Laurent out for a bit… *gulp

by .


Ahhhh, jeez, it’s Friday. My Ebola is clear, the light at the end of the work tunnel is light and I can taste the rainbow.

… or something like that.

This weekend we take on Sunderland away. They’ve been taking spankings like Max Mosley on a break up weekender. If we can’t take out that shit show, we really will be asking questions of Arsene Wenger.

So how do we think his birthday night went? Who was leading the festivities? Where does Arsene go out on a mad one? I reckon it’s a glass of wine somewhere easy… like, maybe a Wetherspoons… you know, somewhere cheap early doors so the skintest person can get a round in. Then maybe onto somewhere to line the stomach? Chicken Shop on Kingsland Road is ironic dining…

‘Fancy posh Fried Chicken Arsene! Are you off your rocker?’

‘Colbert you total bastard, stop trying to banter me and trust in the King… and by the way peasants, it’s King Wenger all night, and this is my crown*’

*pulls Crown acquired from Liverpool Street Burger King

‘Excellent Arsene, but I need to see some ladies after’

Then where does Wenger take the guys? He’s only got a table in Whisky Mist. Shots lined up on the table, sparkler in the vodka… it’s mental. Fuck, Colbert has Spencer from MIC in a headlock. Vik Akers has got the champers in, but his credit card has been rejected and he’s having a row with barman…

‘No Vik, you can’t pay in replica shirts’

Rowley voms in the cab, he spent the whole night being the ‘chief scout’ of the ladies, Primroac tries to replicate that Bendnter incident for LOLz,


It all goes off and they’re back in bed for 0830.

… the Mrs knows nothing, until she finds a rogue sachet of ketchup under the pillow.

Ok, that just happened because my train stopped for ages in the tunnel.

Now onto the real news.





We did. We missed his pace and his finishing and I’m looking forward to getting him back in the side. Don’t expect too much from him though, he’ll be rusty for at least a month. He had a very serious injury, so be patient with him.

Laurent Koscielny won’t be about, so don’t get your hopes up there. It ain’t short term. That means we have Chambers, Monreal, Per and Gibbs at the back. Good job we’re playing a group of very poorly organised rogues who care little for Sunderland.

Midfield will be interesting, Rambo, Arteta and Jack?

Maybe bringing in the captain will have an impact? Jack needs to get his head screwed on. He needs to try and avoid trouble and stop reacting. Telling that he nearly injured himself against Hull in a red rage moment. Aaron needs to stop playing like the Aaron of two years ago. Play your role, stop trying to be a striker and release the ball a bit quicker.

Up top, it’d be nice if there was some rest of WELBZ. Knowing our luck, by the time Giroud is back, he’ll be broken and we’ll be back to one striker again. He’s playing all the games at the moment and it’s telling on his game. Sanchez, bless his cottons, is playing that high pressure pressing game up top all by himself. I really don’t understand why when Arsene settled on becoming Barca light, he didn’t sign players who liked to play a pressing game. He has a front three that could do it… but a midfield who can’t or won’t.

Wenger just said, ‘until now, we have been consistent with our performances but not efficient enough defensively or offensively’… quite what the fuck that means is anyone’s guess. Consistently drab? Consistently average? Call a spade a spade. We’ve been consistently below par.

We need a reaction, we need to make a statement and Wenger needs to get his team back on track…


350 Responses to “Laurent out for a bit… *gulp”

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  1. nasri's mouth

    I don’t have a problem with players celebrating like mad when we won a game we looked certain to lose with 3 mins left, or players celebrating the goals like mad but then finishing the game with a muted expression because it was a game we should have won.

  2. karim

    Me neither, I was just making sure people realised Sanchez was happy when we scored
    and rightly so of course
    I wasnt trying to say he shouldnt have celebrated.
    Just to be clear

  3. Cesc Appeal

    What do women do with their phones??!!

    The amount of girls who when I was younger use to be on stop with Vodafone or something…even at 16!

  4. nasri's mouth

    @Cesc Appeal

    Its all business use. I think she’s on some really mad contract deal. Every time she’s overseas she gets a big bill, but this is the highest. HR might have something to say about this one!

  5. Cesc Appeal


    Can’t she just say “it’s consultation and advice fees” and then refuse to be drawn on it any more?

    Worked for £3 Million worth of fees so for a couple of grand?? Worth a punt.

  6. Nasri's Mouth

    @Cesc Appeal

    Unfortunately, while she’s pretty senior, she doesn’t own the company, so I’m not sure that would work 😀

  7. El Tel 1

    We already have a team of dribblers slowing the game down and losing possesion. I have never been a big Theo fan but direct pace and decent finishing from hi. Has changed my opinion.

    You never know what you got till its gone.

  8. Dan Ahern

    cladicus — First of all sorry for the late response, got busy. Anyway, thanks for the compliment. I guess you’re right, Walcott’s speed is on another level entirely. He’s one of those players who has that one attribute that always makes them a threat. Sort of like how Beckham wasn’t that great a player (at least on United’s scale), but his delivery was so fucking accurate you always feared him.

