I wish I had a sofa to hide behind…

by .

‘Mate, you sold my ticket?’

‘Alex, you kidding me?’


‘Who wants to level out £40 to watch a mauling?’

Now the above conversation happened this morning, and it’s a bit in jest… but really, it’s exactly what I’m thinking. It’s a late kick off, but I’m meeting a few pals nice and early so we can drink our way to a good day.

‘Pint of Gin please sir’

I’m jealous of the people who are watching at home. At least they have a sofa to hide behind.

Today, simply put, could be absolute carnage.

But, on the flip side, sometimes when a game is so against you, great things can happen.

I have many concerns about today, here they are.

Thomas Vermaelen:

The guy has hardly played a game this year. He’s rusty. Lacking in confidence. And he’s just had a bad game against Swansea. He’ll be targeted today by City because he’s a liability. It could be a disaster. Koscielny will be missed.


We’re so one paced at the moment. All over the park, we struggle to break at speed, we don’t get in behind a defence and no one overlaps. This makes us easy to defend against and make the pressing game pretty simple for City.

Strike force:

Giroud is dead on his feet and he’s not even doing the basics right at the moment. No tearing about the park, no holding up the ball and no fancy lay offs. Without top class up front, we’ll struggle to make anything happen.


Oxlade Chamberlain and Arteta versus Fernandinho and Yaya Toure. I mean, honestly, how are you seeing this one working out? They’ll have to have an absolute shocker to not win that battle.


City know what we’ll do. Why? Because we do the same thing every game. We’re predictable. There’s nothing Arsene can offer that they won’t know about. When you’re playing world class players, that’s a bad start.


We’ve taken spanking from the top four this season. We’re playing a form City off the back of a defeat and a last minute draw. The players will be playing their 3rd game in a week. We all know Arteta can’t do that. We know Giroud can’t do that at the moment. It’s going to be painful. We’re playing City for the second time this season with no energy.

What could work for us?

Wigan beat them.

That’s all I’ve got. They have inconsistencies in their game. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be as complacent as I’ve just been. Maybe Arsene will send the boys out with a rocket up their arse. Maybe, we’ll get out title challenge back on track.

I just don’t hold out much hope.

Arsene, surprise me.

Please, dear Arsene, surprise me.

1,321 Responses to “I wish I had a sofa to hide behind…”

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  1. salparadisenyc


    I though we’d capitulate 1-5 this evening.
    Anything is possible, surely Klopp would want Reus by his side in London.

  2. Zacharse

    I think it’s about time someone posted some more financials on here, or at least up to date payrolls of all the EPL teams. I’m startinh to get bored with all this footie talk

  3. R.S.P.C.Arsenal

    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave
    Nine years and you still won’t leave

  4. salparadisenyc

    Rodgers winning the title is going to be the nail in he coffin for AW, he’ll quietly slip away in the night.

  5. R.S.P.C.Arsenal


    It’s all bout the money honey

    Empty trophy cabinet means jack

    The problem is by not winning a trophy means we will attract the wrong type of player

    More mercereny players driven by greed
    Just like the own the owners

    One poxy two bob fa cup will solve jack

  6. Guns of brixton

    really busy now, but i gotta drop a comment to Super poldolski. what. a . player.

    Was immense for us today and its beginning to be a trend for him.
    in this torrid run hes the only player to have shined and showed positive signs of life (vs swansea, vs BM)

    Great professional too, he hasnt had many starts but he hasnt complained hes done well in what time his given.

    so, yeah – keep it up buddy.

  7. kwik fit

    Perhaps Wenger wants Dr Mic to provide his assistance to our medical team and reduce the frequency of season defining injuries .

