Upamecan-you-believe-it?

by .

Business travel is all about projects, to yourself, the true person you want to be.

I downloaded 10 episodes worth of Ken Burns documentaries, packed a Christopher Hitchens memoir, a notebook with a mechanical pencil for jotting down semi-important musings, and I carried my laptop so I could catch up with admin.

You know what I achieved in 2.5 hours on a packed plane? 5 Stroopwafels, 2 bags of Cheetos, 1 Nesquik milkshake, 3 episodes of Rick and Morty, all whilst tearing through a gossip magazine that totally gave me the inside scoop on Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s ILLICIT courtship.

Such a sobering experience. I’m like that Chanel guy when he realised he wasn’t going to be who the people wanted him to be.

However, at least I wasn’t sitting on the internet like a transfer pervert like most of you lot were. You are fucking embarrassing, grown men, hoovering up content like it was the last line at a festival before the Klaxons arrive.

UPEMECANO PEOPLE.

I was literally on a podcast with Dan the day before pontificating on why we’d bother with Umtiti when players like the Leipzig man and Lewis Dunk would represent better value and lower risk.

Rumour has it we’re in for him for €60, but they want more… obviously.

This player is exactly what we need. He’s built like Sol Campbell. He’s a towering figure. He has everything we want, most notably, fitness. He’d be a great partner for Sokratis this season, and by the time he’s adapted to the league, we’d be bringing Saliba to town.

Wow, wow, wow… we’d have two of the best young centre backs in France powering our backline for ten years. Saliba is 19, Upemacano is 20… that would be unreal business.

I’m so excited at the prospect I don’t know what to do.

Every time there’s a problem, Raul and Edu just deal with.

THEY ARE PUTTING ME OUT OF BUSINESS.

The only thing I’ll have left to moan about is Emery… and if that doesn’t work out this season, they simply won’t renew his deal then that’ll be sorted.

At least I’m safe in the knowledge that if it all goes to shit here, I’ll be able to land a cheeky CHIEF FOOTBALL WRITER role at any of the major news publications… amirite?

No. I’m not. An Ebola outbreak isn’t getting me that coveted role at The Daily Star and that’s the brutal truth.

Anyway, not much from me today.

See me in the comments and tell me how you’ll celebrate if we buy Upemecano!

Also, listen to the damn Podcast. No Patreon bullshit here. Just free content on the proviso you do NOT criticise the work.

x

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Marko

I can’t quite figure out why, with our lack of quality centre backs, our most senior U23 players… Jordan Osei-Tutu, Ben Sheaf and Daniel Ballard (all defenders) were all sent on loan.

I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume it’s because they’re not good enough.

gunnershabz

look i am not going to complain if we get coutinho

but i am sure they got a CB

i do think it will be loan move for Rugani

coutinho and rugani on loan will make sense

Leedsgunner

If we have first refusal and a fair buy back clause inserted into Emile Smith Rowe’s contract if he goes to RB Leipzig I would have no problem letting him go to bring in Upamecano.

gunnershabz

maybe it makes sense why we loaning out Nketiah because we getting Coutinho in the forward line

how much of the wages have we freed up with the free transfers this summer

ramsey, cech, welbeck, kos, jenko, ospina

Leedsgunner

Any Welsh grovers here? Joe Rodon at Swansea is he any good?

Valentin

ESR is not ready for Arsenal this season, so if RB Leipzig wants him on a one or even two year loan deal with no right to buy, we should go for it. All benefit for Arsenal, if he comes back a better player ready to step in the first team. ESR mimicked his game on a mix of Özil and Ramsey and did not picked any defensive discipline from either. He has a tendency to rush forward and leaving gaps behind that better opposition than U21 teams would exploit. In Germany he would learn to better select when and… Read more »

Danny

jenko
———–
He hasn’t gone anywhere yet and on his 45 grand a week there’s no guarantee he will unless we pay say N.Forest the difference if he’s on loan etc

gunnershabz

yes i do think ESR should go on a 2 year loan deal that is a good shout

i have a feeling milan may want to sign mkhi on loan from us hence the coutinho loan

MidwestGun

Damn if we sign Upemecano. .. this might be the greatest transfer window ever.. lol…. If we sign nobody to address the defense it might be one of the weirdest ever. On a razors edge. Also I think some need to start realizing Emery has very little say in transfers it seems, so what he says means very little. For Carts from yesterday.. the structure of the club has changed so you can’t compare Emery to Wenger when it comes to transfer decisions. and scouting. For evidence just look at the signings we have actually completed so far. Martinelli… doubt… Read more »

Receding Hairline

“I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume it’s because they’re not good enough.”

