Internet gaff has us with #WelcomeRamsey at the ready

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Chelsea lost their collective minds dropping £70m on a Bilbao keeper of great potential. Lunacy.

Is that the going rate for someone who might be good these days? Unreal sums.

Arsenal hasn’t done much in the way of anything. There was a bit of a ridiculous carry-on going off on Twitter, where people were tracking Vida coming to London or some shite like that. It amounted to nothing because he’s clearly not elite levels if he’s slumming it in Turkey at 29.


Stan K destroys Arsenal fan morale, here’s why it’s utter bulls**t

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Arsenal fans picking up their attitude in the background

Jurassic Park x Arsenal Summer Collab

John Hammond: Dr. Grant, if there’s one person here who could appreciate what I’m trying to do…

Dr. Alan Grant: The world has just changed so radically, and we’re all running to catch up. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but look… Dinosaurs and man, two species separated by 65 million years of evolution have just been suddenly thrown back into the mix together. How can we possibly have the slightest idea what to expect?

John Hammond: [laughing] I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it! You’re meant to come down here and defend me against these characters, and the only one I’ve got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer!

SO FITTING. Someone is putting actual dinosaurs in front of us after millions of years, and we’re crying into our salt beef bagel like something truly significant has changed and we’re about to be asset stripped by BlackRock.


Arsenal fans have driven themselves into a pity hole over a symbolic shift in shares that has changed absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of the direction of Arsenal.

We have so much else going on this season that is more important than an impotent majority shareholder fucking off to Everton. Stan Kroenke took root in our club 11 years ago, as soon as he secured Fiszman’s share while the man was dying, the game was up. Ok, a bit unfair, Lady BS tipped the advantage even further selling her shares (15.9%), the absolute fucking cheek she has stating yesterday was a dark day for Arsenal is beyond the fucking pale. Hard to play the hindsight is 20-20 card with super-mega-rich people because they have the funds to hire smart people to help them not make bad decisions. But whatever, it’s clear Dein, Fizzer and Lady BS sold us down the river regardless of intention (plus a lot of minority shareholders along the way).

Anyway, nothing I’ve read convinces me that impending doom is upon us, and look, what can we do about the doom if it is coming? Protest? Burn an effigy? Start an online petition?

Simply put, you can’t run someone out of a house they don’t live in. That’s why local mafia struggled to racketeer when big corporates replaced the local business folk of way-back-when.

‘Tell Ronald McDonald I’ll be waiting for him at 6’, lost its edge.

Stan is here to stay, we’ve known this for years, let’s not let this rumour rattle our summer of potential because someone wrote in the Daily Granola the yanks could sell us for a bag of crystal at a Croydon car boot sale.

There’s our second challenge, this summer is what it is, it’s been action-oriented, but hardly elite. I read that our defence has conceded a whopping 1.6xG per game. I know the xG stuff is nerd talk, but fuck it, it illustrates a broader issue (that suits my agenda) that our defence is kind of shite on the eve of our opening game against the most potent attacking force in Premier League history.

It doesn’t mean this summer is in vain, it doesn’t make the decision to fire Wenger incorrect, but it does mean that it’s likely going to be a very challenging year ahead.

I still don’t think that’s cause to be miserable. We’re going to witness first hand what it’s like to have a coach that preps for games (it was kind of exciting to see Emery sitting in the stands at the CS this weekend). It’s going to be unreal to see us attempt to nullify opposition, change tactics mid game, release a sub earlier than the 70th minute, attempt to repair issues through the season (rather than at the end of season through a fake inquiry that might throw up the possibility it was the snorting of Regain that done it).

Getting bogged down in misery because fans have to sell shares that were worth fuck all and are now worth £29k really shouldn’t be bothering people as much as it has been. It’s like feeling sorry for a rich friend who has to sell a 3rd house they didn’t need for a premium… and please, I’m not missing the point, that’s my fu*king dad. He’s selling a share for a fortune that he bought for fuck all. All that piece of paper gave him was bragging rights, outside that, it was fu*king useless (he never sold his share, as an FYI).

