High stakes poker game in session: The details on who has what

by .


No man woke up this morning looking as good as Hector.

When they say the internet is destroying mans self-esteem, they should be more specific.

Hector is destroying self-esteem.

What a boat.

If you’re upset by our right back dressing nicely and taking pictures of himself, you need to go for a brisk walk and jump in the sea.


Always an absolute favourite RAGE of mine. If he’s out smashing coke till 6 in the morning at Egg raving hard to a minimal tech set by underground deck legend Rave-Wobi-7teyn, then we can start critiquing his hobbies.

Until that day, just let him be pretty.


Arsenal are doing things the Arsenal way, making for super slow progress on the Aubameyang move.

Ivan: What’s the price?

Zorc: £60m

Ivan: How about £14m

Zorc: £60m

Ivan: *slides fruit hamper across desk, winks*

The German club have leaked to the press that they’d be happy to let the deal move into the summer. Rapha Honigstein said that Arsenal are playing games with painfully silly bids, the same way we did when we tried to sign Xhaka. There’s a lot of disgruntled rumblings.

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I heard an inside rumbling that the deal is progressing, but the hold up is more about Dortmund finding a suitable replacement. Word yesterday afternoon was that they were lining up Ben Yedder of Sevilla. There are more stories this morning that say the Giroud deal still isn’t off the table, so we’ll see.


My guess? It’s going to happen. Auba is 28 years old until he’s 29. He’s hitting peak value. Dortmund had no interesting offers for the Gabonese last summer. They’re a selling club. They need a bit of a rebuild and £60m would certainly help.

Also, they don’t want to keep a badly behaved player in the squad. The Bundesliga outside Bayern Munich is ridiculous. There are 4 points between 2nd and 10th. They need everyone on board if they’re going to make Champions League this season.

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I also think Michael Zorc has to play the game with the fans. He can’t be seen to be selling for a pittance. He can’t be seen as weak by selling his best player when his team are in contention for CL. He’s going to make this difficult for us, especially as it looks like Sven M is raiding his old office.

The German press reckon it’s just a big game of poker right now, we want to pay £45m, they want £60m. We’ll find a way.

Also, I think we all just need to calm the fuck down. Just remember how sad you felt when we signed Kim Kallstrom with a broken back, now think about what we’re trying to do. It’s all goooooood.

I do hope the club have a cut off date on the deal, and that there’s a plan b. Not sure we’re going to have a good run-in where the squad is right now. Rumours Carrasco and Moura are available and we know no one has touched Draxler.

Back in the UK, with City in for another £50m+ defender to their swollen ranks, Arsenal have sent Dick Law up to the midlands to negotiate a deal to bring Jonny Evans to Arsenal in exchange for Matty Debuchy + £10m. Pretty good deal if you ask me.

There’s a few more days left, but if we pull off all the deals, it’ll go down as one of the best transfer windows of the last 10 years.

A lot can still go wrong. This is football after all, but at least we’re now at the stage where you can see we tried something.

Right, listen or watch the podcast. Do NOT critique my high fashion, we can’t all be Hector.

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372 Responses to “High stakes poker game in session: The details on who has what”

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  1. Micheal

    “I feel Gazidis and the rest will have to come up with enough money for BVB. The embarrassment of returning empty handed would be too much post Suarez, Lemar etc – the attempt to buy has been too public.”

    All experience of Arsenal’s transfer dealings in the past 10 years or so demonstrates that the club is beyond embarrassment. The mismanagement of players’ contracts, the ham-fisted negotiations in the transfer market and the total failure to invest the funds which are available to a rich club are a shameful indictment of how low we have sunk.
    Arsenal are beyond embarrassment. If Wenger, Gazidis & Co felt a slither of embarrassment they would departed long ago.

  2. Rambo Ramsey

    I think Arsenal assumed they could bank on Auba to kick up a fuss, that’s why there were public and drawn out negotiations to turn the screws on Dortmund.

    But it looks like Dortmund were two steps ahead the whole time.

  3. Guns of Hackney

    Arsenal couldn’t negotiate giving a fucking beer to an alcoholic.

    If this doesn’t wake up the sleeping AKBs nothing will.

    The club is a joke. Top to bottom.