A certain poster on here has been looking to pick an argument on our superstar academy players all day, he will soon be on you

HighburyLegend

Valentinenosebest.

MidwestGun

Carts-

Also sorry to hear about your sugar avoidance… one of the few enjoyable things left in life to me. You can’t avoid everything unhealthy in life or why live. Maybe some advice to Pedro and his new found obsession with vegan cheese puffs.

gunnershabz

talksport now saying coutinho been offered to man u, spuds, arsenal and liverpool

you would think liverpool will be fav

but if spurs selling ericksen maybe they might try a loan

Marc

The next two and a bit days is going to be almost unbearable.

It used to be bad knowing we wouldn’t do anything. It’s now bad because you just have no idea what we might pull off.

Guns of Brixton

So many ozil fan boys on twitter…

Chinagunner

Coutinho is coming

Leftsidesanch

Marc,

At this rate I just want Thursday 5pm to be upon us. It’s difficult to not search to see what’s going on but what will be, will be.

Marc

Has a DOF had their own song before.

Marc

Leftside

“At this rate I just want Thursday 5pm to be upon us.”

With a CB!

fsaf

https://twitter.com/OBA_LEKS/status/1158752302418804747
“By the end of today no one in this picture would be in the present Arsenal team end of an era”

What a tweet. Kind of bitersweet. This merry band could have achieved so much more with couple of tweaks/additions mainly in the manager’s position.

DigitalBob

If it means Emile learns his trade in germany at Leipzig for two years then I’m all for it. If they want him on a permanent deal then we need that £70 million asking price lowered significantly and a buyback of our own inserted.

Phil Coutinho can’t be a real deal, it makes no sense unless Mhki(oh please) is off and loans have been secured for Eddie and Saka.

gunnershabz

maybe adidas has told arsenal board, we want a competitive squad this season

sign some players to make the club great

Words on a Blog

Marc,

We love you Raul, we do.
We love you Raul, we do.
We love you Raul, we do
Oh Raul we love you!

Leedsgunner

You have to give it to him if we manage to acquire Upamecano and Coutinho, Raul has conducted a master class in transfer market and played an absolute blinder in the transfer market. Flying under the cover of financial poverty they have managed to make the most of their limited resources to maximum effect… In short, most of our rivals underestimated Arsenal and we took advantage of it! To think we tolerated Wenger’s excuses and Gazidas’ incompetence for so long. Be careful what you wish for?!? Yeah right. Good to see Arsenal Football Club acting like a real club again.… Read more »

Danny

fsaf
August 6, 2019 15:55:52
——————–
Jenkinson still here…….LOL!

Words on a Blog

Big spending Spaniard, we’ve got a big spending Spaniard.
Big spending Spaniard, we’ve got a big Spending Spaniard.

gunnershabz

i agree leedsgunner

if we pull of coutinho and upamenco and i would say we can get into the title picture too

how many teams want to face an attack of auba, laca, pepe, ozil, cabellos and coutinho if true

i guess we have to outscore teams then lol

Elmo

Makes a nice change from the season starting with ‘Spend some f*cking money!’

Marc

Words

If he pulls this off he’ll deserve it!

fsaf

Danny,
Supposedly going to Forest for ~£5m.

Leedsgunner

All of Wenger’s pathetic excuses surrounding the transfer window being blown apart in one transfer window… I absolutely love it.

Danny

Supposedly going to Forest for ~£5m.
————————
If they’re willing to give him no less than 45 thousand a week.

Marc

If we do get Upamenco how long before the ManU / Spud supporting press start the “Arsenal spending their way to bankruptcy” stories?

gunnershabz

anyone remember the wenger qoute

he only will sign super super players

Leedsgunner

Marc

Who cares what they think? They were the ones telling anyone who would listen that we only had £40m to spend.

