‘Hippie crack’ story a painfully sad read

by .

Ok, I know we had some fun with that Fortnite story that the media took a little too seriously this week. But The Sun ran with a Nick Parker special about Arsenal players inhaling ‘hippie crack’ in an epically pathetic hit piece designed to convince normal folk that Arsenal players have been engaging in peak Libertines mid-noughties style drug deviance.

TL;DR

The players went to a club. Got shitfaced. Passed nitrous oxide-filled balloons around for a cheap and very lame high.

The only thing we should be getting angry about is that they were dim enough to do something so subpar in front of security cameras.

I’ve never heard of this referred to as hippie crack. If anyone at a festival,party, or drug cave called it that, they’d be escorted from the event for false advertising. It’s like calling a Jaffa Cake ‘devils cyanide, or labeling a park swing ‘LOONTOWNS DEATH SPIRAL.’ It’s not a real drug. It’s like sniffing pens at school. It’s prepared with a chefs frosting gun ffs. Painfully middle class.

Sure, elite athletes shouldn’t do anything that resembles recreational fun, but in the grand scheme of things to worry about, I’d be more concerned about 5000 hours of Fortnite. And I’d hazard a guess that scientifically speaking, it’s the booze that’s the issue for a sports star. How many broken homes happen because Mum came down in the morning to 20 empty canisters and a stream of flaccid balloons around the living room? Not many.

To put a number on it, 8 people died from doing this in 2016. 8 too many, no doubt. 88,000 died from booze related illness. 259 people died from taking selfies. 1700 in traffic accidents. 9 people from jumping into water (seriously). This ‘hippie crack’ is so lame, Prince Harry does it and it’s not a scandal.

However, inhaling balloons for a cheap 10-second head rush isn’t the take away your average Joe… ‘crack party with Lacazette’ is… Just note this: we’ve outrun every team in the league and we’re 20 games unbeaten. It’s not a big deal.

On another note, what is it with nightclubs releasing that sort of stuff? Unbelievable breach of privacy.

In other news, Rob Holding looks likely to miss the rest of the season. Such a shame. He was really making a statement in defence. I have my doubts Sven will make moves in January. We have Monreal coming back into the mix, Emery has proven to be flexible with his backline, and there’s a lot of belief in Mavrapanos.

Aaron Ramsey also picked up a knock, which is a shame considering the good form he’s shown over the last two games (though Emery said it was minor). It is not unusual for bad fitness strategies to show up in December. Let’s hope the last two can be attributed to luck. Big questions over whether Burgess is going to be able to own the ear of Emery over his imported fitness coach. Julen Masach. If we’re going to have a good run, it really does have to go the Austrailian’s way.

There’s a piece doing the rounds in Germany about Sven and his diamond ways. He’s obviously very pleased with Guendouzi, who dropped unreal numbers against United (didn’t someone say he was no better than Denilson? Lol). He also talks in-depth about how he’s founded multiple firms that analyse data. Interestingly he highlights the dangers of spewing out insights based on isolated numbers, like distance run. He alluded to the idea that a player might be running about a lot because he’s making bad decisions all game (a hint at an issue with one of our players?). Muppets with stats really is a thing online, this week, Arsenal fans are peddling Mustafi over VVD. The audacity is quite something. Anyway, it’s incredible we have a scout of his prestige at Arsenal. I’d link the pirated copy, but that might not be legal, so I implore you to sign up to the site to read or go find the illegal shit.

Talking of MG, Emery had a scolding tip about what he should do about the bigger boys pulling his hair.

‘I think the best thing is that he cuts his hair before the next match, then the problem is finished,” Arsenal’s manager said. Just as Fellaini did. I have not told him that to his face, though. I respect a lot the players; their hair and their hair colour.’

BIG lol. Getting slapped down by a man who is rocking Shockwaves wet look gel in 2018. Gotta sting.

Our German power sniper is still in a weird place with his injury.

“On Friday we make the decision,”

“He had a backache and now he is working with one physio. Today he was on a pitch running and touching the ball. We are going to look when he can come with us.”

Odd how Emery is describing the injury, but whatever. We haven’t missed him. If he’s back, bonus, if he’s not, well, the party goes on!

