The 5 ways we can bring back the noise… | Liverpool fans can’t afford / yet want more?

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It’s difficult not to give our keeper a high five mentally when you read that he tried to convince Robert Lewandowski to join us last season.

‘We had several talks about this. It was him who did most of
the talking, how the club looks inside, what Arsène Wenger thinks of me.’

Great work Chezzer. We’ll still need a chat though, because ultimately you failed. We can’t accept failure these days. We’ve put Manonne on alert, so start speaking to your best pal Robert about a new club. You total embarrassment.

Anyway, onto other things… such as the Le Grove app. So excusing the dreadful button cover that will change when Apple sign off the next update, its purpose is to bring all the social channels and the blog under one roof. Ultimately, it’s been pulled together for you, if you like it, I’ll roll it out across poor people devices.

Just kidding, I love all the phones.

Arsenal have taken revenge on the poverty preachers of Liverpool by slamming them with a little over half their entitlement for the FA Cup game. They’ve cited safety… they don’t want dangerous Liverpool fans standing in the upper tiers, so they’ve given them less tickets. Sounds like a load of nonsense if you ask me. Feels more like getting fans back for slating the cost. Spirit of Shankly, which sounds like a very expensive whiskey said…

“[We] have immediately re-written to both clubs to ask them to explain this decision, given the absurdity that a football club can designate an area as being available to away supporters yet then raise fears over potential safety issues.”

Football fans are a funny old lot, one week we’re hearing how many hours a Liverpool fan working in a kebab shop would have to work to afford an Arsenal ticket (14.73 for a £93 ticket), the next we’re hearing how they’re disgusted with their allocation they would have no doubt devoured.

You can’t have it both ways!

Anyway, it is what it is. It’ll make for a slightly less frenetic atmosphere, which is a shame, but hey, what can you do? I don’t really have an opinion on this.

I’ve been reading some of the fan groups talking about how we can up the noise level in the stadium to the terrific heights the Crystal Palace fans achieve. The answer… cheaper tickets. This is such a tired argument. Arsenal lowered the ticket prices to £10 at the Carling Cup game and the noise levels were dreadful.

‘NOISE IS THE PRESERVE OF POOR PEOPLE’

… seems to be the consensus. I mean, come on people, the issue isn’t that we don’t have enough cheap tickets. Men in their fifties have a lot of cash, but so do guys in their twenties! No mortgage, no kids… just beer to worry about. Cheaper tickets aren’t going to raise the roof. Things that might…

Safe standing: This would be bloody marvellous. Rockstars don’t sing sitting down, unless they’re Marti Pellow from Wet Wet Wet… but hey, I’m not sure he constitutes a rockstar.

Singing Sections: We should round up all 50,000 season ticket holders, who, on Twitter, state they’re the only singers in their block, and lump them in one section. Then they have to sing. What a great idea. Problem is, people don’t want to have to move elsewhere…

Pre-game experience: There is no pre-game experience at Arsenal. There is no reason to get me into the ground any earlier than 1455. This is a problem. Arsenal should take on the idiots (or capitalist legends that know how to strike an incredibly lazy deal) that run Delaware and allow independents to offer food outside the ground. Make it a damn carnival. Get Ray Parlour running a fan Q&A on a stage, have Piebury Corner offering Piedolski’s and craft beer… utilise that area and give families and normal people a reason to turn up earlier.

This could be our DHL Training kit moment. If Delaware can’t be bothered to inspect the disgusting state of their anemic food, take the good food outside. What’s the worst that could happen? We upset a catering giant who don’t care about quality food or service? A company that is quite happy to get fat off a ridiculous 25 year deal that basically entails zero improvement incentive?

Honestly, if I were Arsenal, I’d be pulling every trick in the book to make them suffer. But hey, that’s just me… but suppliers are partners until they start screwing over your customer base. Then they are the enemy… and you make them pay through the loopholes.

… always exploit the loopholes.

VuVuZelas: What happened to those? Let’s get them in the stadium! The sound of a 42 stone man humming sweet tunes on South Africa’s finest export outside of Charlize Theron. Could noise get any better? Most certainly not.

Flares: Now, total curve ball here, but when Everton + Bayern played us at home, some cheeky scamp let of a flare. Aside from the fury that raged inside me because the flagrant disregard for health and safety, the light smoke that smouldered across the ground gave the stadium a war like atmosphere (apologies to the armed forces here, I’ve like, only been to war once, and it was the World Of Warcraft convention in 2002). How about flares let off safely pregame… we could have a show… get some dancers in, do some flares… it’d be banging.

