Wenger needs a safety gilet

by .


Ladies and gentlemen, the wait is over, I have returned to England. About as welcome as the second coming of Philippe Senderos, or a tweaked Aaron Ramsey hamstring. Regardless, it’s good to be back.

My flight? Oh, not bad. But get this, we’re on a packed plane, proper seventies, jammed in like sardines… and by the grace of Bergkamp, there’s a spare seat in my row of three. I’m sitting next to this Brazilian who is in the middle… and he doesn’t move for it? What the fuck is that all about? That’s like not getting back to Griezmann when he wants in. What a shocker.

It was pleasantly weird getting on the train this morning and hearing everything in proper English. It all sounds like an overacted American period drama porno. Not that I’ve seen one of those. But you know, when Downton is gone, what ya gonna do?

So, on that note, let’s slip into something tight and keep this brutally masochistic as always.

Manchester City are the ultimate fetish. A real ‘what could have been’ experience. Like sneaking into the dark recesses of the internet and stumbling upon something grotesquely delightful you know you shouldn’t be enjoying but you can’t help it. Pep Guardiola, long a favourite of Le Grove and its readers, is showing the world what innovative ideas and a curiosity for progression can bag you.

Interestingly, before the Spurs game, Thomas Tuchel was hanging out behind the scenes. Another master innovator I fear is going to end up somewhere like Chelsea.

Anyway, Manchester City’s Pep G are putting the ‘Fraudiola’ muppets to the sword in the same way the Xhaka-is-the-next-coming-of-Christ crowd have had to revert back to their caves to talk xG and radar graphs. He’s decimating the league after a single season. No one can get close. It looks like the Premier League is over, and it’s only December. Worse, it looks like their players are doing a lap of honour with half the season still to go.

Now, I don’t mean to be a little bitch, but does it not strike you as a bit mad for them to be dropping dressing room celebrations on social media and World Cup winning shows of passion after games? I mean, I get it, winning is cool. But the Premier League is a mean beast, it’s scalped enough shoo-ins to last a lifetime. Kevin Keegan lost it from 12 points back 1996. I’m not saying City are in danger of doing that, but you know, I kind of am.

The fat lady shouldn’t be singing this early, because there’s always a Dave Benson Phillips waiting in the wings with a creampie, ready to embarrass.

Anyway, Wenger sniping about not having money to splash when he dropped the Invincible’s is amusing. I think he had the second-highest wage bill and had enjoyed a duopoly in the league for 8 years. Sure, he might have a point about the petrodollars, but he has money to spend now and he’s still not doing it (or when he does, it’s so bad), so he should really drop that line of fire. As my mum said when I was younger…

‘No one is going to applaud you for braving the cold when you have a perfectly warm jacket indoors’

Aside from me thinking it was cool to go out in the cold with no jacket, she was right. Being cold is no fun, even if it does make you look double hard. That’s Wenger right there, he heads into the Premier League season saying he can do it without the safety gilet of players, tactics, contracted players, a sporting director, a proper chief scout and any sort of meaningful instruction. Looks great on paper, but the reality is, his methodology died ten years ago when others caught up to his genius and surpassed him.

Maybe Wenger should try spending some money, and doing some of the things that make Pep G a hero at all the clubs he manages.

Also, let’s stop with the ‘could Pep do it at Stoke’, it’s such a bollocks notion. No one asks if Zuckerberg could do it at Myspace, and no one asks if Obama could have done it in Venezuela. You play the cards you’re dealt. Pep doesn’t need to manage Stoke to satisfy Barry from Bradford who thinks you can only be a success if your ideas can translate to shite players.

Still, the great news is Spurs were well and truly spanked and their hero manager is in a bit of a rut that’s left him competing with Arsene Wenger for the top 4 (mind the gap lololol). A bit embarrassing considering the press he was getting at the start of the season. Not that I don’t stand by my praise of him, I’m told by people in the game he’s one of the best around, and that if his ideas were implemented at a proper club, he’d be a force to be reckoned with.

I’d not be surprised to see him very high up the waiting list of United when they finally bore of Mourinho football at the end of the season. He really is a piece of work, he’s spent all that money and his lackey band of journo’s are STILL talking about his need to invest. He can’t get the most out of Mikki, Lukaku is tanking all of a sudden, and their style of football is absolutely not the vision Fergie had when he left the club. A disgrace that any top class player would want to play 29% football, even if it is for trophies.

Fuck that, it’s the advertising equivalent of taking the paycheck to work on pharma or big tobacco. Which is exactly what I did, so fuck you.

Right, that’s me done. I’m back in the hood and knocking on doors if you said anything mean to me in the last year on twitter. Just kidding. But i might subtweet you spitefully, so stay tuned.


P.S. If you own a property and the council are the freehold and they drop a £6,500 bill on maintenancetainence… is that it? You just pay it?

165 Responses to “Wenger needs a safety gilet”

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  1. Cesc Appeal


    I don’t know if Wenger f****d up so bad in the summer that this was the reason Kroenke finally gave in and stopped giving Wenger exactly what he wants (though still gave him a new deal before that) and allowed Mislintat and Sanllehi to come in as Gazidis wanted.

