Nikki B bust up details revealed and we’re signing Messi

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We’re signing Messi… well, maybe not, but I needed to find something to make you feel better this morning. If you can’t find solace in Sportingo, I fear you will only turn to drugs or booze to numb the pain.

Well, now you’re here, you may as well read my emotional rant.

Many Gooners harped on about starting with a first 11 that could compete.

Well, when the team sheet came out, many peoples prayers were answered (I’ve highlighted the starting 11 in black… in case you were wondering.).

2 Abou DIABY
3 Bacary SAGNA
10 William GALLAS
13 Alexander HLEB
16 Mathieu FLAMINI
21 Lukasz FABIANSKI (GK)

25 Emmanuel ADEBAYOR
26 Nicklas BENDTNER
30 Armand TRAORE
31 Justin HOYTE

40 Vito MANNONE (GK)

We started as we went on. Terribly.

The Spuds beat us to every ball and dominated us with their superior passing and hunger.

Danny Zucko picked up the ball, waltzed through our defence and peached a low shot into the bottom corner.

One up inside five minutes. Fucking awful. I really hate that cunt. He really is the biggest cunt in the world. One hundred and twenty seconds in and we were a goal down, what a fucking joke.

Please remember this is a rant, not a match review.

Denilson ping’s his hammy after about 10 mins, hobbles around for a bit, then the ball is played out by Gilberto (Remember if this is RvP you know he is out for the year), Gary Lewin runs on and manages to fix his busted tendon with a sponge (Gary, why do you only use this sponge on Denilson and Senderos?)! WHAT! We wanted Fabregas on!

10 minutes later our saviour arrives (Put the sponge back in the bucket Lewin…)! Marvellous I thought, we’re going to tank them!

So the game goes on, some spud is fouled 40 yards out. Danny Zucko steps up, whips a cross into the box… and who is there to nod it in… NIKKI B! Fantastic; next time a corner or a free kick is awarded against us in a dangerous position, can I suggest Nikki of huge bollocks does not mark anyone?

Great goal though Nikki, the keeper didn’t have a chance!

Just before half time, Berbatov broke free of our concentrationless (it’s a word…) defence and managed to hit the post! Hooray I shouted – a shot that didn’t go in!

Half time arrives.

I called Blogger Geoff and said this:

You know what? I am confident we can turn this around, I will say this though.

You can get away with one sloppy midfielder, but not two. Gilberto has been atrocious and if he’d been playing for the Spuds he’d be getting his 100% passing accuracy bonus because he found a Spud every time. Diaby was at his shocking best. I like him, he shows glimpses of huge talent, but tonight he is woeful.

We can’t cope with their combined poorness.

Traore is letting the defence down with his poor positioning and passing. Fair enough, he’ll be great, but he has struggled this year in the Carling Cup.

Gallas is terrible. Every time I’ve shouted at Hoyte, I realised it was Gallas fucking up. He has been turned inside out about 4 times by the Spuds.

I also took issue with Fabianski. Had he saved a shot? Ok, the first was as tight into the bottom corner as you can get, and the second was Bendtner at his best. It was just pissing me off. I was in a rage. Forgive me.

I was confident though. The Spuds had played out of their skin, could they do it for 45 more minutes? Doubtful.

So the second half got under way, we looked much better. Good passing, good movement and a few half chances.

Until Berbatov picked up the ball, slipped Keane through, who nailed it past ‘Fabicantsave’.

4-1 down… my god… texts were filling my phone up like a closed ITV voting poll.

We could still win 4-5 I thought! Naïve fool…

Nikki B managed to hit the bar 20 seconds after the restart… Shit… things were not going our way…

Adebayor came on and made a slight difference, banging a solo effort into the top corner. Well played that man, 16 for the season!

Alan Smith took time to remind us that when Ade scores, we never lose.

Thanks Alan, you cunt. I don’t give a fuck about your history with Arsenal. Your commentary reeks of butt kissing so bad, I’d have to take you out of the Sky Studio and bath you in Listerine to wash the smell of shit from your breath. You are a disgrace. I hope you enjoyed talking about every Spurs goal for 15 minutes, then showing the replay 6 times. We all really enjoyed that… you are totally the most unbiased commentator on the Sky panel. Congratulations.

Still, at least now Alan had informed me of that great stat, I knew we could win 5-6…!

Until Jenas Zucko set up another one… my god… I wanted to die… his slick backed hair was like kryptonite to my eyes, I had to look away from the screen every time he appeared.

