Sexy manager flirts with our darkest desires, but is it us he calls for?

by & filed under News Review.

Screen Shot 2018-04-02 at 21.24.01

“Certainly I will go abroad,”

“In Italy, finished.”

That’s Max Allegri. Get used to the name, because we’ll be cursing it this summer when Arsenal pass on his services.

Arguably, the Italian is the most suitable candidate to take over from Arsene Wenger when he should be told to pack his bags this summer. The suave manager of Juventus has put his club on notice, and apparently, that above line was delivered in English, I guess to make a point that he’s Premier League bound.

He feels very Chelsea-ish to me. I know the London club have been fluttering eyes at Luis Enrique, so it’s not nailed on, but I can’t see anywhere else he’d be heading. Tuchel to PSG, or even Juve? Who knows. But Rapha Honigstein is doubling down on Wenger staying in another news cycle. It’s all starting to feel very familiar.

I mean, we’ve passed on Klopp, Pochettino, Ancelotti and Guardiola. What’s another world class manager to Arsenal?

The joke being that the club will do their pathetic merry dance of, ‘we searched high, then we searched low, then we had a look in the reception bin, then we found the answer… it was right in front of us, the greatest manager ever… iiiiiiit’s Arsene!’

Then the old man will trot out some bullshit about focus, uniting the fanbase, whilst selling us the vomit inducing esoteric ‘Arsenal values’ proposition.

It’s depressing but symptomatic of a club with very little balls. I’d imagine from Stan’s point of view, he’s likely having a heart attack at the investment he has to make on his $4.9b stadium in LA, along with all the costs of the staff… the idea of hiring in a new manager who comes with ambition at Arsenal might not feel too appetising (also, take a moment to let that Reddit link sink in. Stan turned us into a poverty joke for 5 years, not laying out a penny while we were cash poor, now he’s racking up so much debt, he’s having to ask the NFL to extend the debt ceiling).

That said, I can’t think of any logical reason why you wouldn’t want to give both clubs the best chance of being elite? It’s not like we have Pochettino working wonders on a neutral transfer spend, with £120m wage bill. Wenger is operating on a net spend higher than Real Madrid’s, and he’s spunking bad money after bad money on players and exorbitant salaries (the worst one, being his own). He’s also leaving a shed tonne of cash on the table with the Champions League and sponsorship.

I really cannot understand why the club are finding it so hard to say goodbye?

It was a real low on the podcast yesterday when I had to call out that we’d pulled away from Burnley who were chasing us down for 6th place. Our season has been an unmitigated disaster. The football is dross, the players don’t care, and the fans are not bothering to show up for tickets they’ve paid for. The thing no one talks about with the ticket piece is this: most fans can’t give their tickets away. My pals on Whatsapp are always trying to shift spare tickets, often for free, and it’s hard work.

‘I’m pruning a bush’

‘I’m tired from hot yoga’

‘I’d rather put my head in an oven’

We are the least interesting club in world football. We are the stalest disaster in the game. Total drudgery.

Still, maybe Ivan Gazidis grew some balls this year and is about to drop a Robert Mueller like surprise for us this summer. Wouldn’t that be joyful?

Another point… teams announce new managers before the season is out (City / Bayern / Barca), and managers announce they’re leaving early (Enrique, Pep, Allegri). It doesn’t destroy the club. Our players are moaning that they’re unsettled that people are talking about Wenger’s future. The manager will wrap the season in an excuse like that, just like he did last year. Reality is, even when his future is wrapped up, players don’t give a fuck for him, because he’s just an average manager with a reputation bigger than the club.

We are a tragedy of a sporting entity.

I REALLY HOPE I AM PROVEN INCORRECT.

Right, just a big fat rant today.

Why not tune into our podcast from Sunday? It’s pretty good. There’s also a Facebook video for you if you’d like to see what we look like you dirty perverts.

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390 Responses to “Sexy manager flirts with our darkest desires, but is it us he calls for?”

