Newcastle preview, Ray the Egg and Press Conference bantz

by .

Now that I have your attention

You better believe it

Bonjourno and good morning! Alex here under strict instruction to deliver a blog of exceptional quality to you after I failed to turn up to training yesterday.

I know I let you all down. But more importantly, I let Pedro down, who is twice the haircut any of you are. So this one’s for him.

There’s a lot to discuss ahead of our late kick off against Newcastle so please turn on, tune in and cop out (but obviously keep reading):

Press Conference piss-boiling

Let’s start with the manager’s latest bantz-laden presser which has caused consternation amongst many, especially this quote:

“If everybody is fit and available, we don’t need to go on the transfer market. But we have to consider that there could be a question mark with Koscielny’s fitness and we have to go out on the transfer market.”

An absolutely ludicrous concept at Arsenal, which hasn’t been injury free since the original Sugarbabes were still together. Even with the qualifying sentence about Koscielny’s fitness, the fact that the manager would rather play players out of position than use young deputies like Hayden is clear evidence that we’re in desperate need of another option at CB.

Some more belters include:

“There will be very little activity [in general], because all the big clubs want to keep their players, and it will be as usual quiet in the first three weeks and a bit frenetic in the last three or four days.” 

How many times have we heard this one before? The world’s worst negotiating tactic. What’s so embarrassing about this statement is; it doesn’t fool anyone (except Geoff Arsenal), it doesn’t strengthen our negotiating position and everyone knows Arsenal’s transfer activity is frenetic in the last few days because we CHOOSE to wait until then to close deals because we think it’ll save a few £million.

While its difficult to assess whether it has saved the club any money, we do know it has cost the club a lot in terms of missed opportunities and ensuring we enter each season with the resources we need to effectively compete for the title.

So let’s ditch the last minute panic buy strategy and take a leaf out of Alec Baldwin’s book (sorry I just wanted to shoehorn this in again):


Stoke booiness

The manager has also spoken about the barracking he received from some fans on the way back from the Stoke game:

“It’s a permanent tribunal from everybody, and it is as it is. You have to cope with that. I believe that you want zero tolerance for no respect. You want respect in society and you want to legally make sure that respect is applied to everybody. Everybody has the right to be respected. I don’t think that anybody likes not to be respected.”

I’m sorry what? Zero tolerance for no respect? So are we going to fine Theo for making the 2-0 gesture to Tottenham fans or Arsene for pushing Mourinho on the touchline?

What a load of nonsense.

For what it’s worth, I thought the Stoke incident was unpleasant and not deserving of a man who has given so much to the club, but I am struggling to see what choice dissenting fans have these days to voice their objections.

Banners aren’t allowed if we are winning or losing. Marches are laughed at. Booing in the stadium affects the team performance. Complaining online means you’re not a true fan. Worst still you know if the manager gets it wrong the board stay silent, so there is absolutely no pressure on him from above to reassess his approach.

So if you’ve just spent a lot of money travelling to Stoke (Stoke for chrissake) to witness one of the most diabolical football performances of all time, that unfortunately is pretty much par for the course nowadays, and you see the guy who has responsibility for it, what would you do?

That’s right you’d smile and wave.


Arsenal’s training methods have been savaged by Dutch fitness rent-a-gob Raymond Vehierihejjjjn. He tweeted:

“Sad to read the news about yet another muscle injury for Aaron Ramsey. His injury record at Arsenal is simply shocking for such young player. 

“Robin Van Persie is only 31 but more and more starts to look like an old man on pitch because of all damage done to his body during his Arsenal period.

“The same career-threatening process takes place at Arsenal with Ramsey, (Theo) Walcott, (Jack) Wilshire and (Alex) Oxlade-Chamberlain who are structurally injured.

“Players who are injured season after season develop all kind of weak links inside the body so a vicious injury cycle develops during career.

“Thankfully, (Cesc) Fabregas was able to escape Arsenal after a few years so the amateurs in London did not get the chance to also destroy his body.”

