What a whirlwind we’re having this week.
Let’s slow it down.
Throw on some Bobby Womack.
Put a Rustler Burger in the microwave.
Here are the overarching themes of the transfer window so far that’ll pull you through the hellish pain you’re probably suffering because of Sanchez, or the fact you just over-microwaved your Rustler.
The pain is less painful than usual.
The club hired professionals, retired some very big problems at the club, and chopped away 50% of Arsene Wenger’s power at the club.
We are, for the first time in a long time, approaching this window pragmatically and skillfully.
Alexis Sanchez has been a problem. Players don’t like him, staff are sick of his behaviour and his return has been subpar all season. Moving him on is not only vital to the coffers, it’s essential for team morale.
The fact we’re moving him onto United is extra special. If he’d gone on to make history at City, perhaps winning two elite trophies, I think I’d have real trouble sleeping at night. Fact is, he’s swapping out one car crash for another. The cars are more expensive, but make no mistake, it’s just a more polished disaster. What a waste of a move, it was all about money, because he’s never winning anything major under Jose Mourinho as he winds down his hateful career.
We’ve recouped £35m in cash, and it’s very likely we’ll be bringing Mikki the other way. Say what you want about the Armenian’s tenure at United, he’s still an excellent player, and he’ll have a lot to prove. He has Eastern European grit, he’s technically superb, he’s fast, he can score, he can assist and he’ll be better than anything we can muster internally to replace Alexis.
He’s made 5 assists in 15 in the Premier League this season, hardly an abomination, he can also play across the frontline. In his last season at Dortmund he scored 11 and assisted 15. Rekindle those numbers and we’re in a good place.
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang could very well be coming to the club. Sven Mislintat is truly making an impact on this team. The man from Gabon is truly a sight to behold, his pace is absolutely scary, he’s quite light, and he’ll have to adapt, but he has the assets to be a scary figure in our starting line up. Not just that, he’s 6ft 2 and good in the air. He’ll score goals. I still don’t quite understand why we opted for Lacazette when he was available last summer.
Stats wise, he has 22 goals and 3 assists for a shite Dortmund side this season. Last season he had 31 league goals, plus 7 in the Champions League (Lacazette did not have a good record against good clubs). Season before, 25 league goals. He’s a really good player, and I’m much more confident of him making an impact in the Premier League than I was about Lacazette.
Key thing to note here. We’re not fucking around. Our part-ex is very smart and relatively cheap. Our sale price is the pretty much the same as our buy price. Our big move to counter a lack of goal is the best striker in Europe we could buy this January.
I have no idea what’s going on with Malcolm, but I have trouble buying that we’ll sign both him and PEA. Still, fact is, not only are we moving quickly for replacements, we have a fucking plan b that looks clever.
All our dreams are coming true. Well, mine at least. I don’t speak for you unless you want me to.
Outside the big names, we signed a Greek prospect who is a man-monster and looks built to make an impact in the PL. Even Wenger is impressed. Man kept a clean sheet in his U23 debut. I wouldn’t be surprised to see a Jonny Evans type buy. Say what you want about him being untrendy and bland. He has 3 Premiership titles under his belt, he’s good technically, he can organize, and he’s relatively young. That’d be a smart move.
Continuing on the good news thread…
We sold the dismal Francis Coquelin to Valencia for actual money.
We’re probably going to shift on Theo Walcott for £25m, which is fabulous money for someone who is controlled by coffee machines. I’d imagine we’ll also be looking to shift on Debuchy, and maybe ship some of the kids out on loan.
Then there’s Mesut Ozil. Lots of fans writing farewell notes to the German. Look, hold your horses, I’m still hearing that’s unlikely. Firstly, he’s not important enough for any monied club in Europe to bid for him. Secondly, who’d buy him? United? Have my doubts. They have a very bloated squad. If Ozil wanted out, he’d be leaving as we speak, the club has been ruthless moving on deadwood. The fact he’s hanging around tells me there’s still hope. He’ll wait it out, have a blinding finish with players who actually want to be here, then he’ll take a £20m signing on bonus and sign up for monster money.
I’ll take that.
Also, can I just repeat, all these players will want to be at Arsenal. No bad actors. No clingers. It’ll change the dynamic of the squad drastically.
Hopefully the club are this ruthless come the summer. Welbeck should be sold to Everton. All the keepers should go. Ramsey should be sold to whoever wants to buy him, and we should buy someone who can do more than flirt with assists, goals and good fitness. Tie down Jack on a performance-related contract. Buy a keeper. Rebuild the defence. Have a total fucking overhaul and rebuild Arsenal like Dortmund looked when Tuchel was at the helm. Power, pace, extreme technical ability, players sub 25 years old. Then pray Wenger has a bust-up with the new guys and leaves.
I also hope Raul Sanllehi is as ruthless with the backroom team. Too many bad actors making money with little to show for their time. Team psychologist, keeping coach, some sub-par coaching staff, and old-timers that just won’t leave. Time to get super aggressive and make sure everyone is playing their role as we move into the new era.
This is all very exciting, spare a thought for the apologists that only just woke up to this 10-year nightmare, must be tough. But fear not, the vision Le Grove has been wishing for for years is coming to fruition. A better Arsenal is coming.
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