Right, that’s me done, see you in the comments!

619 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
DaleDaGooner

Elneny will be ready as a CB lol

Victorious

How are we supposed to compete with teams that play for 90 mins when we only play for 45?”

Haven’t led at half time in all games played so far this season.crazy stuff really

Might be a tactic(a very dangerous one) at that or more likely we’ve been successful turned to a one half team

DaleDaGooner

We should be 1 up if the ref and assistants knew anything

Cesc Appeal

It was confusing when we seemed to be chasing CAM in terms of our transfer links when we had issues elsewhere, but more and more it is making sense. I don’t think Emery likes any of ours and we’ve got 3 very highly paid ones in Ramsey, Ozil and Mkhitaryan.

I think what we’re going to end up looking for is potentially a player a bit like Sterling in terms of pace out wide but also penetrative ability when he drops into CAM.

Champagne charlie

This ref is something else, 7 yellows so far, and utterly shambolic offside decision. Total mismanagement of the game so far and Huddersfield are loving it.

Niggly nothing of a game thus far, and our usual shit first half performances continue. Leggy as fuck.

jasongms

Sub Xhaka and bring on another attacker…

TR7

All said and done, we still should have been 3-0 up.

Tony

If we’re not active in the TW , we can kiss goodbye to 4th.

Dire today, no tempo and can’t string combination passes together.

Night abs day compared to our last 2 games.

gazzap

I thought elneny should have started today. he can play CB or midfield. this is huddersfield. today we needed fresh legs and energy, also reduce the chance of injuries and suspensions. Elneny is a decent player.

Up 4 grabs now

Koz, Monreal and the litch are the back three next week then.
So maybe Mustafi and sokratis have to play against qarabag on Thursday then. Because surely those three can’t play two games in three days after being out that long.

Champagne charlie

Tr7

You’re not wrong, but all said and done you don’t get wins and points with “should” anything. This first half sleepwalking needs to fucking stop, big second half ahead.

Cesc Appeal

TR7

Agreed.

Two golden chances that should have been put away and then a top draw save from Torreira’s strike. Then you think about the wrongfully disallowed goal.

If it’s business as usual for us this half we will be fine.

Confidentgoner

Officiating has been criminal. VAR, anyone?

Victorious

The ref is absolutely having a shocker

Absolute idiot who has no clue what’s going on

Very poor

You just know he’s sending either Xhaka or Mustafi off second half.

MGooner

What’s wrong with these English refs.

They should get proper training in Europe 😉

Tony

Been echoing your thoughts re CAM for weeks CA

Cesc Appeal

Tony

They just aren’t good enough.

We’ve got £630 000 a week locked up in them as well. Just can’t have it and we need Emery compatible CAMs because the manager is far more important than any of our players.

You can see what he wants to do but the personnel are not there for it out wide or in CAM.

AA23

Get the feeling Emery is still tinkering to find his best 11 and formation, seeing what he likes and dislikes.

I honestly believe once he gets more time we will see us starting games faster and better.

What do you guys think about the Ozik situation? I think personally (no links, just intuition) that he’s going in January and we will be signing a couple players.

Al

Xhaka was so poor in that half.

Why does he keep holding onto the ball for so long and inciting pressure?

Like the fact that we have stood up to Huddersfield dirty tactics and we have kicked them back.

Can’t allow yourself to be bullied in this league and this group of players seem are up for a fight.

Up 4 grabs now

Miki and Iwobi on.

MGooner

We should have been 3 – 0 Laca and Auba making it spicy for us.

Huddersfield look like a village team – that’s why the ref and commentators on tv are trying to be helpful. 😉

Tony

Totally agree CA

Danny

Mkhitaryan and Iwobi instead on, Lacazette and Lichtsteiner off.

Champagne charlie

“Why does he keep holding onto the ball for so long and inciting pressure?“

Maybe because nobody in the team is moving or showing for the ball. Why nitpick Xhaka? There’s not been one admirable performer and both our strikers have missed sitters. But that Xhaka guy ehh zzz

DaleDaGooner

Seeing a pattern here, I don’t like it, expensing our substitutes too early

Leedsgunner

We can blame the referee all we want, but we should have enough resources on the field today and beating Huddersfield comfortably.

