Which tech start up is Arsene Wenger?

by .

Big shout out to my man Schtupps for sorting this guest post today!


As Pedro is boarding a plane for a stag do in Bartttthelona, he asked me to write something for him. I have no idea why. It’s like asking Roy Keane to review London Fashion Week, sure, he’ll get words and sentences from me, but references will make you wonder if someone spiked your morning pint and in the end it will be about what’s wrong about society and not whether Sarah Burton channels Alexander McQueen’s vision anymore. See, you’re already lost.

I work in the startup world, seemingly as long as you can get from a football field in Europe (although I stayed at the same Palo Alto hotel as Sunderland this summer), but as Alex Ferguson is releasing yet another book, there is a link. Apparently (I won’t read it for all the fish in Wales) it’s a lot about management as a general practice and not only applied to football. And it makes you think, it makes you wonder, not how Alex McQueen was ever inspired by the depressive Norwegian side in Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, but where football managers would go if they went to Silicon Valley. This is a game that can easily be applied to any industry, just pick the one you’re in.

Uber, a startup that scaled faster than anything we’ve seen due to an extremely aggressive CEO who pressed high and attacked an industry that didn’t know what happened to them. Jurgen Klopp of course. And couldn’t you envision him as a cabbie in those sweatpants.

Amazon, also aggressively expanding to great success, beating a lot of other startups on their own games with video streaming, cloud services and food delivery, by doing what they do well and adapting, BUT seemingly at the cost of its own players who all came for the paycheck, yes you guessed it José Mourinho.

Facebook, well I guess we just have to give it Ancelotti. You can’t argue with the creds, three European Cups (WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram…get it?), but he’s still not the first one you think of when your team starts to draw a few too many matches away. And you feel like you’re not really taking any risks so you start looking around, it’s just the same ol feed with cats making pasta. And now you just use the messenger app and say happy birthday three times a day.

Apple. Pep. Let’s continue.

Google, you can’t give that job to anyone but Van Gaal, like Larry Page he is unpredictable as it gets but also strangely adaptive. Like Van Gaal has reinvented ways of playing, so has Larry diversified his business. From the search engine that took over the world to driverless cars, glasses and crazy ideas like “solve death” Van Gaal will take over your club, and it will win. The stock will go up and down, it will be absolutely mental and you always worry about a lack of focus when you run fast in different directions. But you know that you’re going to make it.

I think you’re all getting bloody bored by this, I am writing it, so I’ll round this up with our own Arsene, I know you scrolled ahead to see where I’d put him, WHICH startup would WENGER run you’ve been wondering throughout this piece. Just tell us!

Twitter. Yes you think, I fucking love Twitter, it’s an awesome startup, yes, Arsene got Twitter! It’s one of the most beautiful startups we know, we use it everyday, we troll, we laugh, whenever we lose we go on it immediately to make the pain be more intense. Sometimes we even check to see what Piers wrote. But, to be frank, Twitter had one big moment, an invincible season, the hashtag…and then nothing happened. Not many new users came. Everyone else started using the hashtag and they never really developed a new strategy. Twitter is seen as one of the big ones, it kicked off a new era of the internet, it made it social. Everyone respects it and uses it, but it doesn’t grow. At all. And because of it, it never attracts the top, top, talent. Benzema laughs at Twitter. Twitter’s market cap is at $17bn. Facebook’s is $244bn. Apple at $620bn.

342 Responses to “Which tech start up is Arsene Wenger?”

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  1. underrated Coq

    Look I love Mesut, but the fact remains: He just does not offer enough, as a number 10, for Arsenal football club.

    To put it simply in context- Santi Cazorla offered much more, in effectiveness and he also had better numbers, when he played the role.

    And I don’t want to hear the often trotted out excuse-“Oh but Ozil doesn’t have the support of decent strikers” . Who do you think Cazorla had ahead of him? The same Giroud. He didn’t even have Alexis Sanchez!

    Ozil’s insane number of ‘chances created’ is all well and good but is that the only thing you would expect from your main attacking mid?

    I mean, you see people often complain about Theo- ” Oh, all he offers is pace and finishing and nothing more.” Well, how is Ozil’s case any different?

    In my opinion, Ozil hasn’t done enough to deserve some of the spirited defense he gets.

    Isn’t consistent and has too many of those ‘disappearance’ acts, doesn’t defend enough neither does he score enough, rarely ever takes control of a football match, doesn’t ever look to take initiative himself and would rather shirk the responsibility and pass it to someone else, offers very little when things aren’t going well: you’re more likely to see him hide than grab the game by the scruff.

