If Lump-hard is fit from a thigh strain how come Billy’s not?

by & filed under Uncategorized.

This is the bit I can never figure, a week ago fat Frank had a thigh strain, he was out of the England squad and out of the Arsenal game, then Robin gets injured and decides to go in for horse placenta treatment, then Fat boy does likewise and now he’s back for the Arsenal game, Gallas gets a black eye and he’s doubtful.

If that’s true then it’s unbelievable, how can he be doubtful for a black eye??? Well I hope it’s not true because he will be up for this game and his partnership with Vermaelen is looking awesome, to play this without our forward line is slightly dodgy, to play it without our defence is suicidal.

What is it about Arsenal and injured players? It’s like every game something happens, new boot technology can’t have made all our footballers weeds, they are far fitter than they used to be, why are they always out?

Why does it only ever seem to be Arsenal players?

Anyway we have home advantage, we have the crowd, we have a 100% record this season, and we need to win this to stay in the race, 11 points down in December I think will be a bridge to far, we need to win, win well, and send a message out to the Premiership that they aren’t as good as Sky Sports are telling everyone, and to be honest the Mancs were the better team.

Considering we were better than the Mancs at their gaff, we ought to beat the chavs, I don’t think giving Drogba a dig in the ribs would be the worst idea, and I’d love to see him having a fit again, that was truly pathetic. When I did my ribs, I just got up and poured myself a lager, what a wimp he is.

Well Anelka returns to the Grove this weekend and I for one so wish we had signed him, we could have had him for half of what we sold the whore for, I still think he’s one of the top 5 in the world, ho-hum.

News today is that Dubai is on the brink of titsupness, they want to delay their Β£35 billion debt on their world development that many EPL footballers invested in, twats, anyone could see that would never fly, still the question I have is will that affect us? The money they paid was up front, so we’re okay there, what chance though we can slide out of it and rebrand ourselves the Coors Light stadium and finally pay off the stadium debt?

Something to think about, have a great day Grovers, today I’m playing golf!

507 Responses to “If Lump-hard is fit from a thigh strain how come Billy’s not?”

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  1. tonyadamsisgod

    Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

    “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.

    “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.”

    “How does it work?”

    The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

    Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For fucks sake, you asshole…it’s 3:30 in the fucking morning!”

  2. Nick

    13 year old Alfie who’s girlfriend just had a baby has joined “Fathers For Justice”. He doesnt understand the concept but he says the Spiderman suit is Fucking Brilliant!

  3. Duke

    A bloke walks up to 2 birds in a club, one is a looker the other is a bit fat.
    He asks the fat one if she would like to dance, to which she replies that she would.
    He then says “Well fuck off then and dance, so I can chat to your mate”

  4. Duke

    Would open up a nasty gate to police beating though (police being beaten up in this case) with their mates saying they were attacked for no reason.

  5. Chipo

    Andrey Arshavin admits he is struggling to find the motivation to play for Arsenal after suffering the disappointment of failing to make the World Cup finals.
    The forward has been singled out for criticism after Russia’s play-off defeat by Slovenia, but has angrily denied claims that he was out drinking with team-mates before the crucial matches.
    Depressed Arshavin has been shaken by his own poor performance, but says claims of over-indulgence were made up by envious Russian journalists with outdated Soviet attitudes.

    ‘Frankly speaking, I’m not surprised that there are so many rumours,’ he told Russian newspaper Sport Express. ‘It is a typical situation for our country.
    ‘When people asked me about this in England, I called it rubbish. One can’t treat such rumours seriously. Are we so mad to kill our own dream?
    ‘Usually there is something that triggers the rumours – something small and trivial that gets blown out of proportion – but in this case there was nothing at all and could never have been.
    ‘In the national team, nobody can drink, let alone get drunk before the games. Nobody. And if it had happened, that would have been the last day you saw that guy in the team.’
    Arshavin revealed he was so deflated by missing out on South Africa 2010 that he needed Arsene Wenger to console and cajole him into playing in the Champions League victory over Standard Liege on Tuesday.
    ‘I have not recovered after the Slovenian fiasco,’ he said. ‘I can call my state prostration.
    ‘I don’t know what I can compare it to, though many things happened in my career. My loved ones tell me now that I must forget what happened as soon as possible.
    ‘I need to turn my attention to the club’s matters, but it is easily said but not easily done.
    ‘At the moment nothing spurs me to life. When Arsene Wenger asked me how I was feeling I honestly said that I just did not want to play football.
    ‘He spoke to me, advised to switch to new things but it does not help at the moment.’
    Arshavin looked bright as he helped Arsenal to a 2-0 win over Liege and he will need to be up for the fight when Chelsea go to the Emirates Stadium on Sunday.