As annoying as he may be the only question that really matters is, is he right? Is what he is saying corroborated by any other evidence available to us: statements from ex-players, journalists in the know, and our absolutely appalling injury record?

Look at Laurent Koscielny who has been played through an Achilles injury for the last 8 months; compare the injury record of Fabregas during and post Arsenal; and look at the injury records of Gibbs, Wilshere, Ramsey and Walcott – players who have been with Arsene since they were very young. It ain’t pretty.

Rather than looking for great media conspiracies against Arsene, blaming refs or hair pills or pitch surfaces, surely its time we accept that the simplest explanation – that Arsenal’s training methods are out of date – is the right one (hat tip to William of Ockham).

People might not like what Ray the Egg has to say but has any of it contradicted what we already know about Arenal’s injury record? No.

Newcastle today

Alan Pardew has come out in defence of Arsene. Wow talk about getting kicked when you’re down. That’s like Jimmy Saville acting as a character witness for you over a parking ticket.

We all know Pards is one of the lads, who, when he isn’t turning up unannounced at women’s houses with a bottle of Jacob’s Creek and Kenny G’s greatest hits on CD, likes nothing better than an evening in with a few beers, a copy of Zoo magazine and a good cry. However, I never knew he felt this way about Arsene. Total bromance overload.

Nonetheless, despite being an absolute weapon, he’s just won manager of the month, and Newcastle have just beaten Chelsea. Coupled with the fact we are likely to be playing our kitman at the back means today will be a tough test.

Out injured for Arsenal are… oh sod it, its so long I’ll just print screen it instead.

Sad Forsythe

Sad Forsythe

Ramsey’s injury is another massive setback as he was just finding form. Defensively, we look a gazillion times better when we have LK6 and Arteta playing. And what the hell has happened to Walcott? He came back for one game, looked amazing, and has now disappeared again.

All this means today will be a tough test, however my gut is still saying we will win today (Caveat: my gut is almost always wrong).

How do you think we will line up today? Would you like to see a youngster get their chance? Let me know in the comments.

Right thats your lot from me! Please give me a follow @aldo_doel and UTA xxx

Ps Arsenal are donating their wages from today’s game to The Arsenal Foundation, which supports projects that transform the lives of young people in the UK and overseas. Players have been taking selfies wearing the official Arsenal Christmas jumper (look how suave Rambo is, what a lad) and are encouraging supporters to take their own Christmas jumper selfie and post them on the Arsenal Foundation’s Facebook or Twitter page using #AFCFoundation.

So go on support a good cause!

Football hipster

Football hipster

377 Responses to “Newcastle preview, Ray the Egg and Press Conference bantz”

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  1. tunnygriffboy

    Sparkling attacking performance full of pace and vigour. About time. Great counter attacking. Ironic that last few weeks we’ve had 8/10 attempts on goal when today we’ve had 4 and scored them all. A good win against one of the form teams. Good performances all round. Now get some more players fit and continue this type of form

    Debuchy is waaaaaaaaaaay better as a defender than Monreal. May be good that he got 90 mins as a CB today as 2nd game back he’d have to do a lot more running at right back. Perhaps it was a cunning plan loooooooooooool 🙂

  2. Relieable sauce


    Beggars cant be chosers, my laptop was broken in an unrelated incident…well indirectly. I’ve never really minded listening to footy on the radio, I used to listen to Capital fm on medium wave radio when itv were appeasing MUs southern fans.
    Matterface & Colly where pretty good tbf, you just need to ignore the shock jock stuff…which can be difficult at times.

  3. Johnty79

    But good performance….

    Liverpool result will define our second half of season.

    Win and I take us to beat qpr and west ham..

    Lose and the doom starts again..

  4. Relieable sauce

    It would have been 6-2 if we could score from corners.

    Jesus, sports news – AFC move within ?points of the top 4…


  5. tunnygriffboy

    Typical, all the WOB disappear when we get a good result. Suppose they’ll all crawl back out when we lose a game, they’re not brave enough to come on when we win ! ! ! !