    It does not take a genius to see Arsenal are not being run as efficiently as they could be, nowhere near, and actually now we are haemorrhaging money in terms of Sanchez and Ozil and with it looking a struggle to get back into the UCL.

    Fingers crossed.

    It is long overdue, Wenger’s dithering, ego, stubbornness and cowardice have been slowly costing us for a long time, its like a penny drop, there has been a slow build but its all going to come crashing down.

  2. Cesc Appeal

    Not to mention commercial renewals in a year or two and the club need to be in as strong a position as possible to attract the best deals.

    Adidas are sniffing around, Emirates will no longer sponsor us so will be a new shirt sponsor and possibly stadium sponsor, should be looking to secure sleeves, training grounds, training kits etc.

    Maximise income by maximising performance of the club so brands want to be associated with us and want our fan base and audience on the biggest stages.

  3. Jim Lahey

    @Dissenter –

    “There’s a culture of allowing foreign coaches to field average foreign players ahead of average youthful English players. It doesn’t happen anywhere else in Europe. ”

    Any chance that is because an average English player costs about three times that of an average foreign player in both transfer fee and wages?

    As you say the English youth are showing huge signs of improvement, do you think that is because of increased competition?

  4. alexanderhenry


    Stan owns the club, of course it’s in his hands.
    He can fire wenger whenever he likes.

    I actually think he’s a bit of an idiot where arsenal is concerned.
    Here’s why:

    Stan made the decision to reinstate wenger unilaterally last season. He did not even have a board meeting. The decision was made in a private meeting between wenger and himself.
    I’m sure if he’d taken some time to assess the situation properly he would have made a different decision.
    Now kroenke’s in a potentially very bad position.
    The club is falling behind in an ever more competitive and money driven league. Our two most valuable players will leave for nothing in the summer unless we can offload them for a bargain price in January. The rest of the squad is either old or average or both.
    Also, Arsenal is facing the likelihood of no champions league again.

    Stan clearly does not know what to do with arsenal beyond entrusting everything to wenger.
    He doesn’t seem to understand the inherent risk in running an underachieving English soccer team.

    If things really start to unravel, let’s hope he sells up.

  5. Cesc Appeal

    Clubs are circling for Mkhitaryan in January, that could push Mourinho into a deal for Ozil.

    At least we might be able to bank some money.

  6. UTarse


    Don’t be soft mate. Maureen gets ozil for ZERO in summer and will tell Wenger 50mm for Mikki ! thats what I would do if I was manure.

  7. Cesc Appeal


    I don’t know, £20 Million might be worth it to Mourinho to jab Wenger in the middle of the season and destabilise him. Especially after Wenger has said he thinks Ozil will stay.

    You know Mourinho would like to be the final nail, though to be fair the lid is pretty firmly closed as it is. Not sure how many more nails are needed.

  8. graham62

    Those with even half a brain must be well aware that playing under the modern day AW, is detremental to a players career progression. It is also patently obvious, that attracting top quality players to the Emirates these days has become almost an impossibility as Wenger’s hold on the club intensifies.

    It therefore astounds me when so many fans find comfort in ridiculing and abusing players who decide to leave the club, or should I say jump ship. Rather than slag them off, we should be applauding them for making a decision that most other people who want to progress in life would make.

    Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain left Arsenal for several reasons, but primarily it was because he was stale/fed up/ demotivated and disallusioned by Wenger’s methods. He was/is, an exceptionally talented individual who has systematically been mismanaged by Wenger(a la Walcott). After six years he came to the realisation that if he stood any chance of fulfilling his potential, he had to move on.

    Money was not the driving forcefor The Ox. He wanted to go to a club where he could start afresh and work under a manager that could encourage and motivate him to develop. The Wenger ‘system’ nullified OC, as it seems to nullify and suffocate many others(including the fans!).

    I wish him the best of luck and, from what I have seen in recent Liverpool games, he is starting to show some signs of progression, as well as a tactical improvement in his game.

    It’s amazing what can happen when you are coached properly and work in a positive environment.

    The question we should now be asking is, will Klopp play him on Friday night? If he does will he come back to bite us in the’ARSE.?

    Watch this space.

  9. Wenker-wanger

    I’m thinking arsenal 2 Liverpool 4… The ox scores 2 and makes 2.
    Perfect punch in the face for Wenger. Would we be that lucky?
    I would settle for a man of the match going to the ox.

  10. Wenker-wanger

    What does Steve bould actually contribute. The guy was a defensive rock…..now he is involved somewhere along the line in our shambolic defense.

  11. Mark

    You’re right players like Ox should be commended for breaking out from the stagnation of AFC.
    Unlike Theo (& others,) who have been happy to just collect their money regardless.
    I hope he starts fulfilling his potential at Liverpool, as it will totally show Wenger up as the fraud of a coach he is.

  12. TonyD

    Like you I completely understand why players leave wanting to get away from Wenger to realise their career potential.

    However, I see the opposite with the Ox. From what I’ve seen from his game time for Liverpool, he is still very poor with his crosses and decision making and his overall game contribution.

    Whether this is a hangover from his Wenger days or that he’s really not that good a talent we’ll have to see.

    My gut tells me the latter.