Good banter travels far. The humorous comments section conspiracy theory grew legs yesterday and had a lot of people talking. Someone with contacts in the insurance world dropped this comment.
‘They were able to prove that the high profile player’s injury had in fact been caused by playing too many video games. In his case it was a knee injury caused by sitting on sofa for hours on end with his feet on the coffee table, This causes minor hyperextension of the knee. I think? Good luck with your conspiracy theory.’
This is mostly tongue in cheek, a lot of folk from countries outside England sending pelters my way because they don’t understand world class British bantz, but the reality is, spending that much time in front of a screen is really unhealthy. I know first hand what a corrupting influence the screen can be on your life, and I’m being absolutely genuine here.
My career has been built off the internet. Everything in my life past the age of 21 is owed to this blog, Twitter and the power of the Arsenal community. I’m on my phone a lot. This year, Apple added the screentime function. I was spending an average of 4.5 hours a day on my phone. That’s minus the computer screen I was sitting in front of. If I went on a mad session, I couldn’t concentrate, I actually started to feel sick.
Don’t tell me that mad screentime doesn’t impact your life. It can be devastating to relationships, your work, and the outside world. Best thing I’ve ever done is delete all the time drainers. I don’t have Instagram, Twitter, Fishbowl, or my e-mail on my phone. I’ll bring Twitter back for games… but I remove them straight after.
The impact has been electric. I’m more present in everything I do. I’m a better boss, a better creative, and a better human.
Screens are a fucking cancer on the brain. But, you know, big thanks to 80% of the traffic that comes from mobile. I love you. Never leave me.
ANYWAY. Man United today. What a fucking exciting proposition we have.
Unai Emery not only has the chance to extend our incredible unbeaten run, he can potentially end the tenure of the most obnoxious manager in history. If Jose loses his job, the best he’ll ever do moving forward is Roma or Everton. This is a HUGE game for him.
We know what he’s going to do. It’s going to be a shit-house special. He’s going to set up to bully us out of the match. Fellaini will start, all his sharp-elbowed fiends will join. No doubt, all will have been sleeping outside in dog kennels. It’s going to be a shameful spectacle. The sort that’d give Graham Souness an erection. The type that’ll have Gary Neville lamenting the soft spine of Arsenal ‘yet again.’
But you know what? We’ll be prepared. We’ll be fired up. We have dirty players. This game could be an epic announcement to the rest of the league. This really is the chance to put the ‘soft Arsenal’ bollocks to rest. I can’t fucking wait.
United are utter shite. They’re 8 points behind us. Their goal difference is -1. The squad hates Mourinho. Pogba and the manager are at war as reality dawns that he’s not elite and United blew £94m on him. Sanchez would top himself if it weren’t for his dogs. No one is performing to the level they should be, mainly because they don’t want to.
The special one is dropping Arsene Wenger like statements in the press in a pathetic attempt to draw sympathy for his privileged attempt at making United a proper team.
“Before Palace, I said my target would be end of December in top four. Now the target has changed. Now we have to try to be very close to these positions. We need not to be so unlucky with problems that we have. We need some players to perform.”
“I can agree even though the investment Everton made was phenomenal,”
“I don’t think Everton will be in front of United by the end of the season.”
He is complaining about Everton’s investment! Un-fucking-real. What a pathetic man. The only reason United curtailed his spending this summer because his sporting director attempts have been utterly shambolic.
The press love him though, they don’t want him gone. The BBC ran an article about whether the Portuguese was getting harsh treatment.
‘However, there is frustration among some Old Trafford insiders who believe Mourinho is held to different standards, being compared both to his predecessors at United and rival managers at other clubs.’
ARE YOU KIDDING ME! The last time United were in a position this shite, it was under Moyesy. Jose has dropped £350m. If the ‘legends’ are critiquing a shite brand of football and 7th in the league, they are well within their rights.
But football is all about the hierarchy. Mourinho has a sharp tongue, he’s handsome and he’s won things. His failings can’t possibly be down to his lack of interest in developing his ideas, could it? And look, I spent 11 years arguing Wenger was past it, and regardless of how correct my commentary was, people still wanted to side with the ill-informed folk who pushed a ‘good old Arsene’ narrative.
The irony that the manager who nailed Wenger so perfectly is now begging for the same ‘look the other way’ treatment is not lost on any of us.
Anyway, I can’t wait for today. We should be winning this. But football is a cruel beast and Jose always raises the bar for Arsenal. Mix in the fact that Emery has never beaten Jose in 5 attempts, and you start to worry.
However, this is a different era, we have the winds of progress on our side, the Arsenal players will go to war for Emery, and it’s about fucking time we put the Mourinho hoodoo to bed.
I am so excited.
See you on the other side. x
P.S. Listen to my fucking podcast.