‘When a man has little time and lacks creativity he reverts to a listicle’ Some writer, circa 2015
I’m drowning in work for a liquor brand, what a dream, right? Booze and rental cars, the perfect concoction.
Anyway, I digress. I don’t really have 5 ways Wenger can change the summer. I have some observations that ‘could’ help us get better at this transfer game.
1. Pick a market and own it.
Remember the days when Arsene Wenger literally owned the whole of the French market. He knew all the players, all the agents and he made deals happen in secret. Anelka, Bobby P, Petit… Grimandi? Anyway, point here is he nailed that market. What’s happened since? Well, we dropped a few Gervinho’s, we slipped on a Park Chu Young and we lost our confidence.
Since then, we’ve been also rans in France. Hugo Lloris ended up at Spurs as we presided over an absolute car crash of a keeper run (Almunia *judders). 3 years ago, we let Auba got to Dortmund despite having a Gervinho issue. Last season, we let a guy called Kante go to Leicester. This summer, I know it’s early, but Dembele is already looking an absolute hero at Dortmund. This years cheaper Martial.
Where were we? Probably assessing him for the 900th time.
2. Send a scouting pod to live in Eastern Europe
Don’t get into semantics with me here, but by that I mean… Poland, Slovenia, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Armenia, Albania Croatia… countries that have people with many Z’s in their names. Get a scouting network out there. The players are beefed up, they’re fu*cking scary and they work like absolute gladiators. Also, they’re technically gifted and we have NO ONE coming in from these places. Look at what Dortmund do there. Look at what the German clubs do there. Where is our presence? How have we overlooked this untapped market for so long?
I’VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS FOR YEARS.
If I can see it, why can’t Arsenal?
3. Move fast
Nothing says age quite like dithering.
You know age has caught up with you when you start complaining that the G-mail is broken. Bit like Arsene Wenger…
‘I came back this summer, I didn’t touch anything, and I swear the market is broken?’
‘Arsene, it’s not broken, that’s just how it works these days’
‘Bollocks, it was better before they updated it’
He’s a Myspace man living in a Snapchat world.
We are well-known for dithering, reneging and being a general pain in the arse to deal with. What happened to…
‘Wow, Freddie Ljungberg is good?’
‘ARSENAL ANNOUNCE SUPER SWEDE AS LATEST SIGNING’
It doesn’t happen anymore. Every deal we seem to do is a f*cking ordeal. Suarez, Higuain, Mikki, Vardy, Juan Mata…
Pick a player, make a decision, GO FOR IT.
4. Get aggressive
What is it with our…
‘Look, the price tag said £3.99 and you’re telling me the till says £4.50. Call the manager, I’m not going until this is resolved’
If Madrid say £24m for Higuain, and we agree… then they say, no, give us £32m. GIVE THEM £32m BECAUSE HE IS A GOOD PLAYER WITH GOALS.
Instead, we revert back into this strange attitude of morals and good old-fashioned values.
FOOTBALL IS NOT A VALUES GAME ANYMORE.
We drop a £40m + £1 bid for Suarez because we misinterpreted his contract. Once we dropped that howler, we shoud have said, look, let’s do business at a higher price. Instead, we let the deal disappear and the rest is Barcelona history.
We have money. I cannot emphasize that enough. We can be agressive. We can afford premium.We are incredibly wealthy as a club. Our long term future is secure. It’s only going to get richer. In fact, we’re so rich now, the only way we get richer is to win things and push up our commercials. So start splashing that cash.
5. Have a Plan B, Plan C and Plan D
If Vardy and Mikki don’t drop. Don’t give up. Don’t wait until the end of the summer and hope the dominoes drop, because that’s not a good way to plan. Have you ducks in order, then power through until you have all those ducks in the duck bucket.
No Vardy? Fine, how about Higuain? No? How about Benz? What, wait until August 31st? No way. How about Draxler? No? Sturridge? No? Ok, someone get Jose Altidore on the blower.
We should have all our players in by the start of the season. We shouldn’t drag our feet. The solution should NEVER be to sign no one. We should always have a plan.
Right, that’s your lot, not bad for someone who had writers block.
BIG LOVE x