Nothing moistens my loins quite like watching Jose Mourinho tank, especially after the embarrassing carry on they made after signing ball-giver-away in chief, Alexis Sanchez. He gave the ball away 7 times, 50% of his attempted dribbles failed, his pass completion was 74%, and he missed an absolute WHOPPER of a chance. Not sure whopper worked in that sentence, just felt the need to write it.
Literally, the most entertaining this he’s done in a United shirt so far is play the piano in the worst piece of content a football has ever seen.
Congratulations. Half a mill a week goes a long way these days.
More to the point, what exactly does £300m a year + a £15m a year manager buy you these days?
Not a lot by my reckoning. Two poverty trophies. The drabbest football in the league. The drama of watching one of the finest talents in the world being destroyed by a failing egomaniac. The entertaining sideshow of watching KDB and Salah light up the Premier League… whilst enduring the horrific banter of dropping £75m on a striker slower than Tom Brady just in case he was going to be number three in the ‘oh no he didn’t’ league table of shocking Mourinho sales.
Face up to it people, Mourinho is just a younger, more expensive Arsene Wenger these days. Long may his reign of awfulness continue.
AND BEFORE YOU SAY HE’D BE BETTER THAN WENGER, remember who you are writing that to. I don’t care for Wenger at all, but if you gave me the option of Jose, or Wenger for 5 years, I’d simply drown myself in your matcha latte. Simple as that. Neither are the solution to our future.
Cheslea tackles West Brom tomorrow, my CFC supporting chums are bracing for an embarrassing defeat and the end of Antonio Conte. That led me to believe that maybe Carlo Ancelotti was stalking the Chelsea hot seat this weekend, rather than the Arsenal one? He’s over here for a reason, right?
Before I recorded the latest podcast, I found myself fighting cliched microaggressions.
‘Bellerin should spend less time talking nonsense at Oxford, more time on his game’
‘Iwobes should pack in the Nike ad shoots, and get his head on his touch’
‘Ozil needs to stop counting his pound notes, and find his spine’
I refrained from actually saying those things because they’re a nonsense. Players are only human. They’re just like us. They have interests. Mega money sponsorships deals to think about. Sometimes, heart for the club they love.
That’s why it’s always weird when we lose our minds when a player steps up to apologise for a shoddy performance. Iwobi jumped into the Johann Djourou apology boots with his Instagram story yesterday. A shame really, he’s just one of us and he wants to let everyone know he cares.
I know it’s unfash to say it, but I think there’s a player waiting to break out with our fave old school raver. He didn’t get into the game at the weekend, but he still nearly made a key pass. I think he’ll come good, I’d just be far more confident of that happening if he were actually coached by someone who could help him.
Another of my pet peeves online at the moment are the people that make a big deal out of muppets making threats on players Instagram or Twitter handles post game. Do not give these folk oxygen. It’s attention seeking, by fuelling it, you make it worse.
Players do not care about the absolute minority of muppets who say mean things on the internet. As a previous hate figure in the AFC community, I can tell you, the biggest worry about threatening behaviour online is it spills into the real work. Turns out though, that in my experience, the sort of person that threatens you online, doesn’t do it in real life. Once you realise it’s mostly insecure weak people who abuse on the internetz, you actually feel sorry for them.
Footballers are not paying attention, if they are, they’re not elite in their thinking. Embrace the hate. Channel it into showing up on a Saturday and being a hero for the 99% of positive love the fans bring to the table.
Right, that’s me tapping out. More tomorrow. Listen to the damn podcast, enjoy, and write me a nice review on itunes because I deserve it.