Sign them ALL

by .


No, no, no… this isn’t how it works Arsenal. This really isn’t. It’s supposed to go…

  • Plays badly
  • Plays ok
  • Plays superstar amazing
  • Stalls on deal
  • Speaks highly of Madrid
  • Summer comes goes for big money

So what’s all this tying down players to mega contracts early so we don’t have a headache? It’s amazing, that’s what! Rambo has signed on until 2019, Cazorla has nailed his name to a 2017 contract and even the boy Zelalem has signed up on pro terms.

That’s almost the lot. All we’re waiting on now is Bacary Sagna and then it’s a 100% YES rate. Excellent work by the club. No messing around. No low balling. Just behaving like a proper club. Excellent work.

I think another interesting point about Zelalem is that in seasons past, he’d have played 45 games awaiting his first crushing injury. We’ve been able to hold him back. I’d loan him next season, like we did for Jack. That won’t happen, but it’d be nice for him to get a taste of hardcore football, even it’s only for 6 months. It’s character building, like when my dad used to make me go to B&Q as a kid… naked.

In other news, United overturned the mighty Olympiacos to keep their very unrealistic Champions League dreams alive. Ol’ Robin Can’t Be Arsied (look, I really tried there) banged in a hatrick before leaving the field in a crumpled injured heap. I don’t want to gloat, because it’s sad to see however, I did say last season he was the most expensive short term punt of all time. Sure, they won a trophy, which is more than we have, but that’s a helluva chunk of cash to spunk on a crock who is now proving his worth. You have to say, a United without a Robin is a United that is totally screwed.

I can laugh at the last bit, right?

Yes, yes I can.

Ha ha ha… chortle… snort… chortle

What is chortling? LOLing from the fifties? I reckon so.

Anyway, back to the game. Joel Campbell missed some chances and disappointed the world of Arsenal fans. Look, I hate to break it to people, but there’s a reason he’s playing with a Greek club at the moment. He’s not very good. Honestly, I know that’s a crazy premise, but if he was hot shit, we’d have him in La Liga, where he bombed, or in France, where he bombed.

Let’s not call for his return unless he’s smashing it up in a proper league. Arsenal need better. We don’t need kids and maybes this summer. We need prolific talent. God knows what the club are thinking, but there are plenty of names, Muriel, Draxler and Manzuckic… Let’s shop quality, not, oooohhhh some goals for Costa Rica 4 years ago and a goal against the worst United side in living memory.

There’s some talk about Arsene and his contract. Arsenal are confident he’ll sign it. There’s talk of Barca and PSG being interested. I’d be interested to see how he’d do at those clubs. Anyway, barring a total fail going into the final hurdle of the season, I reckon he’s staying on. They say he’s got Β£100m to spend. When doesn’t he? So maybe we’ll see some action. The squad really needs it this summer, tired legs, disgruntled exits, gaps that have been in the squad for two years. It’s a bloody expensive game is this football malarkey.

There are also rumours that Terry Burton is doing one this summer after being overlooked for the Youth Set up for Andries Jonker. A real shame, but if Andries is as good as everyone says he is, well, it’s the cost of progress and we shouldn’t shed tears.

Ok, I don’t have much more today, so I’m going to leave the room. But not before telling you that Peter Pan was an angel who takes kids up to heaven (Neverland). The kids were dead, people. That’s why they never grew up. Sorry to put that on you, but it’s really messed with my head. How could Disney commission such a monster of a cartoon?

Have a good day. If you can now.

527 Responses to “Sign them ALL”

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  1. DaleDaGooner

    Oh and Eriksen, but who can vouch that he’d be a sensible buy? I mean for all intentions and hope, Ozil wasn’t playing like 42m to be honest

  2. Frankie T

    The guff coming out of andy townsends mouth is enough to induce projectile vomiting. Is anyone else’s listening to this arsehole?

