‘Hippie crack’ story a painfully sad read

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Ok, I know we had some fun with that Fortnite story that the media took a little too seriously this week. But The Sun ran with a Nick Parker special about Arsenal players inhaling ‘hippie crack’ in an epically pathetic hit piece designed to convince normal folk that Arsenal players have been engaging in peak Libertines mid-noughties style drug deviance.


The players went to a club. Got shitfaced. Passed nitrous oxide-filled balloons around for a cheap and very lame high.

The only thing we should be getting angry about is that they were dim enough to do something so subpar in front of security cameras.

I’ve never heard of this referred to as hippie crack. If anyone at a festival,party, or drug cave called it that, they’d be escorted from the event for false advertising. It’s like calling a Jaffa Cake ‘devils cyanide, or labeling a park swing ‘LOONTOWNS DEATH SPIRAL.’ It’s not a real drug. It’s like sniffing pens at school. It’s prepared with a chefs frosting gun ffs. Painfully middle class.

Sure, elite athletes shouldn’t do anything that resembles recreational fun, but in the grand scheme of things to worry about, I’d be more concerned about 5000 hours of Fortnite. And I’d hazard a guess that scientifically speaking, it’s the booze that’s the issue for a sports star. How many broken homes happen because Mum came down in the morning to 20 empty canisters and a stream of flaccid balloons around the living room? Not many.

To put a number on it, 8 people died from doing this in 2016. 8 too many, no doubt. 88,000 died from booze related illness. 259 people died from taking selfies. 1700 in traffic accidents. 9 people from jumping into water (seriously). This ‘hippie crack’ is so lame, Prince Harry does it and it’s not a scandal.

However, inhaling balloons for a cheap 10-second head rush isn’t the take away your average Joe… ‘crack party with Lacazette’ is… Just note this: we’ve outrun every team in the league and we’re 20 games unbeaten. It’s not a big deal.

On another note, what is it with nightclubs releasing that sort of stuff? Unbelievable breach of privacy.

In other news, Rob Holding looks likely to miss the rest of the season. Such a shame. He was really making a statement in defence. I have my doubts Sven will make moves in January. We have Monreal coming back into the mix, Emery has proven to be flexible with his backline, and there’s a lot of belief in Mavrapanos.

Aaron Ramsey also picked up a knock, which is a shame considering the good form he’s shown over the last two games (though Emery said it was minor). It is not unusual for bad fitness strategies to show up in December. Let’s hope the last two can be attributed to luck. Big questions over whether Burgess is going to be able to own the ear of Emery over his imported fitness coach. Julen Masach. If we’re going to have a good run, it really does have to go the Austrailian’s way.

There’s a piece doing the rounds in Germany about Sven and his diamond ways. He’s obviously very pleased with Guendouzi, who dropped unreal numbers against United (didn’t someone say he was no better than Denilson? Lol). He also talks in-depth about how he’s founded multiple firms that analyse data. Interestingly he highlights the dangers of spewing out insights based on isolated numbers, like distance run. He alluded to the idea that a player might be running about a lot because he’s making bad decisions all game (a hint at an issue with one of our players?). Muppets with stats really is a thing online, this week, Arsenal fans are peddling Mustafi over VVD. The audacity is quite something. Anyway, it’s incredible we have a scout of his prestige at Arsenal. I’d link the pirated copy, but that might not be legal, so I implore you to sign up to the site to read or go find the illegal shit.

Talking of MG, Emery had a scolding tip about what he should do about the bigger boys pulling his hair.

‘I think the best thing is that he cuts his hair before the next match, then the problem is finished,” Arsenal’s manager said. Just as Fellaini did. I have not told him that to his face, though. I respect a lot the players; their hair and their hair colour.’

BIG lol. Getting slapped down by a man who is rocking Shockwaves wet look gel in 2018. Gotta sting.

Our German power sniper is still in a weird place with his injury.

“On Friday we make the decision,”

“He had a backache and now he is working with one physio. Today he was on a pitch running and touching the ball. We are going to look when he can come with us.”

Odd how Emery is describing the injury, but whatever. We haven’t missed him. If he’s back, bonus, if he’s not, well, the party goes on!

