Hey Arsene, where’s the freaking plan? | Suarez contract shown to Arsenal?

by & filed under News Review.

A meme, totes on trend

So the plan has all unraveled today. I’ll go into total speculation mode, but Arsene Wenger had this to day on the situation…

“At the moment the situation is on standby. I heard that [Suarez is considering legal action to force a move], but this is sometimes linked with things that you don’t know as a potential buyer,”

“That is the story between Suarez and Liverpool and I don’t know what has been said, what has been promised and what has been written and that is only Suarez and Liverpool that can decide that.

… my guess here is that Arsenal have seen the contract, run it past their legal team and they’ve given it the thumbs up for being legal and enforceable. I’d very much doubt we’d be messing around if it weren’t the case. So all fairly promising.

There are a number of outlets back peddling on Suarez. The Evening Standard ran with a ‘Suarez wants Madrid’ story the night before The Telegraph dropped what we knew for a month or so. The new spin is… ‘Arsenal aren’t his dream club’… Like that somehow damages the prospect of landing a mega star.

I have news for anyone running that story. The only person who supports every club they move to is Harry Redknapp. Suarez comes from Uruguay, why would Arsenal be his boyhood club? Why would we be his dream? How many Uruguayans have graced the Premiership?

… and anyway, who cares anyway, when has being a dream club ever mattered. Ashley Cole was Arsenal man and boy, he ran off to Chelsea. Robin Van Persie supported Arsenal and had a Bergkamp shirt. What happened there?

Players are only interested in 3 things. Money, big screen TVs and bitches.

Sorry, that’s rappers.

Footballers are interested in money, Champions League football and trophies. We can offer Suarez two of the three. With him on board, maybe 3… who knows.

I tell you what else is fascinating. The distorted make up of our media set. It’s incredibly Liverpool heavy. The bias distorts the reality of what’s happening. On the face of it, a player wants to leave an average team and join a better one… and a clause has been activated. In the media, we have a player making an unfathomable move that is a disgrace to football and the activation of the clause is an act of unsavoury bad business practice.

Phil Thompson, man of child like IQ reckons Luis has more chance of champions league glory with Liverpool. I mean, is he fucking joking?

‘Phil mate, we can leave that comment off the record if you like?’
‘Well firstly, Arsenal have been in the Champions League for 16 years straight. Secondly, they’re in it this year Phil. He can’t possibly have a better chance with Liverpool?’
‘Eh, do you know who I am?’

This comes back to my point about punditry. Our TV stations employ eighties cloggers to educate us on precisely nothing. The game has moved on. The players are far fitter, better technically, tactically more aware. They make more passes, they run faster for longer. They don’t have the luxury of the back pass rule, there are 50 balls in the ground so they don’t get the luxury of down time during a game… and it’s not customary to lump someone over who is better than you. Also, you can’t turn up pissed and put in a performance at the level players play these days.

… so it ‘s a different era. Yet our punditry is still back in the eighties. It’s the same with most of our media. I don’t care what Phil Thompson has to say about the game. Unless it’s to laugh at him. . Why can’t we just have great football opinion from people who take time out to understand the modern game? They manage it in Italy and Spain. This ‘lowest common denominator’ approach to media is painful. Oh, and please don’t get me wrong… there are great writers out there and interesting explayers. I just don’t know why they’re not surfaced? Gary Neville is a solid start from Sky. Hopefully Carragher will be as well… playing under one of the most tactically astute / scientific managers of the last 10 years, you’d hope he had a different take on the game… even if he is a bit dim.

Next on the hit list, surely has to be MoTD. Turf out the panel and don’t replace it with idiots like Robbie Savage… who knows virtually nothing about the game at the highest level. Why? Because he’s never played there.

Anyway, back to Arsenal.

Suarez is all very exciting. But what about the rest? So many ripped into me about Arsene Wenger and his planning ability… but look around you people (on the cyber web)… nothing. No one has been linked. We’re not close to anyone and the season starts next week. Just tackling off some of the retorts to Wenger planning…

1. We’ve shifted on lots of dead wood, does that not look like a plan

Sure, it’s a plan. It’s been one we’ve been trying to activate for the last 3 seasons. Hardly much of a plan. ‘Errr, boss, who do you want ousted?’… ‘How about the players I’ve not played that much who earn big dollar’. You don’t need a major planning session to decide who you want to bin off. It’s pretty clear.

Selling players doesn’t win you trophies…

2. We’ve been waiting to clear the deadwood so we can recruit

No we haven’t. We’ve had a weak squad for 2 years. It’s pretty apparent what we need. We have £100m in the bank. We don’t need to sell to buy.

3. We’re waiting to make the Champions League

This story is so 100% untrue I want to take a football boot to it and smash it really hard (a pal of mine did that in a match once, he’ll be reading this as well)

If it looks like there isn’t a plan, and you can’t see a plan in action… chances are people,  there’s no plan. Wenger, I’d imagine, right now, is taking agent calls to find out who’s available on the cheap. I’m starting to get the vibe he’s going to go all 2011 on us. Which isn’t very intelligent.