    Please please note that is totally tongue in cheek. I’m giddy and happy that I’ve enjoyed a game for the first time this season, not having bitten my nails right down and not being perched on the edge of my seat in a huge state of anxiety 🙂 🙂

  6. karim

    AOC 2nd best dribbler in the league after Hazard !
    Made a few mistakes as Radio mentioned but 2nd solid performance in a row for the kid, that s what we all expect from him !

    Bring on the Reds !

  7. Jeff

    The reason those fans were booing last week was because they temporarily lost faith in retaining fourth place. Every time we win one, that faith is restored – that’s why they were chanting happily because let’s face it most Arsenal fans are perfectly happy with fourth and so is Wenger.

  8. Zementalstrength

    @Jeff : absolutely spot on!!

    A defeat = “why you look at me like that ??”
    A victory = wenger is God.

    We are trully fucked anyway.

  9. Gooner Dan

    We will still finish 4th like it is some big achievement and exit champions league at second round WENGER OUT !!!! If the fucking club want to charge top dollar then make sure results in league and champions league befits the prices

  10. Bobpatdentel

    We would not be replacing a Wenger from 2003/4 but someone who can improve on the last 8 years
    Wenger treats the fans with distain and will never leave until a time of his own choosing

  11. Relieable sauce



    I’m generalising again & it may not be their most dominate trait…but if you cant see it you’ll have to get an explanation elsewhere. I have neither the time nor the inclination.
    I realise this makes me sound like a real shit bag, I genuinely mean no offence 🙂

  12. Gooner Dan

    We finished 2nd in our group to a side that are 3rd from bottom in the German league, below Southampton and West Ham in the league and so far off City and the Chavs it’s stupid so anyone who thinks Wenger should stay after this result should really fuck off WENGER OUT !!

  13. tunnygriffboy

    Guys, it was just nice to see a good performance. Had we taken some of our chances in other games we may have had a few other good resullts. We all know that unless we get our full defence on the field ( and a CB cover ) and a top DM we are not going to challenge at the very top. I did enjoy the game today though.

  14. karim

    Captain Stupid

    What a glorious life you re leading !
    Thanks again for the daily shit show, Le Grove wouldn’t be the same without you

    Keep up with the good work

  15. Cesc Appeal

    Ozil returns to training as well. So looks as if he might be back just before 2015.

    Just please, please don’t shunt him out to the wing. Hopefully with Wilshere out until March that won’t be happening until the tail end of the season.

    What is going on with Walcott as well??

  16. Thomas

    tunnygriffboy December 13, 2014 20:44:00

    Guys, it was just nice to see a good performance. Had we taken some of our chances in other games we may have had a few other good resullts. We all know that unless we get our full defence on the field ( and a CB cover ) and a top DM we are not going to challenge at the very top. I did enjoy the game today though.


    You forgot to add a proper manager as well.

  17. Cesc Appeal

    Past two days we’re being linked with that Lucas Silva and Romulo of Moscow, both CDM’s.

    So the media knows what we need

    …expect a LB

  18. daz

    RS I just don’t see fickle as the best description for so called AKBs as most will stick by Wenger regardless of the result I think what’s happening is fans who want him out are vocal when we lose and AKBs are vocal when we win so it seems as the whole are fickle, really were two separate groups of fans now because so many people are letting their feelings towards the manager get in the way of supporting the team

  19. Jeff

    Newcastle hardly tested our defence today and not only that they played an open game. So it was a lethal combination of what not to do against us.

    Liverpool next week will probably play the same way and we’ll more than likely beat them as well. Then we have QPR at home – should be an easy 3 points. But them we have West Ham followed by Southampton both away. They will test us for sure.

  20. Hunter

    We must give credit when credits due,I want WENGER Out but today the boys did good and you simply can’t knock the result!To be honest the defence looked better today than in previous weeks,Debuchy fitted in perfectly,the midfield worked and the attack looked dangerous,so well done lads.I still believe WENGER is a lost cause and should go ASAP!

  21. karim

    A lot of noise about Romulo to Arsenal next Jan

    He missed the whole of September due to an injury and is now sidelined for 3 months

    Makes sense, welcome to Arsenal Romulo !

