Pulis takes aim at wrong sort of cheating | Sanchez for £9m

by .

courtesy @allthatchas

courtesy @allthatchas

Remember those days when you could eat a McDonald’s, head down the road and swing by the kebab shop and get a small doner roll, then get home and eat a crisp sandwich… and all would be ok the next day because you’d still be slim and beautiful?

No longer my friends. I eat one mini cupcake at work and my chair buckles. I have to regulate fun these days. The math doesn’t even compute. 2 days on the beers, equates to 2 solid weeks in the gym. How is that fair? It’s not. All these skinny kids at the agency eating double dipped sugary deep-fried cronuts with bacon and cheese sauce like it’s just fine.

I am not envious. But damn, I could drink a cup of queso right now.

Better than a cup of Tony Pulis upset? Nope. Not even close.

“We tell our players not to roll about, he still wanted to score but once he has missed, the referee should pull it back.

You know if Tony Pulis was a US Politician, he’d not be applauding the knee for a moment. A man happy to send his players out to viciously bully opponents getting upset about cheating. In a horrible twist of ‘hahaha’ his archaic interpretations of manliness have damaged his players abilities to cheat in more subtle ways thus costing him points.

In my head, that conclusion felt more dastardly and came with an evil laugh.

Talking Sanchez, there’s a story doing the rounds that he’s being eyed as a replacement for Cavani who might find himself pushed out the door by PSG. I mean, Neymar had a row with him over penalty taking, and apologised, so I’m not sure if it’s a certainty he’s off… but whatever, the French club are planning to offer him £9m a year and £275k a week. The story has come via a Chilean paper, which weirdly gives it more credibility for no real reason.

I’m not really fussed where he goes. I’m more concerned about how he’s going to play this season. Ozil and him being dropped in and out of the squad makes sense, I just hope it’s building to something. Aaron Ramsey looks promising, but he doesn’t create the chances Ozil does. Xhaka just looks like a lost lamb at the moment, he’s struggling for confidence and the Premier League looks like it’s passed him by for power and pace. Jack Wilshere shouldn’t be the saviour we’ve been dreaming of, but he now is as we fetishise about him as an 18-year-old like leary old football perverts.

Wenger really should have gone harder for a creator this summer. Can’t believe we’ve made a statement about keeping our two best players, just to punish them. TOTALLY agree we shouldn’t be playing them, but it was pretty clear they’d be useless if we kept them on this year, so it really makes little sense as to why we kept them?

After the ‘STRONG STANCE’ applause dies down from the media that think slapping down Johnny Foreigner is a very salutable English move, you realise we’re left in a dire situation where we use Welbeck and Lacazette to shift corporate season tickets.


This. is. futbol.

Amazing work from the creative team.

The thinking:

Top Left:

Catering: ‘Guys, the real star here is the food. Can’t we run with the copy, ‘THE REAL REASON NO ONE GETS TO THEIR SEATS ON TIME.’

Marketing: ‘Raymond, do I fuck with your dessert menus? Do I suggest a little less salt on your overly salty salt beef bagels? No. Catering DO NOT fuck with my art. You can have one dessert, but please, make sure the colors are representative of Arsenal. Consumers notice those details.’

Player choices:

Marketing: ‘Ok, so we picked WELBZ and Lacazette because they are the best we have’

Hospitality: ‘You fucking what?’

Marketing: ‘Err, yeah. They are our best, literally everyone else has gone.’

Hospitality: ‘You want me to sell three grand tickets with the promise of Danny Welbeck vs Bournemouth? YOU MAD FAM?’

Marketing: ‘You can have Theo?’

Top middle:

Marketing: ‘Yo, so we need to make sure this thing looks super chill. Like, almost working class, but not quite.That’s pretty in with the kids right now. You know, faking that you do working class things because that makes you seem more ‘real.’ Also, we want rich people to feel they are having an ‘experience’ so we have authentic locally sourced scarves and plastic beer cups containing true-to-North-Bank style warm Fosters.’

Hospitality: ‘But is the beer warm?’

Marketing: ‘Colder than a shower in Tony Pulis’ dungeon’

Bottom Middle:

‘What’s the white dash?’

