I wish I had a sofa to hide behind…

by .

‘Mate, you sold my ticket?’

‘Alex, you kidding me?’


‘Who wants to level out £40 to watch a mauling?’

Now the above conversation happened this morning, and it’s a bit in jest… but really, it’s exactly what I’m thinking. It’s a late kick off, but I’m meeting a few pals nice and early so we can drink our way to a good day.

‘Pint of Gin please sir’

I’m jealous of the people who are watching at home. At least they have a sofa to hide behind.

Today, simply put, could be absolute carnage.

But, on the flip side, sometimes when a game is so against you, great things can happen.

I have many concerns about today, here they are.

Thomas Vermaelen:

The guy has hardly played a game this year. He’s rusty. Lacking in confidence. And he’s just had a bad game against Swansea. He’ll be targeted today by City because he’s a liability. It could be a disaster. Koscielny will be missed.


We’re so one paced at the moment. All over the park, we struggle to break at speed, we don’t get in behind a defence and no one overlaps. This makes us easy to defend against and make the pressing game pretty simple for City.

Strike force:

Giroud is dead on his feet and he’s not even doing the basics right at the moment. No tearing about the park, no holding up the ball and no fancy lay offs. Without top class up front, we’ll struggle to make anything happen.


Oxlade Chamberlain and Arteta versus Fernandinho and Yaya Toure. I mean, honestly, how are you seeing this one working out? They’ll have to have an absolute shocker to not win that battle.


City know what we’ll do. Why? Because we do the same thing every game. We’re predictable. There’s nothing Arsene can offer that they won’t know about. When you’re playing world class players, that’s a bad start.


We’ve taken spanking from the top four this season. We’re playing a form City off the back of a defeat and a last minute draw. The players will be playing their 3rd game in a week. We all know Arteta can’t do that. We know Giroud can’t do that at the moment. It’s going to be painful. We’re playing City for the second time this season with no energy.

What could work for us?

Wigan beat them.

That’s all I’ve got. They have inconsistencies in their game. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be as complacent as I’ve just been. Maybe Arsene will send the boys out with a rocket up their arse. Maybe, we’ll get out title challenge back on track.

I just don’t hold out much hope.

Arsene, surprise me.

Please, dear Arsene, surprise me.

1,321 Responses to “I wish I had a sofa to hide behind…”

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  1. shad

    We’ll be spanked 0-3 and the 500 games of mediocrity will continue. Gunners let us not fear change in the summer. Expecting nothing from this game.

  2. kiblib

    If Aguero isn’t fit which could give some hope as Negredo hasn’t been scoring recently (touch wood).
    There are only 2 things I want from this:
    1 – the team play with some conviction (and hopefully pull off a miracle).
    2 – Nasri doesn’t score because I couldn’t bear it.

  3. Jeff


    It’s too warm for the big stupid coat. He’ll come out again rubbing his hands nervously and hoping for a low scoring loss so that he can claim we had mental strength.

  4. Wengers Plastic Bottle


    isn’t a bit early for you to be trolling.

    Sack the writer

    But let you comment

    You Pleb

  5. Jeff


    If you put anything in the Website box, your name goes red to show that it links to some website. Leave the box empty and it will appear black.

  6. Moray

    Wenger is in the press spouting out complete bullshit, so God knows what the players are thinking. They must have the fear going into this game.

    “We conceded the equaliser to Swansea with Kim Kallstrom, Mikel Arteta and Mathieu Flamini in midfield. We had plenty of experience and you can still concede goals.”

    This is not an experience issue: these are three players whose legs are gone, and who are not good enough for the Premiership. Ye Gods! What all City’s midfield do to them?

  7. Jeff

    After today, even with a game in hand, Everton will still have Man U and Man City to play so we’ll probably finish fourth this season.

  8. Tippitappi

    the shocking score lines usually happen when least expected so probably won’t happen but they will lose today and be second best all day long no sympathy for wenger at all hope its a tipping point for him to leave

  9. Jeff

    I’ve heard of spin but Arsene really does take the biscuit. How can any manager with any kind of integrity say that we were only really outplayed by Liverpool implying all the other beatings were accidents or bad luck? Has anyone heard anything like this from any other manager when they’ve been comprehensively beaten?