  4. Bay Area gooner

    I’m seeing auba playing this morning shit

    What I find interesting is Dortmund has not publicly come out and said they want to keep the player at all costs they love him they want him to be here. They seem irritated with our negotiations than anything else

    Wed deadline

  5. steve

    The way Arsenal are run nowadays it is definitely a joke of a club. No two ways about it. And joke fans with mugs like Don, Sanmi, Pierre, ThePuma9, Wallace, Champagne Charlie, Alexanderhenry, Loyika, Hunter13, Emiratesstroller, Victorious, Rambo Ramsey and Ughelligunner.

  6. Dissenter

    Is Auba with £60 million?
    The answer is a definite YES.
    No one would sell a comparable player for less.

    We have a reputation for being professional tire kickers.
    Pay up the quoted fee and sell Welbeck [for spare parts] in the summer to recoup a fraction of the fee.
    It will be good to have two elite strikers in the squad.

  7. kc

    The difference is 7 million. They want at least €65 and we’ve offered them €58. If 7 million keeps Arsenal from making the move, it was never intended. Just another farce to keep the fans off Wenger’s ass during the window.

  8. Guns of Hackney

    I predict that by Monday, PEA will be sold. Just not to us.

    Chelsea maybe spurs. Maybe even PSG. The Uruguayan is getting on a bit and a Neymar and PEA frontline would be pretty fearsome.

    100% it won’t be our clown outfit.

  9. Dissenter

    I’m good.
    What do you think of Spuds signing Lucas Moura?
    That’s one excellent signing that didn’t get much coverage in the Sanchez and Auba show.
    Lucas Moura has been quite consistent in the last two years and Spuds signed him for about £22 million.

  10. steve

    Look how the akb cunts like Rambo Ramsey will try to make the Micky Mouse cup out to be the Champions League lololol.

  11. Dissenter

    We have the reputation of being the professional tire kickers of Europe.
    No one is buying the cap-in-hand “values” approach when we can afford to pay the manager 10 million yearly and the CEO is one of the top pain football CEOs in the world.
    These clubs know the Arsenal financials from the AGM reports.

  12. UTarse

    “Please don’t conflate those remarks into some pro-Wenger sentiment, I just don’t see why people need to hate the club along with Wenger.”

    Jim, I think there is a fine line here and when tempers fray they get very blurred. Personally I think that is down to the notion that this has become Arsene FC and hatred flows out, I love Arsenal FC and want my club back from the fraud that is wenger and the cronies on the board that have given him he freedom of the club. I also have contempt for the majority of fans because they just sit there and accept the status quo.

    Ffs when will it be enough is enough ?

  13. Dissenter

    Footballers are all there same, especially foreign transplants. They are professionals with a very short playing career.
    If El Neny gets a once-in-a-lifetime offer from El Ahly Doha or Guangzhou Evergrande tripling his salary when he is 28 year old, would he stay with Arsenal?

    It’s not the first time he’s hit Sanchez below the belt.

  14. Rambo Ramsey

    Steve, still get them sweaty dreams thinking of that defeat? Add in a few more lolols if it helps you get over it.

  15. Dissenter

    I too think a late there will be a late entrant to the negotiation.
    Chelsea might go for Auba if the Dzeko move fails.
    I doubt it because the owner is hand-off now and wants them to live of their earnings.

  16. Guns of Hackney

    If PEA has a good game, his price will go up.

    Arsenal have spent a week in Germany doing what, exactly?

    Multinational conglomerates worth billions can be merged in a couple of days but we can’t put a biro on a contract for £60m.

    I can’t understand how people can’t see that Wenger’s Arsenal are the laughing stock of world sport, not to mention business.

    This is what happens when you beat Palace 4-0. Wenger’s basically said, we’re fine. Why do I need to spend money when this has happened?

    I’m telling you. The Palace result basically put any PEA deal in the bin.

  17. Bay Area gooner

    So is Benzema noise a red herring to pressure bvb? Now reading these rumors of personal terms agreed with him.

    We are so lame at negotiations
    Wenger isn’t even part of this fiasco

    Where does all our money go to?!!!!!!
    We have the money !

