The BIG Story: Ozil gaming revelations

by .

I’ve been called racist, a c*nt, and a ‘double melt on toast’… but look, when it comes to the big stories, I’m going to chase them down and ignore the shrieks of the Oziltoligists. Yesterday, a quite incredible theory about Ozil and his back spasms landed in the comments from BacaryIsGod.

‘Ozil has become something of an expert at Fortnite, the online shooting video game that has become a phenomenon. He’s become so good at it that he’s notched 600 wins. For anyone who knows anything about Fortnite, to get 600 wins takes an incredible amount of time. To get a win, you have to beat either 99 players if you’re in solo mode, 48 other teams in duo mode or 24 other teams in squad mode. That’s very, very hard to do. If I was the manager or head executive at Arsenal, that would tell me that Ozil is engaging in an unhealthy, sedentary activity that may also lead to late, long nights because like all the best games, it’s addictive. If Ozil has back pain, it might have to do with sitting down for several hours at a time while he shows far more fight and aggression that he ever has done on the football field. Simply put, it’s just not the behaviour of a professional athlete.’

These facts have been corroborated by statistics from an internet portal, where younger humans stream themselves playing computer games, and other young humans watch the said games. These e-sport games seem to be very popular.

Todhunter broke the numbers down for the older humans.

Oh my word. The fact that I was told the average game lasts as long as 30minutes makes this even more horrifying. The big question for all the major sports physios is this: Is it good to sit on your arse that long? I mean, I read somewhere that sitting down all day at work is the new smoking.

Do we need… an Ozil intervention? Are his back spasms caused by elite-level gaming? These numbers don’t even take into account that he plays FIFA.

Still, it is interesting that Ozil takes spacial awareness to new levels even in virtual worlds. What. A. Talent.

Major news, brought to you by LeGroveLeaks. Please help sponsor great journalism and bring more stories like this to light.

In other news, ARSENAL vs UNITED TOMORROW.

Who’d have thought, in 2019, Unai Emery would have the chance to destroy the elite career of the Special One? It could be magic. It’s going to be tough. The game is away from home, United had an extra day of rest, but my hope is their players are on a go-slow. They want Mourinho out, and what better way to give the Portuguese a fuck-you-very-much, than for him to collapse to a manager who took over from Wenger and spent next to fuck all in the summer.

Could be perfect.

The manager awkwardly spoke about Aaron Ramsey to the press.

“His present is as I want, and his future is very important for him and his family,” said Emery. “I think in the last matches the focus [is there].

“His focus is positive for us, it helps us. He needs to think about his future, for his family and for him. If he plays like yesterday [against Tottenham Hotspur], it’s the best for him and the best for us.”

This conversation is not for today for us or for me. It’s one situation that was closed one or two months ago. At the moment the most important thing is he’s smiling, he has the commitment, the behaviour and the performances like yesterday – that’s the best for him and for us.”

It’s kind of garbled… but it sounds like his mind is made up and he’d rather just stick to the plan and send him on his way.

It was great to hear the rationale from Emery for the changes he made.

“Change something special – I changed two players at half-time, but not because Iwobi and Mkhitaryan were doing badly, but because we needed to change and push with different players.

“I explained yesterday that Aaron has experience in derbies like yesterday, and the second was that I thought we could do better with players with the capacity to score against them.”

He really does think deeply about the decisions he takes. I like his approach and that he noted that Iwobi and Mikhi were playing well. It’ll be very interesting to see how he sets up against United. You’d imagine he’ll have to bring some players in from the cold so he can rotate some freshness into the side.

Emery also had some disappointing words for supermarkets, and let’s be honest, he’s not the first manager to be disappointed with what they stock.

Right, that’s me done, check out the NEW podcast.

P.S. C*nt with the banana fessed up to being a c*nt. What a fucking embarrassment to football.

SPOTIFY | STITCHER | ITUNES | GOOGLE | POCKET CASTS

316 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
China1

arsenal fans have literally got themselves into this place where when they win a game through moments of class from their top players they’re convinced they didn’t really deserve it because you’re supposed to dominate every game you win from minute one, right? People forget just how many games we were bailed out on by moments of world class quality in our invincibles era. Half our match winning goals were worldies from any combination of pires, Henry or bergkamp. It wasn’t unsustainable when Henry chested the ball with his back to goal 30 yards out against Utd, turned and volleyed… Read more »

China1

Lehmann bailed us out countless times in our CL final run, including with one of the best saves ever against Madrid and Henry ran through their whole defense and scored a World but we ‘deserved it’

Leno makes a nice save and auba scores a tap in against whoever and we were lucky

Go figure

China1

Another thing people seem to forgot is that the only practical difference between a team that wins every game 10-0 with total dominance and total football and a team that wins every game 2-1 with poor first halves, a couple of key saves and a late bail out from the strikers is goal difference You get 3 points for the 10-0 and 3 points for the less than incredible 3-2 This is why liverpool are only 2 points behind city despite city being a pretty clearly better team this season. It doesn’t matter so long as Liverpool keep finding results… Read more »

Joe

China The akbs are living in some Sort of fantasy world where they think we only played this breathtaking wonderful total football under Wenger. Every match. All 90 minutes. It’s all bollocks. Sure we played some good stuff under Wenger but we played boring sideways backwards snail ball for the last decade. Now all of a sudden we go 19 undefeated and it’s critiziced because we aren’t playing Barca/real/city ball every match. City lumbered their match on Saturday. Think Anyone caress? Fuck no. We could lose tomorrow and our streak ends. So what? We start again. These posters are living… Read more »

Guns of SF

Joe- us west coasters still awake!
Uk folks snoring away

Cant wait for tomorrow. I want us to take it to Manure. I want to see their team look dejected …. for Jose to have an epic meltdown- get fired.
Mikki to score!

one can dream! but a win would be so sweet

Joe

Watching the last kingdom with the wife

Guns of SF

Im watching my 11 year old daughter procrastinate doing her homework , CNN on tv as usual.

Receding Hairline

Dissenter

We have outrun most teams we played

We have worked hard

Out strikers have been effective

Attributing our run to luck while making excuses for Chelsea, spurs and united is poor.

The season united played Europa they actually finished 6th. Yes they won it but they played every game with their key players.

When we lose a game we lose a game, we don’t need to be prepared for it. Losing football matches is not the end of the world

Leftsidesanch

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/11675/11571893/mauricio-pochettino-takes-pride-at-how-arsenal-celebrated-win-over-tottenham

Silly, making jabs but this is part and parcel
of the modern game. ANY team likes to win a derby, and they have/would have done same thing had they won.

Leedsgunner

If given the choice I would rather win at United and draw against Huddersfield over vice versa… if possible I would take two wins obviously. With United’s morale so low we have to hit them hard while we can. The two draws against Crystal Palace and Wolves were disappointing but winning versus Tottenham mitigated one, let’s do the same to the other. So far, Emery has answered every test, will the Kronkes? Will they give Unai what he needs? In January ideally we need another DM like Torreira, a solid left back to succeed Monreal and a scoring right winger.… Read more »

kc

Very well said China1. Too many people hanging on to this useless xG stat and Arsenal are currently destroying its merit.

Guns of Hackney

Where are we today regarding Ozil and his gameboy addiction?

Left testicle

Pochettino sounding like Wenger here…

‘Maybe we still not win a trophy, as the people say, but the respect in the way that we are doing the things – to get the respect is the most important thing or the first step.’

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Respect Trophy.

Guns of Hackney

Wengerchitto

Pochewenger

Un na naai

I do respect spurs for the way they do things. 100%
About the only top English club who gives English players a chance

Un na naai

And nurtured them properly