Someone dared complain about the content on the site yesterday. After banning him, I gave this comment some consideration and accepted that I am merely reporting on zero news everyday. So today, I’ll run through how I’m spending the £100m we have to burn.
Look Arsene, too much fannying around here. Cesar is too small and he’s poor at distribution. I’m going to go out and land the Stoke keeper. You should have snapped him up when he was at Pompey. He’s 26 years old, he’s learned his trade playing with brutalists who love a high ball into the box. Frame wise he’s perfect for the league and I can land him for £12m.
Ok, ok, I know you think he’s good enough at £8m, but not good enough at £10m. Well, I’ll take a punt here and make it happen. Why? Because giving Vermaelen a second chance because it’s the cheaper option is dim. You can’t keep an excaptain at the club (even though I think this situation is sad because I like him), it’s degrading and unfair. Let’s bring in Willams, he’s mature, a leader and an organiser. Also, he’s in his prime. We need 3 solid centre backs. He can be that third.
I’ve seen the pictures Arsene… yeah, I know Diaby is working hard on the gym, but this is getting too predictable. He can’t be your new signing 4 seasons running. No, I’ll get you someone who can really get our midfield ticking with power and a bit of nastiness. He’s 6ft massive, he’s been described by Fergie as a one man team and he’s everything your midfield has been screaming out for. Let’s get him in. He’s low risk because he’s Premiership experienced and he’ll have resale value.
Look Arsene, it’s your birthday soon and I know that no one sees you as more of a father figure than Cesc. I’ll hear no more. I’ve offered Barca the full £30m for him and his wages are easy to deal with. We’ll be landing the best youngish creative midfielder in the world if we pull this off. What with United missing out on Alcantara… we can’t afford to miss out on Cesc to them. How you make the midfield work is down to you… what I’m giving you here is options. World class options.
Final piece in the jigsaw is your man we’ve been chasing all summer. We’ll land him when his great uncle Barry gets back from holiday. We’ll have your fox in the box that can convert all the chances Cesc is going to lay on for him. How does that sound Arsene?
Total Fee: £98m
Total Wages: £450k
Wages recouped: £13.6m
Wages added: £23.6m
Net spend: £10m
How’s that looking then?
‘Oh it’s not as simple as that’
Why not? In my world it is. Also, none of the… ‘This isn’t Championship Manager’… it really does make you sound joyless and dull. Would you say that in the pub if a mate wanted to talk transfers? Like it or not, people love transfers. Part of the fun of summer is the back pages… looking for any tasty snippets. It’s part of football culture.
Anyway, let me know what you think of my new look side. I think moves like that would genuinely move us into the ‘Championship contenders’ area. We have the money. Do the club have the persuasion skills? Can they make a summer like the above happen? July 1st is nearly here… so we’ll find out. Something is brewing because of the deathly silence. Well, I hope it is… because if I find out Ivan and Dick Law are ripping it up in Magaluf before sorting out transfers, I’ll be furious.
Let me know how you’re spending the cash below… go on, don’t be afraid, you know it makes sense people.
Arsenal are seriously considering snapping up Cesar from QPR for £1.5m after the Confederations Cup. I’m not overly keen. Reports back from QPR fans haven’t been positive. All we can hope is that his form was poor because he was at a rubbish club. The Telegraph report we’re also looking at Begovic and Reina.
Andrey Arshavin has been moaning about his almost depressed state at Arsenal. Please… As sad as it is to be overlooked, there are bigger, more important things to worry about.
That’s me done, have a good one!