What isn’t going to change things:

Cheaper tickets: There is no study that correlates minimum wage with noise. Sorry, it’s a romantic notion, but passion for football is not dependent on wealth. When I sorted out a ticket for my pal mark when we were about 20-21, he lumped it on a credit card. Could he afford it, probably not? Did he regret it… 100% doubtful. When you’re young, you’ll find a way if you have the desire.

… I’m still counting the cost of Kavos 1999, both financially, and venereally.

Flags: That flag that goes over my head before the game, which is the picture at the top of the screen gets on my tits big time. I don’t feel it rouses me in anyway shape or form. It hacks me off because the muppet behind me tries to hold onto it when the stewards bring it in… it was funny, like, say, the first 18 times he did that.

A Drum: Dear god, please don’t bring a drum to the game.

Megaphoners: Dortmund have a megaphone master on what looks like each block. I quite like the idea of someone leading the march, however, I’m not sure how fans would respond to it. I’m half and half on this one…

Anyway, there are my suggestions, you don’t like them… do one.

Just jokes, share your ideas in the comments…

 

357 Responses to “The 5 ways we can bring back the noise… | Liverpool fans can’t afford / yet want more?”

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  1. MidwestGun

    Exactly right sal, I started playing football at a young age.
    Fell in love with the sport, played in high school and college. Then had nowhere else to play. No MLS at the time. Early 90s. So did a stint in the MISL, major indoor soccer league , an abomination of football on a hockey rink. Tore some ligaments then quit.

    Anyway, my point being its a shame our country is so clueless about it.

  2. Norfolk

    MidwestGunFebruary 6, 2014 20:29:16
    Exactly right sal, I started playing football at a young age.
    Fell in love with the sport, played in high school and college. Then had nowhere else to play. No MLS at the time. Early 90s. So did a stint in the MISL, major indoor soccer league , an abomination of football on a hockey rink. Tore some ligaments then quit. Anyway, my point being its a shame our country is so clueless about it.

    Err.??
    First US football league 1890 something

  3. Thank you and goodnight

    @Dan Ahern

    I’ve probably seen his fights over a 1000 times. I’m not saying he’s the best there has ever been, but for me…..wow. lightning quick speed, ferocious punching power an entertainer all round. For me though, although we’ll possibly disagree on this, Floyd May weather has to be up their for best pound for pound boxer ever.

  4. MidwestGun

    Norfolk,

    No viable football league at the time that wasnt going bankrupt.
    With the caveat: that I was good enough to play for. Lol. Prolly should have added that.

  5. Dan Ahern

    Nah I’m with you in both cases. Mayweather is incredible. One of history’s best. But Roy… Roy was just mega entertaining! Lightning quick, almost arrogant swagger, sometimes taunting guys and putting his gloves down. I love that shit. He’d bait you and brutalise you.

  6. Norfolk

    MidwestGunFebruary 6, 2014 20:38:46
    Norfolk,No viable football league at the time that wasnt going bankrupt.
    With the caveat: that I was good enough to play for. Lol. Prolly should have added that.

    Lol
    I could have played for that team too.
    Rubbish United 🙂

  7. Thank you and goodnight

    @Dan Ahern
    I can’t remember who his opponent was now, but he backed up against the ropes, put his hands behind his back and waited for the guy to throw a punch before knocking him out. To this day I’ve never seen any other fighter do that.

  8. Simon

    Midwest

    What us with you guys and “bacon” ( I use the word advisedly as you guys cremate the stuff!)

    I stayed in a NYC hotel and at breakfast there was a guy who just did the omelettes. He said “how would you like your omelette” and I said ” eggs are fine”. He looked upset. He offered bacon, potatoes, something called ‘erbs’, ‘scallion’ , ‘cilantro’ (looked like coriander) shrimp ( he meant prawns), cheese (sort of) and stuff I can’t recall. I said no turned to get my OJ (if you can’t beat em join em) and took my really big omelette. As I started to eat it I found he’d slipped in – and his is no exaggeration – a fucking POUND of bacon. What a country.

  9. MidwestGun

    Simon –

    Ya we are obsessed with the stuff. Like a seperate food group. Saw bacon flavored ice cream the other day.

    I was like wtf? Now we are just going too far.

  10. kwik fit

    I would pay some good money for a bit of rumpy pumpy time with dear old Katie. Thankyou America for bringing us the hottest thing since the red hot chilli peppers.

  11. Simon

    Kwik

    Yeah they were hot too. Specially when they wore nothing but socks on their dicks. Oh, yeah. If you fancy that kind of thing! I’ll get my coat.