    You want to see a more complete CAM? See David Silva. Might not have the genius of Ozil but he’s much more influential, authorative and effective for his team.

  2. Jeff

    That may be the mark of a “good” manager, but not what we need. The mark of a “great” manager is the number of titles under his belt compared with the length of time he’s managed.

  3. GuNZ

    It’s the lips. Wenger’s lips. They’re all loose and flabby and ideal for slopping around a punctured jugular.

  4. Bamford10


    Sorry, mate, but that chances created stat doesn’t even things out. Mata has still been more productive — and from a wide position. Were he playing the CAM role, he’d have even better numbers.

    Ozil is a gifted player, but he is also quite limited. Too limited, IMO.

  5. Bamford10

    Daley Blind on tomorrow’s match:

    “They [Arsenal] want to set something right but it’s difficult for them as we are in a good mood now,” he told MUTV.

    “It’s always a good feeling to go somewhere and you are the league leaders. It’s a special feeling. We have to move on from that and keep strong going there but we have to be prepared. Arsenal will come out strongly so we have to make sure we get the three points – that would be nice.”

    Juan Mata admitted after the win over Wolfsburg that United’s players grew tired in the second half, but Blind has no concerns that fatigue could prove an issue against Arsene Wenger’s men.

    “I don’t think so, especially for games like Arsenal,” said the Netherlands international. “As a player, you want those games to play.”

    “Mentally, I think I’m ready for it. You don’t have to prepare yourself for that. But you need to take rest and recover. I think that’s very important, but for me personally, I feel fit so I’m happy.”

  6. warchester

    I don’t think we can win, even at home. This game will be dictated by midfield control. Yes, both teams have quick wing players that can terrorize defenses but if santi continues his shit form or ramsey is played in the middle, schneiderlin and mata will be quietly bossing it. And I don’t think our defense is good enough to defend deep for large portions of the match. Go on the initiative and attack because “we’re at home” and “we need to bounce back” will only expose us. No chance if we go down a goal first.

  7. Cesc Appeal

    I don’t know if it was just coincidence, but the more pro-Wenger people coming on at 4-5am…safety time. 🙂 Enjoyed that

  8. Bamford10

    El Tel

    Go fuck yourself. You’re a dim-witted, AKB bore.

    My Mata post came not from watching MU TV but from the #Arsenal Twitter feed. I posted it to give Le Grove a glimpse into tomorrow’s opponent’s mentality ahead of the match.

    What are you doing for Le Grove? Being a fucking moron, that’s what — just what one would expect from an AKB.

    Can’t wait till Wenger fucks off and your lot fucks off with him.

  9. Ughelligunner

    Jeff; That may be the mark of a
    “good” manager, but not
    what we need. The mark of a
    “great” manager is the
    number of titles under his belt
    compared with the length of
    time he’s managed.

    Jeff, show me a great manager who has ever won “a number of titles” couple with length of time without worldclass players at every point in his time.

  10. Ughelligunner

    Bamford, someone would think you would post something similar from an arsenal player. But… As usual, the opposite team is the best for you, even pre-match interviews? And you wonder why people question your loyalty to the arsenal

  11. Bamford10


    Not sure what argument you’re trying to build there, but:

    (i) Wenger says Ospina is “world class,” so that tells you something about his assessment of player quality

    (ii) if Wenger doesn’t have enough quality in the squad, he has no one to blame but himself. He built this squad — no one else — and he has had some 150m in cash reserves for some time now to improve it.

    No one to blame save Wenger.

  12. Bamford10


    The same from the Arsenal locker room has been heard a million times and is complete and utter bollocks.

    You know what they’re saying? Arteta is telling the team and the world they need to “dig in” and show their worth. Great. Mikel Arteta. A complete mediocrity who shouldn’t even be in the squad anymore but is somehow captain.

    This is what Le Grove should be reading? Please. If you want that kind of meaningless bullshit, you can go to a a million other dull sites.

  13. Paddy got bored

    Just read this post
    What a total load of shit this tool has written.
    Fuck me Pedro you have some knobby mates

  14. Cesc Appeal

    Yeah, not sure what you can gain from another ‘we must respond…we will bounce back…we must show mental strength and react’ interview. Aside from the fact that the sheer frequency of them might allude to something.

  15. Reliable Sauce

    Its about time Redtruth done a guest post, he knows the subject better than most & is consistant with his view.

  16. Ughelligunner

    Bamford, cesc, over familiarity issues.

    And man utd players have been saying it for 3 seasons, yet?

    Blind, etc were all there when they were played off the pack by wolfburg. If it were arsenal?