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  1. raptora

    Fatso pub players cannot make the connection of their boot to the ball at over 2 meters height come on. Glorious goal and I knew it was going in when Ronaldo jumped, like Samesong said. It’s not the best goal I’ve seen but it’s very similar to Rooney vs Man City and that goal was voted as the third best EPL goal of all time. Definitely a memorable goal.

  2. Guns of Hackney

    Rooneys goal was ugly as fuck. It came off his shin, not the boot.

    It has to be the aesthetic.

    Fatsos can score overhead kicks…so can little kids.

    Sorry, GOH doesn’t rate Ronaldo’s goal. Meh.

  3. Guns of Hackney

    Samesong

    You get it! He’s a cheat. Rubbish goal. Poor effort.

    Juve hard done by…there’s a conspiracy afoot. They need a Barca v Real final. For the TV.

    Booooo. He’s not even the real Ronaldo! The real one is about 20 stone and laid up in Brazil somewhere.

  4. Guns of Hackney

    Yep. Carrol’s was better but not a bicycle kick. It had more power and landed in a better place in the net.

    Now I think Ronaldo’s goal was like a welbeck fumble special. What a clown. Fraud!

    Welbeck is better than Ronaldo.

  5. Guns of Hackney

    Damn. Sinclair. I forgot about that one.

    That’s an aesthetically pleasing goal. Further out, more body adjustment, poor pitch and better placement at power.

    Well played Sinclair. 6/10.

  6. Bamford10

    Agree with the consensus: Ronaldo’s goal yesterday was good, not great. Maradona’s v. England is the greatest of all time, and agree with Guns that Van Basten’s volley v. Russia is up there. As is Bergkamp’s against Argentina.

  7. raptora

    Maradona’s dribble goal vs England. The defenders look so pony, out of shape, the corridor they make for him and the way they try to take the ball out of his feet by leaving their foot behind… Could he score a goal like this in today’s world?

    I don’t question his quality obviously, and I know that Messi’s done a numerous of similar goals in today’s football, it’s just that not 1 of the goals that Messi has scored is even considered in the same breath as the Maradona goal. I wonder if it’s fair.

  8. WengerEagle

    For me Messi’s goal vs Getafe shades Maradona’s goal v England as the best individual goal of all time.

    Maradona’s edges it when you factor in the occasion of course but in terms of pure execution, Messi’s >.

  9. TR7

    Messi goal against Getafe was as spectacular as Maradona’s goal against England. The goal Messi scored against Bilbao would be 3rd on my list.

  10. WengerEagle

    Agree TR7, Messi’s Getafe goal edges it for me due to the finish off of his weaker foot from a really tight angle, up until they get past the GK both goals are incredibly similar.

  11. WengerEagle

    Imagine doing that at 19 years old, that was such a memorable period for Messi (Spring 2007) because he scored two goals ridiculously similar to Maradona’s double vs England with the individual effort and the hand of God goal and he also became the first player since Puskas in the 60’s to score a hat-rick in the Clasico, at the Bernabeu no less.

  12. TR7

    I have never been a fan of CR7 but the guy’s commitment,desire and hard work is almost unparalleled. To score so many goals at the age of 32 is incredible. I wouldn’t be surprised if he continued his goal scoring for another 2 years or even 3 years. Bale, Hazard etc. were billed up as next big things but they don’t have the hunger and desire required to reach that level.

  13. WengerEagle

    Comfortable Barcelona win vs Roma, going for 3-1/4-1.

    City-Pool much harder to call, feel that Liverpool will play well at home but City will definitely score, if I had to call it I’d go for Liverpool 2-2 City or possibly a 2-1 Liverpool win.

    Aguero being out shouldn’t derail City too much provided that Jesus is 100pc.

  14. WengerEagle

    He’s 33 TR7, even more impressive.

    You have to give it to him that he’s the most decisive UCL player of all time, his numbers absolutely back this up not to mention that amount of times that he’s been the difference maker in RM’s 3 successful UCL campaigns since he has joined.

    Messi’s better but he hasn’t achieved as much as CR7 in Europe for me.