  8. follow the money

    It’s really quite incredible that Wenger has maintained this narrow band of always getting third or fourth but never truly challenging. It’s quite an amazing achievement, really, in a sort of abnormal way. Any other manager over nine years with this squad would probably bumble their way into a title here and there or fall out of the top four. The problem for us fans is that it’s goddamned boring, and kind of inexcusable when you have a pile of money in the bank to try and push on. Thank God there’s LeGrove and the posters here to keep us entertained or we’d die of boredom

  9. Emiratesstroller

    I posted on yesterday’s thread that I thought that Arsenal would not lose today, because Man City have won just one league game against us at Highbury/ Emirates in last 26 years.

    The first half was absolutely dreadful and on that performance we would have struggled against most teams in EPL. However, I give the team some credit in
    second half they raised their game. I thought that Sagna, Flamini and Rosicky
    played well.

    My real concern is that Giroud is playing so poorly at moment that he has become a liability. His ball control is poor and his mobility almost non existent.

    Personally I would like to see Wenger take a gamble and bring on Gnabry. My
    gut feeling is that he could make a difference, because we do need some pace
    in the team.

  10. Adam A. Carbarundum

    Just read the comments from Wenger. Forget everything…He’s a Specialist in Denial. Last week apparently never happened, he’s clinging to a being a man down, forget that they were down 3-0 at that point. The man has an excuse for everything! I wish life were so simple for me…I’d be a 7.5 million pound man! Oh…wait a second, I might actually be onto something…Its called plausible denial towards wealth. Dang!!!!

  11. kwik fit


    Suddenly I’ve come over all faint. I may have to go to hospital for a check up. Don’t worry i’ll bring my hot runny syrup. 😉

  12. JJ

    Wenger has turned a once very good Arteta into Denilson mkII. Or should I say mkXXXII?

    If he is a starter for us next season we might as well reignite the fourth place trophy campaign from the off.

  13. MidwestGun

    Dr mic signing if true probably means no big name CF. So actually not sure how to take that news now that I think about it.

  14. Bero

    Don’t know how you pronounce his name but if he turned out to be a club legend his chant has to be to the tune of Dr who…

    Dr Miiiic… Hey! Dr mic, Dr miiiic

  15. Bero

    Midwest… If it’s true then that’s for sure it CF wise. Strike force would be giroud, Dr Mic, and sanogo next season. Wenger loves giroud, sanogo is his new pet project only he will believe in. Our only hope would be Dr mic turns out to be something really special.

    Doubtful. Especially in his first season and while so young. He’s had one season in top flight German football. He’ll be inconsistent even if something really special is there.

    From the video he does look like he’s got a burst of pace though. That’s something.

    Any German football experts on here who can shed any more light?

  16. MidwestGun

    Bero –
    Ya after I thought about it that was the same conclusion I came to.
    Love the Dr Who chant tho.

    Sal –
    Hahaha Bale trip over his wallet?

  17. goonerboy

    Any draw against City is a creditable result-but if we really had belief we would have won that game. There are more to our players than they have shown recently.
    But we know, the players know that the Chelsea game was no blip.

    Villa and Crystal Palace showed that Chelsea are a very beatable team-if you have the players and most of all the tactics.

    They also show that you don’t need to match Chelsea’s spend on players to be able to beat them.

  18. TitsMcgee

    Drmic doesn’t impress me. Does he seem to have some ability? Sure but he’s far from ready to be a major contributor.

    I watch a decent amount of Bundesliga and I’ve never heard of this guy.

    Just reeks of “trying too hard” to find a gem for peanuts rather than just paying the big bucks for an established player.

    Another Wenger special.

  19. follow the money

    I find it amazing how much City struggle without Aguero. With him they are unbeatable, without him they are mediocre. They still took care of Man U tho, something we couldn’t do

  20. follow the money

    I agree Tits. Wenger needs to drop the big money on a top class striker. Part of the problem with that however is that Arsenal under Wenger play such a unique style I think a lot of top strikers wonder if they will do well here…and then there’s also the fact that we don’t pay as well as other clubs. Both of these issues need to be addressed. Wenger needs to come up with a plan B style of play, because we just don’t have the players to play Barca-lite possession football. I’d love to see him change and see some of the sweeping and potent counter attacks we used to with Pires and Ljungberg but I doubt it will happen

  21. london gunner

    drmic REALLY? surprised le-grovers aren’t more pissed of with this news.

