Well good morning my darlings, huge thanks to Mike for his list of potential Arsenal managers yesterday, some interesting insights there. Furious his number 1 did not align with mine, but rest assured, we’ll be talking about his dissent at a later date.
I thought the sexiest name on his list that I haven’t really paid attention to was Marcelo Gallardo. The Argentine has won it all with River Plate, he’s now their most successful manager of all time at the ripe old age of 43 years old. He’s interesting because his first gig was with Nacional. He retired from playing, took over the controls, won a league title in Uraguay at the first attempt.
What a boss.
‘But shouldn’t he have gone to Stoke first’
No. If you have it, you have it. Simple as that.
Arsenal appears to be working through names at a rate of knots if the press reports are to be believed.
Some jokers bursting into consideration with the same un-welcomeness of your mother opening your bedroom door in the era of copper dial-up internet.
‘NO MUM I CLICKED IT BY ACCIDENT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A BDSM IS’
The absolute worst name I’ve read is Roberto Martinez, his arrival on my Newsnow refresh was like opening a video in a Whatsapp group from a plasterer. I feel sick. I think I need counselling. If I was in the brainstorm for potential names and someone raised his name, they’d be removed from site and fired. What an absolute dumpster fire of a manager. Even when he was doing bits for Wigan back in the day, he would basically play his way all season, tank hard, then pull off great final ten games. He’s been relegated with Wigan, he absolutely bombed the Everton job, and he’s now an international manager where he belongs.
I would be DISGUSTED if we signed him. He’d be a shit hire if you were an Aston Villa fan. It’s giving up on the world. It’s the life equivalent of accepting stretchy jeans. Letting your girlfriend cut your hair in the bath. It’s limited edition Krocs. It’s calling your wife the ‘other half.’ It’s three quarter length khaki coloured trousers with a chain attached for your keys.
It is an absolute DISGRACE that I have to waste any amount of time even talking about this. Straight up one of the most offensive things I’ve heard mentioned in conjunction with the club. I will literally walk onto the pitch and set myself on fire if this happens.
Do NOT say that would be cool, because I know you secretly like me.
We’ve also been linked with Portuguese nobody, Vitor Perriera. Poaching a manager from Shanghai SIPG doesn’t give me any sort of sexy heat. He’s 51 years old, so uninteresting Porto made him assistant to AVB when he was a man child at 32, he’s been to all the backwaters of world football and the absolute deal sealer… His agent is Kia.
Fuck anyone that Kia is suggesting. We don’t want to be hiring in deadbeats that are the gateway to Arsenal being a fee cow for greedy people with no interest in the club. That’s not Arsenal.
Big Poch did an interview with some foreign news station, he spoke in Spanish, but basically didn’t aggressively rule out moving to Arsenal. He is a GREAT coach, one of the best in the world, we’d be mad not to talk to him, but I just have my doubts we’re going to be able to give him the sort of salary he’ll deserve, or that we’re in a good state to pay whatever his break clause is.
Arsenal’s end of year results dropped and they were predictably bad. We’re -£23m when it comes to profit. All the performance indicators you’d look to for a healthy club are heading south, even matchday receipts.
Our wage bill is £230m. Quite unbelievable. If we don’t make Champions League this year, we’re in deep shit.
However, I wouldn’t be too concerned. There are rumours that Auba is going to take a move to Real Madrid this summer, possibly sending Jovic and Ceballos our way. A few big names will be in the final year of their deals this summer (age they’ll be by July 1st next year is in brackets).
- Sokratis £90k (32)
- Luiz £200k (33)
- Ozil £350k (31)
- Mustafi £90k (28)
- Auba £200k (31)
That’s nearly a £1m a week off the wage bill, which reduces our outlay to a more manageable number. I think when older players get to their last year, it’s best to just find a club. One mega injury and you have zero security. The fact they’re in the last year of their deal makes them more appealing to other clubs because of the lower fee.
Then you have to look at the names on the list for the year after, Matteo and Cal C are on that list, but I suspect we might keep them… however, Kola and Lacazette aren’t getting new deals, and they might be shipped out.
We could potentially bring in £120m this summer and rebuild the squad under a new coach. I am just praying Edu is good with the transfers, we still have no chief scout, Raul made a has of last summer, and we’ll be down a lot of experience. We need more Matteo Guendouzi’s and Gabriel Martinelli’s versus the David Luiz types.
A lot of the press in the last day lean towards the new manager being Arteta. I don’t need to keep going over this with you, you know where I stand, but I think given the circumstances, who is available, and the mess we’re in… it couldn’t be better suited to someone like him. He’s a coach, first and foremost, he’s been very influential at City, he’ll be cheap and he knows The Arsenal.
I could not be any more hyped about the possibility, but how can anyone get excited when the taste levels are so low, Robert fucking Martinez is getting a call.
I really, really, really, hope we make a good decision here. No chancers. No hacks. No super-agent reccos. Just a coach that can give us the future football we deserve.
Let’s see where it goes. They can’t wait until the end of the season on this one, we need to maximise the next 6 months so we know what is what come transfer time.
See you in the comments. x