  10. Dissenter

    Why does Wenger keep talking tough when he knows there’s no gunpowder left in keg.
    He refused to do any meaningful business in January window and has run most of these playes into the ground.

  11. Kemp1886

    ‘City know what we’ll do.Why?Because we do the same thing every game.’ Made me laugh because it is so true.

  12. Jeff


    Extrapolating, it means a draw should be a trophy of some kind – maybe just a little one bought from Poundland.

  13. invincible

    I’m one of the few that doesn’t blame any player, worth his salt, who jumps ship. The only ones who are happy to remain playing for wenger are the shite like almunia, diaby etc etc. The shite who wouldnt get a game or the kibd of wages we pay anywhere else. Yes money is important to everyone, but the genuine winners want trophies. Ask yourselves this, knowing what a mickey mouse manager wenger is, would you truly blame the ox, ozil, ramsey for wanting to leave end of next season if wenger gets another 3 years? If a top club comes in offering money and genuine trophy ambitions, can you see them remaining.

  14. Jeff

    “(I am) not going anywhere, don’t worry for that, but I want to have a feeling coming out of the season that I have done the maximum for the club.”

    Yes, maximum damage that is.

  15. TitsMcgee

    Jeff Arsene has no shame and he’s an egomaniac. That’s what they do.

    The only posotive thing about today is that it’s at the Emirates. The boys don’t shit themselves as early at home as they do on the road.

    If we get our arses p ushed in I hope tge fans boo the hell out of Arsene. He really is a pathetic figure at this point.

  16. Paddy got up

    Just read on ESPN he is going to stay for sure and just hasn’t got the time to sign the deal!!!
    This man is going to kill us he thinks he’s doing us a favour by staying on and trousering £8 m a year!!
    Fly pasts
    Turn your back on play
    Don’t go to games
    Time to do them all gentlemen not debate what’s best.

  17. Moray

    “Arsene Wenger admits regret at not signing Yaya Toure for Arsenal in 2003” Sky Sports.

    How many times will I have to see tho story wheeled out?

  18. Steve

    So the only point in watching is to see how many we lose by.

    Boy haven’t we made progress. Been supporting Arsenal for 56 years, so I’ve actually seen how bad it can get, but I can’t remember going into many matches with the same despondency I feel today.

    So here’s the question – how many do we have to lose by for Wenger to throw in the towel ? Whatever that number is will do me.

  19. invincible

    ha ha ha
    It doesnt matter if we lose all our remaining fixtures mate, slippery slimy toad like wenger will have an excuse, don’t worry about that. The only way he’ll leave is if he dies.

  20. WengerEagle

    From a Wenger press conference:

    “Let’s first see when the season is over,” he said. “If you look back for one year, would you have done something different? If you say to me ‘no’, I say ‘this guy is a complete lunatic’.

    Oh the irony. It’s been groundhog year since 2006 Arsene.

  21. Bobby C

    If you had to choose one would it be victory against City today or Wigan in the FA cup, decisions decisions

  22. Mo

    City are going to have to have a bad day at the office for us to get anything at all from this one. Here’s hoping.

  23. Relieable sauce

    Wenger, IG & co are just winging it. One game at a time, chasing any glimmer of hope from any half arsed performance & result. Wenger wants to stay if he can & so do the owner & bod, it is highly likely they have no plan of action for replacing him & will just hope to win the cup a get 4th so they can wheel out the PR machine again this summer & start all over again. Leak a few stories that there are big changes afoot & AW has seen the error of his ways, then hot foot it with John Cross to the US for a club legend endorsement & mega $$$ tour.

  24. bergkamplegend

    Paddy got up :”Just read on ESPN he is going to stay for sure and just hasn’t got the time to sign the deal!!”

    Or maybe he jas forgotten to sign it…
    Alzheimer is a frequent disease at his age.

  25. Jeff

    It’s always the same with him isn’t it? A big talk before the game, and then we lose and he has to stand there swaying from side to side struggling to muster up the energy to say mental strength; sad, sad bloke.