    If true this is ridiculous because we all know it would be the only striker signing.

    Chelsea get Costa we get drmic just imagine..

    Would rather buy Muriel or try for reus

  22. salparadisenyc

    london gunnerMarch 29, 2014 22:53:11

    Whose to say which striker slot he’ll takeover if we in fact sign him.

    We pull in a marquee striker and this Dr. Mic character and Giroud fight it out for the second birth, fantastic.

    If he is the marquee striker along with Giroud…. mutiny on the emirates.

  23. gunnergetyou

    I dont think we were as far away from the title this season as it’s made out to be by most people.

    If we strengthened properly in Jan then the title would be ours for the taking.

    Even though we’ve been outclassed by the top teams, had we managed to win our games against Stoke and Swansea we would be level on points with Chelsea at the top of the table with our nightmare run of fixtures pretty much out of the way.

    If we had Ramsey and co fit I do think we would’ve beaten those teams. Southampton away was also costly.

    That said a top four finish and an FA cup would still be positive for us. But we had a great chance for the title this season.

  24. Same Story

    What’s not to be impressed with, looks a composed finisher, good technically,2 footed,height,pace and young so has room for improvement.

    Just look at the quality of some of these finishes, none of our current strikers are capable of a few of these.

  25. Guns of brixton

    Cant be a ‘4th place trophy’ this year, it would be highly dissappointing, even with the FA cup.
    Given how long we were top, i would only accept and be pleased with a top 3 finish + FA cup.

  26. gunnergetyou

    Just goes to show we didnt really need to beat our title rivals.

    If we continued to beat all of the smaller teams like earlier in the season we’d still be in pole position even now.

  27. TitsMcgee

    Logic would tell you that Drmic won’t be the only striker signing because he’s clearly a project.

    However that’s what we said last year with Sanogo. We were all certain that Sanogo wouldn’t be the only striker we signed because he’s just a kid. Guess what? That’s exactly what happened.

    One thing I’ve learned with Wenger is tgat he always does the OPPOSITE of what he should do. Be it tactics or transfer window.

    Logic says go out and buy a WC striker?

    Wenger will go out and get a Drmic and a loan deal for Kalou on the last day of the window.

    He’s his (and our) own worst enemy. The enemy within if you will.

  28. Bero

    How would people feel about Dr mic and current strike force in the middle (possibly with Theo as another central option) with draxler on the left and Di Maria on the right.

    Given that Wenger thinks draxler could be converted to a striker too I’d probably be reasonably happy with that. Good options around the place and some real quality around the place.

    Just freaking buying a proven striker a la benzema or Costa is obviously easier but also not going to happen.

    Dr mic, draxler, Di Maria. Yep, that’d be a solid set of additions.

  29. Thomas

    Can’t really get excited with thus Drmic guy. The problem is this he’s probably going to come at the expense of a better striker. We should be looking at Costa, Cavani, Falcao etc. Wenger really is a massive fuckup window after window failing to get a proper striker.

  30. Emiratesstroller

    If the Drmic story proves to be true then I suspect that Wenger will be investing serious money on a Left Winger. This could be either Draxler or Griezman. The latter has not only pace but scores goals.

    The realty is that Arsenal are not going to spend £30 million+ on more than one player in next transfer window. Also there are at least two other positions in team/squad which will need strengthening i.e. defensive midfielder and right full back if Sagna leaves.

  31. Sensible old man

    Gooners are falling for the same old transfer shit yet again. We all know we won’t buy what we need. This drmic is a piece of fucking shit, more unknown bulllshit and he’ll be our only summer signing (plus maybe a crappy free transfer- kalou or bosingwa).

