Cédric Soares likes cappuccino, Jorge Mendes, and Artetaball

by .

Ok, so Ced…


… Soares is


not really that…


Ok, I give up.

I strained out an excitement yelp for Pablo Mari because he’d been picked up as a talent by Manchester City, then had a good time in Brazil, and he’s sexy.


Cedric Soares is a signing that’s a little lost on me. Southampton fans don’t really rate him, he went to Inter last season for a loan and they gave him 4 games, now he’s with us. He’s 28 years old, so by no means finished, I’m just not sure he’s quite the elite specimen we hoped would be driving the Arsenal forward.

I’ll be blunt… he seems like a favour… you know, like when you were 19 in Time & Envy and your mate met a babe called Vicky, who is totes fit, and you’re left with Keeley, who is fine for a chat, but she wants to tattoo your eyeball for banter but that’s not your scene.

Anyway, he’s a Portugeezer international, he’s potentially a Swiss Army knife of a player, and he’s obviously good enough to land the nod from Mikel… we hope.

At this point, I’m just going to sit back, shut the fuck up, and hope there’s some sort of majestic plan that I’m not aware of that’s being undertaken.

I will NOT bring up the uncomfortable reality that this is a Jorge Mendes special. We have almost certainly vetted this move with a slathering of deep data analysis and the blessing of the scouting wonks.

If I were to try and be super positive about this move, I would say this used to happen under Arsene back in the day. You had no idea who he’d signed, you just knew there was a plan and a coach good enough to elevate the talent.



Shhh, shut up and support Raul. Maybe there’s a properly elite superstar they have their eye on this summer. (take a look)

I also think there’s a harsh reality here, we’re skint and under pressure. Quite possibly the worst mix to have heading into a transfer window. I’d rather plug needed gaps with loans, let Arteta make all his mistakes now, then hit the ground running with a quick transfer window this summer.

We know that a lot of big names will likely move on this summer. Auba, Lacazette, Luiz, Sokratis, Mustafi and a number of others might all push for exits… we might cash in on a diamond… whatever happens, it’ll be an aggressive summer.

Until then, let’s just see how it pans out.

We’re improving as a team, the energy levels will go further as fitness improves, the team showed signs of where the attacking side of the game might go, and we’re already showing strong signs that we can learn how to defend.

Two players is two players. It’s a dead season. Let’s just be thankful we did something and pray to the gods of football that no more defenders land nightmare injuries.


See you in the comments.

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208 Responses to “Cédric Soares likes cappuccino, Jorge Mendes, and Artetaball”

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  1. Dark Hei


    I know what you mean.

    The coastal cities are great, love em! But once you head inland, lol.

    They just love to spam their vids without headphones; on seats next to you.

  2. Northbanker

    Came back from Beijing in October so even though i logically tell myself that was too long ago and geographically not likely at all, there is a question mark in my mind every time i sneeze!

    Got a trip soon to Shanghai in 3 months so hoping this will all have expired by then

  3. Graham62

    Some interesting matches this weekend.

    Southampton visit Anfield. Spuds play MC. Chelski v Leicester. MU v Wolves and a few interesting fixtures for those fighting relegation.

    We all know it’s going to be tough at Burnley. Cold, damp and attritional.

    Need a win.

  4. Northbanker

    Graham – I am optimistic we will get one. Won’t be easy and playing Burnley is never a pleasant experience. But this team is starting to show enough grit and we won’t have Mustafi to deliver a howler of a back pass. Mari to play with Sokratis or will be pull back Xhaka? Can’t see Holding starting.

  5. Freddie Ljungberg


    Luiz is available to play again, so is Auba so really no excuses, we need the 3 points.

    Hoping Ceballos can start to step up and provide some of that creativity we desperately lack.

  6. Valentin

    I thought that the 3 games ban was only automatic for violent conduct, otherwise it is 1 game ban.
    2 yellow cards => 1 game ban
    1 straight red card no violence => 1 game ban ?
    1 straight red card violent/reckless => 3 games ban
    Am I wrong?

