Don’t be terrible, Arsenal

by .


Here’s a Villa post from my miserable mate, Tom. (@DownInAutumn).

Here are some things that have happened since Aston Villa last scored a premier league goal:

  • 4 Football league managers have been sacked.
  • Christmas.
  • Wojciech Szczesny has smoked 104 fags.
  • Cristiano Ronaldo has scored 184 goals (probably).
  • Arsenal learned how to play against big teams.
  • Most Villa fans have given up on football.

Meanwhile, in total time on the pitch since Aston Villa last scored a Premier League goal, here’s some things you could have done:

  • Watched The film Interstellar 3 times.
  • Flown from Heathrow to Moscow and back again.
  • Worked a full working day (probably less boring than watching Villa too).
  • Climbed Ben Nevis.
  • Zipped up Arsene Wenger’s coat 5 times.

Bottom line is, even with Arsenal’s arguable current weakness at the back, if you let Aston Villa score a goal at the Emirates today, you’re pretty much the worst team ever and you should immediately sack Wenger.

I mean, what is there to even say at this point any more? Villa’s turgid awfulness has been well documented this season, and despite a brief respite last week by beating Championship-gunning Bournemouth and scoring 2 (2!!!) whole goals in the process, the fact is we really don’t have much of a hope of leaving the Emirates with anything other than an increasingly dismal record of impotence. A reminder: Villa’s 11 league goals this season is the worst in all of English (and Scottish) football, by 5 whole goals, Alloa in the Scottish Championship have scored 16, and they’re really shit.

But just for a second, let’s look for some plus points. Well, our defence has actually been ok this season (same goals conceded as you lot) and that’s with a constantly revolving centre-half pairing that actually seems to have found a bit of a sweet spot with the dramatically improved Ciaran Clark and young Joses Okore. They have both performed admirably in the continued absence of perma-injured and ironically monikered ‘Concrete’ Ron Vlaar. He’s so lightweight he’d actually be a decent signing for Arsenal. I wouldn’t worry too much about Benteke today, he’s currently playing with all the gusto and enthusiasm of a Mesut Ozil thank-you video, but we have a much, much better goalkeeper than you do. So there.

There is a blip of optimism amongst the fans after the club showed a previously unheralded level of competence by signing Fabien Delph up to a long term contract last week (although the cynic in me says that’s a favour from him to the club to beef up his eventual selling fee this, or next summer). And then there is the name on every Villa fan’s lips – Carles Gil. I’m assuming you’ve all seen his goal against Bournemouth last week? That is the sort of quality that we have lacked for longer than an Abou Diaby injury spell. Gil is the glimmer of creative hope in an endless claret and blue sea of mediocrity, and we’re all hoping he can be our saviour this season already. But then again he’s a kid, from Spain, with a questionable record and has only played 2 games. But hey, we’ll take it where we can get it these days.

On that note. Enjoy the goal fest. See you in the pub with my head in a pint.

633 Responses to “Don’t be terrible, Arsenal”

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  1. Highbury Daze

    My team, chez in goal, the exceptional fucking beast paulista to partner Per at CB chambers RB, Gibbs LB, flamini ramsey,ox cazorla,walcott, with akpom spearheading them at CF

    what do the rest of the children go with

  2. Highbury Daze

    I fear for coquelin, he is the flavour of the month now because he was needed to do a job, with arteta out injured, and he”s done an outstanding job, better than people thought, flamini is finished as is arteta beilik is the new cdm although some think schneiderlin will come the summer, coq might be sold to top up wenger’s pocket book, Wenger always moves players on for profit,

  3. Highbury Daze

    Giroud, another goal he just can’t stop scoring, seems the more they bag him the better he gets and the more he scores, anybody still want to compare Ozil with Coutinho or any other pretender, Wenger plays him out of position and he still contributes, imagine if he was played in his best position, but this manager is too fucking stupid, the reason he plays him wide left is because, WENGER NEVER SIGNED HIM, JUST LIKE WENGER NEVER SIGNED ARSHAVIN, AND HE FUCKED HIS CAREER BY SHUNTING HIM WIDE LEFT, AND ASKED HIM TO TRACK BACK

    you don’t pay 42.5m to treat a genius like a donkey, the donkey is Arsene fucking Wenger

