Oh man… I’m err… gonna do this.
Mustafi changed his Instagram bio and REMOVED the links to Arsenal.
Could it mean something?
Who knows. I really, really, really hope so.
Edu. The mightiest of Brazilians just oversaw a win in the Copa America. One more week and he lands back in the land of London Colney. That’s great news. We’re hiring in someone who can build a winning machine. Hooooray!
Sevilla is rumoured to be interested in Mikhi. That’s lovely, but I would imagine his salary would land them about 17 players, so not sure this one has much juice to it.
Kurzawa of PSG. Yes, that left back who always looks REAL cool in the stands, has apparently been told he can leave. Big fan of Emeryball? No doubt. Get on that overlap you absolute beauty.
Ok… I’m going to do it again… Kieran Tierney’s pals reckon the left back is going to stay at Celtic for another season. FFS… we couldn’t push it over the line. Still not quite sure about the sleuthing here. What sort of weirdo is keeping tabs on Tierney’s mates? Why is there ALWAYS a weirdo keeping tabs on football players bios? Why am I writing about it?
Anyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if we pulled the plug on the left back, because that’s old Arsenal, quibbling over £3m to make a useless point then wrapping a comfort blanket excuse around it like, ‘that’s Arsenal class.’ Fuck efficiency. Art of the Deal all the way.
Arsenal, who have managed to move on ONE player all summer, will want to punch themselves in the face when they read this:
🚨Bournemouth have sold Tyrone Mings for £26.5m! A player that has made about 17 appearances in 4 seasons!🚨
What the fuck is going on in Raul’s office? Bournemouth can sell an absolute nobody for £26.5m, and we can’t shift Calum Chambers, Fulham’s player of the season, for a single bloody sausage?
Sometimes I wonder if Raul just needs someone cranking those phones. I’ve worked in recruitment before. Just work out your script and start crushing digits.
‘Good afternoon, my name is Peter Wood, I’m representing the Yellow Sticker department at Arsenal football club, may I speak to your chief buyer?’
‘Well howdy doody, I have many fine products that are hot out the oven, with many genuine buyers interested. To name but a few: A World Cup Champion who is good with concentration, a young player with sturdy legs, a mercurial Germanturkishman with very fine taste in autocrats, a Swiss who always took charge of the spare key, and a Bosnian that will run and run and sometimes act if you ask him nicely. What takes your fancy?’
Give me a commission. Say, 5% of every deal, reckon I’d be able to shift them in a week. How hard can it be?
Other things we could do:
- Offer to buy out their contracts
- Tell them not to bother coming to training at all, totally shut them out
- Sell them at literally nothing. Zero transfer fee, just to get them off the books. Because honestly, what is the fucking point in keeping these absolute wasters in the squad for another season? If we don’t take the hit on the books now, we’ll take it in the dressing room and on the pitch all season.
Ok, some of those ideas are a touch extreme. But sheesh, there is NO other club in the world that makes it easier to be an absolute bum than Arsenal.
There’s even a club photo of Ozil, Kola and Mustafi just hanging out.
— Shkodran Mustafi (@MustafiOfficial) July 6, 2019
I am TRIGGERED. How dare they just, you know, walk about together.
I heard through the grapevine that Emery split the kids and the first team from eating meals together at the training ground. No idea why he’d do something like that, maybe he’s trying to create some ambition in the youth ranks, John-Jules out there dreaming of eating a sandwich next to Nacho Monreal is probably how he ended up on the plane to America… regardless, are the players we want eating meals with everyone else? Are we testing their resolve on any level whatsoever?
‘No Ozil, eat your profiteroles roll on that dirty beanbag in the corner, you lazy boy’
Real Madrid seem to be shipping their dross out with absolute ease. What is our problem?
Tyrone Mings for £26.5m! HOW?!
Maybe none of this matters. Raul was just keeping the preseason warm for Edu? Hopefully he has some really fucking great ideas about who he wants to bring with him.
My MAJOR hope is that he doesn’t ship in 15 of his mates. I hope he’s a true pro. He needs a new chief scout, I hope he finds the smartest person doing the most mental things with data you could imagine, unearthing gems in untapped markets, perhaps helping small clubs bat well above their average.
My point is that I hope we’re hiring in a professional. Someone that knows the market. Someone that interviews for the job, you know, best candidate wins like the old days. Hopefully, he has an idea in his head about where the next frontier in football is located. Has a contacts books that can help him. Leans into that contacts book and seeks advice from good people.
We’ll see, but whatever happens, we need something to ignite our dismal post-season. To start training with literally one Brazilian that wasn’t even playing at the highest level is a touch miserable, especially considering how quickly we attacked our business in Sven Mislintat’s first summer.
Right, that’s me done. See you tomorrow. I’m back on the 9am run people.