  15. TR7

    WE

    I haven’t checked the stats but Ronaldo goals per match must have been better in the last 3 years in UCL than ever before which I think is down to the fact he has transformed himself in to a fox in the box type player. Messi is still operating from deep as ever before. No surprise CR7 scores more often in UCL.

  16. Bamford10

    Michael

    Agree that Ian Wright’s opinions are all over the place — and I’ll always hold it against him that he gave support to Wenger last season — but I think it’s interesting that while Wenger is trying to explain away the empty seats, Wright is acknowledging them and applauding them for what they are.

  17. Paulinho

    In terms of uniqueness, I loved the goal Anders Limpar scored in the Makita tournament back in pre-season 90.

    He was coming in from the left, and with the laces of his left foot cut across the ball and it went in off the far post. Only a two footed player that talented with both feet could score a goal like that.

  18. mysticleaves

    I am not in the business of rating goals against others. I have seen enough goals that don’t deserve hype elevated to high heavens. For example i don’t know why Zidane goal vs Leverkusen has received the praise and press it has done. Definitely not the best UcL goal ever but that’s what it’s rated as in some polls.

    Also, trying to rate goals as all time this or that is not really worth it because there’s no defined rules. The 35 passes barca did around Ac Milan before scoring or the absolute beauties scored by nobodies that we don’t remember or the individual peelers by Ronaldinho…take your pick. Many people rate things differently.

    What do I do? Just enjoy goals as stand alone when they are scored and wait for the next one,that saves me from high BP lol. m

    That being said, 70% of Messi’s goals aren’t normal. What he has brought is a feeling that scoring spectacular goals is normal. His average goals in terms of beauty) will be other players best goals. The only other player that comes close to rivalling Messi’s penchant for the spectacular was Dennis Bergkamp.

  19. Bamford10

    The respect for the Zidane goal comes from the height at which he takes the volley, the perfection of his technique, and the power and placement of the strike. Fantastic goal.

  20. WengerEagle

    Other silly Ronaldo UCL numbers:

    – 119 goals in 150 apps, 102 UCL goals in just 96 apps with Real Madrid.
    -60 Group stage goals, 59 knockout stage goals. (Messi has scored 60 GS, 40 KO).
    – 9 goals vs Bayern Munich and Juventus (most goals vs a single team, Messi has scored 9 vs us)
    – 7 Hat-ricks (joint-record with Messi)
    – 34 braces.
    – 22 QF goals. (Messi has 10 QF goals)
    -12 SF goals. (Messi has 4 SF goals)
    – 3 UCL Final goals. (Messi has 2 Final goals)

  21. WengerEagle

    TR7

    True, but you cannot knock the calibre of opponent that Ronaldo is banging all of these goals in against.

    Atletico Madrid, Juventus, Bayern Munich, PSG.

  22. mysticleaves

    B10 same as Ronaldo yesterday. The height, the perfect connection and execution so why are peeps watering down his own? Because he’s not Zidane? Did you see Zidane and the Juve fans reaction yesterday?

  23. WengerEagle

    Loved Ronaldinho’s 1st goal in the Clasico in 2005 in the 3-0 win.

    The way he just waltzed past world class players like they’re not even there was nuts, and the finish as clinical as it gets.

  24. mysticleaves

    WE

    I would be very disappointed in Ronaldo if he doesn’t score the amount he scores now. He’s been an excellent goal getter and now just hangs around in the box waiting for the ball to come to him. Those two skills married together should result in BANG! BANG!! BANG!!!

  25. Dissenter

    The Ronaldo goal aga8nst Porto in 2009 has to be up there with the best ever.
    This guy has to be named amongst the best 10 players ever for his consistency.

  26. mysticleaves

    Messi in contrast does A WHOLE LOT more and gets almost the same amount of goals Ronaldo scores. Now that’s sick…

  27. WengerEagle

    mystic

    Not disagreeing, his assist for Marcelo last night was nice though and is an aspect of his game that’s underrated.

    Pretty sure he leads the UCL all-time in assists too.