We need to finish off our chances when they come to make poor decisions irrelevant.

Cesc Appeal

Did think Lacazette was very poor, looked lethargic considering he should be the more rested of the STs.

Bamford10

Mkhitaryan already adding something. I would’ve left Lacazette on, though.

MGooner

I thought we played ok.

Huddersfield, the ref and our forwards making it harder for us but we look fine.

Backline looks cool. Huddersfield making those fouls and retreating. If they came for battle in the middle of the park, we would beat them, but they are backing off because they know they are inferior.

Joe

CC , TR7

We should be up 4 nil. Aubu sitter. Laca slip and laca offside goal

We did not sleepwalk the first half.

Bamford10

Xhaka loses the ball in a dangerous spot. They get a good chance from it. Too casual from Xhaka.

Dream10

Have to win here. We have three away trips out of next four, so we’ll be dropping points.

Champagne charlie

Joe

Ill disagree ta, we’re static and our midfielders have had no options so it’s been sideways and backwards. Huddersfield have been chomping away and the tempo has been absent as noted by several others. Totally sleepwalked it..

Second half already seeing more tempo

Moe

Jesus, Xhaka is poor……..who scouted this guy?

MGooner

@Leedsgunner

Agree we should bury our chances. But it does not always work like that in football. Even Ronaldo and Messi miss a few.

But do not agree that we should bury our chances to make poor decisions irrelevant. A shit ref. making schoolboy mistakes for which he will not be held accountable spoiling the fun.

Champagne charlie

Have never understood outswinging corners, get it whipped under the bar and a question is always asked

Moe

Any little pressure on Xhaka, it’s over.

Cesc Appeal

Huddersfield player injures himself trying to hold Iwobi back

Victorious

A chance for 3rd and we’re basically shiting our pants

An all too familiar occurrence.

Bamford10

Iwobi doesn’t add enough. He should have left Lacazette on and gone 4-4-2 diamond, IMO.

MGooner

The village team hanging on for a draw now.

If we draw this the ref would have handed them a point. Shame!

DaleDaGooner

Aubameyang with another miss

kc

Kos warming up.

DaleDaGooner

Ha ha Mustafi is out hurt….. were fucked defensively

Jamie

Jesus. Our defenders are dropping like flies.

Bamford10

Mustafi with a hamstring issue. Not helpful.

Guns of Hackney

Lolz. It’s arsenal who are lucky to be 0-0.

We always concede and our frontline is powderpuff.

Champagne charlie

Mustafi hamstring fried. Auba with another miss. Fuck me cmon lads

We’re falling like flies btw, January is going to be less about additions and more about replacements at this rate.

DaleDaGooner

Why we shouldn’t have hastily removed Lichtsteiner

Guns of Hackney

Kos? Lolz.

34 with a busted everything.

All of a sudden the 20 unbeaten means absolutely nothing.

gambon

Iwobi is just absolutely useless.

Victorious

The wingback formation doesn’t seem to work against teams who are set to park the bus and defend for their lives

Huddersfield are the new stoke and are defending in 2 banks of four

Need more of creative midfielders to play through them

Point is not the type of match you decide to freeze a certain Mesut ozil.

Bamford10

Terrible touch from Iwobi. Hilarious that some people here have rated this kid technically. Sorry. Doesn’t have it.

Guns of Hackney

Gambon is being diplomatic. I won’t. Iwobi is fucking shite. Get rid of this mouth breathing sand bagger in jan. cunt.

DaleDaGooner

Why take out Lacazette???

gambon

Iwobi with another utter shit touch.

Paulinho

Iwobi is a mental midget.

MGooner

@ Guns of Hackney Lolz. It’s arsenal who are lucky to be 0-0.

Ya, we are so shit, too many tourists in the team. I wish like you that the village team could sneak a win. 😉

Rambo Ramsey

Kolasinac is shit. Gets into good positions but fvcks up with the final ball 9 times out of 10.