The truth is they don’t know anything.

Marc

Leeds

I’m hoping that we’ll get to enjoy the hypocrisy!

Ivan

Leeds

Alarm bells should go off anytime manager or coach has to defend lack of transfers while club (DoF and board) stay silent.

Seen jurno grilling Poch on lack of transfers, he felt awkward and said he is only coach, not manager.

It smells they plan to do it Arsenal way seeing firsthand we did it wrong, and I bet Poch wont be there for next 10 yrs pleading poverty.

MidwestGun

If we sign Upamecano I really won’t know what to do with myself.. it’s such a weird feeling to be in the running for best tw’s in the PL. Coutinho seems like no F’n way that is happening too.. if that happened too I might actually explode and my neighbors are gonna want to know what the hell I’m yelling about.

DaleDaGooner

Ninjas in Bordeaux

shaun

lets no be greedy fellas ……we know we need a cm as we will be exposed by XHAKSHIT he can’t help himself , we also know we need a left back and a right back . but what is most important is a CD with speed and physical ability. Everybody knows if xhaka and Mustaffi play we are one down before a ball is kicked .if we get a center back like Upamecano I will be very very pleased with the window and then maybe an injury to Xhaka and we are sorted . From what I have seen Willock… Read more »

Marko

Coutinho apparently being offered around (poor lad) on loan. We are obviously and correctly prioritising defenders. Can still see something late happening if we got a defender sorted. Could be seen as too good to turn down

gunnershabz

i remember this loan signing is similar to Nuri Sahin

when real madrid wanted to loan him out and there was a big fee

everything was pointing to Arsenal signing him but Liverpool got him

HighburyLegend

“maybe adidas has told arsenal board, we want a competitive squad this season”

Edu and Raul telling – yelling ? – to the Kroenke family that we are a football club ?
(fingers crossed)

gunnershabz

Highbury legend

Edu and Raul telling – yelling ? – to the Kroenke family that we are a football club ?

i know adidas see arsenal as a sleeping giant waiting to blow up

maybe there could be some parachute payments from kroenke and adidas

adidas want big names signing and i am sure they want that kit sold big time

coutinho could be that name with auba, laca, pepe and ozil

Marc

Arsenal have just announced that there’s been a price increase on food and beverages at the stadium for the coming season.

Apparently a beer and a hotdog will now cost £137.50.

Elmo

Shaun Yep – if we can get one more player in before the close, would be great if it’s the lad Meccano (I preferred Lego, myself). I suspect getting the installments we want may be complicated; the up-front cash for the Crock Jock will go to Leipzig, and the reduction in fee by giving them ESR might make it possible (how much can we expect for him? Is £12m overly optimistic?). With Saliba coming in next summer, we’d start having a solid core of young talent that will be able to attract a top-level manager, rather than the utter mess… Read more »

HighburyLegend

Beer and hotdog with Ozil’s photograph on it ??

Receding Hairline

“Apparently a beer and a hotdog will now cost £137.50.”

WTF!!!

That’s 60,000 in naira for a beer and hot dog!!!!

Hope you are kidding Marc

Marc

Receding

How do you think we’re going to pay for all the shiny new players!

Receding Hairline

Same Julian Laurens also report Upamecano is no longer an option as a deal for him was deemed “too complicated”

Make of that what you will

Marko

He definitely is mid. But we gotta pay for that Coutinho loan fee somehow

MidwestGun

Apparently a beer and a hotdog will now cost £137.50.
___________

Nice one.. 😀

I bet those Kroenkedog’s are delicious. Taste like freshly killed elk off his ginormous ranch in Montana.

Receding Hairline

Now i know you are kidding Marc

That flew right over my head

Un na naai

Reports coming in we’ve signed coutinho on loan!!!

chris

Hahaha what a transfer window, or to be precise, what a hell of a last few weeks!

jwl

First time in years that I give a flying fcuk about transfer window, who knows what Raul got up his sleeve now.

I’ve never been able to get work done on a plane, gave up trying years ago.