  22. Mike adamski

    I’m a wenger out .

    But I still enjoyed that victory . Good performances and a good result .
    If we keep that up We can do liverpool over next week .

    Santi , Giroud , bellerin and debuchy were all mustard today

  23. Relieable sauce


    Your right, you make a valid point & its not the best description, well at least of the AKB defenders of the faith…they never stray from the path of righteousness. It also depends on your definition of the AKB I suppose & I am a WOB extremist/spud depending on your view.
    “They” see any good result as a demonstration of a corner being turned & use it to try & justify years of ineptitude. It just riles me when the WOB are labelled reactionary & fickle when they have always remained true to their belief.
    We want Arsenal to compete to the best of its abilities.


    ps – even the doomers can find joy in a Ramsey rocket or a commited team performance but it doesnt change their view of wenger, its just some respite from the negativity.

  24. WrightIsGod

    Great performance from the team. High tempo from the off.

    Our defence is still dogshit and there are naive errors waiting to happen all over the place.

    However, there was a definite improvement against a team that either give you a game or lay down. I’d say they blatantly did the latter this evenig.

  25. Gooner Dan

    I hate Wenger and this perpetual cycle off piss poor results followed by quite frankly average run of results PATHETIC ! I want Wenger out and Kroenke DEAD ! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

  26. MadeToLoveMagic

    I think wilsheres injury will absolutely save our season,, as someone mentioned earlier if he is out till march Wenger has no reason to play ozil out wide.

    I really rate wilshere but i think he needs time to get his game back and maybe a bit part role with less pressure may actually suit him for a season or two ,

  27. tunnygriffboy


    Yeah it did look as if Newcastle played open. A lot of that was because we got a really good tempo going, pressed them early doors and got the goal. If you think in the first half hour Per hit the bar, Welbeck had a good goal disallowed and then put a volley just wide I think they were shell shocked. 2nd half they had to look for a goal and it gave us space. The importance of taking an early chance heh ! ! !

    Chelsea full of great players and are a powerful team but having just seen match of the day their diving is cringeworthy. Then the specialist in hypocrisy comes on and says his players don’t simulate. God they’re hateful.

  28. Arsenal 1886-2006

    I actually enjoyed watching the match today, we look so much more fluid without Jack in the middle. I can see the Ox taking his role and Jack maybe playing deeper in the Arteta role and as more of a squad role than a starter.
    Will his ego, not saying he has an ego but the media do big him up, be able to take it?

    Bellerin as well has to be the back up RB, the kid has pace, skill and seems to have a good footballing brain, his Barca DNA is a worry though and if we receive an offer for him he will be gone.

    All in all a good day.

  29. Arsenewonga

    Fucking ipad cunt pad….good win….just wondering when it will end?

    4th place again…maybe 3rd…brilliant..great..
    Back in 1978 when I was attempting to make a choice about which football team to support (my father being arsenal obviously coerced me)
    Financial stability wasn’t one of the things which came to mind….trophies were….
    I guess I chose the wrong sport

  30. Cesc Appeal


    Yeah that was me earlier.

    Really is a bizarre thing that Wilshere hurts our performances so much. We look a slow, directionless side with him, everyone is inhibited in the middle by his presence.

  31. Highbury Daze

    Wenger broadcasts, 99.9 of the fans love him, don’t know where he gets his data, I must be in the .1% that utterly despises him

    Newcastle have a bad record in London, our RB spent more time in Newcastle’s 6 yard box than Coloccini

  32. Highbury Daze

    1886, of course he will be gone, that’s why Wenger buys these young kids, puts a bit of polish on them then gets the profit, these are profiteers, businessmen, they don’t give a tinkers cuss about where we finish or if we don’t win trophies, Dan Crowley was bought not to lead AFC to greatness, but to be sold to the dumb cunts with too much money, Zelalem, and others, this is a training ground for them ready to be sold to clubs for profit

    This is a club that has been reduced to trading in kids, getting young players for next to nothing, paying compensation for robbing other clubs of their jewells

    Putting a bit of polish on them, mark them as AFC juniors, total crap, then make a tidy profit