Things got worse though. We won a corner, all the Arsenal players gathered in the box and Adebayor whispered in Bendtners ear,

‘Hey Nikki, pretend you’re defending this one’

Que uproar and hand bags! Nikki B got upset, said something to Adebayor… and was duly butted! It didn’t matter as the 19th Arsenal corner of the night didn’t make it past the front post…

The final whistle blew… Spuds singing, “Are you Derby in disguise”… all very depressing…

My world had just imploded, happy smiling spuds everywhere. The only time in the last decade I ever saw these smiling faces was when we lost in the Champions league and Spurs fans had come to support the opposing team. This was a disaster…

Then I took a moment and thought, you know what? We didn’t deserve it… It’s the worthless cup…Lady luck blew her beans all over Spurs tonight and we’re going to win the League and we get to play Milan in three weeks…

I’m still gutted though…

But fuck it, we’re signing Messi… so it doesn’t matter…

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Blind Squirrel and Acorn spring to mind!

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Jermaine Jenas, half man and half moron say’s he will end 21 games of hurt tonight, what a wanker! Every time we play them, they’re going to beat us, the only thing they have achieved this year was a premature title of top4tottenham and we all know what happened there.

The law of averages says that at some point they will actually beat us, hence the saying that even a blind Squirrel will eventually get an Acorn.
So replace the spuds with the Squirrel and the Acorn with 3 points or a cup tie, but in my lifetime? I doubt it.

However they have failed to beat our youth team in 3 attempts so even with superstar Berbatov in the side I’m still going for an Arsenal win. Is it the fear factor I hear you ask? No, because even our reserves are better than them.

I expect a blend of youth and experience tonight with Cesc or Flamini to partner Diaby, I hope he plays Hleb or Rosicky as well and I have a feeling it will be Theo and Bendtner up top with Ade on the bench.

We know Gallas is in and I expect Hoyte to line up as right back with Gilberto and Traore to complete the back four.

I would play Clichy and Sagna at full back and Hoyte to partner Gallas if I were picking the team as I think this will be much tougher than the Newcastle game at the weekend.

The boys need to come out all guns blazing tonight and don’t give them time to settle.

There will be goals and if we score more than they do, we’re through, so expect a tough night but a successful one.

I just hope we put out a strong side though, you have to show them some respect and the first leg ought to have been a wake up call.

I’m going for a 2-1 to us tonight. Get this over with and we don’t have to listen to any more of their shit again, at least until next season.

Have a great day, but a better night Grovers.

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Government Anti Oligarch Petition response is in!

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Remember a few months ago when there were a few squeaky bums over the prospect of Jabba taking over the club?

Remember the e-petition so many of you signed?

The Government received a petition asking:

“We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to meet with the FA and Premier League to draw up a rigorous “fit and proper person” test for football club ownership.”

Details of Petition:

“With English football clubs being bought up left right and centre, it is time the FA and Premier League drew up a far more rigorous test of what constitutes a “fit and proper person”, when it comes to owning, or holding a significant stake in, a football club. This petition urges the Prime Minister to do everything possible to assist the football authorities in ensuring that our national game is not sold off into the hands of unfit, corrupt, people, either by choice or by means of aggressive takeover. This is our national game and its future should be a concern for the government.”

Well the Government responded today with this:

The Government is committed to ensuring that all football clubs are run in the best possible way and that they remain a focal point of their local community, including for the clubs’ supporters.

Governance is primarily a matter for Football itself, but the Government has been clear that the Football Authorities and clubs must demonstrate modern, competent governance and financial transparency if they are to protect the future integrity of the game.

Both the Premier League and the Football League introduced a fit and proper test (FAPT) for Directors of football clubs in the summer of 2004 whereby no-one convicted of a range of offences, including fraud, theft and being subject to football banning order, will not be able to be a director of a club.

The Government welcomes the Fit and Proper Person Test in this regard which already goes further than normal company regulations and is tailored to the ownership of Football clubs.

Further possible action is possible if requested by the Football Authorities and the Government will continue to work closely with them to ensure they have the tools to govern the modern game effectively.

Not exactly ground breaking stuff, but nice to know if the F.A decided to go after the undesirables in the game, they would have the backing of the government

Don’t forget to check out Geoff’s post from earlier today if you are just waking up in some random country, or you are just waking up in England because you massively over slept… fucking students…