Happy new year one and all! @aldo_doel here fresh from 2014 to massage your eyes with some soothing words and that.
So now we are into the new year and January, it’s silly season in terms of news. A cursory glance across Newsnow reveals a rich tapestry of clickbait shite written by desperate hacks whose dreams of becoming an intrepid reporter for a respected broadsheet are slowly crushed every time their sub editor asks them to rewrite an article about a Felipe Melo tweet until it is completely unreadable just so that they can slap the headline on it: “Melo ‘in heaven’ about Gunners move”.
No sympathy from me because I’ve just opened three of said articles and discovered we may (or may not) be signing Krystian Bielik (who?); we are set to beat Manchester United in the race for William Carvalho (who no one wanted in the summer) and we are DEFINITELY signing Loic Perrin after he told some journalists that.
Sorry I shouldn’t be so disparaging about transfer rumours. I love transfer rumours. It’s one of the great things about football; imagining how this or that player could improve your team (I mean imagine Georgios Samaras, IMAGINE!)
Also people who dismiss transfer gossip as infantile or “not supporting the team” are dreadful humans – slightly worse than people who stand on the left on the Tube escalators in the ‘Doel Hierarchy of Bastardry’.
The despondency about all this transfer tomfoolery comes from the fact that rather than guessing on January 7 who may be on their way, we should have had this locked down weeks ago. New DM and CB Bang! Where’s Cabaye, Schniederlin or Khedira? Where’s Mings or Reid? These guys don’t have £100m buyout clauses. We have a desperate need for players in these positions, the Manager and our own players have acknowledged it. We could sign any one of them if we showed some ambition. Instead we are looking to make do with another Ligue 1 journeyman – Squillaci or Kallstrom Mark II. Balls.
Even if you are going to shop in the bargain bucket at least get it done early so we don’t have to struggle though the rest of January with Waddle the Dog and a Charlton loanee anchoring our midfield.
In other news nobody’s flavour of the month Wojciech Chezknee has been caught smoking in the shower. Why? Who knows, maybe it’s a new craze, like snorting ket in the bath; but as Pete covered yesterday it’s pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard a footballer do given where he was and how he knows Arsene would react about it. Zero chill.
Unlike Pedro I still think SZCZ has something to offer. He bailed us out a fair few times last season and had serious skillz when he was young. My view is – as with our last 4 keepers – any talent he has is being slowly coached out of him by Gerry Peyton and his team of clumsy waiters. I mean seriously which was the last Arsenal Keeper to improve during his time with us? Lehman about 10 years ago. It’s a madness.
Finally the football. Well to be honest I’ve missed a lot of it what with being on holiday in Costa Rica over Xmas (LOL), but it seems all the goodwill built up from the QPR and West Ham games was undone by another away day horror show at Southampton. Another game we should be winning if we are serious about competing for the title (which I understand we are). Still at least the Hull game was good. I really hope we kick on in the second half of the season as the first half has been quite frankly appalling.
Our next game is at home on Sunday against Stoke. Ah Stoke, like an evening in Weatherspoon’s with Jim Davidson. Needless to say it won’t be a pretty game and we will have to tolerate some of their fans hilarious “banter” which includes booing Aaron Ramsey for breaking his leg and making barely legible signs about Arsene Wenger. If anything makes me an AKB it’s the thought of him winning League at the Britannia and lifting the trophy in front of all their confused, ghoulish faces. That’d be sweet.
More analysis of that game nearer the time. Anyway that’s me done for the day.
Enjoy your breakfasts x