FIFA $ham£ | Russian left back on Arsenal radar again | Chamakh to score 20 goals

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Good morning sports fans!

So, yesterday was a bit of a damp squib (a miniature explosive) wasn’t it? Firstly I picked up a paper cut on one of my fingers, so typing is extremely painful and secondly England lost the 2018 bid to Russia and even more bizarrely than that, Australia and America lost 2022 to Footballing giant… QATAR!

Now, firstly with the Russian bid.

1) Poor infrastructure.

2) Extremely unfriendly country in terms of police and inherent racism among fans.

3) It’s hugely expensive to get to.

Bar that, it has a strange lure. I’m not dead set against it if I’m honest. Russia have been dying to show everyone they’re still a super power and I can’t imagine they’re going to cut corners. It should be a world cup to remember and at least they have a rich footballing history to back their bid. It was nice to see an Arsenal player as the focal point as well. I can’t imagine for a second anything shady went on behind the scenes. It would be preposterous to suggest that a man as rich as Abramovich would ever look to swing votes with anything other than his charm and persuasive manner.

Now, the second bid is the most bizarre. One of my very good friends from way back when grew up in Qatar. He spent the best part of 5 years persuading me to go over there. I must precursor this by telling you before he’d invite me, he would insist that Doha is by far the most boring place he’d ever lived and the best part about it is shawarma and shisha. Accessing drink is a nightmare, the rules are strict and the temperatures are beyond ridiculous.

How mad is it to firstly build 9 stadiums from scratch. Secondly, to bring 3 million fans together and house them within 60km of each other and thirdly, give the world cup to a country who has no famous player of note and has never qualified for a World Cup. Not to mention the carbon impact of air-conditioned stadiums (carbon neutral my arse).

Imagine a World Cup where you couldn’t enjoy a beer in public? Imagine being a Geordie and told you can’t dress provocatively? Imagine being gay and landing 5 years for doing something that is illegal there? Jeez, they give the death penalty for espionage… watch out 2022!

At least we know Zidane backed the bid with only a small incentive of $15million. I’m sure no one else on the bid team benefitted from anything other than the occasional flat white at Costa.

Anyway, moving $wiftly onto football and all things Arsenal!

Chamakh has been speaking to the press about how he has endeared himself to the fans. He told he thought the Arsenal fans like him because,

‘I give 200 per cent, I play with my heart, I’ve got guts, I give everything I’ve got.’

It’s pretty hard to disagree with his astute assessment. He gives everything to the team and he never gives up. Much in the same way Adebayor used to when he had a contract to play for. He also mentioned his previous poor goal scoring record. He’s never bagged more than 20. Well, he’s at 10 already and I’m hoping he’ll finish the season with at least 17.

Wenger will always be remembered by me as one of the best attacking coaches in world football. He takes players with the right ingredients and he moulds them into finishers.

Marc Overmars, Bobby Pires, Thierry Henry and Adebayor all arrived at Arsenal with poor scoring records. 3 of them said they weren’t goal scorers so don’t expect too much. That’s why I’m confident Chamakh will continue his scoring this season. That’s why I’m interested to see how Robin is introduced into the side. Will he play in the hole just behind Chamakh? Will he be pushed out wide? Or will he just wait his turn?

In Russian news today, talk of Renat Yanbaev is on the lips of most. He’s the Russian left back we were interested in last summer. He’s been capped 7 times by his home nation and rumour has it, he’s on the January transfer target list. If one exists of course…

Fulham are up this weekend and we’ll be without Cesc. Mark Hughes has prepared well for this, nipping off to the Barcelona game on Monday. We’ve got to be slightly wary of his side, they’ve got some good players and they’re capable of an upset. Statistically we should win, they’ve never beaten us at home… not since we started playing each other in 1914 apparently. Should be a walk in the park!

More from us on the game tomorrow, until then, drive save and say no to organic lemon snow cones.

See you in the comments!

582 Responses to “FIFA $ham£ | Russian left back on Arsenal radar again | Chamakh to score 20 goals”

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  1. roman punansky

    i live in africa. for years england has perpetuated corruption in our government. that is why we have london taxis in nairobi. wtf? we don’t even have spares for them. Our police always used the slow landrovers.

    these days we use the best. TOYOTA! so do not tell me that england is clean. sharpville massacre anyone? soweto? mau mau?

  2. arcastic

    My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.It was only when i had my trousers round my ankles and my cock out, that i realised she wanted to rent out her spare room

  3. Pedro

    Roman, do me a favour, comparing our corruption to what you have in South Africa is ridiculous.

    Your corruption has totally fucked your country… it’s a shell of what it once was.

  4. Kushagra India


    1. Glorious history of killing North American tribes.
    2. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
    3. You’re not a fat stupid American.
    4. Punctuality.
    5. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
    6. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
    7. Union jack underpants.
    8. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    9. Bathing once a week, whether you need to or not.
    10. Ditto changing underwear.
    11. Beats being Welsh.
    12. Or Scottish.