    His Russia side failed to make South Africa 2010 on the away goals rule after a 1-0 win for Slovenia in Maribor followed a 2-1 defeat in Moscow.
    Arshavin has apologised for struggling to live up to expectations in the match, but feels he is unfairly shouldering the blame.
    ‘I did my best on the pitch, but the legs would not run,’ he said. ‘As for the claims about me personally, that is my fate. Wins are for the entire team, but the main scapegoat when we lose is usually Arshavin and I am used to it.’
    The backlash in his homeland has led to accusations that Russia’s star players have become complacent and big-headed following the Euro 2008 success and a burgeoning global profile.
    ‘Those people who say that we were left to ourselves in the team but needed sticks rather than carrots are still living in the Soviet Union where everything failure could be blamed on booze, partying and being outside the collective.
    ‘In our team every player is a professional and does his work willfully, not under the lash, and many journalists cannot simply find football reasons for defeat and so seek them in familiar ideas.
    ‘Sometimes it is their only revenge on certain footballer for rejecting an interview or something. They would be better to think why they deserve such treatment.’

  6. wardo

    TAIG – how you getting on witht he texas old em ??

    i’m just bout to complete it I think…….only me and 1 other player. He has $76 and I have $15,230

  7. Duke

    At a club last night, an attractive blonde said she wanted to fuck me on a ceramic dish.

    It’s the first time I’ve been offered sex on a plate.

  8. tonyadamsisgod

    Duke – 7 of my mates (who we now refer to as the ‘West Byfleet 7’) got basically set upon by plain closed police officers who then called for back up in the form of uniformed officers. My mates got pepper sprayed and basically smashed up a bit for no reason. Led to officers losing their jobs and compensation being paid.

    Coincidently one of the officers that got suspended used the same gym as my mate he beat up and had the audacity to try and befriend him. Guess who threw the first punch that day!!

  9. Duke

    Nick, since you not making your Peter Andre joke…

    Jordan begs Pete: Take me back.

    Well they do say re-using old plastic bags is kinder to the environment…

  10. tonyadamsisgod

    Nick – I think that video has been edited numerous times with different subtitles but it still doesn’t hide the fact that something made him act like that!! And Champ Man is more than capable of making an adult act like that, let alone a kid! Hence why I haven’t played it for years!!

  11. Duke

    And to get the Sunday Ashley Cole bashing started:

    We English football fans can’t afford to get too preachy about the French team and Thierry Henry.

    I’m sure Ashley Cole’s handled plenty of balls in his time.

  12. Duke

    Oh how I am laughing, but can’t post it here, but it’s so funny that I had to gloat and let you know that I have a funny joke.
    Yes a cunt, but I don’t care πŸ˜€

  13. tonyadamsisgod

    Duke – I’m doing the same. I even just wrote it all out and then bottled it but copied it just in case I have a change of heart! It does offend though…….

  14. Duke

    hahaha Nick, jokes jokes, I do like it though how it’s okay to make jokes about some religions and some nationalities, but when you touch the mainstream ones jokes are made about it’s taboo.

  15. tonyadamsisgod

    I’m Sorry!!

    A man applies for a job with the Police.

    The Inspector says “These are some of the best qualifications I have ever seen. but just one test before you get the job. Take this gun and go and shoot 6 black men, 6 Paki’s and a rabbit.”