    For the love of you people, i just want wenger to let go. Lets see who you think our next coach would be.

    I say Steve Bould.

  17. Ughelligunner

    Not sure what argument
    you’re trying to build there,
    (i) Wenger says Ospina is
    “world class,” so that tells you
    something about his
    assessment of player quality
    (ii) if Wenger doesn’t have
    enough quality in the squad,
    he has no one to blame but
    himself. He built this squad —
    no one else — and he has had
    some 150m in cash reserves
    for some time now to improve
    No one to blame save Wenger.

    And who do you think wenger’s blaming? You want him to say ospina is average and i made a mistake starting him?

    Ospina keeps for Colombia.

    Cech for Czech republic. If you take away club glories, ospina has done more than cech.

    Can we say ospina is worldclass at country level, while cech at club level?

    Do you think, if ospina keeps for Psg or barca, Real Madrid, Bayern, they would have lost the match?

  18. Ughelligunner

    Yeah, wenger just need to go, so that we would all have peace of mind.

    I was so glad giroud didn’t play, not because he is that bad, but all this would have been laid at his feet.

  19. Bamford10


    Are you seriously arguing that Ospina is “world class”? If so, that term means a lot less to you than it means to me. For me “world class” denotes the top 2-3 players at a given position or their equivalent. Ospina isn’t even close to that.

    And the error he made was embarrassing and had nothing to do with the team’s performance as a whole. He would never be starting for a better club, but if he had made that mistake for them — perfectly possible — then yes, he might have cost them a game.

  20. warchester

    ughelli, no need to defend the indefensible…ospina is not world class however you look at it, he’s a decent keeper, like lukas fabianski is a decent keeper…wenger is just being defensive in his responses about ospina because HE made a mistake. If Cech made that ospina mistake, there will be flak but less…anytime in a big match if you make a selection most others would see as a blatant mistake, you’re throwing the guy you selected under the bus and in this case ospina is crucified because he wasn’t good enough and also because wenger threw him under the bus

  21. Zoran

    Wenger: I could have signed Martial but Monaco said he was not for sale.
    Probably you offered them £5million + 1£, you idiot.

  22. Cesc Appeal

    I enjoy the way pro-Wenger people try to make out the complaints are irrational, or are based off a few bad results that have just taken place.

    No one is blaming Ospina for the state of things, no one would blame Giroud…there is one man to blame, the one constant.

    Ironically, it’s actually the Wenger forever posse who are focusing on blaming the players more and more as they run out of holes to hide in.

  23. Bamford10

    Hilarious. I just checked Arseblog — just to see what story he’s pushing — and his lead article is, “Arteta Rallies the Troops”.

    Just as I thought.

    El Tel – Why don’t you go there and read that tripe? That’s more your style.

  24. Reliable Sauce

    Utd have issues at LB, anyones guess what LvG decides to do, but you have to feel Sanchez will be key in getting a result.
    I think we can live with their MF & Monreal should handle Mata well, Martial, Rooney, Depay & Young can cause us plenty of problems.

  25. Dissenter

    I have to admit with some mortification that I dislike Arteta to the point of hatred.

    He’s the ubiquitous reminder of jiw low we’ve come.
    An slightly-above average player for Everton in his prime has become our captain in his twilight.

    He’s such a d-bag along with his manager.

    Rallying the troops? Really.
    He can’t even play two games in two weeks without getting a dead leg.
    If he had any honor he would have effed off back to his Glasgow Rangers to finish his career.Arsenal is the best thing that ever happened to hill.

    Players like Ozil and Sanchez who have been around real class can’t look up to people like Arteta.

    Average players who are still physically present can be great leaders but he’s not even physically able anymore.
    What’s he still doing around?
    Giving speeches????

  26. Dissenter

    Ozyakup isn’t as good as Teilesman from Anderlech.
    That’s who I think we’re bring in January.
    He’s 5’10” which is tall by Wenger standards.

  27. Jeff


    Maybe there was a time in the past when Wenger was genuinely constrained by financial considerations and could not acquire the world class players you speak of. But that is not the case now and it hasn’t been for at least the last 5 years. So, why is Giroud still our main striker? Why is Gibbs our left back? Why did we replace Sagna with Debuchy? Why was Diaby still on the books for so long? Why did we not buy a proper striker and a backup central defender?

    These are not the actions or inactions of a great manager however much you want to sugar-coat the past. You have to acknowledge that even his staunchest defenders are running out of excuses. We are probably in the last throes of the Wenger years and he will leave Arsenal with his finest moment being in 2004.