You know when people change their food diet and they literally can’t wait to tell you how you’re a disgraceful person and that you’ll probably die if you keep using hospital IVs to mainline beef into your body? Well, I’m about to slip into that…
… I’ve been… using… oat milk.
NO NO NO… stay. Hear me out. It was a total accident. But, it’s pretty good. If you are buying milk, it lasts about a week, this stuff last three months. You don’t even notice the difference… and get this, it works in tea and coffee.
You also feel smug at parties.
‘Oh my gaaawd, I just won’t go without steamed oat milk in my soy-based latte’
** STANDING OVATION **
Instant rise in social standing. It’s even good for cows. Well, not my cow. Moira serves no use for me these days, carted her off to the butchers. But, you get my point.
So what do we have in the mixer for you today?
Unai Emery is in New York talking about coaching at one of those speaking circuit gigs.
Hey soccer world! One week to go until the Coaching Development Summit gets underway…
Register and learn from the best soccer professionals.
— CoachingDS (@CoachingDS_2019) June 7, 2019
… Unai is a circuit guy. Cannot imagine the LinkedIn posts he’s dropping.
‘GOOD EBENING. A small bootless boy walked up to me 5 years ago. He asked me: ‘What must I take to succeed in this game.’ I say to him, boots little boy, boots. It is health and safety. But also, they make it easier to kick. The boy went out and bought boots. Today, he is Uber driver, but let me be honest, he wears the correct shoes for the job. Pragmatism is the essence of a good career.’
** DIGITAL STANDING OVATION FROM THE OLEG VISHNEPOLSKY CROWD**
The tickets are $299. He’s basically the headliner, David Villa is there as well. I am weighing up dropping in just to see what goes on at these things… though $299 is an expensive way to test my curiosity.
There’s a story that the manager had to move away from some Spurs fans that were heckling him on a flight. Pretty cheeky considering their season has once again finished with a grand total of zero trophies. Here’s my questions, £6m a year and you’re not in first class? Come on Unai, upgrade my man… get yourself a Net Jets account, stop slumming it with the proles. When you make that sort of money, don’t do a Corbyn and sit in coach, no one gives a fuck, roll like a big man. Neck champagne and guard that first class curtain like a madman.
‘MISS, THAT PERSON MAY NOT PASS TO BREASTFEED THEIR BABY IN OUR FIRST CLASS TOILET’
I thought some of the nonchalant reaction to Mesut yesterday perfectly summed up the internet. Firstly, I was bantering that the dictator was best man, to be honest, in the whole story, accurate R&Rs at the wedding were pretty low down my list of to-do’s. The main concern for me was that a horrible human rights abuser was front and centre at the wedding of Arsenal’s best player.
‘Should Arsenal fans really be focusing on the negatives on the man’s wedding day?’
This sort of chatter is beyond the pale. No one takes the time out to have a read up these days, just straight into, ‘well, aren’t all politicians the same’… no mate, no they’re not. Stop being so ignorant.
Anyway, point being, it’s a disgrace, the club really, really needs to exit him this summer. He’s shameful on the pitch, on the bench, even at his own wedding.
… but those Fortnite numbers.
I was having a Café au lait yesterday and Peter Dinklage stood next to me and ordered coffee. I didn’t look. I just played it cool as I sweated beads of ‘YOU WERE WELL GOOD IN GOT SIGN MY ARM PLEASE SIR.’
Apparently, Roma and Inter have pulled out of the Carrasco deal because of the financial package. I really, really, really hope we don’t offer him an outrageous deal to come to Arsenal this summer. It doesn’t seem to matter who comes in at the top of Arsenal, our execs lose their fucking minds with salaries. Carrasco is coming back from China, he should not be coming back on the money he went out on. He’s a broken player, let’s pay him in line with what he’s worth and if that’s an issue, ramp up his package with heavy bonuses.
News has shifted on Xhaka replacement front, now we’re in for Jordan Veretout. Note the age… he’s 26 years old, he plays for Fiorentina (can you smell that? Sevilla ideas burning in the toaster). We’re certainly not shooting for youth again. He certainly looks more physically able than Praet, but once again, it is hard to tell with Serie A players. Still, his game looks more action oriented than that of Xhaka’s and the fact Napoli is chasing him is usually a good sign.
Rumours continue to persist that Kola is attracting heavy interest from Barcelona.
This does double down in the reality that so many are fighting… Arsenal had a squad good enough for top 4. It is maddening that people are still debating this point despite all the evidence on offer this season. But hey, Inter Milan are chasing Xhaka and Barca want Kola. They must see something… not that I would stand in their way, please, take them…
Which takes me to the BIG concern I have. If we hired a coach that can’t improve players, then what are aiming for next season? There’s going to be a huge turnover of talent. The manager will tell us he’s going to play the youth, like he did last season, then we’ll be in the same situation as we were last season… but with a group of players who don’t know the league. You can see the excuses at the end of the season, let me give you a clue, they’ll read like, ‘TRANSITION.’ The permanent state at Arsenal.
But let’s remain positive. Let’s keep drinking vegan milk and maybe everything might just turn out A-Ok?
P.S. Can I just recommend a book out here? Ok, The Rise and the Fall of Dinosaurs is an electrifying read if you were into Dinosaurs as a kid. The writing is so vivid, and man have I learnt a lot. Get this people, T.Rex was not that fast… he couldn’t outrun a car, so basically, SPIELBERG LIED IN THE FILM. Anyway, read that section on the Allosaurus. Terrifying.
I’m also on a couple of football books that I’ll report back on… very hipster, some of you are probably going to have to find a new blog when I start writing like a German football technician.
RIGHT, see you in the comments. x