    “Why the rabbit?” asks the man.

    The inspector replies “great attitude, see you Monday!”

  16. Duke

    taig, on your own, on your own, on your own hahah.
    Nah I am not such a cunt, here we go:

    In the Talk To Frank Advert’s, they say that “There is a darker side to coke”

    I take it they’re referring to the dealer?

  17. Nick

    Peter Andre has applied for a job at a coalmine. When asked if he had any experience, he said he worked with slag for 4 years and knew how to handle a spade!

  18. tonyadamsisgod

    Little Jonny was auditioning to be in his school play, as part of a band.

    “Do you want a fiddle or a piano?”, his music teacher asked.

    “To be honest Miss, your pretty fucking ugly so I’ll take the piano and just fiddle with myself later thanks!”, replied Jonny.

  19. Duke

    Ok, since the flood gates are open:

    Teacher “Whoever gets this question correct gets the afternoon off school, Who wrote to be or not to be?”

    Young Raj Patel answers “Shakespeare”

    “Well done Raj you may have the afternoon off”

    “No thanks us Asians are hard workers”

    At the back of the class someone yells “You Paki cunt”

    Teachers shouts “Who said that”

    Little johnny stands up and says ” Nick Griffin, BNP, see you tomorrow.”

  20. Nick

    After the recent spate of body part finds in Hertfordshire, police are still looking for the arsehole, so I suggest u stay indoors til this blows over.

  21. Nick

    Essex bird goes into B&Q and buys a wall mirror.
    Assistant asks: “do you want a screw for that?”
    Woman Says:”No but ill suck your cock for a lawnmower….!

  22. Duke

    This one won’t make you laugh, it will make your cringe, but when it settles down it’s funny:

    A tramp stopped me in the street and said “Blow job for Β£5.” I thought why not, as its for charity.

    I didn’t enjoy it though, he hadn’t even bothered to wash his cock.

  23. Pedro

    Duke, you know loads of people read the comments throughout the day…

    I’ve met plenty of people out who say they do and they don’t like so and so because of their views!

  24. Nick

    A Bloke from wigan wakes up with a sore arsehole. He goes to the shop and says to the shopkeeper “Nah then lad does tha sell arse cream? The shopkeeper replies ” Aye we do does tha want a magnum or cornetto?”.

  25. Duke

    Pedro, I know this, hopefully not many for here for our threesome lunch party today.
    I myself try to read as many as possible, and sometimes I just don’t have the time to post, but today seems like a good Friday, not the Easter one, just good πŸ˜€

  26. tonyadamsisgod

    oldie but a goodie:

    Paddy was driving home pissed one day. Suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a tree, then another and another. The police spot him and put the lights on as he swerves all over the road. Paddy pulls over and tells the cop all about the trees on the road. The cop says “for fuck sake Paddy, thats your air freshener ! !”

  27. Nick

    (to the tune of my old mans a dustman)
    john terry’s a w**ker, hes a f**king prick, and when he went to moscow, he missed the winning kick. he couldnt hit the target, he fell onto his bum,to leave their dreams of victory, as dead as lampards mum.

  28. Duke

    I must have posted this but…

    The family of John Terry is said to be distraught after the arrest of his father for an alleged cocaine deal.

    When Terry rang his mother, who was shopping at Tesco’s at the time, to tell her of the arrest, she was so shaken up she nearly dropped the Christmas turkey from up her jumper.

  29. Pedro

    I’m not sure Duke… but I feel we’d all look pretty damn cool sipping spirit sized shots of beer outside the S+B!

    32%… what a riot that’d be!

  30. charybdis1966

    Duke, your 14.58 assumes Nick Griffin doesn’t know the difference between a Pakistani & an Indian. To be pedantic, you won’t get a Pakistani called Raj Patel – and certainly not a hard working one(a hard working Pakistani that is) –ooops, I’ve caused offence now.

  31. tonyadamsisgod

    wardo – so we can say you’ve been moderating and that if they are still there then its your fault!! πŸ˜€

  32. Duke

    Anyway, I will be off, good day today, had a nice laugh with you boys, take care, have a nice weekend and lets stuff the chavs.

