No, no, no… this isn’t how it works Arsenal. This really isn’t. It’s supposed to go…
- Plays badly
- Plays ok
- Plays superstar amazing
- Stalls on deal
- Speaks highly of Madrid
- Summer comes goes for big money
So what’s all this tying down players to mega contracts early so we don’t have a headache? It’s amazing, that’s what! Rambo has signed on until 2019, Cazorla has nailed his name to a 2017 contract and even the boy Zelalem has signed up on pro terms.
That’s almost the lot. All we’re waiting on now is Bacary Sagna and then it’s a 100% YES rate. Excellent work by the club. No messing around. No low balling. Just behaving like a proper club. Excellent work.
I think another interesting point about Zelalem is that in seasons past, he’d have played 45 games awaiting his first crushing injury. We’ve been able to hold him back. I’d loan him next season, like we did for Jack. That won’t happen, but it’d be nice for him to get a taste of hardcore football, even it’s only for 6 months. It’s character building, like when my dad used to make me go to B&Q as a kid… naked.
In other news, United overturned the mighty Olympiacos to keep their very unrealistic Champions League dreams alive. Ol’ Robin Can’t Be Arsied (look, I really tried there) banged in a hatrick before leaving the field in a crumpled injured heap. I don’t want to gloat, because it’s sad to see however, I did say last season he was the most expensive short term punt of all time. Sure, they won a trophy, which is more than we have, but that’s a helluva chunk of cash to spunk on a crock who is now proving his worth. You have to say, a United without a Robin is a United that is totally screwed.
I can laugh at the last bit, right?
Yes, yes I can.
Ha ha ha… chortle… snort… chortle
What is chortling? LOLing from the fifties? I reckon so.
Anyway, back to the game. Joel Campbell missed some chances and disappointed the world of Arsenal fans. Look, I hate to break it to people, but there’s a reason he’s playing with a Greek club at the moment. He’s not very good. Honestly, I know that’s a crazy premise, but if he was hot shit, we’d have him in La Liga, where he bombed, or in France, where he bombed.
Let’s not call for his return unless he’s smashing it up in a proper league. Arsenal need better. We don’t need kids and maybes this summer. We need prolific talent. God knows what the club are thinking, but there are plenty of names, Muriel, Draxler and Manzuckic… Let’s shop quality, not, oooohhhh some goals for Costa Rica 4 years ago and a goal against the worst United side in living memory.
There’s some talk about Arsene and his contract. Arsenal are confident he’ll sign it. There’s talk of Barca and PSG being interested. I’d be interested to see how he’d do at those clubs. Anyway, barring a total fail going into the final hurdle of the season, I reckon he’s staying on. They say he’s got £100m to spend. When doesn’t he? So maybe we’ll see some action. The squad really needs it this summer, tired legs, disgruntled exits, gaps that have been in the squad for two years. It’s a bloody expensive game is this football malarkey.
There are also rumours that Terry Burton is doing one this summer after being overlooked for the Youth Set up for Andries Jonker. A real shame, but if Andries is as good as everyone says he is, well, it’s the cost of progress and we shouldn’t shed tears.
Ok, I don’t have much more today, so I’m going to leave the room. But not before telling you that Peter Pan was an angel who takes kids up to heaven (Neverland). The kids were dead, people. That’s why they never grew up. Sorry to put that on you, but it’s really messed with my head. How could Disney commission such a monster of a cartoon?
Have a good day. If you can now.