    Jesus fucking Christ, you build a team around Mesut Ozil he should be kept in cotton wool he is the provider if given the chance, then put a world class CDM with him for protection and watch him seduce the fans

    But what does numb nutz wenger do, plays him as a right midfielder right winger, either way WRONG

    We have good players individually this senile fuck is crueling them with his uselessness we beat City should beat united, in fact this team should beat most teams with the right manager in charge, beating Villa was easy, they are the worst side I have seen in the EPL, next sacking, Lambert

  4. peanuts&monkeys

    I guess 3 of these 5 goals came from counters yesterday. Well, the Arsenal style of playing by jamming the opposition’s half with 6 players square passing among each other is perhaps the worst playing plan any team has.

    So, counters should be or paramount importance. Or, let the attack be through long passes back and forth. No square passing please.

  5. tunnygriffboy


    Good article. Ramsey is the key. He played the whole of last season being the only one running beyond Giroud and was bar our CF our only realistic goal threat. Now with our additional firepower he has had to go back to a more traditional b2b role.and he’s found it difficult to adjust. He’s been injured and his form hasn’t been great. Hopefully he is starting to settle and can be an important cog in the team

    We all want a top DM. We also need another quality b2b midfielder with similar energy levels to Ramsey. His game requires huge amounts of energy and he puts huge strain on his body week in week out. He needs to be able to be rotated otherwise he’ll pick up recurring injuries. I’m not convinced Wilshere can do it someone like Sissoko would be ideal. Pogba better 🙂 🙂

  6. N5

    Tunny, peanuts is a Chelsea fan which he’s openly admitted numerous times, I’m not sure why he has so much interest in Arsenals affairs, but either way you’re wasting time even trying to talk to him

  7. Wallace


    yeah, Ramsey’s ability to eat up the miles makes him very valuable, but yesterday i thought there were times when he looked a little outclassed by his colleagues. i mean, Cazorla, Ozil & Rosicky are on a different planet to most, but it was quite noticeable whenever Ramsey got the ball how momentum would be lost. he’s just got to do what Coquelin does and give it simple to one of the other three. and while Coquelin tackles, he runs.

  8. tunnygriffboy


    Whooa. Don’t say anything against the Welsh Jesus 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Seriously, I see where you’re coming from. He’s been better the last few games and I think he’ll improve. That was my point, he needs a competitor with the same engine. Jack couldn’t do it.

    Our attacking options are really very good at the moment and we said all last season give Santi and Mesut pace and we’ll be a real handful. What are tactics for next week ? Beat spurs and they then have to go to lpool midweek. We could open a gap.

  9. N5

    Just reading through some of the old blogs and Keyser vs SDE was legendry! Before he started to lose patience with Le Grove Keyser was an absolute monster!!

  10. GuNZ

    Well, what a shit of a day. After the lift of Mezut Özil’s Big Day Out I’ve spent the last 14 odd hours on solid work slog. Even that cunt Giroud’s not giving me much to moan about at present, fucking arsehole.

    Ok, who’s next? Spurs 1:45 a.m my time next Sunday morning. Alright, I’ve been getting nearer and nearer with the scores the last 3 weeks (picked all the results but a tad out of synch with the universe where the actual scores were concerned) however I reckon I’m about ready to hit the TAB and have an on-the-nose punt with the North London derby. Three one to the Gooners! Oh fucking yes! Three cracking, little, shove-that-up-your-Seven-Sisters-vaginas, beautifully crafted, reminiscent-of-Graham Rix-and-Brady’s- exsquisite-outside-of-the-left-foot mesmerisers, White-Hart-Lane-is-a-shithole beauties. And, because I’m nothing if not fair, I’ll even let them have the first goal. Can’t say fairer than that!

  11. Wallace


    it’s interesting, i’d say ourselves, Spurs and Liverpool are the form teams of the PL. i’d settle for a draw next saturday, but if we could win…right now i’d be disappointed if we finish lower than 3rd.

  12. Leedsgunner

    Ramsey needs to be encouraged and reminded that as long as he does the basics rights — his form will come back. I think his form in the first part of the season last year even surprised him (as it did most of us) and he probably feels disappointed that he hasn’t reached those heights again. However, because he set the bar so high, I think it would be unrealistic and unfair to expect him to go there again.