… it’s also worth noting that this approach Wenger is taking has happened before. I’ve heard from a very good place that a few seasons back, after a tight run in for 4th, Wenger met with his scouts and playing staff and was fully clear of what he had to do. He was going to bring in new players, he was going to bin off the dross like Diaby and he was going to make a go for it. The staff rejoiced. Finally, the boss has seen the light. Then, a few weeks passed… he started getting the jitters… and then Diaby came back to fitness. Game over. He’s world class at changing his mind. One minute he’s buying the world, the next, Sanogo shoots him a little wink, flashes him a £50m smile… and Wenger is confident in his squad.

Let’s hope Suarez is the start of more moves…

It does have to be said here, that Ivan isn’t helping himself. He should change tact with Arsene and start to enforce some power over him. Now, obviously not being a CEO, I might be speaking out of turn here. But we’ve known how Arsene works for years. This would be my approach.

1. Get a wishlist from Arsene in January of what he needs. Make him fill it out. He can do it on an iPad if that makes him happy.

2. Check back every month and ask him what he needs. With names of players that could help him.

3. Get to the end of the season. See what the common thread of the wishlist is.

4. Check with Arsene what he wants.

5. Go out and get those players. Don’t ask Wenger what he values those players at… that’d be like asking your granddad what he values a pint at.

This way, you’ve been fair… you’ve taken the strain away from Wenger. He has a squad ready to attack with. They’re players he wanted.

How good is that? How good am I at being a CEO? Very good.

Right, that’s your lot. See you total melts in the comments.

Also, remember, we’re at The Gunners on Saturday for the Manchester City game. I have no idea if anyone will turn up. But if it helps, they’re stocking up on Peroni. Let me know who is in!

Remember, it’s not weird. It’s just a group of guys who met on the internet having a beer… totally normal.

761 Responses to “Hey Arsene, where’s the freaking plan? | Suarez contract shown to Arsenal?”

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  1. Dannyboy

    L’equipe saying Sakho is questioning his future at PSG because of the world cup coming up. Wenger once described him as the ‘future of French Football’… will he make a move?

    Ask Capoue what Wenger thinks about quality French players that are available at a knockdown price. Twat

  2. miki dora

    I can’t wait for the panic buys of Barry and some fucking 18 year old French league 2 injury prone mate of Diaby’s.

  3. the mighty karim

    Michel Platini once wanted a better representation of small countries in European cups, which is morally acceptable

    As a result, clubs winning their domestic leagues are together in a pot while AC milan, Lyon or the Arsenal face each other while the likes of Celtic, Basel are facing the Champions of Kazakhstan or Austria

    Brilliant thinking from UEFA, as if it was easier to be in the top 4 than winning those shite leagues, FFS !

  4. Doublegooner

    Guys, I can’t write it on here at the moment due to a confidentiality rider in the email. It was a full 4 paragraph reply and not a standard ‘thank you for writing blah blah’

    However the just is he would ask to let the summer transfer window run its course before making final conclusions. The are working hard to support the manager and strengthen the squad. That the transfer market does operate in an easy way & makes deals complex..

    Perhaps he should not have jumped the gun with such positive assurances back at the end of May/June.

    He, Kroenke & Wenger will have no where to turn come Sept 1st 6pm at the latest.

  5. arsenal tom

    This is how it post September 2nd will go…

    Kronke will stay silent.

    Gazidis will say we have the money there putting the blame on Wenger without saying it and probably throw in some ‘great young squad’ bullshit for good measure.

    And Wenger will just spout bollocks about the market not being like Tesco, we’re a year older and more experienced and the AKBs will accept it, sign and new deal and it’ll carry on.

    If one thing is for certain at Arsenal its that no one will be held accountable for the complete shambles this summer has been

  6. Ray

    To all those arsenal fags that still think you can buy saurez, open your eyes and wake up liverpool will NOT sell saurez to you, not gona happen , never will happen soo stop dreaming and having wet dreams about saurez in an arsenal shirt. I would also like to say most of you arsenal assholes are the biggest hypocrites around, last season you fuckers did nothing but abuse saurez cos of the evra ting even though evra is a prick that likes to give but can’t t it when the same shit is returned, now just cos no good players wana come to arsenal hence huggain u wana snatch our best player, wtf you smoking u Fukin cunts, liverpool would rather sell to a Spanish team for 20 mill less than what u cunts are offering cos we ain’t like u , we don’t sell to our rivals exception being Torres cos we noticed he was losing it so he had to go, but ur a feeder club with van persis, fagregas, abydeya etc etc, again some of u keep talking about arsenal being bigger than liverpool and again wtf r u smoking, yes we ain’t won the league in 20 years but we still have won it more than you have, we have won the European Cup 5 times and the uefa cup several times, fa cup and league cup, yes you have constantly qualified for the champions league in the last 16 years but seriously Is that it, is 4th place really good enough ? Slowly but surely we will be back maybe even this season so watch your back mother fuckers, I use to like arsenal second to liverpool but now I’m gona support spurs as my 2nd choice team even THOUGH they still copy and try to spy on the players we scout for cos they don’t have no scouting system!!!!