  7. Northbanker

    Ok so how are you deemed to get a straight red card where no violence. I am not challenging this btw but curious

    I thought the show point of the Luiz challenge was that it was considered

  8. Goobergooner

    January 30, 2020 21:08:01
    “PierreI think you need to re look at your assessment. Have a look at the players who stayed and the ones who left – then apply a quality gradient”

    This made me laugh so hard for some reason. Funny and true

  9. China1

    Don’t worry if you were back from October you’re definitely fine. 2 week incubation period and the symptoms aren’t mainly sneezing so you’re good

    Northbanker you been to Shanghai before? Fucking awesome city. You need to hit up a roof top bar on the bund. There’s a hotel I forget which, but there’s an awesome bar on like the 20th floor which has an outdoor area with a jacuzzi (I don’t think you can actually use it mind). It faces towards the river with a fabulous view of the skyline. At night time it’s different class

  10. Goobergooner

    Jenkinson is a prime example of wage vs quality not working in our favour. There are many others, Ozil in current form, Mustafi.
    Quality work from Ivan and Wenger.

  11. Useroz

    Money the club spent in the last decade that didn’t end up in our favour is staggering. Sinful really how much negligence there was and still is…

  12. KAY Boss

    Mari, Soares in now! Hope they leave up to expectations especially Mari.
    Burnley tomorrow is gonna be tough. Looking forward to a win. Yeah a win. Astonishing that we’ve won just 6 games all season and how many draws?
    Can Southampton stop Liverpool from going unbeaten? I hope so. Maybe tomorrow will be the day.

  13. HighburyLegend

    “and how many draws?”
    I’ve stop counting.

    “Can Southampton stop Liverpool from going unbeaten?”

  14. Nelson

    Here is a comment from a Saints fan on Cedric Soares

    ” On his day he can be really special but he is generally pretty mediocre and will leave your right flank exposed. He’s been the cause of quite a few goals against us. He was one of the main stays in our worst defense ever only recently really improved under Ralph. That being said he’s been loyal to us and ALWAYS puts in his 100% effort. Sad to see him go but hoping the deal can be made. Hope he does well with you guys if he goes, he seems like a great guy that cares for the team he plays for. Get ready for some of the worst crosses you’ll ever see though, he has fantastic runs forward but will ruin them with a poor cross. I hope he’s not who your team will be relying on and will be best as a back up. Cheers and good luck!”

  15. Valentin


    According to FIFA Clumsy fouls stopping a goal scoring opportunity are punished by a penalty and a yellow card. Deliberate fouls stopping a goal scoring opportunity should be punished by a penalty and a red card.

    The big debate is about the interpretation of Luiz foul. Was it deliberate or clumsy?

    There was some discussion in the referees community via newspaper column.
    Some viewed Luiz foul as clumsy, in which case it only deserved a yellow card. However others considered as a cynical and deserved a red card.

    As an Arsenal fan I thought it was clumsy rather than malicious but then like many in this blog I am bias.

  16. Pierre

    What it means is that it wasn’t actually a red card offence , it was neither cynical not violent/ dangerous.

    He was trying to win the ball plus Mustafi was on the line when the foul occurred meaning Luiz wasn’t the last man.

    Chelsea’s 2nd goal should have been disallowed for offside due to the fact that Abrahams came back from an offside position and although he never touched the ball , he had to take evasive action as the ball passed within an inch of his body.

    Definitely interfering with play …100%.

    These decisions cost us points plus the suspension of Luiz for a further game.

    The home game with Chelsea was influenced by the failure of the referee not to dismiss jorginho in the 2 nd half after a blatant professional foul…

    Of course, jorginho then went on to score the equaliser.

    Against Bournemouth, Arsenal 1-0 up , in control of the game , 2nd half Pepe blatantly brought down in the 2 nd half …that would have been game over .

    They say decisions even themselves out during the season …no chance.

    Burnley this weekend ….if it’s Atkinson , fear the worst

  17. Graham62

    So another club(Oldham Athletic) in trouble for poor management/business operations.

    Quick question. How the fudge can a club in the fourth tier of English Football, have an annual wage bill of £3.5m, with one player reportedly on £11k a week?

    Just beggars belief.

  18. Dissenter

    I think the marginal refereeing decisions s have repeatedly gone against use his season. The phantom foul that disallowed Sokratis goal at home to Palace was one of such. Funny enough, Atkinson [you dislike him] allowed the goal and it was an Australian non-premier league referee manning the VAR position that shit his pants.

    We have been lucky in the past away at Turfmoor; weak penalty for Ramsey, Koschielny’s last minute handball goal recently.

  19. TitsMcGee

    On his day he can be really special but he is generally pretty mediocre and will leave your right flank exposed.”

    Just what we need, another mediocre player.