‘No idea’

Bottom right:

‘This represents the gatekeeper, but you know, like, in a progressive way. It signifies that there will be no working class folk here, and if they come, Jenny will take care of it.’


Total banter. I bought three tickets for myself and two of my hedge fund pals on Threadneedle Street.



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81 Responses to “Pulis takes aim at wrong sort of cheating | Sanchez for £9m”

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  1. Elmo

    That commentary on the Club Level advertising for next season really does say it all, Pedro.

    That’s the end result when you let mediocrity overtake an organisation: trying to sell a super premium priced product with mundane, unexciting content (an inconsistent England journeyman and a striker who is unheralded at the top level). In previous years under Wenger there was always an attractive marketing narrative to push: PL winners / heavyweights; best brand of football in the country; most exciting youth prospects in the PL; a new Galactico era. Right now mismanagement finds us with the two global brand name stars leaving, with no money for equivalent replacements, an ageing squad, weaker youth prospects than almost all the other leading PL teams, no top tier European football etc etc.

    The club are in desperate need of the likes of AMN, Jeff et al pushing through and at least providing some sense that something new and positive is in its infancy.

  2. Bishop

    I have been saying it for a while.Xhaka isn’t just good enough.I guess we just get lust in his name.Name sounds like a someone who should be good.
    Anytime he is on the ball, my mind is never at rest because he is either passing to an opponent or over kicking it out of reach of his team mate.

    If Elneny is instructed to sit,I would have Wilshere over him all day every day in that role cos am sure my possession is secure.

  3. Elmo

    It also just reinforces how ridiculous it is not selling those players with expiring contracts while you can. You pass up £60m+ which could be reinvested in your new brand players of the next half decade, knowing that in passing that up you will not only be unable to recruit as ambitiously, but that for that final year you can’t really use those stars in your advertising, and run the risk that they will simply not put in a shift.

    For a traditionally risk averse club, it seems a big gamble. Of course, we know that it’s more likely that there was simply no well thought out medium term plan (as evidenced by what happened on deadline day), and the club just let the status quo slide rather than make the necessary bold decisions.

  4. DM

    Boomslang – congrats! My computer wouldn’t work this morning, Google worked but no other sites would open. Should’ve used my phone to compete but didn’t think of it!

  5. ArseneisaFraud

    “Computing is such a miraculous thing…”

    It’s more like they have a life of their own sometimes…. you try and do something and it will do something else.

    Or it could be Skynet trying to take over the world.

  6. Pierre

    Ramsey and xhaka average passing stats are 82% which is too low for a central midfield pairing.
    Elneny average passing is 92%

    You will find player like dembele, fernandinho, pogba, matic, kante all have a better passing percentage than the arsenal pairing and this tells a story of why we struggle in certain games.

    The West brom game was a classic example of why we need to better in possession of the ball.
    In the first half we were sloppy. Xhaka had a particularly poor first half and this put pressure on the defence.
    We tightened up our play in the 2nd half and subsequently controlled the game with ease.
    Xhaka, for whatever reason, is not consistent enough. He had a very assured game v Chelsea with good concentration throughout the game. Maybe it is his concentration levels which he needs to work at.
    Ramsey, obviously needs to work on his discipline.

  7. Emiratesstroller


    You cannot compare Elneny and Xhaka passing stats.

    Elneny is essentially a square no risk passer of the ball. He makes very few incisive passes.

    Xhaka on the other hand is far more speculative in his passing and that of
    course means taking risk.

    The issue with both players is not so much passing ability, but their lack of pace and recovery when ball is lost.

    I know that there is a lot of criticism on Le Grove concerning Xhaka and based
    on WBA game probably justified. However, there is one element of his game
    that has improved and that is his discipline. On more than one occasion he was challenged with a poor tackle and did not react. Last season he would have
    probably done so and been carded.

