Word up bitches, I just downloaded the Peloton app with a free 90-day trial and I am feeling rich and sexy. I am trying yoga, there is literally nothing sadder in this world than watching an unflexible (is that a word?) mid-twenties guy *cough* dropping a downward dog in his living room… but who cares, I’m a Peloton person now and you are all peasants.
The latest movement from the Premier League coterie of teams appears to lean very heavily on the idea of finishing the league and cups this season. Basically, TV has said, if you don’t, we’ll be coming for that £750m you took from us… or we’ll blow out some knee caps.
I don’t know how the league is going to deliver on this hope anytime soon. Even playing behind closed doors is a huge risk. You’d have to have at least 40 matchday folk at the ground, then you’d still need support staff, and the real kicker… you can’t social distance and play the great game.
Still, I am glad that we’re going to finish the season. FIFA is also working out what they can do for players contracts to make sure we don’t put the whole transfer window out of key.
The huge worry that we’re all chewing on at the moment is horror story that has Auba linked to Liverpool. The Man U ‘link’ can be passed aside, can’t think of many that’d want to go and play under OGS, but Klopp? Damn, there’s a lot to worry about. Auba played under him at Dortmund, Liverpool could do with a striking option to pick up some of the bits Firmino is lacking, and he’d go at a very good price.
I hate that the idea is so correct. This is like Robin Van Persie, but you’d have to be less angry about it. We have an elite player that we’ve let sink in a squad that has no chance of winning the title. Only way he’d sign on right now is if we offered him something we can’t afford.
Let’s get the coin in for him and sign Timo Werner. We could do with a German savage like that upfront. He’d work well in our system, he’s fairly young, and we could pick him off for £45m (I think that’s his clause).
If you have any other striking suggestions, I’d love to hear them in the comments section.
Finally, I’ve turned to gaming. I downloaded FIFA to my Switch and fuck me, I am bad. The graphics give me a headache, there are too many buttons, and I’m losing on amateur mode.
BUT, this being 2020, there is an internet solve for everything. I found this coach online and he’s now my virtual best pal because he sent me some ‘YOU OLD FUCK THIS IS HOW’ videos. Check it out below. So good.
You can find him on Twitter @TheFIFAanalyst.
Johann Djourrou and Alex Song have been SACKED by their club FC Sion for not taking reduced terms. Sounds a bit fucked up to me, you can read more here.
Jaeson Rosenfeld, the StatDNA guy at Arsenal, has taken a job at FIFA with the big man, Arsene Wenger. It’s always sad to lose talent that’s valued, but I think Arsenal are moving in a new direction under the Edu leadership. I hear there’s a new software they’re using called KiaSoft 2.0. Finds very good deals for you and your team. So we’ll see where this goes.
Right, I’m off to do some Yoga followed by some meditation, you’d not understand, it’s a Peloton thing.