  9. Dan Ahern

    El Tel — Agree, I’m in the same boat. Was never much of a Walcott fan but over time his decisions and finishing really did improve and he’s now an effective forward. I respect his abilities.

  10. gazzap

    Just listened to 5 Live and all the pundits backed Sunderland to bounce back from their 8-0 last week against us.
    I have to say, that result was the worst thing that could have happened before this game. I’d almost prefer them to have won 8-0. You normally see teams that have got smashed one week, keeping a clean sheet the next.
    And we’ve just come from a European away game where we played crap.
    Fingers crossed we’ll be OK but I have a sneaking suspicion that Theo Walcott will have a vital role to play in the game.

  11. Zacharse

    Why the fuck is Jack still starting. He’s a mess and we play twice as good when he’s on the bench. I couldn’t care less about that goal last season. He does fuck all except slow down the game and lose the ball.

    Why is Joel Campbell not starting!? Why is the front line not Sanchez Welbeck Campbell!? WHY

    Why isn’t Ramsey put in Arteta/Flamini’s role!? Those two are hopeless hopeless hopeless.

    Why is Sceszny still playing for us!?

    realistically, if theo is back

    Sanchez Welbz Campbell
    Ramsey Santi
    gibbs per calum bellerin
    sub: theo, arteta, flamini

  12. Gunner2301


    We have the wrong type of players so your midfield would get trampled over, whichever combination we can come up with the physical defensive player will always be missing. Nothing we can do about that we are an unbalanced squad. Another reason Wenger should be gone.

  13. Thank you and goodnight

    When I used to work in mobiles I used to get fathers coming in with their 14 year old daughter for phones on contract. I used to tell them to go on pay as you go because I’ve known some horror stories and they’d refuse. A week later they’d come in with their heads bowed and apologise for not listening as they’re child had run up a 300 pound bill. Ha ha ha

  14. luke

    Think our best hope until Wenger goes given that he fucks up January too is to build around Alexis – give him the free #10 role a la how he played for Chile.


    Obvious weakness is our vulnerability down the left flank, but atleast we’ll have someone who shoots on the field. Cazorla/Jack/Ox need to get their shit together

  15. Jeff

    Wilshere is Wenger’s blue-eyed boy; just like Ramsey. Do you not remember the years and years of Ramsey getting games when he was absolutely diabolical? Then he has one good season and becomes irreplaceable. But regardless, Wenger will play him whenever he’s available. He will also play Wilshere whenever he’s available. It’s a game of favourites.

    Wenger hardly knows Campbell. He doesn’t care for him. Nor does he trust or care for Podolski. Walcott is less of a favourite than the other English players because he was demanding big wages not so long ago and was threatening to leave – Wenger will remember that. His problem is that he’s too much of a crock player. He’ll give you maybe 15 games and then go injured for 3 months.

    We have a squad of mostly small fragile weaklings. Wenger likes them – so he will play them no matter what. You and I can go to hell. That’s the MO, it has been for a long time. Winning is secondary – finishing fourth is a must.

  16. gazzap

    Wilshere has his uses but they are mostly when we are leading 1-0 and you need a player to hold the ball up and win freekicks in the last 15 minutes. Holding the ball and going nowhere in particular is what he is expert at. But when you’re trying to score a goal it’s infuriating when he dribbles it into a blind alley and tries to thread balls through the eye of a needle.

    Rambo is a good player – no question about that. I am trying to work out whether he is out of form, still not properly fit, or playing in formation that doesn’t suit him. He certainly played well with Giroud who would hold the ball up and bring Rambo into play, whereas Welbeck wants the ball in the channels to run onto.

    I echo Zacharse thoughts on Joel Campbell. I really want to see much more of him. Every time i’ve seen him he brings an infectious forward energy to the team that only Sanchez has shown this season.

  17. Al

    I would play chambers as a CB with FFlamini as a RB. ..would tell flamini just to sit and defend. Don’t bomb forward. Think that’s the most experienced back four unit we have at the moment. Playing bellerin with chambers as a CB would trouble us and I have zero faith in monreal as a CB

    Focus the attack down the left hand side and
    play that arteta-ramsey double pivot

  18. gazzap

    Monreal at centre back should never ever happen at any level! Chambers is by far a better centre back than he is a right back. Wenger’s decisions are totally baffling, He’s trying to prove a point yet again.

  19. Zacharse


    if we have the lightweight midfield and give up a goal or two we can at least press harder win it back in the middle and have serious attacking energy. We simply don’t have the players to play that dm role, ramsey’s as close as it gets, arteta and flamini are walking disasters. better to do a liverpool last season give up 3 and score 6. i just don’t see any other solution. chambers and mert can do a job and our goalkeeper whoever it winds up being can get some much needed exercise instead of getting one shot on goal and us losing 1-0

  20. Jeff

    It doesn’t matter what anyone says or what happened in the last game. The bloody minded insistence of being proved right at all costs will continue. We will be back to the 4141 with Wilshere doing his usual Tom and Jerry chase down the middle and getting nowhere.