    Btw does a fuck me rat to just say ‘fuck me’? Or is their a diagram?

  12. Norfolk

    MidwestGunFebruary 6, 2014 20:52:50
    Rubbish United hmm. Seem to remember they played with a sweeper.

    And a painter, a plumber and a bricklayer.
    We drew the line at a postman though 🙂

  13. MidwestGun

    As all i get is the television feed it sounds like they stick the microphone right in the middle of the away supporter section
    . Crytal Palace match all I could hear was a big fn drum. And a chant that said we stay til the end or something.

    What kind of chant is that anyway?

  14. R.S.P.C.Arsenal

    If united don’t make the top four?
    Will the Europa cup be acceptable for the share holders?

    How sustainable is brand united being out of the top tier of English football?

    Will they still stand by fergie an his comment of fibbing moyes time?
    I think not so moyes will get an
    O B E

    Out before Easter

  15. Simon

    RSPCA

    Interesting.

    I think they’ll stand by him and hive him a massive transfer budget. He can fairly argue he didn’t have a strike force. Mata was just the beginning.

    We gave to strengthen like fuck and keep them well behind us.

  16. R.S.P.C.Arsenal

    Simon

    I wonder if shares nose dive
    Media slates them
    Will knee jerk the owners to spend to buy way of getting out of trouble or

    Bring in big European manger to get the shares breathing again?

  17. Nasri's Mouth

    Moyes wont be sacked till he’s had a chance to spend some cash in the summer, and see how well he does next season.

    Can’t see him going until 2015

  18. Revving Kevin

    I agree with Nasri. Even Stevie Wonder could see that Old Red Nose the Drunk left Moyes with some awful players. RVP carried them last season and Fergie got out Becos he couldn’t believe his luck last season. He failed to build and Fergie being the sly bastard he is jumped. He us made of Teflon and it will all be blamed on Moyes.

  19. kushy47

    Arsenal should visit Nigeria for preseason this summer, cos we gunners from Naija are yet to witness that. It will be awesome to do it as champions of both epl and Ecl, yes you heard it here first. Arsenal is winning treble this year.

  20. Evan

    Question You’re trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Tottenham Hotspur Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

    A: Shoot the Tottenham Fan. Twice.

    Just messing I wish no harm, happy joke Friday 🙂
    Massive game tomorrow, I hope Ox can be are new form man in the absence of Rambo

  21. Thank you and goodnight

    Anyone read Steven Howard comment In papers today about Wenger? Can’t stand Steven Howard as he so obviously dislikes us……though I can’t help thinking some of his points are valid. Still a cunt though.

  22. Guns of brixton

    Vidic leaving yoo nited. Inter / milan / juve at war to get him. great CB, lost it a bit after that long-injury layoff. rio out, vidic gone. moyes really in the shiter!

  23. Hitman49

    This I’ll get them all singing !

    Arsen wingers tragicccccc

    He wears a flashers mac

    And when he saw the press coreee he said

    Who you lookin at……..!

    Oooohhhhhh

    Arsen wingers tragicccccc

    He wears a flashers mac

    And when he saw the press coreee he said

    Who you lookin at……..!

    Oooohhhhhh

    WENGER OUT !

  24. kushy47

    Don’t wanna see roonited in the champs league next season and don’t want spuds either,the two sucks. Ozil have to raise his game 2mao,who is scoring our brace tomorrow cos it seems we are shifting scorer every week used to be rambo before theo ,santi came and had his share,not forgetting olivier fucking handsome giroud and poldi took a brace against coventry now its all about chambo,who knows when zelalem will do his own brace ……we are the arsenal bring on arsefeild not anfield.we rule SAS.

  25. Guns of brixton

    FIFA has done a rundown of the top 5 AFC VS LFC matches of all time. nice read if ya intrested in memory lane.

  26. Samir

    Out:
    Park
    Djourou
    Coq
    Miyaichi
    Bendtner
    Vermaelen
    Diaby

    Targets

    Gündoğan/Bender/Pogba/Fernando (for DM)
    Coleman/Clyne/Richards/Corchia (for right back)
    Benzema/Lukaku/Balotelli/Jovetic/Insigne/Damião (Striker)
    Draxler/El Shaarawy/Reus/Lavezzi/Dzagoev (for the wing)
    Ginter (Replace Vermaelen+Cover for DM)

  27. Musketeer

    @Samir

    Not a bad list but we need a much better list than that for strikers, that lot is too 2nd class for my choice.