  18. Micheal

    Most deals are done in the final 48 hours of the transfer windows. It would be astonishing if no other club comes in for Auba.

  19. Frankie Coffeecakes

    So if the latest story is to be believed, that PEA’s valuation is set and we are 13 million short, would this not suggest that we are playing a foolish game of roulette? We got 32 million for Chamberlain, 20 million for Walcott, and 12 for Coquelin. We basically gave away Sanchez, but in the end the money recouped is more than enough to come up with 13 million, so why the sudden cheapskateness?

    It would be more than suspicious if they fail to obtain a clear player of interest because of “money” that they have recouped four-fold. It would smack once again of 40 million plus 1 pound – horrifically incompetent ineptitude. And not to mention, ambitionless in terms of repeated claims of wanting to make progress.

  20. karim


    Agree with you, he had a fine season last year.
    Hasn’t played at all this term and will probably be a success in England.

    Meanwhile, we’re still waiting for Auba..

    Hey Akilan, hope everything’s ok !

  21. Frankie Coffeecakes

    @Bamford – “We should try to sign Fekir this summer.”

    Why? Anyone coming in will be under the watchful gaze and tutelage of One Arsene Wenger. His career, like many before him, will come to a staggering halt.

  22. graham62

    As it stands, Arsenal are finished as a professionaly run football club.

    Stating the obvious I know, but where are the positives?

  23. Guns of Hackney


    The whole thing stinks. Arsenal are a pyramid scheme acting as a football club.

    Honestly, if Arsenal were a genuine business, the regulators would surely be looking at their dealings.

    But the people keep buying into the rhetoric…so they keep selling it.

    This is another terrible failure but they don’t care. The next match, 60,000 gurning morons will be back shuffling into their £2000 seats.

  24. Akilan

    Auba was pretty anonymous throughout the game. The commentator said he had just 20 touches and he played the full game. He won the ball back once and stopped the counter though. Didn’t sulk or hide from what I saw. Freiburg parked the bus and effectively marked him out. The fans also didn’t whistle or jeer him.
    As far as the game, bvb looked distinctly like arsenal. Looked out of ideas and didn’t create a single clear chance. Both kagawa and goetze were average.

  25. Carts

    You’d imagine we’ll squeeze the deal over the line in typical “undisclosed” fashion.

    Arsenal – not wanting to be seen as “spenders” – will leave the world and Honingstein to debate over how much we paid.

    What I really want to know is what Wenger has in mind. I mean, we’ve all seen the much used 4-mess- 1 (or however Cesc used to call it lol).

    Now with Mkhitaryan, Ozil, Lacazette, Welbeck & PEA all vying for 4 available spots, if not 3, what will Wenger do…

  26. Frankie Coffeecakes

    @GOH … there are striking parallels between AFC and other sport franchises with respects to blind faith and following, the lemming mentality. The difference is that those franchises ran themselves into the ground when supporters grew tired of the shambles being delivered for a Kings ransom, and stopped showing up.

    There is a unique dysfunction with respects to AFC where supporters thrive under the a little is enough mantra being dished out by AFC. The question that remains is, what is the threshold for gluttony of punishment that they are willing to absorb? If you are AFC, why worry or bother, seems the number of willing lemmings are in abundance with no end in sight. Until this behaviour finally changes, nothing will change.

  27. Frankie Coffeecakes

    I fail to understand why some are so upset with Elneny’s comments? Isn’t it obvious that he’s kissing the ass of Wenger in hopes of getting more playing time? Can’t begrudge a fellow for knowing that the only way he gets a game is by cuddling up to his Boris Karloff lookalike Manager. He’s not dumb, he just has no pride and gumption to get out there and Sanchez his way into the lineup through hard work and desire – perish the thought.

  28. Frankie Coffeecakes

    I gotta say, even colourblind, that photo of Bellerin is a damning indictment on fashion. Whatever happened to a tee shirt and a pair of jeans? Geez but he looks such a goombah!

  29. Dream10

    Some terrific football from PSG. Neymar and Di Maria with some lovely bits of skill. Cavani breaks Ibrahimovic’s goal record. Kimpembe is a top young CB. He was Man City’s first option before Laporte

    They play the best football in Europe. High technical ability with every player but Cavani involved in the building of play, constant width the fullbacks and wide forwards (Neymer, Mbappé, Di Maria) with pace to go inside or outside. Draxler getting forward from CM to make late Lampard type runs.