    1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
    2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
    3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
    4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
    5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it’s the real thing.
    6. Honesty.
    7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
    8. You get to eat bulls’ testicles.
    9. Gibraltar.
    10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War


    1. It beats being an American.
    2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
    3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
    4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
    5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
    6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
    7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
    8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
    9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
    10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.


    1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
    2. You can spell color wrong and get away with it.
    3. You can call Budweiser beer.
    4. You can be a crook and still be president.
    5. If you’ve got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
    6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
    7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
    8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
    9. You get to call everyone you’ve never met “buddy”.
    10. You can think you’re the greatest nation on earth. When you’re not at all.


    1. Guinness.
    2. Free labour – 18 children because you can’t use contraceptives.
    3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone’s road.
    4. Pubs never close.
    5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can’t have sex with a condom on.
    6. No one can ever remember (or remind you of) the night before.
    7. Stew (made with Guinness).
    8. More Guinness.
    9. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
    10. Guinness.


    1. You’re fucking kidding, right?!?

  5. Kushagra India

    Oil drilling plans have sparked old tensions and Argentina has asked the UN to put pressure on Britain to open diplomatic talks on the sovereignty of the Falkland Islands.

    Britain believes the fact the Falklands population is overwhelmingly British or British-descended gives their claim the most credibility but would rather not discuss it. There are fears that if the UN were to recognise Britains sovereignty of the Falkland Islands based on that argument, it could set a dangerous precedent.

    Igniting fears Pakistan may try to claim sovereignty of England.

  6. roman punansky

    pedro, nairobi is in kenya. our local corruption benefits us because it is the smalll kind. bribe the policeman to drive a beat up car and so on.

    the biggest ever corruption scandal in kenya goes by the name of “anglo leasing scandal”

    “i’m sure the word “anglo” is farmiliar to those who hail from the angles and the saxons.

    by the way, if it is too hot during the day why not play the matches at night? (i’m referring to qatar)

  7. Hitman

    Giving the World cup to Russia and Qatar is fishy to say the least.
    But bailing out the Bwankers and getting ordinary people to pay for it is a much more serious form of corruption. And cost trillions more.

  8. Ben

    LOL Kush. i thought you ran out of gas! Good going mate!
    Birthday;s are rather depressing.. especially if you have to work till 2 AM in the morning like i am going to do tonight! Funny though, i walked into a bookstore on my way home and i saw this noddy book by Enid Blyton. i got that same book as a gift when i was 4! Now sitting home, drinking beer and looking at the book.. i feel rather foolish! 🙂

  9. A

    some tatar sauce to go with your mental strength arsene, hm?

    there are few things that could be as entertaining and satisfying as the propect of cornering arsene in a locked room where he couldn’t get away. mocking his french accent whilst poking him with a stick and asking him about mental strength. the mocking and derision could go on for hours if not days. arsene is so very mockable and deridable in so many ways. and of course he’s richly deserving of it too, which makes it all the more satisfying.

  10. Limestonegunner

    It is important to remind everyone, in light of the post, that Jimbo has vowed to “eat his hat” if Chamakh gets 20 goals. Let’s celebrate the half way point here before the middle of the season!

  11. km

    Fulham is going to be a tough game. Plus Mark Hughes is a big time cunt…. he belongs to the pulis/allardyce school of thought….hoofing/kicking/fouling….rather than try to play football

  12. DaleDaGooner

    To be fair to him, they had a whole bunch of first teamers out…but still 5 losses and almost 10 points adrift.

  13. zeus

    Rafa is a mug, ABOSOLUTE MUG. I’ve always preferred the red ghalf of Milan anyway.

    Man Utd ‘readying’ to by the German Messi from Werder Bremen, Marko Marin.

    Top of the league awaits with their match being postponed.

  14. DaleDaGooner

    So Eboue has less than a year on his contract and may possibly leave to Italy….hmm, i hope we get a good replacement if he does leave

  15. DaleDaGooner

    Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has dismissed any speculation regarding possible new signings in January, saying there is no room in the current squad for new players.

    Speaking to the club’s official website after the 2-0 League Cup win over Wigan Athletic on Tuesday night, Wenger confessed that the club already have too many international players to accomodate all of them in the starting line-up.

    “I don’t know where to put the [new] players. If you buy a player you have to give them a chance to play. Already we have international players who don’t get enough games,” the Arsenal boss said.

    In reference to the victory over Roberto Martinez’s Wigan, the manager praised the strength in depth of the Emirates side, citing the changes that were made and the players that the team was able to rest.

    “We made nine changes [against Wigan] and we still don’t have Abou Diaby and Thomas Vermaelen, who are injured. Manuel Almunia and Sebastien Squillaci too,” he continued.

    “Then there are the players we rested like Marouane Chamakh. And Aaron Ramsey will be back in the squad [soon].”

  16. DaleDaGooner

    Ok, i can understand that the rules may not permit us to sign additional foreigners, so the crocks are being relied on? I mean he is justifying not signing any new players cause all of a sudden the crocks count on the pitch? 😯

  17. A

    There aren’t any rules that would restrict us, it’s that we have too many players already, currently people who are international players don’t even make the bench, unless we sell players (which is always a bad idea mid-season) and a fair few at that then we just don’t have space for anyone else.

