Honestly, if there are any therapists out there, drop your number in the comments section, I have about 50 potential clients that have serious Emery detachment issues.
Therapist: ‘Would anyone like to open?’
Patient 1: ‘Listen, I don’t want to say he was like a father to me, more of a fleeting uncle, but whatever, THE FANS SLANDERED HIM and that’s wrong. The world is a terrible place.’
Therapist: Circle of trust people, who else has something to say?
Patient 2: ‘I haven’t had a hit of Unai for, ummm, about 6 weeks now’
< applause from the group >
‘But god damn it I miss him. I loved the way he said ‘evening’, it was like brutalist linguistics. I miss Kola on the overlap. The 4 captains. Leaving games after 62 minutes.’
Geeeeeez guys, let’s take our foot off the Emery nostalgia gas. It’s getting boring. What are you even defending? The football was so miserable people started picking up season tickets to the ruggers. Time to move on. Far too much Stockholm Syndrome out there and it’s depressing.
Let’s get back to the signings. David Ornstein said that Southampton were shocked that we picked up a Kia player from them that they deemed so average, they thought he’d take the free and go to a lower level team. Quite the statement. Kike Marin, LEGEND of Twitter, thinks both singings are NOT Arsenal level and wonders what prompted us to do the deals.
I mean… all I can do is shrug. If these players don’t deliver, we are back to asking serious questions again, because the worry is the mighty Edu will be proven to have black nails under that white knight costume. The only hope I have is that, firstly, Mari brings some of that sexy Brazil form to the starting 11, and secondly, Kia has a very, very, very tasty player heading our way in exchange for the particularly weird signing fans hope will be good because he had nice things to say in his prezzer.
Still not great is it? The subtext is not good. If we’re skint, I’d rather keep the agent fees so we can buy bigger players this summer.
Maybe Kia is helping us sell players? That’d be a nice exchange. Right?
Who knows. I just don’t like it, but what can I do? Nothing. Maybe I need some therapy? I apparently can through my insurance… but substandard. What does that mean? That they make your problems worse? Or give you bad solutions? How do you know if a therapist is shit?
My dad might… I’ll be accusing him of fake crimes in no time, then I’ll have my answer.
Or were they fake?
Gabriel has nationality issues.
“I have Italian citizenship from my father. So I have the option of playing for Brazil or Italy,”
“But that’s just the future; I have to keep working here at Arsenal, and only then we will see what lies ahead.
I think I would take the Italian job, great food, lots of culture, and easier to get to on a boat (we hear you, Greta). I also think players that pick a country allegiance just because it’s a bit more convenient are pretty cool. Senna took Spain. Vieri was an Aussie and he took Italy. Giggs was English. Elite stuff.
Mesut Ozil has more attackers (like, violent criminals) in court. This time, two Turkish guys who threatened to kill him. No news on why. Can’t imagine that’ll go down well with Erdogan, those poor guys don’t know who they fucked with. Bigger thing here… what the hell is wrong with people? This feels quite new. United fans with Woodward embarrassing themselves as well. Pathetic and cowardly.
I think that’s it? I don’t have much more to say today. More tomorrow. A podcast for sure. See you in the comments my darlings, but let’s mostly keep it to forward-facing conversations and can we please, please, please, stop asking inane questions like: Why are you not judging Arteta the same way you judged Emery after his 18 months, 2 full preseasons, and £200m in expenditure. I shan’t be answering today, I’m having therapy.