  8. raptora

    “Inter have reportedly turned down the opportunity to sign Arsenal playmaker Mesut Ozil. The Germany international was offered to several different Italian clubs but was rejected by all of them. Ozil’s contract at Arsenal runs out next summer and is believed to be on his way out of the Emirates, with no further indication that he will sign an extension to his deal.” (Calciomercato)

    True or not it is an obvious sign that the big clubs willing to take him, even for free, are not that many. Not sure if Wenger destroyed his career since the many games I’ve watched of Germany with him, he was not very different from his play in Arsenal shirt. His form dropped a long time ago, maybe even in Madrid, and he was never able to recover it.

  9. mindurself


    I think you miss the point in keeping Ozil and Sanchez this season. It’s to stop future players using Arsenal as a stepping stone to go to Barca, City, United, etc.

    Too many times Arsenal has been forced to sell players in the last year of their contracts (Van Persie, Cesc, Nasri, Hleb). Now the club is saying “we don’t need the money “we’d rather let you go for free.” This is the club finally growing a spine.

    Sure, it’s a shambles that we find ourselves in this situation so often, but it sends the right message.

  10. Pierre

    I rate xhaka…he just has a tendency to start maybe one in four games very erratically and needs to address that. I noticed within 5 minutes against West brom that he wasn’t at it.
    I have no problem with his discipline, I always felt he was harshly treated last season and every dodgy tackle was punished though I agree he is staying on his feet more this season.
    The top clubs have very high possession stats in central midfield so I feel we should be need at least one who retains possession as it allows us to control the game as Ramsey is also erratic in possession. . That is why we miss cazorla so much as he could retain possession and was also pro active with the ball.

  11. Dissenter

    ” think you miss the point in keeping Ozil and Sanchez this season. It’s to stop future players using Arsenal as a stepping stone to go to Barca, City, United, etc.”

    What balderdash
    All the three clubs you mentioned are far bigger clubs that Arsenal. There’s nothing wrong with players moving up the ladder to them so long as we charge a premium for the transfers and reinvest the proceeds on quality replacements.
    Dortmund are still competitive even after making a €90 million profit on Dembele.
    Where did all this machismo beliefs one from?
    We are not wealthy enough to keep losing 90-100 million on players who don’t want to be at Arsenal anymore. Even sugar-daddy clubs can’t afford to flush money down the drain.

  12. leon

    As gifted as Ozil is and he has bags of ability but he doest work hard enough and he doesn’t score enough goals either. Ramsey works allot harder and eill score allot more goals obviously he is not gifted as ozil but gives allot for me.

    As far Xhaka goes, I just dont think he suited to the prem, he is far to slow and clearly has not got the stamina

  13. leon

    I would be going all out to win the Europa league , let’s face it this has no chance of winning the league and winning a trophy should more important but I think finishing in top 4 is more important to wenger

  14. graham62


    There was ‘NO POINT” in keeping Sanchez and Ozil this season.

    Business sense must apply. It’s like chucking money down the drain.

    It sends out the wrong message on so many levels.

  15. Emiratesstroller

    There is a difference between Sanchez and Ozil this Summer.

    Sanchez is clearly a player in demand and can move to most major clubs in Europe particularly if he leaves on Bosman. Frankly I think that is now the likely outcome that he will leave next Summer so Arsenal should make the best use of playing him this season. I do think that he will play to best of his ability.

    As far as I am aware no-one made an offer to buy Ozil and I think that it is fairly clear for a long time that he has been winding down his contract to leave on a Bosman and then seek a massive wage deal.

    I think that there is growing evidence that Arsenal are also not rushing to renew his contract. He is not exactly a player who has a work ethic or a match winner. Frankly I don’t see Arsenal paying him £300K PW. Indeed I think that
    Ozil will wake up next summer and discover that he has few options to play for
    a top level club. Frankly he does not offer good value for money.

  16. Dissenter

    Game of Thrones stars Kit Harington and Rose Leslie to marry
    ““The engagement is announced between Kit, younger son of David and Deborah Harington of Worcestershire, and Rose, middle daughter of Sebastian and Candy Leslie of Aberdeenshire.” – The Guardian

    The on-screen romance between Jon Snow and Ygritte was too good to not be real.

  17. Leedsgunner

    “Frankly he does not offer good value for money.”

    Didn’t Wenger do the same with Arshavin? Took a brilliant player and then systematically destroyed his confidence.