Half the ‘influencers’ kicking up a fuss about the Stan K news only plucked up the courage to half-heartedly drop their support for Wenger this February. Where were the ‘THIS IS DOOM’ OpEds 5 years ago when Wenger was revamping the squad using the quality filter of average, selling us Project Youth, British Core and Totally Fucking Pony. Nowhere. These folk don’t want to put the hard opinions out there when they’re needed. Like when the club is slinking out the CL as the PL strengthens. But they are here when there’s a cute ‘football should just be jumpers and goal posts’ narrative to be had.

My guess? Fans will still get exactly the same access they had last season. We’ll still retain absolutely no power like we have done for 10 years. Nothing will really change. We’ll still get to see training. We’ll still get to grill the new CEO. We’ll still get to earn some small wins for our suggestions about the perfect temp to serve Bovril. There’s just no way Stan will want to lose fan trust over a placation strategy that costs his team no more than 5 days a year.


Kovacic possibly to Chelsea, which I’d imagine might rule out Ramsey for them. That leaves Liverpool and City as potential destinations because suuuurely, we’re not going to let him run down his deal?

There’s news that Arsenal might be letting Ospina, WELBZ and Elneny leave. All three are very likeable, but they’re not at the levels needed for ELITE Arsenal players.

Dembele is STILL being linked. If that doesn’t make you firm and damp at the same time, I don’t know what will. If that is the cost of a lifetime of Stan K blandness, then inject it into my veins right now and let’s be done.

Calum C moved to Fulham for the year, an odd decision, but I guess that means Holding and Mavrapanos made the cut ahead of him. GOOD NEWS FOR THEM.

Outside that bundle of joy, I have NOTHING.

See you in the comments where I shall slay you all with my razor sharp typing skillz.

Also, podcasting starts up VERY soon. Yes, we’re back, bigger than ever. Well, actually, maybe the same size BUT AWESOME.


The end of Arsenal football club

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So here we are people, the end of Arsenal football club as we know it. Silent Stan Kroenke, the evilest man to walk a sports arena, has finally won out. He’s part way to driving out the white knight, Alisher Usmanov, for a whopping £600m buyout of his stake.

This is a dark day for Arsenal.

I mean, kind of.


Decision time on Ramsey

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Well, it’s less than a week ’til deadline day slams shut almost 20 days earlier than usual, and there are still a number of items to be resolved.

What the fu*k are we doing with the back 4 would be a pretty pressing one. We’re apparently shipping Calum Chambers out on loan to Fulham, which makes sense if he’s not getting games with us, but I did hope he’d done enough to stay with us this year. His form in the back half of the season was very positive, he’s excellent in a defence that needs confidence on the ball and I really do admire his new beard and hair combo.

Will Emery look to move on Mustafi? Or are we going to stick with Mavrapanos, Mustafi, Sokratis, Koscielny, and roll with 5 options this season? Or will we see movement for a more experienced name like Vida?


Red flags in Stockholm point to a bumpy season

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So here we are, preseason is done, next week we take on the champions as we kick off the new era of Unai Emery. I’m excited, you are excited, we’re all f**king excited.

There’s pause for concern. I think the reality of the new regime is you don’t quickly fix a house that’s been left neglected in woods for 14 years. There are so many agenda items the new backroom team need to address in a short period of time just to bring us to elite parity from a setup perspective. The dream that we’ll be chasing down Manchester City in season one are fanciful, if we’re totally honest, 5th is probably a fair expectation of where we’ll finish, 4th would be the stretch target.


Dress rehearsal time

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Here we are people, one final game of preparation against Lazio before the new season starts.

I’ll be removing the AKB page in time for the new season. In a world of Gooner optimism, all relics of the past must be cast aside.


*Do NOT read into it*

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Aaron Ramsey has a calf injury… read into that how you like, but not before I give you a sweet hot take.

1. If he’s faking an injury, that’s bad news, because it means he’s leaving. Arsenal surely can’t keep him beyond the deadline day that’s looming.