  3. DaleDaGooner

    I’d take Pirlo for a season, dead ball specialist…..we have not managed to score a lot from dead ball this season

  4. Same Story

    What is it that’s keeping Bentaleb in the Spurs team, he doesn’t pass particularly well, doesn’t tackle,doesn’t read the game well and panic when he comes under pressure.

    A few Spurs fans saying he was class tonight, wonder what they were watching lad was painfully average.

  5. Nasri's Mouth

    For a long time I’ve thought there’s a decent player inside of Soldado, and he’s just lacking in confidence, but I’m really starting to struggle to believe it now. Almost as though some sunday leaguer has stolen his face.

    Gervinhos finishing was pretty bad, but Soldado is something else

  6. N5

    Oh my god, I’ve got both Johnty and Thomas the bumders calling me out, Thomas with this gem “*wah wah ban these guys wah wah*, What a whiny little idiot.” and Johnty with “N5….,.u Ben Affleck all the way!!!”

    This has become a nursery for headcases.

  7. N5

    Yeah Kwik, but I can only afford the one past their sell by dates.

    I’ll take the stumpy ginger with back boobs! does she need to be washed? nope don’t bother, send her as is!

  8. Rhys Jaggar


    Those costs do make sense – I was looking at the cost of Schalke’s Veltin’s Stadion a few years back and it was piss cheap compared to the Emirates.

    I think it’s London construction for you. I mean: Β£757m and change for Wembley and they had it having settlement problems not to mention a crap pitch. God knows what the Olympic Stadium cost first time round and they didn’t put any boxes in, no loos inside and not a proper roof. When it’s converted the total cost will be not much shy of Wembley. Arsenal’s Β£450m and change was cheap by comparison, given the quality of the arena and the pitch.

  9. kwik fit

    Arsene Wenger’s overall goal difference after 999 games in charge of Arsenal is +884. Wouldn’t it be great that after 1000 games he could get us to +1000.

  10. Carts


    the general cost of building property and acquiring land in Portugal would’ve been, and probably still is relatively cheap; in comparison to London (with in M25). Labour cost are a massive factor.

    Fellas, this Steven Defour lad, who at one time was mooted for Utd, how do you’ll rate him?

  11. N5

    Johnty, I have no idea what you are talking about! stick to trainspotting, you are so much more suited to that than mixing it with real Gooners!!

  12. Dan Ahern

    Wenger’s 1000th is pretty fitting. Facing off against the one man who’s always in his head, who he’s never been able to shake. Incredibly tough match but it’d be a nice statement for both club and manager.

    Also we kind of have to win to have any chance this season. I’d be pretty nervous if I hadn’t mentally written off the PL already.

  13. kwik fit

    Lol Waylander I had a sneaky suspicion both teams would score as well. However I’m going for 900+ at the end of the game. 17 /1 is much more realistic. πŸ˜‰

  14. salparadisenyc


    Im a proponent of the 40, especially PBR. You may see Dan A and I on any major news service storming the the freedom tower come Saturday evening if we do the deal against Mou. Yes 40s brown bagged or otherwise will be in two preferably the ole red white and blue.

  15. Nasri's Mouth

    Doing some rough calculations, I’m guessing that for every player who goes to the world cup in Qatar, 3 people will have died building the stadiums for them to play in

  16. salparadisenyc


    The Chix song certainly works better with AW in charge. Once we marshall Simeone into the fore, cue up the pistols.

    Porto looking to go through.. 2-1 now. Fernando, he’s a player.

  17. Waylander

    If we win at Stamford Bridge on Saturday then we will become the first team in Premier League history to win all of their away games in London in the same season. No side has previously finished a season with a 100 per cent win record from their games against the London sides

    If we fail to beat Chelsea, they will still end up with a win percentage of 80 per cent from their London away games, which would be the second-highest percentage in Premier League history. The best record to date was recorded by Manchester United in 2001/02 who won five of their six games away from home against London sides