    Wenger will then say he’ll be a £50 million pound world class player in ten years and so on n so forth. Kill me now

  32. Emiratesstroller

    Let’s not write him off yet. Switzerland are producing some very good players at moment and are ranked 7th [England 13th] in FIFA list. He scored 2 goals in last International against Croatia.

    If he can score 16 goals in Bundesliga then he has to be a decent player. As I said if the rumour proves correct the likelihood is that Arsenal are planning to spend serious money elsewhere in summer. The Puma sponsorship deal will
    require them to do so.

  33. Thank you and goodnight

    Don’t get your hopes up people. After every shite campaign we get linked with everyman and his dog, only to be disappointed once summer ends. I still can’t believe they are willing to give the madman 2 more years. ….Bollocks bollocks bollocks

  34. Jeff

    Here comes another long summer of speculation, false dawns, a million links to a million players, smiles, winks, hints and no substance. Then we’ll arrive at 31st August and still scratching around Wenger will give us some statistic about the team’s performance and go on to say how he “tried” to sign people but couldn’t find top, top, top quality and that will be the justification for complete inaction or pointless cheap signings that won’t affect our standing.

    We’ll never learn.

  35. Dannyboy

    Lol I’m keenly awaiting KJ turning up today saying

    ‘Listen boys, my new wife is Swiss, and her family are telling me this Drmic is a real talent!!!’

  36. Moray

    it’s soul destroying. Too mediocre even to lose to City yesterday, who seemed to lose interest also. A slow and steady 4th place is in the offing again. I’m considering giving next year’s Premiership a miss until I can build up some excitement again.

  37. Dannyboy

    Isn’t it so fucking annoying that if we got 6 points against United like every other fucking team in the League have, we’d be joint top!

  38. Thank you and goodnight

    Yep ain’t we all mate. Moyes might of had a stay of execution, but I bet you top dollar if this time next year United are struggling he will be out the front door. We Arsenal fans haven’t got that ray of light at the end of the tunnel as both the board and Wenger are as bad as each other. The only thing that will get rid of Wenger is ill health as there is no way he’ll walk as he believes he’s doing a marvellous job.

  39. Dissenter

    What do you guys think of Sanogo?
    There’s nothing I’ve seen to justify pushing to the front of the queue above Akpom. He offers NO goal threat and just puts in an effort to help defenders get practice.
    I’ll take a 21 year old (Drmic) who’s actually been tested in a decent league against this postman. Send Yaya Sango out on loan and let’s see how good he really is? Campbell should have his place, at least he’s tested.

  40. Thank you and goodnight

    He’s probably a nice lad, but nothing I’ve seen makes me confident he’ll make it. Maybe if he had someone ahead of him he could learn from he might progress at a better rate. But apart from pulling that orgasm face their really is little Sanogo can learn from giroud.

  41. Dannyboy

    I actually got a bit of a boner today at the thought of Vieira coming in to replace Wenger…

    Him and Bould would be a pair!

  42. tipster

    Ask Arsene;
    who finished 4th in the 1970 world cup
    who finished 4th in the olympic 100m
    who finished 4th in my schools maths test..

    “dad dad,” I finished 4th….Great son….you can’t get any better

  43. Dannyboy

    Does anyone remember a few years ago when we came 3rd in a 2 horse race?

    We’d been top 2 all season then got like 5 points from our last 8 games and limped to 3rd.

  44. Thank you and goodnight

    He just doesn’t get it does he. Coming out now and saying we are in semis of cup and led league for so long…..blah blah blah blah. The reason people are pissed off you fuck wit was because in January everyman and his dog could see this coming. Sports pundits and fans alike said our squad was to small and we needed strengthening, that come March with a fixture pile up we will leave ourselves short. Yet what did fuck wit do…..that’s right nothing. Now he wants a pat on the back because we led league for 4 months….well Arsène my old senile twat. …..’we’ve led the league for 4 months trophy’ doesn’t exist except in your head.