  30. Dissenter

    ““This could be Auba saying “NO
    WAY AM I GOING THERE!!””How and when did he say so?”

    **This could be …….**
    He was positing a hypothesis, certainly didn’t assert that he is party to negotiations.
    All young here is moaning about supposed moaners, trying to remind us about how you’re abetter Arsenal supporting fan that the rest of us.
    Is the Untold Arsenal site down?

  31. Frankie Coffeecakes

    @Bay – if reports are to be believed, Pardew said they’d better come early for Evans or they won’t like what they hear.

    Sounds like yet another botching in the making.

  32. Guns of Hackney


    Asking how much douchebag Arsenal fans can take? Mmnnnn…well getting beaten 8-2, 10-2, a few 5-0s ritual and annual CL humiliation, nonleague title in 14 years, no CL in 21 years. Multiple failed transfer attempts. Watching our best players leave for peanuts and go onto win leagues, CLs and have fulfilling and wonderful careers. Embarrassing sound bites by a maniac who blames Brexit and hair pills for deafeats.

    Ummmm…arsenal fans can take a lot. Like really a lot. I’m pretty sure some of the AKB maniacs could take a direct hammer blow to the ballbag and not flinch.

    We are a sorry bunch of wet flannels.

  33. Cesc Appeal

    If we spent about £50 Million on Lacazette than Aubameyang is worth £60 Million, I can see a deadline day deal coming where we knock together a fee below that to save face but with plenty of add on fees.

    Doubt that BvB will be stupid enough to agree to a ‘if we win the league’ one though.

    ‘£50 Million, plus £10 Million if we win the league in the next four years’.

    ‘Is Wenger leaving then?’


    ‘Then no’.

  34. Guns of Hackney

    Bay Area

    Nailed it. We lose out on PEA and get the convicted sex predator, Jonny Evans. Or was he found innocent?

    Johnny Evans is the missing piece to the Arsenal puzzle.

  35. Guns of Hackney


    “Arsenal decided against the signing of Pierre Emerick Aubameyang because his name is a bit too long to fit on the shirt”.

    Arsenal F.C.
    Public Relations Office.

  36. Dissenter

    from are reportedly asking for £27 million for Johnny Evans.
    Why don’t we just wait for 5 months, WestBrom are going down and he has a clause for 3 million should they get relegated.

  37. Carts


    Hahaha you already know what Arsenal are trying to pull. Nice try and all, but the whole world can see Arsenal’s standing in the grand scheme of things.

    Ivan must be sweating brine because all eyes are on him…

  38. Frankie Coffeecakes

    @GOH – that’s cause they don’t have any balls. Cut their cable, satellite or internet feed, that might do it cause imagination is not exactly their strongsuit.

  39. Carts

    Don’t usually take gossip column on BBC as gospel, but if we did offer £10m + Debuchy i don’t think I can even take that football club serious.

    I mean, what does Wenger value Debuchy at, considered the guy NEVER plays!!!

  40. Victorious

    “Arsenal decided against the
    signing of Pierre Emerick
    Aubameyang because his name is a
    bit too long to fit on the shirt”

    Was this an attempt to be funny or mock the club?..I guess its both, piece of advice for you then, Comedy isn’t your thing

    So many cake for some of your faces when Auba eventually arrives

  41. Bob N16

    Frankie cupcakes,
    How do you explain supporters of clubs in the lower divisions who never win anything , who are stuck in the’also rans’ for their whole supporting lives? Are they mugs for unequivocally, persisting with following a team that will never win anything? Those Newport fans who will travel up to Wembley to play the scum, are they mugs?
    Arsenal fans who continue to pay for season tickets( mine, a still expensive £800 or so) , are we all mugs? I never feel like a mug supporting Arsenal, they’re my team.
    Some people ‘choose’ not to go to Arsenal as a protest, fair enough. I support my team through thick and thin, in the same way as Carlisle, Darlington and Newport fans do.
    If you really think you’re going to affect change by not turning up, well, ok. I don’t.