    To think he has been more monies to make the same mistakes over and over again with our club’s players beggars belief.

    Arsene is a very inept man manager.

  18. graham62


    Arshavin was one of Wenger’s main failings.

    A brilliant magician, Wenger turned him into an XBOX joke.

    Provided one of the most exciting moments at the Emirates back in 2011, when scoring the winner against Barca.

    AA was a wasted jewel.

  19. Uwot?

    There one reason & one reason only why the ditherer didn’t flog Sanchez.because the main suitor at the time was. Citeh.& didn’t want another rvp situation on his hands.he didn’t want the extra flack that might have been the straw that broke the camels back with his disciples.meaning he would have been committing football suicide .it was self preservation & nothing else….

  20. Pierre

    Maybe it’s all swings and roundabouts regarding transfers.
    We signed Kolasinac for free, saving us a big transfer fee. taking into account he was regarded as the best left back in Germany and Kyle walker cost 50+million a fee of a about 30/40 million would be about right.
    So, at the moment you could say we are 30/40 million ahead of the game as, as yet, the outcome of sanchez and özil is unknown.
    Of course, it’s odds on that we will be out of pocket regarding these 2 though Sanchez may be sold for a decent fee in January if psg and city are fighting for his signature or we may be able to do a swap, cavani, aguero or sterling.
    It wouldn’t surprise me if özil signed a new contract.

    I am not saying that I think sanchez and ozils contract situation has been handled well, It’s just another way of looking at the situation…

  21. Samesong

    :Premier League
    A. Lacazette 4
    D. Welbeck 3
    A. Ramsey 1
    O. Giroud 1

    :Premier League
    S. Agüero 6
    R. Sterling 5
    G. Jesus 4
    L. Sané 3
    N. Otamendi 1

    :Premier League
    R. Lukaku 6
    A. Martial 3
    P. Pogba 2
    M. Rashford 2
    H. Mkhitaryan 1

    :Premier League
    Á. Morata 6
    M. Alonso 2
    C. Fàbregas 1
    N. Kanté 1
    D. Luiz

    Tournaments:Premier LeagueUEFA Champions League
    M. Salah 4
    S. Mané 3
    R. Firmino 2
    P. Coutinho 1
    D. Sturridge 1

    Premier League
    H. Kane 4
    D. Alli 2
    C. Eriksen 2
    B. Davies

  22. Dissenter

    “So, at the moment you could say we are 30/40 million ahead of the game as, as yet, the outcome of sanchez and özil is unknown.”

    I don’t understand what you’re trying to say but time’s run out already. Their contract expires in May next year.

  23. BacaryisGod

    The summer transfer window is basically just gambling. We tried to bluff with Alexis and then scramble a last-minute deal for Lemar but it failed.

    The next gamble is that both Alexis and Ozil will help get us back into the Champions League and justify our decision not to sell them. The doomsday scenario is that we finish 5th and then we lose both our star players for nothing.

    I honestly don’t care if Man City get Alexis at this point. They are so deadly upfront it doesn’t make a huge difference to them. He might actually make them less efficient.

    Here’s the best-case scenario. We finish top 4 (or win Europa) and even with the inevitable departures of Ozil and Alexis, we will have plenty of cash to improve the squad.

  24. David Smith

    Cash or no cash, Wenger is not capable of getting the numbers or quality he will need to improve the squad,,especially now Dick Law has gone, and Ivan may have gone on strike when it comes to assisting Wenger in transfers after years of his dithering and interference.
    It is all set up for Wenger to fail next summer, in a way that even Stan will get it, whether the owner will do anything about it is of course another matter.

  25. Dissenter

    “I honestly don’t care if Man City get Alexis at this point. They are so deadly upfront it doesn’t make a huge difference to them. He might actually make them less efficient.”

    I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been making the point since the summer that City din’t need Alexis. i would have sold him to city to weaken them because it is an unnecessary headache for Guardiola.

  26. Mark

    Plus the fact that he’s losing the ball way too much, and keeps playing for just himself. We should have Made a proper bid for Lemar early, and took the money for Sanchez as he was a definite sale. Just told them we want £70m & he’s yours.