  18. ritesh

    FIFA are always strange. When Germany obtained the WC, it was supposed to go to SA. The Australisia official voted against the instructions of the federations he represented which sparked outrage.

    It will always be like that

  19. Lurch LeRouge

    Evening grovers.

    Haha Kush that 10 reasons is rather funny! Might be a keeper. 😉

    So are we gonna do fellujaham or wot?

  20. Stu

    German Messi? Marin is fucking shite and a cunt at that. Remember watching some international youth tournament a few summers ago and it was a 65/35 ball in the keepers favour. The keeper easily got the ball but Marin left a foot in and i think he kicked him in the head, no remorse, didnt even fake some concern. Since then i’ve hated the midget twat! Disgrace to the Germans imo..

  21. DaleDaGooner

    A, I thought we had a number of non-home grown and home grown we can keep..? The rule affects us if we don’t get rid of the non-entity players, and accommodates us if we do….Anyway, before he announced it, i already knew he wasn’t signing additional players or selling any.

  22. Stu

    What about if we loan some people out. Would that make space for any potential incommers? And what of Ebowie? If his contract is up this summer then surely wenger would rather cash in (even if its just a few million) than lose yet another player on a free.

  23. Rohan

    A says:
    December 3, 2010 at 20:33
    some tatar sauce to go with your mental strength arsene, hm?

    there are few things that could be as entertaining and satisfying as the propect of cornering arsene in a locked room where he couldn’t get away. mocking his french accent whilst poking him with a stick and asking him about mental strength. the mocking and derision could go on for hours if not days. arsene is so very mockable and deridable in so many ways. and of course he’s richly deserving of it too, which makes it all the more satisfying.


  24. Stu

    I dont give a shit what you think you have Kwik fit.

    And before this gets any weirder, which it will because Kwik fit is a fucking weirdo, im off.

  25. DaleDaGooner

    “We can play Chamakh and Van Persie together. We can play Chamakh up front and van Persie behind. What is interesting is we can play all kinds of formations with the two.”
    We should see a lot of

    before Fabregas returns and even when they are all fit

  26. Marko

    Maybe this russian left back can play in the centre of defense too. Didn’t I hear Liam Brady during the week say something about Gibbs being moved further up the pitch in the future

  27. Teez

    I’d like to see Wenger play RVP behind Chamahk would be a nice combination with Nasri, Arshavin, Wilshere and Song all behind them.

  28. Kwik Fit

    Yes guys we are the arsenal cos we fucking love them !
    every moment that i see pat rice and graham rix and liam
    brady is a moment in time yes for fuck sake this is the
    time the moment in the seventies when supermac scored five! guys this team is better!

  29. Lurch LeRouge

    Amen to that Gooby.

    We gotta make a statement tomorrow with a big score and clean sheet.

    Haha the Aussies are so shit fielding.

  30. Kwik Fit

    Guys what can an arsenal man say god knows i meet my fuckin idols charlie george and frank stapleton and liam super man brady and john mc quaid!

  31. Lurch LeRouge

    Kwik fit.

    Arshie needs to have a big game tomorrow – he needs to shove durhams TalkSHITE rant about his disloyalty to the premier league up his spout.

  32. Lurch LeRouge

    Many places Kwik and none in particular. The Ashes is the only cricket I can handle TBH.

    Cesc will come good, but I’d love to see Verm given the armband.

  33. Kwik Fit

    Never listen to talk shit cause those guys are complete arseholes Arsh is quite right to support his country! Us guys are on our way to wembley for a fucking change!

  34. Lurch LeRouge

    Can’t help it, can’t stand shit commercial radio and I’m often behind the wheel…. I try not to tune in too much but I did yesterday driving up to London coincided with the WC announcements and couldn’t believe the crap and arrogance coming from Durham and co.

  35. Kwik Fit

    Lurch the whole fucking thing is fixed and i mean every thing fron united’s dodgeys decesions to the world cup verdicT Arsenal are fighting a battle but its not a losing one cause Wenger will pull trough

  36. Lurch LeRouge

    I’d like to know what old David Dein’s going to up to know. Bout time he made a play for us again. It’s gone very quiet recently with the board and lady ninas shares etc…

    Calm before the storm anyone?

  37. Kwik Fit

    Lurch i lost the faith and know i and regaining it cus i think it is about to explode with wenger! I am probaly completey mad ! but i believe ! you can not trust one word the man says but the last time i felt like this was when i meet tom watts before the 1998 everton game!

  38. Lurch LeRouge

    It’s accadacca it’s only Bon Scott….

    I gotta burning feeling deep inside of me! Use to visit his gravestone in freo as a youth.

  39. Kwik Fit

    In the winter of 79 spurs beat arsenal what a game! all you kids just sit and whin! I have been working on and of a pint a beer was still 10 bob! The SAS came and took our name . All the kids were getting crucified! in the winter of 79! And you think this winter has been bad!