Right, that’s me done, see you in the comments!

619 Responses to “‘Hippie crack’ story a painfully sad read”

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  1. Victorious

    How are we supposed to compete with teams that play for 90 mins when we only play for 45?”

    Haven’t led at half time in all games played so far this season.crazy stuff really

    Might be a tactic(a very dangerous one) at that or more likely we’ve been successful turned to a one half team

  2. Cesc Appeal

    It was confusing when we seemed to be chasing CAM in terms of our transfer links when we had issues elsewhere, but more and more it is making sense. I don’t think Emery likes any of ours and we’ve got 3 very highly paid ones in Ramsey, Ozil and Mkhitaryan.

    I think what we’re going to end up looking for is potentially a player a bit like Sterling in terms of pace out wide but also penetrative ability when he drops into CAM.

  3. Champagne charlie

    This ref is something else, 7 yellows so far, and utterly shambolic offside decision. Total mismanagement of the game so far and Huddersfield are loving it.

    Niggly nothing of a game thus far, and our usual shit first half performances continue. Leggy as fuck.

  4. Tony

    If we’re not active in the TW , we can kiss goodbye to 4th.

    Dire today, no tempo and can’t string combination passes together.

    Night abs day compared to our last 2 games.

  5. gazzap

    I thought elneny should have started today. he can play CB or midfield. this is huddersfield. today we needed fresh legs and energy, also reduce the chance of injuries and suspensions. Elneny is a decent player.

  6. Up 4 grabs now

    Koz, Monreal and the litch are the back three next week then.
    So maybe Mustafi and sokratis have to play against qarabag on Thursday then. Because surely those three can’t play two games in three days after being out that long.

  7. Champagne charlie


    You’re not wrong, but all said and done you don’t get wins and points with “should” anything. This first half sleepwalking needs to fucking stop, big second half ahead.

  8. Cesc Appeal



    Two golden chances that should have been put away and then a top draw save from Torreira’s strike. Then you think about the wrongfully disallowed goal.

    If it’s business as usual for us this half we will be fine.

  9. Victorious

    The ref is absolutely having a shocker

    Absolute idiot who has no clue what’s going on

    Very poor

    You just know he’s sending either Xhaka or Mustafi off second half.

  10. Cesc Appeal


    They just aren’t good enough.

    We’ve got £630 000 a week locked up in them as well. Just can’t have it and we need Emery compatible CAMs because the manager is far more important than any of our players.

    You can see what he wants to do but the personnel are not there for it out wide or in CAM.

  11. AA23

    Get the feeling Emery is still tinkering to find his best 11 and formation, seeing what he likes and dislikes.

    I honestly believe once he gets more time we will see us starting games faster and better.

    What do you guys think about the Ozik situation? I think personally (no links, just intuition) that he’s going in January and we will be signing a couple players.

  12. Al

    Xhaka was so poor in that half.

    Why does he keep holding onto the ball for so long and inciting pressure?

    Like the fact that we have stood up to Huddersfield dirty tactics and we have kicked them back.

    Can’t allow yourself to be bullied in this league and this group of players seem are up for a fight.

  13. MGooner

    We should have been 3 – 0 Laca and Auba making it spicy for us.

    Huddersfield look like a village team – that’s why the ref and commentators on tv are trying to be helpful. 😉

  14. Champagne charlie

    “Why does he keep holding onto the ball for so long and inciting pressure?“

    Maybe because nobody in the team is moving or showing for the ball. Why nitpick Xhaka? There’s not been one admirable performer and both our strikers have missed sitters. But that Xhaka guy ehh zzz

  15. Leedsgunner

    We can blame the referee all we want, but we should have enough resources on the field today and beating Huddersfield comfortably.

    We need to finish off our chances when they come to make poor decisions irrelevant.

  16. MGooner

    I thought we played ok.

    Huddersfield, the ref and our forwards making it harder for us but we look fine.

    Backline looks cool. Huddersfield making those fouls and retreating. If they came for battle in the middle of the park, we would beat them, but they are backing off because they know they are inferior.

  17. Champagne charlie


    Ill disagree ta, we’re static and our midfielders have had no options so it’s been sideways and backwards. Huddersfield have been chomping away and the tempo has been absent as noted by several others. Totally sleepwalked it..