    We could have had Lemar for 65-70M if it was handled properly.
    Such a balls up.

  27. Marko

    Must say the big name strikers who moved this summer are looking good so far. Lacazette, Morata and Lukaku are scoring and looking decent. Morata especially I think he’s fulfilling his potential now turning into a real starter a real star

  28. David Smith

    Weren’t we in line to sign Morata, but Wenger wouldn’t pay some ,what would now seem a derisory sum?
    Still, pleased with Laccazette

  29. WengerEagle

    Holy shit were Barcelona rubbish tonight.

    Suarez has seemingly lost it, isn’t even scoring goals anymore and is playing terribly every match.

    Messi is still a goal machine but it won’t be good enough for Barca, he’s nowhere near as dynamic as he was even 2 years ago and no longer had that 1 vs 1 magic.

    Now is the time to lump on Real winning La Liga, should get decent odds on them considering they trail Barca already by 7 points.

    They are stronger than Barca in every position barring Messi and have a much deeper squad which is crucial over the course of a season.

  30. WengerEagle

    Lukaku in particular has been very impressive Marko.

    It’s been a fine start to the season for strikers, Aguero, Lukaku, Morata, Kane all on fire.

    Lacazette has quietly scored 4 in the league too, not shabby.

  31. Marko

    Been a great start to the season for strikers WE. And let’s not forget the other Gabriel who’s been quietly and assuredly turning in performance after performance for City. The lad looks the absolute bees knees

  32. WengerEagle

    What did you make of PSG tonight?

    Scary for me, dominated Bayern without even stepping on the gas.

    Ancelotti has bought some questionable plauers though for a club of Bayern’s stature, Tolisso, Rudy aren’t named thst strike fear into opponents.

    He’s taking them backwards.

  33. WengerEagle

    Neymar for me is beginning to assert himself as the best player in the world.

    He was ahead of the rest last season barring the goals which he’s brought now this season.

    MOTM tonight yet again and pretty effortless stuff from him.

  34. Marko

    The only problem that seemingly exists for PSG at the moment is keeping everyone happy and certain people turning into total twats. They’ve got the best front 3 in world football for me the sky’s the limit

  35. WengerEagle

    Funny how things change isn’t it Marko, we were saying the exact same thing about Barcelona only 2 years ago.

    Suarez really was on some different level shit from 2013-2016, looks a shadow of his former self lately and was pretty ordinary for his own lofty standards in 2016/17.

    M’Bappe is easily the best teen forward since Ronaldo9, the kid is a phenomenon. Has it all attribute wise and the wily head of an experienced vet to boot.

    He’s Anelka with heart and a brain.

  36. Carts


    been a minute, pal…things well ?

    Thought I’d give my two cent before I nod off: For me, Kane, Lukaku, Jesus and Morata (Sergio still there of course) will dominate the scoring charts for the next 5 years; it’ll literally be a shoot out from start to finish.

    Was never Morats biggest fan but Conte, imo, is helping him raise his game.

    Find it strange that Real forked out another 4 year deal to Benz, lost out to Mbappe then shipped out Morata. Benzema (29) , CR7 (32) and Bale (28) have life in them but aren’t exactly young. By the looks of things Benz and Bale’s bodies are creaking a bit.

    PSG look mental on the break. Their counter attacking game is going to take some stopping! Neymar and Mbappe aren’t on stuff. Cavani is still doing bits but swap him for a more clinical Lewandowski then there’s even more problems!

    Defensively they’re a bit wobbly though. Motta, Rabiot and Verrati is good on paper but there’s no real DM in there.

    Ancelotti will be gone before the end of the season. His line up, this evening was questionable. Bayern have looked a bit ordinary. Not a patch on Jupp Heynckes’; though neither was Pep’s.


  37. Emiratesstroller

    David Smith

    I remain convinced that Kroenke will sell the club in the not too distant future. It is very clear to me that he will not invest money in the club and therefore we will continue to struggle competing with the likes of Man City, Man Utd and Chelsea in transfer market if he stays in control.

    Arsenal made the decision to keep Sanchez, which means that he will leave
    almost certainly on Bosman at end of season. My view is that no offer was made for Ozil and he plans to do exactly the same, because I don’t think that
    Arsenal will offer him the fat contract he wants.