    This is the flesh trade, masquerading as football, buying and selling people, it’s a fucking disgrace, some players are actually owned by individuals, this is a fucked up world

  33. Highbury Daze

    Cesc, that is so true, that’s because Wenger want’s him to be the main man, so everyone else has to hang around, be put in neutral while Jack makes his mind up what to do, this team is more fluent without him, that is obvious

  34. Highbury Daze

    1978, wonga, come into the real world, that is gone forever, lost in time, welcome to modern football circa 2014 at AFC, money, money, and more money, what are these guys selling, football, a game that lasts 90 minutes, it’s more of a service than a product,and the entrepreneurs of this world jumped all over the game, hitching their selves to the peoples game, for one purpose, make more money than you could ever dream of, parasites, chancers like Kroenke who probably never seen a game of football before he bought AFC

  35. Highbury Daze

    Calum Chambers was absent, suspended for the dismissal that halted a possible comeback against Stoke. His role for the day was to collect cash in a charity bucket in the press room and executive facilities.

    This is what this club has been reduced to under the filthy Kroenke, getting a suspended player to collect cash in a fucking bucket, have these pricks no honour, no pride, in a plastic bucket for fuck sake, petty and despicable, I am hating this club by the day under Kroenke and Wenger

  36. Highbury Daze

    How demeaning for Chambers to have to stoop to collecting money in a bucket for these fucking parasites, shameful

  37. Highbury Daze

    No truth in the rumour Ozil was seen in the washrooms doing some cleaning, what a fucking club it has become, the Americanization of AFC, it’s not a pretty sight, in fact it’s quite ugly

  38. Highbury Daze

    But there is light at the end of the tunnel one day, Kroenke will die as will Wenger and maybe this club can go back to being half fucking decent

  39. Emiratesstroller

    This was in my view our best performance of the season.

    The team played with pace and for a change with more direct football. Yes Newcastle were fairly open in midfield and the back but the way we played yesterday I think that we would have secured more points this season than we have done so far.

    Despite our makeshift back line and only one centre back I thought that Debuchy had a very good game. However, the star for me and others who were
    sitting around me was Bellerin. I thought that he was absolutely terrific. His
    defensive positioning was excellent for most of the game and his pace going
    forward was exceptional + of course his cross for the second goal.

    Giroud also had a good game and he does offer physical presence to the team,
    which has been lacking for most of our season so far. I know that a lot of posters are not fans of him, but he is an effective players in this team.

    Nevertheless ‘one swallow does not make a summer’. There are still weaknesses with our squad. We need an extra centre back particularly if Koscielny has
    long term injury and we need to recruit a ‘world class defensive midfielder’
    who can organise our team.

    Also the club needs to sort out why our players get injured so frequently and
    endeavour to resolve the situation.

  40. Wallace

    just watched the highlights. seemed like there was a real zip to our game. and nice to see Bellerin get an assist. think we’d have been fine starting him in the home games this last couple of months.

  41. Keyser

    There were things that I liked, but it seems results dictate almost 90% of fans opinion. I think we should still see it as a work in progress, take things we can use out of this game for when we play teams like Chelsea.

    I don’t think we were especially good, and I’d struggle to deem it the best performance of the season, I still like the Citeh one and even then they weren’t really at full strength.

    Newcastle were poor, they have no real midfield and a pretty disjointed attack, Ox, Cazorla, Flamini, is weak for us but they didn’t test them at all, they swung it wide at every oppurtunity and just aimed crosses into the box, Cisse isn’t the best but he’s not really a great scorer of headers either, Perez’s goal in contrast was deft.

    Hopefully as we get players back we can start to really control and dictate play, for anyone in disagreement there’s two instances that I’d like to draw to attention.

    First at 1-0, the double save by Sczcesny, 1-1 and Newcastle have something to hold onto again.

    Second the Sanchez – Welbeck, 2 on 1 break, that one break sums up the area we really need to improve on, that should’ve been a goal, I know both were only signed this year, but they’re both quick enough and talented enough to pull it off and that sort of clinical ruthlessness is what we should be aiming for.