  26. Radio Raheem

    Kardishian should start just so I can keep blogging Kardishian on here. Otherwise I’ll piss everyone off with ‘Kardashian should have got that’ ‘Kim from the block will score that’…

  27. bergkamplegend

    Even if we get humiliated today, even if the boooos goes on, even if there’s a flying banner somewhere in the sky, Wenger won’t leave.
    His EGO will destroy the club and we all perfectly know it.

    It’s hopeless.

  28. TitsMcgee

    Hasn’t had time to sign it?


    Because he’s so busy looking at prospects and installing tactics based on opponents right?


  29. Kane

    I’ll give you evens that when the 3rd City goal goes in Wenger does his impression of a dementia sufferer and sits there in his oversize jacket rocking backwards and forwards, trying to block out what is happening and praying for half time.

  30. HendonGooner

    According to Wenger – only Liverpool were the only team to really beat Arsenal.
    The man is even more deluded than his AKB disciples…

    Arsène Wenger claims that Liverpool have been the only side to “really” beat Arsenal so far this season
    The Gunners have failed to find form against the Premier League’s top teams this season, with Wenger’s men suffering comprehensive defeats at Liverpool, Manchester City and Chelsea, as well as a 1-0 reversal at Manchester United.

    At Liverpool we were outplayed on the day and there’s not a lot to say

    Arsène Wenger

    However, despite the manner of their 6-0 thrashing at Chelsea last weekend, Wenger feels that the 5-1 defeat at Anfield was the only loss in which they were comprehensively beaten.

    “The only game for me where we were really beaten was at Liverpool,” said Wenger. “The rest is a bit more coincidence going negatively together.

    “At Chelsea the game was over after 10 minutes. At Liverpool we were outplayed on the day and there’s not a lot to say.

    “But one week later we beat Liverpool and no one says there is a gap there between the two teams.

    “You have to accept that it is not always as simple as that in the game. You play 10 times against the same team and every time it’s a different game.”

    Wenger, whose side host Manchester City on Saturday, added: “Sometimes when you lose like we did at Chelsea, even if you don’t win the next game at least don’t lose it. That’s what we have done.

    “Of course because we are in a period where we needed the points, it’s disappointing. But most of the time it’s like that.”

  31. Kane

    I’ll give you evens that when the 3rd City goal goes in Wenger does his impression of a dementia sufferer and sits there in his oversize jacket rocking backwards and forwards, trying to block out what is happening and praying for half time.

  32. azed

    A draw would definitely be a trophy and you can bet Wenger would make reference to it for three duration of his time here.

  33. Craigy

    I’m so angst up about this game today, coz I like all of u kno what city’s game plan is going to be and there’s fuck all arsenal can do about it! There gonna use our ridiculous lack of pace against us, and try and win the game I’m the fist 10 minutes, the last thing I want to see is giroud and arteta trying to chase the game, how arsene has allowed this team to become so stale is beyond me, how can it be so easy for these teams to play against us? Wenger deserves everything that comes his way! But does he care? 7.5 million reasons why he doesn’t give a shite, what a complete joke. Still, hope we can get a result would be a lovely surprise, I would love to see sanogo start ahead of giroud, what’s the point in wenger playing this guy for 75-90mins to do fuck all

  34. salparadisenyc

    We were not ‘really’ beat by Chelsea or City because its simply not fair the amount of money they spend. Those should be considered do-overs in the Wenger world. In his head were lying second and right in the title race with Liverpool. Tonight is like a mirage for Wenger somethings out there but he’s not sure what.

  35. Mike adamski

    I wouldn’t say flaminis legs have gone . Pretty sure he’s only a year older than ya ya toure .
    Wenger has favoured Lego man over flamster all season

    Only god knows why

    Not often I predict a loss but I think we will get done 4-1 .

    City too strong all over , and we look as fragile as ever .
    Bad times .

    Hopefully we can regroup in the summer with a different manager , one who will get transfer business done early , one with tactics ! One with the desire for change and an obsession with winning .

    Mourinho may be a scumbag but he is tactically brilliant and is only happy with being first .
    Not fourth ….

