Does it ever get old? Absolutely not.
You know what does get old? Bag bargers on the train. Like, mate, I am not putting this slim bag on the floor… why are you assaulting my bag and trying to adversely impact my ability to read a broadsheet during commuter hours? Here’s my thing, if I was just really fat, you wouldn’t be barging my back fat, would you? It’s abuse, plain and simple. I need to campaign on this after I drive my oat milk and EMERY OUT agenda over the line.
Talking of BIG UNAI… there was a delicious report from JC about his new end of year reviews with the players that went down like a sack of potatoes.
I absolutely love this.
In the normal course of business, sitting down with your manager is important to your career, because there are a lot of soft and hard skills in business and it’s hard to gain a full picture of your person.
But football? Precious children being sat down and told what the manager likes and dislikes… I’d be fascinated to understand what the output of this was supposed to be.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO MESUT?
‘Mesut, I noticed you mouthed something to me at the final. Care to explain?’
‘Mesut, do you like to run anymore?’
‘Talk to me about assists, where have they gone?’
How do you frame things with Mustafi?
‘Mustafi, attention to detail is an issue’
He apparently didn’t let on about the future of the players… BUT SURELY THE POINT OF A REVIEW IS TO BE CLEAR ABOUT THE FUTURE?
If you landed a good review, great. But if you landed a brutal one, you’re going to go straight to your agent and give them the lowdown. You’re going to stew on it all summer in paranoia. You’re going to read the paper talk and then if you’re not sold, you’ll come back in bad mental shape.
When Cesc, Nasri, Robin and Song were agitating for moves, it apparently rocked preseason badly. The focus was all over the place and the vibe at the training ground was very off. Having players not clear on their futures is not a good thing for our preparation, and we need to have everything in fine shape this season because we could exit that first five games on the back foot in a big way.
These Brent-esque moves the Emery team keep dropping are exactly the reason we need Edu in the building quickly. The club needs his light tan Crockett & Jones on the ground immediately, because there is so much shabby stuff going on around the place. Dave Priestly has overseen the greatest Arsenal end of season choke in living memory. We have bus drivers running motivational speeches. Our high performance leader has been chopped… and weirdly, because we’ve been so inept, we don’t need to hire a new one because WE HAD TWO HIGH PERFORMANCE LEADS AT THE CLUB FOR TWO YEARS.
Well, it seems our fresh fragranced Brazilian savior is working the contacts list already. We’ve been linked with Reinier. This midfielder is fast, strong, has light feet, a brutal shot, he has an imposing 6ft1 frame and he’s extra exciting because he is Brazilian.
It also looks like we’re squeezing the very last drops of juice out of the Sven Mislintat black book… we’re close to signing Markus Schubert of Dynamo Dresden on a free transfer. This is a smart move, he played 43 times last season and kept 12 clean sheets, he’s regarded as an excellent prospect. That’s great news and starts to calm the Sevilla MKII nerves I had at the start of the summer (yesterday).
There are also SPICIER THAN A HOT PEPPER rumours linking us to St Etienne’s 18-year-old centre back, Saliba. He looks an incredible talent, he’s great on the ball, immensely built for someone so young and he’s exactly the sort of talent you want to be snapping up before they become a £80m player with Monaco or Dortmund. That’s smart scouting. I still have worries that he’ll be too green for the Premier League, but regardless, he’s the sort of investment we SHOULD be making.
Fuck Ever Banega.
Lucas Torriera HATES OUR LANDS.
“I don’t know if there are many things that I enjoy,” he said. “I think I had a better time in Italy.
“England is a totally different world. The language (barrier) has stopped me being able to relate with my team-mates and the people. It is very difficult when you can’t have dialogue.
“And then there is the weather. You go out in the morning and it is cloudy, you arrive at your house in the afternoon and it is cloudy.
“We are from here (Uruguay) and we are used to always – or almost always – having the sun. But as the years go by, I’m going to adapt.”
“We all know what England is about and what the Premier League is about. I made a very important jump at a football level.
“At Arsenal we played four competitions, while in Sampdoria I was used to playing in only two – the Serie A and Coppa Italia.
Lolz. Context police out in force yesterday.
Lucas is a darling of the fan base… we love a terrier, and he’s certainly one of them. However, it was pretty clear that his little legs struggled in the back half of the season. Most players fade in their first year in the Premier League, so I’m not bothered about that… but here’s the thing, he’s SO young, so if he does decide he wants to exit next season, we’ll make a ton of cash on him.
AC Milan are admirers of him and are looking at £35m as compensation. Love to see that Arsenal are getting the Ivan treatment here. We bought him for £30m. No way he’s leaving for anything short of £60m when he goes. He’s a top talent, but maybe needs a London chaperone if he’s pining after Italy. Someone get him down Pizza Express immediately.
Sarri is OFF to Juventus. The man never adapted to London, he wasn’t able to beat out player power, and the lack of smoking in the stadium drove him crazy. He’ll get more time at Juventus who are taking marketing to new heights. They’re trying to win the global content game by bringing an exciting brand of football to Turin, so he’ll get time and money there to make his mark. There was a lot of debate about him at the start of the season, but, he did his job, won a trophy and made it into the top 3. Is it fair to say he has sauce?
Now Chelsea are going hard for Frank Lampard. Their excaptain, one of the most productive midfielders in Premier League history, is being lined up to take over with Jody Morris. Seems Chelsea are into the notion of bringing an exciting idea to the fans. He’s young, he’s inexperienced, but the fans will be electrified, they’ll give him time and he ‘could’ do something incredible. They are a bigger club than us, now with more global prestige, and they are taking a bold risk.
When the time comes for Arsenal to replace Emery, will we do the same? It’s in Raul’s DNA. Barca take risks on talent they believe in. German clubs are masters of investing in innovative young coaches. Lyon just took a major chance on Sylvinho. United hired in OGS (lol). I fully expect as clubs get smarter, they will try and grow their own talent a little like RB has been doing, and the focus on the manager being the most important person at the club will fade.
It’s all about the infrastructure, fam.
All very interesting… but not as interesting as this next bit… footballers with tits.
Why not I guess? I’m getting one for my office. Buy yours here.