Stroopwafels are delicious, there is a weird Dutch owned Jehovah witness supporting store here in my small city where I get stroopwafels, licorice and odd literature when I pay for my things.

Marc

Un na

Just can’t see it.

Samesong

Stroopwafels are delicious, there is a weird Dutch owned Jehovah witness supporting store here in my small city where I get stroopwafels, licorice and odd literature when I pay for my things.

I just had one of them.

Coutinho I cannot Berleeed it.

Marc

Receding

Food etc at the stadium is overpriced but bloody hell mate!

Batistuta

I love Coutinho as it probably would mean Mikhitaryan and maybe Iwobi are off bit goodness me it would be stupid if we don’t bring in a defender

Un na naai

Marc

Just saying what I see (as old Roy would say)

TheLegendaryDB10

Marc You got the *point* wrong. It’s £1,375.00 for a beer and a hotdog according to my very well placed sources. On an another note, these stories of Upamecano sound really interesting. Raul pulls this off I am going to be really amazed. I really thought we would have gone for Umtiti. As for Coutinho, sounds too good to be true. Will wait for Arse.com to actually reveal this before I lose my shit and feel redeemed of having renewed my Red Membership (to be fair that Pepe signing made me look and say wtf Arsenal? Had to pinch myself… Read more »

Batistuta

Weagle

Where are you man?

Coutinho might be landing

Un na naai

Bati

He would want silly wages though. Would they sanction that knowing we have ozil and Mkhitaryan potentially both in the bench costing £600k per week?

MidwestGun

If we sign Coutinho and no defender then .. I’m going back to my original assessment, weirdest transfer window ever. We would literally be trying to score at least 4 or 5 goals a match, and probably 3 Own goals.

Un na naai

Eagle is mulling over the days tranfer news before landing

Un na naai

MIDWEST May be a defender or two yet Remeber josh’s promise?? Exciting things planned. Look if we get coutinho Pepe Saliba martinelli and ceballos but no defender I must say I’d find it hard to complain too much if we are fucking wiping the floor with other teams through non stop unbridled attacking beautiful-ness 100% we needed a left back and a cb this summer as a priority but man you have to just sit back and laugh and marvel at the players coming to arsenal this summer if we land coutinho too Who knows. Upamencano and tierney Next summer… Read more »

Un na naai

Having not giving

Danish Gooner

i wouldnt mind if we let miki be a art of the deal his time has come and gone,upamecano would be out this world,i think i might open my Pol Roger champagne vintage 1999 to clebrate if it happened.

Un na naai

Maybe emery was all “we haven’t even discussed coutinho but on the down lo, we didn’t realise it was an option so now you mention it……”

Marc

Un na

“Doesn’t feel right.”

Understatement of the window!

MidwestGun

Un-
Yep.. exactly it is weird. We are all trained to be severely disappointed.

Un na naai

Shit

We are going to be the PSG of the premier league next year
The most unbalanced team in Europe but with a plethora of attcking riches
Would love to see the yoot given their chance though so hope this doesn’t stop that in shitty cup ties

TheLegendaryDB10

Mid

I can only agree if that is the case. That would be akin to gross negligence. I can’t believe for one secondthe club will not at least go for another defender, preferably a CB to replace Kos. Which I think they will. Considering the Upamecano rumours.

What will be a shame is if we did get a second defender. We really need some balance in that back line to ensure we are not conceding too many goals in our games.

MidwestGun

I mean if we end up with Coutinho that would have to be Edu , no..?

Batistuta

Un na

I don’t know man, think that’s the good thing about the window. Like i said it might mean maybe Mikhitryam is off or someone else up front is leaving but we have freed up some wages this summer so anything really is possible.

Heart wants Coutinho plus a defender but head says we’ll probably get just the defender

Un na naai

Yep.. exactly it is weird. We are all trained to be severely disappointed.

Mid

Yeah that’s one way of looking at it. Or just used to scrapping it out at the bargain basement and hoping for the next wenger £3m blood diamond to be unearthed

Either way it’s an almost out of body experience, every time I search our news I feel like I’ve slipped into an alternative dimension.