  36. bergkamplegend

    So let’s resume : if you say on Le Grove that you want another humiliation against city and a defeat against everton for forcing wenger’s departure, you are not considered as a real gooner.

    So I guess that some people still think that wenger will leave the club, even if we win the Cup, and if we make the top four…

    Sorry but it’s a bit too confused to me lol

  37. Inter YourGran

    Afternoon all, big test of character today so let’s hope we at least see the boys fired up, creating chances and everyone giving 110%… It’s all I want to see today after the last two shockers.

    I think we’ll change it up massively today..


    Sagna mertesaker vermaelen gibbs

    Flamini kallstrom

    Rosicky cazorla gnabry

    Bench; fab, Jenko, monreal, arteta, oxlade, podolski, giroud

  38. Mike adamski

    I still want us to win every game – we’ve had humiliation after humiliation ANYWAY and wenger is still here , so hoping for us to get a mauling doesn’t help anything .

    Wengers rank bad management has just given me no hope when it comes to top opponents such as city .

    FA cup plus top four is the realistic aim . Just a huge shame / sackable offence we have giroud as our only option . Ridiculous

    He is only a fraction better than andy Carroll

  39. Craigy

    How can wenger sit there and say, the only team to have really beaten us is Liverpool ha ha, does this guy ever listen to himself! We are a complete laughing stock, and wenger time and time again proves he is a delutional lunatic, in the Liverpool game it was over in the first 10 minutes, rewind back to the Chelsea game please arsene, it was all over in ten minutes near enough there m8, the guy is a laughing stock! Pity he doesn’t look in to why we are so easily beaten, we really are a joke of a club with this guy sitting on the throne

  40. Inter YourGran

    I’m one of them by the way, our form and with the odds against us, suggest a hiding…

    Let’s hope we’re pleasantly surprised!

    Fans hoping we get spanked seriously, need to get a fucking grip. Arsene or not this is still arsenal. So let’s have it right you sad sacks

  41. Mike adamski

    Arsene really has lost his mind ……

    “The only game for me where we were really beaten was at Liverpool. The rest is a bit more coincidence going negatively together. At Chelsea the game was over after 10 minutes. At Liverpool we were outplayed on the day and there’s not a lot to say.

  42. Guns of brixton

    Reckon a 2-0 / 3-0 loss.

    Hate the games when you know your going to lose.
    feels like we are supporting some mid table team on days like this and they have been many unfortunately.

  43. TitsMcgee

    Sometimes when you lose like we did at Chelsea, even if you don’t win the next game at least don’t lose it. That’s what we have done.”



  44. Mike adamski

    I’ve decided I will watch it at the pub but with absolutely zero expectations other than a loss .
    The league was over for me at stoke —-
    Was hanging by a thread after the 5-1 Liverpool nightmare

    So now I can just relax .
    I’d bet a loss tonight would cause the most toxic atmosphere at the ground ever heard .

    Hoping Kim kardashian gets a start – see what he’s about . His YouTube clips make him look fantastic !


    U gotta laugh , otherwise you’d go loopy at how bad our club is run

  45. Carts

    I oftently try my absolute hardest to approach games with a optimistic mind-frame.

    However, with a record like ours against top opposition, we struggle to get anywhere. Having seen how we’ve pitched our tent out this season, I can not see how we get anything out of tonight’s game.

    Maybe a 3-3. Maybe. But right now, we’re lacking in so many departments I can’t see us out-scoring city.

    This has the potential to look like the opening scene of Saw 4

  46. Inter YourGran

    Crowd will play it’s part today, big time for me. Will the home home support be up for it? Or will it be a bit moody waiting for something to happen before reacting. My fear is the latter. God help us if we go behind early 🙄

  47. SpanishDave

    The best protest today is to leave the ground well before the end if we are 3 or 4 down. The media will show it for sure.
    Fans need to be vocal whenever possible so that the tv comentators pick it up.

    We cant go on like this,who the hell does he think he is??

  48. Mike adamski

    City will fly out the traps . We’ve gotta get this right or it’s another ass-raping on the cards

    At home would be really tough to bear .

    Thank god Aguero hasn’t made it . One good thing .