  28. Samesong

    Loved Ronaldinho’s 1st goal in the Clasico in 2005 in the 3-0 win.

    What about that overhead kick when he caught it on his chest back to goal

  29. Rambo Ramsey

    This right here is why Ronaldo is not in the same league as Messi for me.

    You have to bring out all these stats and numbers to make a case for why he deserves a mention. Nobody bothers doing this for Messi, because its not needed. Few minutes of watching the genius at work will do.

  30. mysticleaves

    WE, yea he leads the assists and I was damn sure someone would bring it up. Was he the one with the assist yesterday? I thought Isco and he lost the assist technically as the keeper touched the ball before Marcelo played it in.

    By “a whole lot more” I meant flow of the game. Take yesterday for example. Before Dybala walked you could count how many times Ronaldo touched the ball or contributed in any aspect of the game apart from his first goal

    I do agree that CR numbers are insane!

  31. Dissenter

    Very few players are capable of using a soft touch for bicycle kicks.
    I read people comparing the Ronaldo goal with Andy Carroll’s. The latter was a once in a millennia event.Ronaldo has been doing it forever.
    That goal is as good as it gets, against Juventus not some damn Getafe or Las Palmas.
    Did you see Zidane’s reaction afterwards?

  32. Samesong

    I was chatting to mate yesterday regarding both Messi and Ronaldo will these types of players in the future produce these type of performances and numbers? Very hard thing to beat.

    I could imagine some players in academies scoring ridiculous amount of goals but not on Ron and Lionel levels

  33. WengerEagle

    mystic

    Regardless of whether or not he lost the assist with the GK’s touch, it was a perfectly timed and weighted pass to free up Marcelo.

    I disagree, thought he actually played quite well even outside of his goals, best RM player for me.

  34. Dissenter

    Christians Ronaldo – excellent and world class
    Messi – excellent and world class

    Why does it have to be a Messi vs Ronaldo argument?
    They aren’t the same of footballer, they don’t approach the game the same way however both have proven their brilliance and consistency over a long time.

    You don’t need stats to prove Ronaldo is head above shoulders amounts the rest bar Messi (and perhaps Neymar) , just some footballing common sense will do.

  35. WengerEagle

    Samesong

    We’ll never see anything like Ronaldo’s efficiency again imo, he’s like a player from the 60s/70’s with the numbers that he puts up.

    And we’ll never see a player like Messi again period, he’s a cunt hair off of Ronaldo’s efficiency combined with magic/ingenuity that rivals the best creative players of football’s past.

  36. WengerEagle

    Salah to score his 40th goal of the season?

    Fucking hell, don’t think anyone envisaged a sentence like that back in August, even Salah himself must be pleasantly surprised.

  37. Rambo Ramsey

    ‘I will love to see Liverpool knock City out of CL.’

    Yeas, please give me chance to call him Fraudiola again.

  38. Guns of Hackney

    The fake Ronaldo and Messi are playing in a very uncompetitive league. We know this to be true. Figures are boosted against terrible opposition. 25 hatricks…errr, yeah.

    Listen, these two are great players but stats can be very misleading if you really dig deep into them. They are brilliant, now and that’s all we can see for them.

    Would these two score 50 goals a season in peak serie A? Not a fucking chance. Would they score 50 even in the very poor premier league? Unlikely.

    You are only as good as the people they put in front of them and these two fill their boots. Good luck to them.

    We’ll never know if Ali would beat Tyson or if Messi could handle serie A when Maradona was there.

    Anyway, they aren’t as good as Welbeck and that’s all that matters.

  39. Michael24

    Best not to compare CR7 and Messi, as chalk and cheese scenario.

    We are privileged to have these two phenomenons playing/competing at the same time.

  40. Paulinho

    WE – Think City will try and draw the sting out of Liverpool tonight and not shoot themselves in the foot like last time. Liverpool play in these little bursts and try get you to do something silly, and City know if they keep their cool and ride out the storm then they’ve got them where they want them.

    I always have doubts about Guardiola teams in knock-out football, and his idealism can sometimes work against his teams in terms of dominating the game but not being efficient at both ends, so nothing would surprise me.