    Nick, Taig, special thanks πŸ˜€

  33. wardo

    Nick, I put your name first cause the Ram a Dam joke nearly had me p1551ng my pants !!!

    Sorry Duke / TAIG……you both had me in stitches but Nick’s one really did crack me up πŸ˜†

  34. wardo

    they loved it……especially my Indian friend. He is such a top laugh. He called me to say it was better than Jordan’s Barbie song

  35. tonyadamsisgod

    Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn’t be Christmas without M&S.

    They’re right too. It’d be Chrita.

  36. Nick

    My mate just sent me this, a little sick but its funny.

    “Sing a song of Chelsea, and how they lost the cup
    They took the game to penalties, then John Terry fucked it up
    The team all looked like Avram, the players were so glum
    But me i havent laughed so much since Lampard lost his mum”

  37. abnet

    afternoon everyone
    what a game this weekend I cant wait . this is the first time in a couple of years I really fell we are much better than chelsea. Chelsea have the slowest mid-filed in the EPL we have the bullet so 3-1 to us
    I have all the Evidence we will bit them !

  38. Mike

    gents some quality jokes and banter this afternoon. abused just about every race and religion so no one can feel left out/ picked on.

    that 32% beer company will be opening their new factory just across the street from my house.

    I think the neighbourhood watch might need to up the budget for repairing the swing park after the local neds get their hands on that drink!

    pedro that web design email was quality.

    everyone gets those chancers trying to get freebies from work and you always wish you could reply like that. i’ve a guy just now that’s wondering if i could drop my Β£300k estimate to around Β£15k and still provide the same deliverables.

  39. Pedro

    I must agree with Mike, you’ve pretty much trashed the world this afternoon.

    People who get most offended about the jokes are usually very boring white people who have no friends of differing culture.

  40. abnet

    the two games chelsea had lost is Wigan and Astonvilla
    Wigan is a mini tine Arsenal wanna be and Aston villa the only strength they have is counter attack and Dead ball we are the complete team and much much I say a lot better than those two and Chelsea lost both of those games away

  41. Nick

    whats the details is she a poster or a stalker if shes fit theres no wrong answer πŸ™‚

    my brother just told me his going to the game sunday with an ex player who played for both us and the chavs he has a box so my bro and his pals are going.
    One of his pals is with said players niece.
    My bro dont know player just glad to be going.
    First question i would have asked his whos the player not him tho πŸ™‚

  42. Pedro

    Taig, what man wouldn’t piss themselves in that situation!

    By the way people, I’m on the case of Le Grove t-shirts. I have a very talented artist on the case!

  43. tonyadamsisgod

    I’m considering printing the last 3 hours of todays posts out! These jokes have been truly worthy of Joke Friday! In fact its been the funniest joke Friday I’ve had!!

  44. Mike

    guys have a good weekend,

    by the time i caught up reading all the posts there was hardly any time to join in before finishing work.

    off downstairs for an overpriced peroni.

    looking forward to a victorious sunday.

  45. Pedro

    Taig, it’s Bendtner… his brothers name is Thomas!

    Mike, enjoy your Peroni… I don’t believe there is such thing as an over priced one!

  46. tonyadamsisgod

    Pedro – Ha ha!

    What are your thoughts on Asahi? I love the stuff but the headaches the next morning often make me think twice! I still drink it, just think twice about it.

  47. Mimi

    NIck/Taig and duke most of those jokes were hilarious, afew were tasteless but I forgive you coz the good was more than the bad.

  48. tonyadamsisgod

    Nick – Nothing to do with facebook mate. My mate just forwarded me an email about Tactical Nuclear Penguin and the guy that sent it to him is Called Nick Evans. Just a big coincidence!! I hope!! πŸ˜€

  49. Nick

    Right its the end of the day and i have to work how shit is that πŸ™ had a great laugh today nice one Taig wardo and the duke see you all Monday πŸ˜€ .
    aka song judgement day