  21. R.S.P.C.Arsenal


    Like the idea but flaming should be no where near the first team.

    A cut price option where only quality was needed.

    Tomorrow should see a gamble by wenker .

    A gambler always chases before he collapse in a heap.

    Wenker is a poor headless punter

  22. David Smith

    Tim stillman on arseblog this eve……nail on the head about Stan, it is now the thin end of the wedge.
    The club probably have some complex algorithm optimising a league vs spend and have hit a formula to finish fourth without spending too much. Look at Stans other sports clubs.
    Wenger has his faults, but is he under instruction, or being taken advantage of by our owner for his thrifty nature…..I suspect the latter……a sad coming to an end of a once great , radical, competitive and fearless manager, gradually schackled by the forces of capitalism to a degree that he started believing the Stan and false FFP mantra. Those who criticise wenger, me included need to also look at how Stans other clubs are run. I get the feeling that wenger can only preserve a fraction of what was true greatness if he separates his risk averse nature from Stans greedy nature……and does it now. A man like wenger, for all his faults should not be bought to heel by kronke, and despite what you may read, that is happening.
    Stans next choice of manager will be interesting indeed. And worrying I suspect.

  23. MidwestGun

    Look at Stans other sports clubs.
    David – not sure what you mean by this. As you may or may not know, I’m not a fan of Stan’s in the least because having an owner who doesn’t care or who doesn’t have passion for sports other than as a vehicle to make money rarely works. The best teams usually have passionate owners.

    But… NFL has a salary cap. The Rams are actually second worst in available cap space in league. Meaning they have spent all they can.

    NBA- has a salary cap. Nuggets are actually slightly over cap and must pay a luxury tax.
    Nhl has a salary cap. MLS has a salary cap except for a few designated players.

    so Stan’s other teams are spending all they can on players, so not really a comparison. You can argue they are terrible at picking players as all these leagues have drafts also where you get guaranteed picks. So perhaps Stan is terrible at picking managers and Ceo’s for winning but I don’t think there is realistically any comparison between his other teams and spending habits, if that was your point. Maybe, I’m just missing it.
    Stan’s record could be argued he has no clue about what a winning manager looks like tho. .

  24. Shaun Wilson

    I agree with Wenger’s water doesn’t boil at 99 degrees analogy…Just wandering at what temperature tepid piss boils?

  25. ughelligunner

    i know its late about sanchez expression but have you not been in situations where you kind of say f**k u i did it without smiling because the situation was tough and almost impossible?

    I have done it many times when watching arsenal win in a pub with other opposing fans and i will just get serious and yell a nasty acronym…

  26. Arsene's Vet

    Before, I use to look forward to kickoff. Now, I always get deflated an hour before when Wenger releases his always baffling team sheet for the day. How Wenger can keep playing Chambers, the only (reserve) centerback we have at rightback is downright stupidity. And when you consider that we have at least 3 people that can play rightback in Bellerin, Coquelin and Flamini then you’ll realize this man is at the verge of madness.

  27. gazzap

    on Theo: “Fitness-wise he is there to take part in a game, but on the contact front he needs a bit more time.”
    Jeez What does this BS mean. I can’t stand the guy.

  28. Gregg

    Seeing the comments on Kanu goals. All the one’smentioned were special but for me, the one that I enjoyed most, was against Deportivo where he took it round the keeper without touching the ball. He gave the keeper the eyes and the balls momentum took it past the keeper.

  29. Gregg


    yeah, that was a beauty. i remember after his first season – did we buy him in Jan? – people thought he might become one of the real greats. didn’t quite pan out like that, but still scored as many memorable goals as anyone. i think the one against Spurs(?) – back to goal he flicked it over his and the defender’s head then ran round to finish – was my fave.

  30. Wallace


    yeah, that was a beauty. i remember after his first season – did we buy him in Jan? – people thought he might become one of the real greats. didn’t quite pan out like that, but still scored as many memorable goals as anyone. i think the one against Spurs(?) – back to goal he flicked it over his and the defender’s head then ran round to finish – was my fave.

  31. Gregg


    I was at WHL for that goal and we were right next to the Spurs fans. In fairness some of them were amazed at what they’d just seen.

    The guy was an entertainer, the type of player you knew would do something in every match that would amaze you, even if it didn’t always come off.

  32. Jeff

    I suppose after the 8:0 drubbing Sunderland got last week they are going to play a much more conservative game against Arsenal desperate perhaps to avoid another humiliation. That’s bad news for us because we have difficulty breaking teams down at the minute. So I predict a hard game today – i.e. I don’t think it’s going to be a walkover, but we should win it.

  33. Gregg

    Jeff, they’ll be snarling at the get go. They owe their fans a performance and will get straight into us. Cannot se us coming away with 3 points and that is sad to say