    He’ll be a great culture fit at least 😉

  20. Champagne Charlie

    Both Cedric and Pablo Mari players geared towards doing their bit for the benefit of the team and the collective if their interviews are anything to go by.

    Both emphasise hard work, diligence, the collective, professionalism, which although a basic requirement to some, is a signifier of the type of character we’re looking to bring into the club more and more.

    Hopefully their abilities translate well and they prove themselves a good fit for the needs of the side. They do that and I fail to see how anyone can consider them ‘garbage’ as is the war cry of the boring cunt above.

  21. CG


    “””How people can spin these two signings as anything other than ‘garbage’ is beyond me.””””

    Well said Rambo,
    I concur.

    Great Clubs ( and we most certainly are not anymore- or even aspire to be one)-
    Do NOT sign players of this calibre. End off.

    They are signings West Bromwich Albion or Newcastle United would make.

    Off course – the cheerleaders and the delinquents will naturally acclaim they are savvy recruits.

    They are the same folk – who also think a Mcdonalds meal is great value.

    they as usual will be wrong.

    (and they are normally fat and stupid too,)

    These 2 signings are a clear illustration that we have no interest whatsoever of winning a league title in the foreseeable future.

    We have given up trying to be a serious club.


  22. DigitalBob

    Not exactly inspired signings but I can’t fault the logic behind them. Low risk as in low financial outlay and high reward as in they could both be steals.

    Soares is playing for his next contract and I’m sure Mari will see this as a challenge to establish himself in the Prem. I doubt either is a long term starter for us in any case but can’t be worse than what we’ve got.

    I’m still hoping for Lemar to join or Emre Can but seems unlikely at this stage.

  23. Gentlebris

    ‘There were several problems: four captains; the Ozil-Kolasinac case; Pepe’s signing, who needs time since he came from France. We didn’t play well, that’s for sure.’

    That’s your man Emery wailing about 4 captains………as if C.G forced the idea of four/five captains on him.

  24. Words on a Blog

    Ok so now that Soares is on board at right back, let’s see if AMN moves to centre-mid or right mid and gets a decent number of games in those positions for the rest of the season.

    If he doesn’t, and we don’t sell him in the summer, then the Soares transfer is agent-driven and not just contacts-driven, and certainly not data-driven.

  25. Graham62


    You open the door up for so many easy least easy peasy responses.

    “We gave up being a serious club”……..many moons ago.

    Ain’t that the truth.

    “Winning a league title” is not an objective at this moment in time.

    Ain’t that the truth.

    Ever heard of the phrase brick by brick?

    Repairing systematic destruction requires patience and planning.

  26. Pierre

    Most penalties conceded the last 4 years

    2019/20….arsenal 2nd

    Doesn’t appear to even itself out does it.

  27. Valentin

    I am not too upset about the penalty conceded rank, because apart from Zaha dive most of the penalties we have conceded were real penalty.

    The stats that show the injustice is the penalties given to us where we can clearly see a bias against Arsenal players. With referees if our opposition were to be shoot our player who would then fall down a la William Dafoe in Platoon, they would still go “Move along, nothing to see here”.

  28. Batistuta

    Pablo Mari I’m most looking foward to, out CBs bar Luiz are a calamity waiting to happen…

    Seen enough of Soares for saints and Portugal to know what to expect..

    Hopefully though they’re successful for us moving foward. Vital we pick up 3 points at Burnley on Sunday, no excuses whatsoever

  29. InsideRight

    Pablo Mari could turn out to be a decent signing.

    But Cedric Soares looks like a pocket-liner for an agent. Sick to death of agents buying off tech directors and DoFs.

    Mikel Arteta should decide who is in his squad. It shouldn’t be grubby backroom stitch up by suits fleecing the finances to suit their own agenda.

  30. InsideRight

    “He’s maybe Jesus, but he can’t do everything.”

    It’s not a case of Arteta doing everything. Managers have long decided what players they needed and wanted in their side and handed a list of players to their club to bring in. Then these TDs and DoFs came in and it changed.

    It makes no sense to me for backroom people to decide who the manager should have in their squad and go out and sign them, if it means a bad fit or someone who doesn’t perform the required task.

  31. KAY Boss

    No matter who we sign some will definitely complain.
    Why are some obsessed with contacts approach? You’ll need someone to recommend an athlete before you take a personal account on his ability. Is that not conatacts before scouting? Even when you want to scout talent you need contacts first. What got us Guendouzi and Martinelli? Scouting or contacts?