    Think City will get them late at the Etihad and tonight could be cagey.

  41. TR7

    Salah,RVP and Suarez have hit 30 goals in EPL when they were/are at their peak.And you think Messi (who is always in his prime) wouldn’t score more than 50 goals in EPL year in year out ? EPL is not that good Guns.

  42. Michael24

    GOH

    Can’t compare different eras.

    Their records in the CL are second to none, so it’s not as if they’re playing against shit opposition there.

    No way are they fake!

  43. jasongms

    comparing, no actually stating that Messi’s goal against the mightly Getafe haha was superior to the Maradona goal in the quarter-final of the world cup (when it still meant something) and up against arguably one of the best defences at the time.

    Only on Le Grove :/

  44. Doublethink

    ‘I will love to see Liverpool knock City out of CL.
    ’Yeas, please give me chance to call him Fraudiola again.

    The irony, Ramsey in your name but Pep’s the fraud.

  45. Rambo Ramsey

    ‘The irony, Ramsey in your name but Pep’s the fraud.’

    Well, if he goes out to Liverpool, it’ll be a bit of joke. Hundreds of millions spunked just to win the PL title and milk Cup?

  46. HighburyLegend

    “please give me chance to call him Fraudiola again.”

    And of course you wouldn’t like to see him coaching Arsenal…
    (taht’s what you can call hypocrisy)

  47. Leftsidesanch

    “What will decide the attitude of the crowd is the quality of our game”

    – I think you’ll find Arsene, what will decide the attitude of the crowd is to know that next season there will be a new man in charge.

  48. Rambo Ramsey

    ‘And of course you wouldn’t like to see him coaching Arsenal…’

    As if he’ll ever come to Arsenal. Maybe if mustachio sells up, Usmanov gains full control and offers a blank check to use in the transfer window

  49. Guns of Hackney

    Maradona’s goal is better than Messi’s. Period.

    They are both really good players but…and there is that but.

    The real Ronaldo did it in Holland, Spain and Italy. Not to mention for Brazil…holy shit did he do it for Brazil.

    He also was destroyed by injury. Imagine if he had a completely injury free career???

    Van Basten? Forget about it. He was busting golden boots in the hardest league in the world when all the stars were there. The man retired at 28 FFS.

    Anyone remember Negri? Played for Glasgow Rangers back in late 90/2000s. Scored about 70 goals in 5 games and got 20 hatricks.

    Yeah…no one mentions his goal scoring. Playing for Barca or Real is kind of like shooting fish in a barrel using dynamite.

  50. HighburyLegend

    “what will decide the attitude of the crowd is to know that next season there will be a new man in charge.”

    No chance.
    A bunch of passive pussies they just are.

  51. steve

    HighburyLegend
    April 4, 2018 12:53:35

    http://www.skysports.com/football/news/11670/11316366/arsene-wenger-says-arsenal-have-recovered-from-crisis

    lol

    ________

    Was just waiting for that comment. Sooner or later the team would get tired of losing and the fixture list would string together a bunch of shit teams to rack up wins against. Now the despicable cunt acts like everything is OK again and all those embarrassing games were just “a bad day at the office” or something. Pathetic man.

  52. UTarse

    steve,
    Fear not, we will lose 2-3 more games this season….. problem is it doesn’t appear like making a difference

  53. steve

    @HighburyLegend

    True. I can’t believe they actually built a statue of that vermin outside the stadium. Shocking decision.

  54. Ishola70

    Narrative from Wenger and some of the players as well is poor.

    We are now hearing a corner has been turned because they have won two EPL games in a row and beaten Milan a couple of times.

    Further evidence that this club is being downgraded before our very eyes. A slow gradual downgrading that has now plummeted to lowest depths under Wenger.

  55. Bamford10

    Ibra has scored many fantastic goals, and while that 40-yard overhead goal for Sweden was insane, I still rate the goal he scored for Ajax highest, the one where he dribbled like seven players in the box. A masterpiece of dribbling.