  42. Keyser

    Now I’d like to talk about haircuts and facial hair.

    I like Debuchy, but the ferret he balances on his head, really annoys me, either shave it off and enforce a beard or do neither. Ramsey had a decent beard, and then went and cut it down, tailored it.

    There should only be 3 choices :

    Shaved head and/or beard.

    Sensible smart haircut, unkempt beard/ moustache.

    Smart haircut, extravagant moustache.

    Ainsley Maitland-Niles, double barrelled name, smart haircut, 1930’s moustache, thumbs up.

  43. Highbury Daze

    Wenger is following in the footsteps of that other infamous despot Idi Amin, claiming, ” The People Loves Me”

    Mr 99.9% fuck off Arsene

  44. Emiratesstroller

    Giroud goes to the same hairdresser as my daughter and wife in Hampstead! Very creative but I am led to believe rather expensive. I can only afford a bog standard barber in less fashionable location!

  45. Highbury Daze

    Where does this idiot get data from, he makes this shit up as he goes along

    Worst start to a campaign for over 30 years, a squad with only 2 CB and one perennially injured, a injury list that is a embarrassingly amateurish, no real CDM,

    And this anal head thinks 99.9 fans loves him, what a total scrotal sack

  46. Highbury Daze

    If they do go to the same hair dresser they were robbed, I hope they didn’t pay for that monstrosity, it looks like he just ripped the hair out by the fucking roots, by hand

  47. Highbury Daze

    I tell you what, I would love to sit down with this clown for 30 minutes, I would refute and dismantle all the lies and crap he has spouted over the last couple of years, starting with this outrageous claim 99.9% people loves his work, what a pathetic fucking creature

  48. Highbury Daze

    I wonder if his wife loves his work, you know, his involvement with the rap tart, I’m sure his missus is a huge fan of him, but we can’t talk about that, it’s personal, seems like they like a bit on the side at AFC, Giroud walking around hotel rooms at 3.00am with some cocksucker, no wonder Giroud comes out publicly to defend his fornicator boss, a nice fucking pair

  49. Rosicky@Arsenal

    Really impressed by Hector Bellerin.People criticizing wenger for letting Sagna go to city must now realize wenger did the right thing in not letting Sagna dictate his unrealistic wage demands.
    Tough i am a fan of Sagna but he was getting too old to demand increse wages.

    Bellerin was my MOTM yesterday. His anticipation was quick.His runs down the flank were good . impressive stuff.
    He is better than Chambers IMO

  50. Highbury Daze

    Sagna was on a reported 60k a week and had not got a raise for years, was loyal to the club while others weren’t he was quite withing his rights to ask for a raise in pay, the manager gets one why not the players

  51. Highbury Daze

    Bellerin, another player Wenger poached from Barcelona where he spent 8 years, another Cesc story, pay lousy 500k compensation to poach Barcas family jewels, then Wenger can claim him as one of his home grown products he can sell for profit

  52. Highbury Daze

    But you think it is Ok to pay a 65 year old pensioner 8 million quid a year plus 3 million bonus, what planet are you on

  53. Bankz

    Highbury Daze

    You’re on a roll this morning.
    99.9 % of the Arsenal fans love him so what you gonna do about that??
    Why you look at me?
    Stop look at me.

    Anywayz I’ve resigned to fate. I honestly think Wenger will still be managing us well into his 90th birthday.

  54. daz

    I don’t think he said 99.9% love him did he, he said they have respect even if their not happy which is a bit different from what most of you have been saying.

  55. Bankz


    I don’t care what he said, LOVE is the key. LOVE conquereth all.
    Let’s all LOVE Arsene Wenger into winning the EPL again & winning the Champions league.


    you really need to start writing about LOVE.
    Let us all LOVE this great club of ours into Bayern Munich status.
    Let us all join hands and love this club of ours into greatness in Europe.

  56. Ozrus

    Highbury daze, you are a fuckin lunatic mate. There have been quite a few on LG, but you are the king of the militant morons. Don’t forget to take your medication, look after yourself