  45. Ozrus


    REALLY wants to be heard even though he’s a fucking boring lollipop

  46. Dannyboy

    Nah Liverpool for the title for me..

    Much rather them win it than those other two cunts… Then again I don’t have put up with the whinging cocky little scouse wanker fans going on about how great they are like most of you have to!

  47. Ozrus

    Dannyboy, I’ve been meaning to lollipop you with the following statement for a while. You and the likes of you are the reason people from England in Australia are known as the whinging poms. Nothing personal.

  48. Hitman49

    I see the French national team want WENGER ?

    I guess we’d better get him signed up quick then !

    Or it could all be smoke and mirrors again like last time and the one before that and that and that !!!

  49. Emiratesstroller

    The major problems at club at moment, which need to be resolved before next season are:

    1. Arsenal when compared to almost every other club in EPL appear to have a
    disproportionate number of injuries. Going into yesterday’s game we were
    without Ozil,Koscielny,Monreal,Ramsey, Walcott,Wilshire, Diaby and.
    Miyaichi.That is almost one third of squad. If you factor in long term injuries
    this season to Oxlade-Chamberlain and Gibbs as well that has to raise
    questions about training methods,style of play, lack of rotation,
    physicality of players and medical support system. It cannot be down to
    just bad luck.

    2.Wenger’s transfer policy over many years. This applies to failure to cover
    weaknesses in squad and also the timing of transfer completion. Everybody
    knew at start of season that we lacked both a top class striker and a key
    defensive midfielder. Arsenal offloaded two years ago both Van Persie and
    Song. Yet Wenger has not replaced either player with equivalent or better
    players. Giroud and Flamini are in reality squad players.

    3. Apart from the cost of building stadium the major argument for Arsenal’s
    failure to compete with the likes of Chelsea,Man City and PSG is the wealth
    of their owners. That is only part of the story, because clubs like Real Madrid
    Barcelona,Bayern and Man Utd who do not have backing of rich Oligarchs
    or Arab Sheikhs have also outgunned us primarily because they have been
    far better at achieving commercial sponsorship.

    4. The real issue for me is the question whether Arsenal’s shares were sold
    to the wrong person. Kroenke may be a wealthy guy, but there is little
    evidence that he is willing or able to provide the level of investment, which
    is offered by other owners.

    5. Finally there is the matter of Wenger. He has been an excellent manager,
    but when you see that he has been in charge for 1,000 games, but has not
    won a trophy for more than 500 games you need to ask the question has he
    got what it takes to reverse the trend. Personally I don’t think he has what
    it takes. Noone wants to sack him, but there has to come a moment when
    a Manager needs to know when to leave.

  50. bergkamp63

    I thought all Australians were poms apart from Aborigines as it was the Brits who colonised the place ? Nothing personal !

  51. lordsnotty

    “Wenger’s trying his best” LOL
    That is precisely the problem. He is trying his best. His best is not good enough. Nine years of failure? No – we regularly win the Fourth Place trophy. How can that be a failure, anyone?

  52. Ozrus

    Dannyboy, thus spake not a fan but a countryman. Fans of a classy specimen like John terry in oz will tell you the same, you whine a lot.

  53. Hitman49

    Yeah or the board are trying it up his ante !

    So we re all relived when he signs his new contract !

    So bloody predictable resort rinse repeat rinse,

    And all the transfer leaks …oh yeah we’ll all believe those as well !!

    They really do think we’re all muppets !

  54. Norfolk

    bergkamp63March 30, 2014 11:06:12
    I thought all Australians were poms apart from Aborigines as it was the Brits who colonised the place ? Nothing personal !”

    Last time I went to Oz the immigration bloke asked me if “I had a criminal record”.
    I says…….. “I didn’t know you still needed one”

    Boom boom