    Yeah it definitely could be saw 4 but in 3d ! Ha

  49. Inter YourGran

    There’s also some sort of mini protest outside the directors entrance over how the club is run and some other gripes today, apparently.

    Not sure it’s the right time for that, in all honesty. I’m fed up as well but whilst, mathematically at least, we’re still in with a chance of the title and a better placed finish than last season, I find this all a bit pathetic.

    We’re also in the fa cup semi so, although we’re a bit annoyed how we’ve fallen away in the title race, some have just got fucking mental.

    Every single one of us would have taken 3rd and fa cup at the beginning of the season. Every one!

    We all got carried away because we were in a title race for so long and flipped 180 again because we’ve only got giroud, who’s shit, and 120m sitting in the bank.

    It isn’t great yeah, but let’s all calm the fuck down.

    It’s still on, for all of us. Let’s not wish it fail because we can’t bare another wenger transfer window….

    And…… breathe….

  50. Carts

    “Arsenal hold Jorginho talks

    Arsenal have held talks with the agent of Napoli midfielder Jorginho.

    Source: Metro
    Saturday, 29 March 2014 00:11”

    The above was via Goal.

    That Jorginho kid has just signed for Napoli. Napoli are almost guaranteed CL footy next season. Napoli’s owner is no mug. Why the hell will they even entertain the notion of selling him after 6 months- when he’s actually been doing good?

    Don’t know who writes this shit. It’s not even funny

  51. N5

    I have a feeling the ground is going to get very loud if/when we start losing! against Swansea you could hear people groaning and moaning everywhere, today it will all spill over I think.

    I have no illusions that by the end of todays match, Wenger will know how the fans feel about him. I would be really surprised if he didn’t.

  52. invincible

    I don’t think we should calm down. Hopefully today will be the beginning of the end for wenger, and if people want to protest then great. Saying oh we didnt expect to be top and would of taken 3rd and a semi final doesn’t cut it for me. Wenger and the board have dumbed down expectations so much, look at the way we celebrated last season…..a fucking disgrace. WE ARE THE ARSENAL and we should want more from our owners and managers.

  53. WengerEagle


    I don’t buy that, so you genuinely don’t understand the criticism that Wenger is facing even though we are likely to finish top 4 and win the F.A Cup?

    We have imploded yet again like we do every year, just a month late this year. Just because the majority fans expected nothing from the team this season doesn’t make it any easier. In a lot of ways it is worse than previous years as we were top of the league right up through January and had a chance to improve the team and remain there.

  54. Dissenter

    Wenger eagle,
    The banner wasn’t shit. £800 PR stunt given miilion pound free publicity.

    It’s the first salvo in a long process to counter the silly banner “chosen one”

    It’s a lot better than a silly internet petition.

  55. Inter YourGran

    Invincible – the season isn’t over, that’s all I’m saying.

    In context to the way we celebrated. At the end of last season, it’s you with who’s expectations have been dumbed down as you’ve been blinded by anger.

    I saw that as a welcome relief from a squad who had put a strong run together at the end of the a season to finish above their rivals and therefore, gaining a champions league spot, which many had written off.

    Is it good enough? No, but that’s what it was at the time.

  56. salparadisenyc

    “I hope today will be the beginning of the end.”

    To be fair Invincible I think the beginning of the end was several years ago.. Its an epic that never manages to wrap itself up, the director is surely a masochist.
    Heart of Darkness and the setting just got done in by the typhoon but the man marches on deeper into the jungle beating a solo drum.

  57. kwik fit

    As soon as Gnarby was being tooted as a possible German squad player for the world cup, what does wenger do? Yeah thats right , rarely plays him, even though he’s our one source of pace. Great management that.

  58. Dissenter

    Wenger eagle,
    This is when that banner will start to have an effect.
    If they lose this game and get trounced by Bayern, then the “wrong one” will stick.