    The club needs to rebuild its squad/team over next two years, because a number of players are now in 30s and approaching end of careers e.g.Cech, Mertesacker,Koscielny,,Monreal,Debuchy, Cazorla and Giroud. That is a big hole to

    The two Manchester clubs have been investing heavily in young players over
    last two years and buying the cream of the crop. Spurs and Liverpool have also
    much younger squads than us.

    If the club fails to qualify next season for Champions League the I fear that
    we could struggle to replace current sponsorship. Emirates shirt deal ends in
    two years and I would not be surprised that Puma may also decide not to renew. From recollection the current contract with them included performance

  38. Redtruth

    Bayern had all the play yet PSG won 3-0…..It’s a funny old game..


    Neymar was responsible for some terrible misses and was not anywhere near being a marquee player..

  39. Don

    Carts views on football epitomises the attitude that is ruining the modern game.
    This fantasy league menatality where it’s all about line ups and stars and swapping out players for other players as though it’s all done on a computer screen.

  40. gonsterous

    so which world class player can we attract next ? players are picking liverpool over us even though we have been the better club for the last decade…. we are clearly on the decline in the eyes of talented players.. we could change this if the board and Wenger had a plan, but it’s just go with the flow of things thinking at the moment…

  41. graham62

    David Smith

    All very interesting.

    Must reitorate though, it has little or no bearing on the visible frailties on the field of play. That’s all down to Wenger’s methods and philosophies.

  42. Coach 15

    I remain convinced that Kroenke will sell the club in the not too distant future. It is very clear to me that he will not invest money in the club.
    Fuck me,there are some duleded souls on this blog.
    The fella takes money out withoutputting any in. The only player purchases are balanced buy selling,and we are the verge of the next mega money TV deal. As long as le cock keeps us in the division he ain’t going anywhere.
    Keep counting the empty seats son,we are here for you when you finally realise that continued support for this regime is futile.

  43. David Smith

    Certainly not letting Wenger off the hook in this Graham62, he is a major part of the problem, and the journalist I have quoted, who is also an Arsenal supporter believes Kroenke have an arrangement, if Kroenke needs collateral for a project, ie a farm or the Rams, Wenger keeps the money in the bank, in return, Wenger stays as long as he wants, and does whatever he wants.
    kroenke and Wenger ,use be the worst combination in top level football. They have ruined the bright future and the promises from leaving Highbury, Kroenke out of greed and disinterest, Wenger, out of a desperate need for survival as he has nothing else.

  44. David Smith

    Really hope you are right Emirates stroller, makes sense, the trouble is, there are plenty of other examples of clubs that the Kroenkes have just allowed to stagnate.
    If Kroenke stays, post Wenger, our hopes rest with Ivan as Wenger, in his attempt to cling to power will not allow potential successors of a DOF. I hope Ivan has stuff about him some of us once thought he did, though there is precious little evidence.

  45. graham62

    David Smith

    Look, Kroenke is the owner and what he does with his money is entirely up to him. With no transparency we, as fans, are always second guessing.

    Wenger is handsomely paid to ‘manage’ everything football related. It is also his job to respect the fans by clarifying where we stand, what we are doing and where we are going. HE NEVER DOES THIS!

    He is the only manager I know of who hides from the realities that are infront of him. He is weak and indecisive and because of this he is suffocating the club. If you’re getting paid 10m a year, I would expect you to perform your duties to the highest level and communicate your actions to thos

  46. raptora

    BATE have lost just one of their last 12 home games in all European competition (vs Barcelona in October 2015) and are unbeaten in their last seven (W3 D4).

    Some stat beating Barcelona though.

  47. graham62

    David Smith(cont’d)

    ………………….those of us who want clarity.

    Frustratingly, for us, this will never be the case as long as Wenger remains in power.

  48. AA23

    I know Chaka has looked poor and he is definitely out of his depth a bit there in midfield.

    But of you watch him play while he was on Germany and for the Swiss team, it’s obvious this boy can play.

    Another player that fails to get the coaching required to take it to the next level under Wenger? I sure hope not.