    Second half already seeing more tempo

  18. MGooner


    Agree we should bury our chances. But it does not always work like that in football. Even Ronaldo and Messi miss a few.

    But do not agree that we should bury our chances to make poor decisions irrelevant. A shit ref. making schoolboy mistakes for which he will not be held accountable spoiling the fun.

  19. Champagne charlie

    Mustafi hamstring fried. Auba with another miss. Fuck me cmon lads

    We’re falling like flies btw, January is going to be less about additions and more about replacements at this rate.

  20. Victorious

    The wingback formation doesn’t seem to work against teams who are set to park the bus and defend for their lives

    Huddersfield are the new stoke and are defending in 2 banks of four

    Need more of creative midfielders to play through them

    Point is not the type of match you decide to freeze a certain Mesut ozil.

  21. Bamford10

    Terrible touch from Iwobi. Hilarious that some people here have rated this kid technically. Sorry. Doesn’t have it.

  22. Guns of Hackney

    Gambon is being diplomatic. I won’t. Iwobi is fucking shite. Get rid of this mouth breathing sand bagger in jan. cunt.

  23. MGooner

    @ Guns of Hackney Lolz. It’s arsenal who are lucky to be 0-0.

    Ya, we are so shit, too many tourists in the team. I wish like you that the village team could sneak a win. 😉

  24. gambon


    What options does Emery have exactly?

    Ozil – lazy twat
    Mykhitaryan – shit
    Iwobi – shit

    Guarantee you he wont be playing next season, and wont be at Arsenal within 2.

  25. Rambo Ramsey

    This is the problem with unbeaten runs. It gives a ‘Drawing is okay’ feel.

    Draws aren’t gonna give us top four.

  26. Bamford10


    Emery doesn’t have a lot of other options. And Iwobi at least gives him energy and running. He lacks quality, though. This is obvious.

  27. Champagne charlie


    Bellerin is the least Spanish player I’ve maybe seen, technique is so lame. Makes Iwobi look like Iniesta

  28. Joe

    We are worse with mkhit on the pitch.

    Sorry Pierre. He’s not a scapegoat. He’s garbage. A Man U reject.

    Hopefully he is gone in the summer

  29. Joe

    We just don’t have the depth to play 3 matches in a week.

    I still feel we will win this but this is why emery needs Jan and summer TW to get the players he needs.

    Wasn’t wolves also the 3rd match in a week?

  30. Cesc Appeal

    This is like the United game.

    Everything is just slightly wrong in attack.

    Little too slow, few too many touches, passes just too heavy or slightly off.

    Immensely frustrating.

  31. Champagne charlie


    His body shape whenever he shoots is awful, opens right up and swings his instep at it like a big numpty new to football. Truly odd he was ever in La Masia, nothing more than solid for us if you ask me. If decent money was offered I’d take it.

  32. Victorious

    This is the problem with unbeaten runs. It gives a ‘Drawing is okay’ feel.”


    Draw ain’t good enough and the unbeaten run is a myth in making things a bit rosy

    Wish Huddersfield will nick the win if for anything but to jolt us out of this,’unbeaten’ nonsense

  33. PieAFC

    If you don’t trust some of your attacking youthful options from the bench. Start them, then maybe bring the likes of Auba and Laca on.

    We clearly struggling for options right now to change things.

    We’ve been lethargic to say the least today. But we shouldn’t be struggling to beat Huddersfield at home at all.

    Poor performance today.

    Just hope we can nick it late on.

  34. Joe

    We are not playing for the draw?

    What are you on about. We are trying to win the match. It’s just not working. Think the players want a draw to continue the unbeaten streak?

  35. Joe


    You used to love and praise the little unbeaten runs Wenger used to go on at the end of the season

    The ones that meant nothing

  36. Bamford10

    Good goal from Torreira. Not enough attacking quality in the side, though. Good ball from Auba, good ball from Guendouzi.

  37. Wenker-wanger

    This performance shows the limitations of our squad and quality.
    We have a good manager that can design tactics and can react positively to the opposition, but there is only so much mileage you can get out of a poorly maintained car…..we are a good team, but wolves and Huddersfield at home should not be as difficult as this.
    We just scored so the comment looks OTT….however performance wise it’s not great. We need players!