  59. GoonerM

    Real Arsenal fans wouldn’t cunt Nasri or Van Persie. It’s Wengers fault. You have a choice, (1) stay and play with international players, play a couple one twos get the prawn cocktail brigrade to sing you a song and win absolutely nothing or (2) leave the pretenders and do what many young men set out to do when they join the pro ranks which is to earn quite a few bob and actually win accolades. I love this club but it’s turned into a club with a losers mentality. 4th place tropy complete & utter dog shit. 13/5 @ home .

  60. Arsene's Nurse

    The tragic thing is at 5.45pm we could be more than one goal down. Thank fuck for Moyes, at least we are not as dire as Utd.

  61. Inter YourGran

    WE – No, I understand why some feel it’s warranted. On that premise I can’t argue. But, as of right now, what is the exact point of it is my question.

    The seasonal objectives at the beginning haven’t changed, they’re achievable, we can still over achieve in certain aspects, so why the meltdown during the run in?

    Yeah we’ve been gangbanged numerous occasions this season, but you move on. Wenger says some stupid shit but it’s gotten to a point where everything is hyper dramatised because the majority in house and out want a change.

    Too many have passed judgement before the trial date. Most of the jury already has made a verdict it seem, but I want to see the remaining evidence before passing the death sentence if that’s o.k with you.

  62. WengerEagle


    I meant it was shit as half of the ground weren’t paying attention to it as the match was in play. Should have flown over before the match started.

    It is a good idea though. Media will crank up the pressure if they lose today.

  63. Thank you and goodnight

    Agreed mate. I’m surprised they didn’t have an open top parade.

    As for anger at Wenger I don’t think Invincibles anger could match mine as I would happily book a week off work to kick Wenger repeatedly in the face.

  64. Dobermann 13

    Saw my 1st arsenal match in 1963, ( 0-0 against forest) and have lived and breathed arsenal since that day, but this is the first time I have been without any hope that the club has any chance or ambition to improve. Today I fear will be a watershed moment in the clubs history, a defeat that we will not recover from. We have a manager way past lunacy ,an owner with no understanding or interest in fans feelings, and a club only interested in profit. I remember when winning the cup was bigger than winning the league, but winning it this year will mean little to me, I just can’t feel part of arsenal anymore, and I was born a goal kick from the ground,and have a son and two grandsons arsenal mad. Only the fans can save arsenal know, so please AKBs take your blindfolds of and see what is happening

  65. Thank you and goodnight

    Every time the madman opens his mouth nowadays he turns us into a laughing stock. He is so far out of touch with reality it’s embarrassing. Jesus the man makes joe kinnear look sane

  66. Moray

    So we have the scenario where we are three nil down, vermaelen gets sent off, we concede three more and actually it’s a draw rather than a 6-0 defeat. Bonza!

  67. Moray

    Guns, to be fair to Fellaini, he isn’t being played in his best position. And the rest of the team is playing badly.

    It does seem however that the hype about him was a bit overblown.

  68. Cesc Appeal

    I’d go for
    Sagna. Mert, Verm, Gibbs
    Flamini, Kallstrom
    Gnabry, Rosicky, Oxlade

    Today, bit of pace, bit of energy and freshness put into the side and tell them, you literally have nothing to lose. If you hit them hard and fast early on that’s the last thing they’ll expect.

    If we line up like we have done, dropping Oxlade back deeper, Rosicky AND Cazrola starting with Giroud up front we’ll have no pace at all and City will easily be able to break us apart.

    No tippy tappy today, just directness and speed. I don’t expect anything out of them, so a nice performance with a bit of heart will do.

  69. salparadisenyc

    I like that lineup considering our limited options.
    I’d op for Poldi on the left with Ox not getting the start.
    Poldi is truly our only finisher, insane eh.

  70. Moray

    CA, yup. Perfect get out of jail free card. Red card and even better a disputable decision and he can use that to shift focus from the lack of pace, strength, tactics and mentality.

  71. Thank you and goodnight

    I’d replace giroud and the postman with Romford ‘ s statue. Probably a better finisher than the 2 we got, with more movement as well.

  72. Cesc Appeal


    Yeah maybe.

    But my thinking was our bench is so incredibly weak I’d rather see Cazorla and Podolski be able to be brought on that Gnabry and Oxlade who never really seem to change games for the bench…Podolski has done that a few times this season.