Loved all the tepid takes last night post the Barca victory.

‘GUARDIOLA IS SHIT’ (Do what?!)

‘IT WAS MESSI THAT WON IT’

‘KLOPP IS A FRAUD’

Messi is a great player, he’s a difference maker, but he didn’t alone keep one of the most potent attacking forces in world football at bay for 90minutes. This bullshit notion it’s all about him doesn’t rub against the facts. They’ve won the CL twice since 2010. If they make the final this year, it’s good management, and an excellent squad.

Also: Guardiola isn’t a shit manager. He’s one of the best in the game. If you don’t understand that, you’ve spent too much time following accounts of teenagers named @Xhakologist⁸ ⁹.

Saying the most outrageous thing you can think of in the moment isn’t analysis. Also, you know the other accounts I detest?

‘Laurent Koscielny has been with the club 10 years. He gave his best moments to the project because he believed. He’s never complained once. He put his body on the line, he did that for you, because he loves you. His mere presence is an intimate moment, he is your soulmate, but remember, he’ll always ask permission before he touches your heart. xxx’

Faux Twitter badge kissing makes me want to vomit, come at me with real authenticity, not this cooked up romanticised bullshit. If that’s you liking the posts, tell a friend what you did and deal with the consequences you utter disgrace.

ANOTHER THING, stop nostalgiarising (NEW WORD) the bland Arsene Wenger comments he keeps dropping in TV appearances. The man literally said there was too much science in the game and that fatigue is nonsense.

Remember all the drips telling me the redzone didn’t exist? That Wenger would never run a player into the ground? When the manager blamed his injury crisis on hair pills? There you have it, in black and white, being celebrated by people on Twitter with comments like, ‘I miss my daddy.’

What is it with the cucks?

LOOK AT THIS ONE! Coaches don’t cost you games? ARE YOU KIDDING? And what are the commenters saying?

‘Look at that man in those sexy black rimmed glasses’

WHAT! He is trying to defend his last 10 years by saying he was a £10m a year irrelevance EVEN THOUGH he bought the shite players, and you want to talk about his glasses?

Honestly, I need to tap out of the internet for a bit.

Also… Klopp isn’t a fraud, regardless of the trophy issue. I know it’s fun to say it, but you need to grow up, ok?

Liverpool had a rough night, let’s all calm down and wait until next week to pop the ‘thank fuck the UNBEARABLE scousers didn’t win something’ Tizer or whatever those reprobates drink these days.

The big night is always Thursday night. We all know this.

Two giants of football step foot into the Emirates cauldron to save a season that has flipped over the central reservation into on-coming tractors (a metaphor for shit teams, I know, it was clunky).

Thankfully for Emery, the game is at home.

That means progressive Arsenal. We ‘should’ see a performance. This is Emery’s trophy and he’s going to need to do everything he can to give us a commanding first-leg lead against a side we really should comfortably beat if we put out a proper side.

This Valencia side isn’t exactly brimming with talent like it was when Bayern Munich avenged their Champions League failure of 1999 with a penalty shootout victory over Hector Cuper’s side in 2001.

Remember the names? John Carew… the original Drogba. A player who was actually a bit average imo, but a towering man-beast who terrified our players and put us out of Europe twice. Pablo Aimar, Roberto Ayala, Gaika Mendieta, and Santiago Canizares! Remember when Claudio Lopez was a thing? Teamtalk classic when he was linked to us! Thems were the days…

Anyway, right now, it’s not quite as sexy… Coquelin and Gabriel are a thing. Mustafi made his name in the white shirt of Valencia. Gary Neville crashed his rep taking a job with them. Need I say more? Their top scorer this year is centre mid Dani Parejo with 9 goals in 33 games, followed Rodrigo who is a striker and has 5 in 30.

… so someone in their side is getting a hattrick tomorrow. Amirite?!

I am hoping that they’ll be as weak as Napoli. They’re 6th in their league, with 52 points from 35 games. They’ve only conceded 32 goals compared to our 49. So their problem is a lack of goals… which is like, the perfect connect for our back 5.

I have no idea what to expect. The leaks in the press this week don’t bode well for a happy camp, nor do the three losses on the bounce. But, this is a cup game, it’s a big European night and the Champions League spot for the players is worth a small fortune on a personal level. It’s in their interest to do something great.

DO IT LADS.

I truly think we’ll qualify for the Champions League this year because Emery has consistently demonstrated a knack for having things fall his way… it’s just how it’s going to be.

Wouldn’t it be delicious if he won a trophy before that FRAUD, Jurgen Klopp?

It would.

Right, see you in the comments… COME ON ARSENAL!

P.S. Read my post from yesterday if you didn’t… took me fucking ages (READ)

P.P.S Aaron Ramsey is done at Arsenal. He bowed out with a hamstring injury that came with complications.

Elite levels of poetry in that exit.

P.P.P.S Thank you to Alfred for telling me that ‘pep’ is pepper. Took a Swede to make it right. That’s how fucked our education system is these days, the English are all thick as pig shit. #VoteCorbyn