  38. gambon

    Torreira is the exact reason STan should give Sven Mislintat as much money as he needs.

    £26m player, we could sell him for £50m after just a few months.

    A lot better than earning 1% interest on your money.

  39. Joe

    VictoriousDecember 8, 2018 16:20:22
    A chance for 3rd and we’re basically shiting our pantsAn all too familiar occurrence.

    Sorry Vicky

    That only happened under the “‘mental strength” loser Wenger

    Emery > Wenger

  40. Paulinho

    “What the fvck is Torreira doing bro? Abandoning his position. Gloryhunter”

    Shocking lack of discipline. Playing for himself.

    Needs to learn to stay behind the ball and keep it simple.

  41. Wenker-wanger

    Dunno about you, but the mere mention of Wenger gets my back up…
    Yeah we all know he is no more at arsenal…but like adebayor, the name just produces a reactionary swear word..

  42. Champagne charlie

    Starting to love Sokratis and his mentality over much else. He’s a 7.5/10 every week but his mentality and character is 10/10. Proper defender.

    Lol at the Ramsey fan club having sly digs, it was the 85th minute at 0-0. When Torreira goes up front in reckless abandon and it costs the side time and again, then make all the remarks you like. Trouble is everyone else will be lambasting him for it, not pretending it doesn’t happen ala Rambinho

  43. MGooner

    @ Guns of Hackney

    Cool. So I learnt Ergo means therefore? Did not know as English is not a language I use often,

    Looks like we’ve done it again. 3 points in the bag, pity we did not improve the goal difference because of a shit ref and bad luck from the strickers

  44. Jamie

    Perhaps we should run a quick poll to see who represents better value, and who supporters rather have in the squad – Torreira on 50k a week, or Ramsey on 250k a week.

  45. Paulinho

    Iwobi should be sold in January but a lot of the fans will be in uproar because they’ve bought into the bogus narrative that he is ‘much improved’.

  46. Cesc Appeal

    That was tough. Nowhere near good enough for us.

    Torreira though is the bedrock of this team along with Sokratis. They are everything we have not been for years.

    Each week is becomes more obvious our CAMs are not good enough, that needs to be addressed.

    I can still potentially see the situation where Emery sells Lacazette to fund a massive CAM/winger purchase. He doesn’t look 2 up front, he seems to like Aubameyang more as a player and so potentially instead of having £50 Million sat on the bench it could be playing CAM or RM/LM for us.

    Might be why we’re apparently interested in Moraes of Brugge for £15 Million, 6ft 3 ST who would bring something totally different to Aubameyang.

  47. Wenker-wanger

    Yeah sokratis has a great spirit.., he s a strong man….we’re going to need him for the rest of the season.

  48. MGooner

    @ Victorious

    Wrap him in cottons please.

    No need to. Just unleash him, Sokratis and may others on the oppo. We love the fight, reminds me of the Viera days.

  49. Cesc Appeal

    In Emery’s system we need a pure CAM, a wide/CAM type player and then a pure winger.

    We’re basically missing the entire attack aside from the ST for Emery’s system.

    Always said that throughout the summer when people claimed our attacking line up was great, on paper yes, in reality no.

  50. Sancho Monzorla

    Important 3 points at home. Can’t drop points in these kinds of matches to have a chance at 4th. No one really played well but they worked hard and that got the win. Shocking decisions from the referee with all those yellows and all in all kind of fortunate even though they deserved all 3 points in my opinion.

  51. Sancho Monzorla

    Wait didn’t Victorious lose a bet for the Liverpool match where he would ban himself?

    Is he not abiding to a bet? What the fuck kind of person does that?

  52. scotsgooner

    Globalgunner – “How Iwobi got to be a pro footballer warrants an FBI investigation”

    rofl – couldn’t agree more mate lol. He has regressed last few games to wenger era skillz.

  53. MGooner


    Relax mate! We’ve just won and gone third.

    Go out, have a beer like people do in your country, see girls. Emerything will be fine, don’t worry 😉