  18. Newco Arsenal PLC

    I know there’s a big ‘love-in’ for Wenger’s 1000th game on Saturday, but let’s be honest, he hasn’t lasted this long because he’s a master tactician, he’s survived because the hierarchy at the club are as comfortable as a knackered old pair of house slippers they refuse to throw away because they still serve a purpose. In Wenger’s case, he makes the club money with his ridiculously extreme frugality.
    Even Mark Pougatch called it on ‘5Live’ after the woeful 0-0 draw with Man Utd at The Emirates – Wenger obsessively handicaps himself and puts himself at a huge disadvantage by refusing to plug the gaps in the squad and buy what is so obviously needed.
    If Moyes wasn’t so hopelessly out of his depth and Man Utd were having the same sort of season they’ve had for the past twenty years, I doubt Arsenal would be making the top four this season, but once again he’s been made to look better than he actually is by other ineptitude.
    The mathematical perception is that we’re one of four clubs involved in a very tight title race, but knowing Wenger’s limited abilities, I’d be quite surprised if Arsenal finish higher than fourth. The sad truth is that there are many strikers available to Arsenal who would be an upgrade on the hapless serial-shagger Giroud and would in all probability have taken us that step further and ended our ten-year wait for the PL title, instead Wenger paid a club record Β£42m for Ozil – great player, but a luxury item that wasn’t what was required – to stay in exactly the same position, as well as exit the CL in the round of 16 for the fourth year in a row.
    Ok so we might win the FA Cup, but that is fourth on Wenger’s list of priorities and has become so de-valued, in terms of value it doesn’t represent the progression most patient fans were expecting.
    Is there a more cringe-worthy terminology in football than ‘Wengerball’?
    Simeone, Klopp, Hiddink, van Gaal, any one of them would do a better job than Wenger. It would be a shame to see him awarded a three-year extention, because the supporters deserve a lot better.

  19. Savage

    Liked this comment from Wenger on the .com:

    “but I think now we are in a position again where we can fight with other clubs to sign big players”

    Ozil’s signing was not the last.

  20. tunnygriffboy


    I think we’ll get a few 10 to 20 million players and one marquee signing I hope !
    We have the base of a good squad. We have to extend Kos contract and try to getSagna to sign. After that it’s quality players at CF, DM and LW and Rambo, Walcott and Ozil fit for long periods. Quality additions also means that we have more depth which may convince Wenger to rotate more.

  21. Bergkamplegend

    Hello guys!!

    Top of the “european cream” today for the draw of the quarterfinals of the CL.
    Once again, without Arsenal.

    I’m always in a bad moon the morning…
    Maybe that’s why I ask myself this question : Wenger have the financial power to pushed us further in the final 8, maybe 4 and more ?
    In the recent easons has he only try ?
    === >>> Wenger out please.

  22. tunnygriffboy

    We have a solid, one paced, unspectacular side. We now defend much better as a team and work hard for one another. It’s a shame that our most dynamic players have been out injured for long periods so never really had the time to gel together. Once we add pace to this team we should be a handful. That is why whoever we bring in needs to be quick and athletic.

  23. peanuts&monkeys

    @ gambon March 20, 2014 14:19:
    “Developing ridiculously raw players so he can win their undying affection, to the detriment of the club.”

    How true!

  24. Bergkamplegend

    Yes but if Ozil is not “his last big signing”, that means no managerial changes…
    === >>> “vicious circle”. πŸ˜‰

  25. Max85

    Morning all!

    Might be a week old, but has anyone seen this Ox and Jenko chat?

    Quality banter, you can tell there’s a great spirit in our team now. It’s the reason why I’d be tempted to hang on to Poldi as a squad player as he is clearly very well liked in the dressing room (and loved by the fans), can’t underestimate the positive impact of a unified squad. Definitely think it’s one of the reasons we’ve been much better this season, with what are mostly inferior players (talent wise) to our 07/08 and 10/11 teams.

  26. N5

    Dissenter, I hope so too, but a loss on such a monumental occasion would really be symbolic of Arsene’s overall tenure.

  27. Ben D

    Wenger out! This should be the last straw…… There are ‘horses for courses’…. How can a coach with his experience think he can just play the same way against every team and get away with it? I’m fed up with the madness…..