I had a good 2016, but damn, did 2017 come at me fast. As the year closes out, just to really slap me in the chops, Mr. Lovemaker next door added percussion into the mix. He plays his drums so loud he can’t hear me banging on the door, so I’ve turned into a wall smacker extraordinaire. Guy banged on my door to confront me about smacking his wall because he couldn’t concentrate on his drumming. We had an argument, and he suggested that when he makes noise at 2am, I should just throw on some music and chill out.
I had a moment. This offer was so absurd, I thought maybe it was reasonable? Was I viewing noise in the wrong way? Had I become… old? Was buying a special wall banging broom a step too far? Was I preventing art?
The many things that cross your mind when a trust fund kid buys the place next door.
Anyway, talking of absurdity. Arsenal in for Wilfried Zaha for £30m… gimme some of that LoooooooL
The last thing Arsenal need is another athletically capable front man with limited capability in front of goal. The saddest part of rumours like this is you can smell the truth, stinking out your noisy apartment, like the scent of a dead racoon stuck under your neighbours bass drum.
Good news is our scouting nightmare might be coming to an end, with the rumour that Steve Rowley is off at the end of the season. The burdensome Chief Scout has been stuck in 1998 harder than Arsene Wenger. In between fangirling Spice girls and obsessively playing with his Tamagotchis, he’s been killing our summer plans with his nothing offerings. Some of the players he’s passed on over the years would make your eyes water, some of the players he greenlit actually made your eyes water.
Look at the trouble we’ve had with goalkeepers. Look at our slow decline in the French market. We’ve missed out players like Dembele, Auba, Kante and Lloris… whilst holding out for Gervinho, Park Chu Young and Chamakh. Our transfer market game was once elite, it now sits in a lowly position compared to clubs like Dortmund and Juve who trounce us at different ends of the spectrum.
I have no idea who the club is planning on bringing in. But I do hope we have an interesting plan. I don’t know who the best chief scouts are at the moment, but I do know you need a great sporting director to make that happen. I’m not really interested in Marc Overmars, who’d be a Wenger patsy. The Barca guy who is rumoured to be leaving would be an upgrade, but again, how suitable is a man who is used to unlimited budgets and a brand name to die for?
The club looks like it’s trying to upgrade, mainly due to the crop of incumbents being close to retirement, versus the real reason, they’ve been underperforming. Regardless, change is coming because we have more open positions than the US State Department.
Final thing I want to cover off is the weird revisionism that’s creeping into some of the fanbase about Olivier Giroud. The dangers of spreadsheet fans > those that pour over numbers, without watching games. There’s a growing opinion that AFC and France supporters have been overlooking the talents of Giroud. This is a nonsense.
Sure, he’s scored some great goals. Sure, he’s won some FA Cups. But just to put Giroud into context, and how far we’ve fallen with our view of greatness… look no further than Sylvain Wiltord. Basically a second-stringer, who came as a striker and rarely played there.
He scored 26 goals for France, winning a Euro Championship (scoring a crucial goal in the final) and 2 Confederations Cups
He won two Premier League titles for Arsenal (scoring a crucial goal at Old Trafford away)
2 FA Cups
He won 4 Ligue One titles over 2 clubs
He scored 49 goals for Arsenal
He won French player of the year in 1999 (in a golden era of French football)
Look at those achievements. The guy barely registered at the time. What has Giroud achieved? 2 FA Cups? Contributed to one of the most uninspired frontlines of a Wenger generation? Been part of a team that’s consistently failed in the big games?
He’s been a good player, but a great one? Please. Save greatness for those that deserve it. Like Sylvain Wiltord.
Right, that’s me done, see you on the other side.
P.S. I. Was. There.