    I’m not encouraging him to become complacent, but rather he needs to settle down, remember his strengths and start enjoying his football again. As he does, the other star players in the team like Özil will bring out the best in him again.

    Ramsey is a good player, a solid professional. He needs to be patient with himself and not force the issue, because it will end in injuries which will set him back again.


    I wish Jack would learn his work ethic, if he did he would become the good player that he already thinks he is.

  13. Leedsgunner


    Form goes out the window in derby day. If all our big players step up, as they have been I say we are good to get three points.

  14. Zementalstrength

    Like me, of course, Daze enjoyed the game yesterday.

    But I can understand his feeling : every time we punish an average team, everybody suddenly seem to think that we must keep wenger, and that is really a strange (annoying ??) behavior….

  15. GuNZ

    On my last trip to the UK I happened to chance upon a wonderful pub in the middle of the Lincolnshire nowhere (if you’re from Lincolnshire I have nothing but praise for your county and main city) the landlord of which was a Burnley supporter and he imparted a wondrous snippet of wisdom. ‘Don’t look at the points, lad,’ he said (he was older than I), ‘look at the ‘goals for’ first and then the goal difference. That’ll tell you who’ll end up where.’ On that system, we’ll end up third (as it stands). Strangely enough he didn’t go on to proposition me or warn me to ‘get home before dark’ or offer to sell me any of his daughters born of an incestuous relationship with his sex change son, as is so often the case in out of the way pubs worldwide. He didn’t even play the banjo for crying out loud. I felt really let down I can tell you.

  16. GuNZ


    You are quite correct. It is like a dog which you beat for weeks and then suddenly start giving treats and it wags its tail and loves you again.

    Daze is absolutely constant in a high-tensile way and his opinion ploughs through the undulating, oscillating wishy-wash of many. When the soap scum finally settles and reveals what’s left at the bottom of the washing machine of the season, I think many will be surprised that the Arsenal pair of gruds looks just like they did after last season’s wash – bit grubby, not the shiniest in the pack but still just about wearable. What am I trying to say here? Let’s go to the Bendon shop and get a fancy new pair of sexy, frilly knickers! Yes!

  17. Wallace


    agree re Ramsey. goals from him are a bonus, we have plenty more firepower elsewhere these days. feels like he still thinks he has to get us another 15 goals a season.

  18. Emiratesstroller

    There are a small number of lessons to be learned from our recent games.

    1. Arsenal did not need to make wholesale changes to personnel available at
    the club. Most concerns revolved around lack of defenders in squad and of
    course a CDM.

    2.We have discovered that Ospina is a more solid goalkeeper than Szczesny. I
    am pretty sure that he will remain first choice for rest of season.

    3. Coquelin is a better option than either Flamini or Arteta in CDM. However,
    I believe that Arsenal will still make investment in summer in this position.

    4. Ozil and Cazorla can play in same team. For that matter I think that they can
    both play in team with Sanchez and this will provide fluidity which will be
    very difficult for opposition to track. Walcott may have scored a decent goal
    yesterday, but his work ethic in team is limited. Ozil provides class which
    can be game changer.

    5. Bellerin is a great player in making and potentially the best talent coming
    out of Academy for a very long time. It is important that we tie him down to
    long term contract to prevent vultures from Spain nicking him as they will
    surely attempt to do.

    Arsenal should aim for at least second place in League, which is feasible, but
    not lower than third so that we don’t have to go through early season process
    of CL qualification. That will make it much easier to plan transfer policy in

    Personally I would focus this summer on offloading some of the older players
    in squad and those out on loan. We don’t need to make wholesale changes to
    our squad perhaps 2-3 new players at most.

    I suspect that Arsenal will buy a new goalkeeper as replacement for Szczesny.
    Personally I cannot see him remaining as understudy particularly with his
    father in background, but realistically he is not as good as Ospina.

  19. GuNZ


    The Sebastopol Inn in a place called Minting. It really is in the middle of nowhere. And the goals for/goal difference system works. It really does! And the landlord is seriously a Burnley supporter and his son, the chef, is a Liverpool supporter. I got very, very drunk there.