t spend the weak fretting. Enjoy being in the title race until we’re not. It’s a good place to be. Top of the league until Tuesday. So good.

Ok, good times, have a LOVELY Monday. x