Astral projections into the worm hole and all that

Un na naai

Bat

I’d be more than happy with “just” upamencano

Un na naai

You’re getting greeedy now batistuta

Un na naai

Mid

Look we were dragging our heels til edu arrived
That can’t be coincidence

Leftsidesanch

Coutinho pictured in London apparently and more likely to sign for Sp*rs

MidwestGun

Un –
I agree.. regards Edu.. if we pull all these deals off, surely he had something to do with it along with Raul knowing all these agents.

Un na naai

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/arsenal-have-55million-bid-rejected-18849372.amp

Still seems on

Maybe we’ve fucked off tierney and said we’d use that money to loan coutinho??
With the cb search still very much on!?

Wtf is going on?? Gone are the 40m and £1 days man

Un na naai

Coutinho pictured in London apparently and more likely to sign for Sp*rs

Leftside

I bet you go to kids parties and burst all the balloons and open the birthday boys presents don’t ya??

Un na naai

Mid

Dont do it to yourself just yet. We’ve seen these thing collapse on us how many times doesn’t the years?

Receding Hairline

Fabrizio Romano
@FabrizioRomano
·
51m
Philippe Coutinho has been offered to Arsenal (and not only…), he’d like to come back in Premier League. But Arsenal at the moment are totally focused on a CB. ⚪️🔴 #AFC #Barcelona #transfers

MidwestGun

Oh I know… I’m still fairly convinced we will do nothing.. hahahaha

Bob N16

CB please. I’d be amazed if we don’t get one. ESR, you know you want a couple more years in Germany, lubricate the deal!

I’d just like to say that although his departure was shit (although a few million was well received), I still have a lot of respect for Koscielny. This day and age, nine years is a long time at one club and I never saw him give less than 100%. A few rickets for sure, Birmingham will never be forgotten, but for the most part he was a decent CB.

Un na naai

BARCELONA have agreed to let Philippe Coutinho leave on loan before the window closes, according to reports.

The Brazilian left Liverpool for Barca in 2018 but has struggled to replicate his Anfield form since his arrival for £142million.

According to TalkSport, the 27-year-old’s preference is to come back to the Premier League with the Reds rivalling Manchester United, Arsenal, Tottenham for their former star’s signature.

This shit is everywhere

Don’t forget Raul is the Barca man so if he’s in London we’ve got to be at the front of the queue??

HighburyLegend

@RH : correct.
And it’s a good thing, he’s not our priority.

Un na naai

I’d just like to say that although his departure was shit (although a few million was well received), I still have a lot of respect for Koscielny. This day and age, nine years is a long time at one club and I never saw him give less than 100%. A few rickets for sure, Birmingham will never be forgotten, but for the most part he was a decent CB. Bob Well said. The man deserves some gratitude from the fans not the contempt he’s being treated with He’s no Adams or sol but he’s played for us with dignity and… Read more »

Un na naai

HL

But you wouldn’t be upset if we got him and shit the tierney deal down would you? Provided we upgrade at cb

Leftsidesanch

Un

I’m not being pessimistic that is what I’ve seen on twitter.

Henry Root

Coutinho is NOT happening. Banter

HighburyLegend

The Spuds are trying to “save the day”…
(lol)

fsaf

Coutinho sounds exciting, but Dayot’s presence could earn us a bonus 8-10 points this season compared to last. He is the game changer that we need. Not Philippe. In a perfect world, we have them both. In reality – Dayot all the way!

Un na naai

Look out of the two I’m 100% in the cb camp but it’s hard not to get swept up with the idea of
coutinho Aubameyang lacazette pepe ceballos in attack for arsenal.

Micheal

Bob: Well said, with ref to Koscienly.

Un na naai

Un I’m not being pessimistic that is what I’ve seen on twitter.

Leftside
Hmmm. Coutinho to Arsenal is everywhere in the last hour. Twitter says different. Let’s see. Could be the usual pie in the sky but it’s fucking everywhere

Maybe the agent has fed the story to put pressure on the spurs to close. Would coutinho want to play with Kane and son next season though or auba laca cebabanf Pepe??

I know where I’d go. Spurs are doing well and all but re’ve juiced up our attack massively this summer as it is

HighburyLegend

I wonder if the spuds interest in Countinho has something to do with the rumor of Manure preparing an offer for Eriksen…