Ok, I know we had some fun with that Fortnite story that the media took a little too seriously this week. But The Sun ran with a Nick Parker special about Arsenal players inhaling ‘hippie crack’ in an epically pathetic hit piece designed to convince normal folk that Arsenal players have been engaging in peak Libertines mid-noughties style drug deviance.
The players went to a club. Got shitfaced. Passed nitrous oxide-filled balloons around for a cheap and very lame high.
The only thing we should be getting angry about is that they were dim enough to do something so subpar in front of security cameras.
I’ve never heard of this referred to as hippie crack. If anyone at a festival,party, or drug cave called it that, they’d be escorted from the event for false advertising. It’s like calling a Jaffa Cake ‘devils cyanide, or labeling a park swing ‘LOONTOWNS DEATH SPIRAL.’ It’s not a real drug. It’s like sniffing pens at school. It’s prepared with a chefs frosting gun ffs. Painfully middle class.
Sure, elite athletes shouldn’t do anything that resembles recreational fun, but in the grand scheme of things to worry about, I’d be more concerned about 5000 hours of Fortnite. And I’d hazard a guess that scientifically speaking, it’s the booze that’s the issue for a sports star. How many broken homes happen because Mum came down in the morning to 20 empty canisters and a stream of flaccid balloons around the living room? Not many.
To put a number on it, 8 people died from doing this in 2016. 8 too many, no doubt. 88,000 died from booze related illness. 259 people died from taking selfies. 1700 in traffic accidents. 9 people from jumping into water (seriously). This ‘hippie crack’ is so lame, Prince Harry does it and it’s not a scandal.
However, inhaling balloons for a cheap 10-second head rush isn’t the take away your average Joe… ‘crack party with Lacazette’ is… Just note this: we’ve outrun every team in the league and we’re 20 games unbeaten. It’s not a big deal.
On another note, what is it with nightclubs releasing that sort of stuff? Unbelievable breach of privacy.
In other news, Rob Holding looks likely to miss the rest of the season. Such a shame. He was really making a statement in defence. I have my doubts Sven will make moves in January. We have Monreal coming back into the mix, Emery has proven to be flexible with his backline, and there’s a lot of belief in Mavrapanos.
Aaron Ramsey also picked up a knock, which is a shame considering the good form he’s shown over the last two games (though Emery said it was minor). It is not unusual for bad fitness strategies to show up in December. Let’s hope the last two can be attributed to luck. Big questions over whether Burgess is going to be able to own the ear of Emery over his imported fitness coach. Julen Masach. If we’re going to have a good run, it really does have to go the Austrailian’s way.
There’s a piece doing the rounds in Germany about Sven and his diamond ways. He’s obviously very pleased with Guendouzi, who dropped unreal numbers against United (didn’t someone say he was no better than Denilson? Lol). He also talks in-depth about how he’s founded multiple firms that analyse data. Interestingly he highlights the dangers of spewing out insights based on isolated numbers, like distance run. He alluded to the idea that a player might be running about a lot because he’s making bad decisions all game (a hint at an issue with one of our players?). Muppets with stats really is a thing online, this week, Arsenal fans are peddling Mustafi over VVD. The audacity is quite something. Anyway, it’s incredible we have a scout of his prestige at Arsenal. I’d link the pirated copy, but that might not be legal, so I implore you to sign up to the site to read or go find the illegal shit.
Talking of MG, Emery had a scolding tip about what he should do about the bigger boys pulling his hair.
‘I think the best thing is that he cuts his hair before the next match, then the problem is finished,” Arsenal’s manager said. Just as Fellaini did. I have not told him that to his face, though. I respect a lot the players; their hair and their hair colour.’
BIG lol. Getting slapped down by a man who is rocking Shockwaves wet look gel in 2018. Gotta sting.
Our German power sniper is still in a weird place with his injury.
“On Friday we make the decision,”
“He had a backache and now he is working with one physio. Today he was on a pitch running and touching the ball. We are going to look when he can come with us.”
Odd how Emery is describing the injury, but whatever. We haven’t missed him. If he’s back, bonus, if he’s not, well, the party goes on!
Right, that’s me done, see you in the comments!