Ahhhh, jeez, it’s Friday. My Ebola is clear, the light at the end of the work tunnel is light and I can taste the rainbow.
… or something like that.
This weekend we take on Sunderland away. They’ve been taking spankings like Max Mosley on a break up weekender. If we can’t take out that shit show, we really will be asking questions of Arsene Wenger.
So how do we think his birthday night went? Who was leading the festivities? Where does Arsene go out on a mad one? I reckon it’s a glass of wine somewhere easy… like, maybe a Wetherspoons… you know, somewhere cheap early doors so the skintest person can get a round in. Then maybe onto somewhere to line the stomach? Chicken Shop on Kingsland Road is ironic dining…
‘Fancy posh Fried Chicken Arsene! Are you off your rocker?’
‘Colbert you total bastard, stop trying to banter me and trust in the King… and by the way peasants, it’s King Wenger all night, and this is my crown*’
*pulls Crown acquired from Liverpool Street Burger King
‘Excellent Arsene, but I need to see some ladies after’
Then where does Wenger take the guys? He’s only got a table in Whisky Mist. Shots lined up on the table, sparkler in the vodka… it’s mental. Fuck, Colbert has Spencer from MIC in a headlock. Vik Akers has got the champers in, but his credit card has been rejected and he’s having a row with barman…
‘No Vik, you can’t pay in replica shirts’
Rowley voms in the cab, he spent the whole night being the ‘chief scout’ of the ladies, Primroac tries to replicate that Bendnter incident for LOLz,
‘NO BORO, PUT IT AWAY SON!’
It all goes off and they’re back in bed for 0830.
… the Mrs knows nothing, until she finds a rogue sachet of ketchup under the pillow.
Ok, that just happened because my train stopped for ages in the tunnel.
Now onto the real news.
THEO IS BACK!
WE MISSED YOU
We did. We missed his pace and his finishing and I’m looking forward to getting him back in the side. Don’t expect too much from him though, he’ll be rusty for at least a month. He had a very serious injury, so be patient with him.
Laurent Koscielny won’t be about, so don’t get your hopes up there. It ain’t short term. That means we have Chambers, Monreal, Per and Gibbs at the back. Good job we’re playing a group of very poorly organised rogues who care little for Sunderland.
Midfield will be interesting, Rambo, Arteta and Jack?
Maybe bringing in the captain will have an impact? Jack needs to get his head screwed on. He needs to try and avoid trouble and stop reacting. Telling that he nearly injured himself against Hull in a red rage moment. Aaron needs to stop playing like the Aaron of two years ago. Play your role, stop trying to be a striker and release the ball a bit quicker.
Up top, it’d be nice if there was some rest of WELBZ. Knowing our luck, by the time Giroud is back, he’ll be broken and we’ll be back to one striker again. He’s playing all the games at the moment and it’s telling on his game. Sanchez, bless his cottons, is playing that high pressure pressing game up top all by himself. I really don’t understand why when Arsene settled on becoming Barca light, he didn’t sign players who liked to play a pressing game. He has a front three that could do it… but a midfield who can’t or won’t.
Wenger just said, ‘until now, we have been consistent with our performances but not efficient enough defensively or offensively’… quite what the fuck that means is anyone’s guess. Consistently drab? Consistently average? Call a spade a spade. We’ve been consistently below par.
We need a reaction, we need to make a statement and Wenger needs to get his team back on track…