DaleDaGooner

Lol …. I guess Emery doesn’t know. He keeps playing Iwobi against gambon, Bamford and Guns advice

Champagne charlie

Iwobi did excellent there, Kolasinac should’ve done better with that

Red card coming I fancy

Guns of Hackney

Mgooner

No. Arsenal can’t keep a clean sheet…ergo, we’re lucky to be 0-0.

Joe

Bellerin most be the worst finisher on the team

Guns of Hackney

Dale

If Emery listened to me, he would be bossing the league right now.

gambon

Dale

What options does Emery have exactly?

Ozil – lazy twat
Mykhitaryan – shit
Iwobi – shit

Guarantee you he wont be playing next season, and wont be at Arsenal within 2.

Rambo Ramsey

This is the problem with unbeaten runs. It gives a ‘Drawing is okay’ feel.

Draws aren’t gonna give us top four.

Bamford10

Dale

Emery doesn’t have a lot of other options. And Iwobi at least gives him energy and running. He lacks quality, though. This is obvious.

Champagne charlie

Joe

Bellerin is the least Spanish player I’ve maybe seen, technique is so lame. Makes Iwobi look like Iniesta

Joe

We are worse with mkhit on the pitch.

Sorry Pierre. He’s not a scapegoat. He’s garbage. A Man U reject.

Hopefully he is gone in the summer

DaleDaGooner

What about Rowe-Smith then? Or leave Lacazette on, surely Emery has options other than Iwobi

Joe

CC

He skies his shot every time he takes one from 18 yards or closer

MuddyGooner

Frustrating game

azed

The earlier this unbeaten run ends, the better for us.

Cesc Appeal

Smith Rowe?

That just says everything about our CAM options.

DaleDaGooner

For me, Mhki is worse than Iwobi and he should be way ahead

Moe

Taking off Lacazette is nuts unless he’s injured.

Joe

We just don’t have the depth to play 3 matches in a week.

I still feel we will win this but this is why emery needs Jan and summer TW to get the players he needs.

Wasn’t wolves also the 3rd match in a week?

Cesc Appeal

This is like the United game.

Everything is just slightly wrong in attack.

Little too slow, few too many touches, passes just too heavy or slightly off.

Immensely frustrating.

DaleDaGooner

Aye, Smith Rowe doesn’t get as much stick as Iwobi on here.

Joe

Dale

I agree

Mkhit is garbage

Champagne charlie

Joe

His body shape whenever he shoots is awful, opens right up and swings his instep at it like a big numpty new to football. Truly odd he was ever in La Masia, nothing more than solid for us if you ask me. If decent money was offered I’d take it.

DaleDaGooner

I agree, I don’t know why he would take off Lacazette, crazy if you ask me

Victorious

This is the problem with unbeaten runs. It gives a ‘Drawing is okay’ feel.”

Exactly

Draw ain’t good enough and the unbeaten run is a myth in making things a bit rosy

Wish Huddersfield will nick the win if for anything but to jolt us out of this,’unbeaten’ nonsense

gambon

Embarrassing from Guendouzi.

PieAFC

If you don’t trust some of your attacking youthful options from the bench. Start them, then maybe bring the likes of Auba and Laca on.

We clearly struggling for options right now to change things.

We’ve been lethargic to say the least today. But we shouldn’t be struggling to beat Huddersfield at home at all.

Poor performance today.

Just hope we can nick it late on.

DaleDaGooner

And Xhaka is still somewhat not ideal

Bamford10

Silly by Guendouzi. Should have stayed up and played the ball.

DaleDaGooner

Crap from Guendouzi, that was pure rubbish

Joe

We are not playing for the draw?

What are you on about. We are trying to win the match. It’s just not working. Think the players want a draw to continue the unbeaten streak?

Moe

If Iwobi and Mikhi are your offensive solutions, then Houston we have a problem.

Danny

Super goal!

Alone + Easy Target

The little midget done it again.

kc

LT! Marvelous!

PieAFC

What a man already!! This guy.

jasongms

Get the fcuk in

Champagne charlie

At home to Huddersfield and we’re in panic mode with 10 mins left, need a goal from anywhere.

grooveydaddy

You little 5’5″ beauty!

gambon

Such a quality little player.

Danny

Just for fucks sake defend this lead

azed

Finally!!