Uphill struggle: Would you pay Cesc £100k p/w? Is Nikki B hiding a secret?

by & filed under Uncategorized.

I had KFC tasty bites last night. They were good. Shame about the football.

We got the news early doors that Toure was starting right back (Hooray, no Eboue!) and the bad news that Eboue was starting right midfield (Booo… bring back Stefan Malz!).

I’d give you a blow by blow account, but who wants one after that?

Key points were these:

We scored from a corner.

I was so shocked that I waited for 5 seconds just to be sure the ref hadn’t blown up! Then I went nuts and punched the guy sitting next to me… I forget he is quite old… he understood that it was a joyful punch and it made up for the fat lip he gave me against Spurs.

It was a great goal, Ade rose like a salmon and nodded it home!

After I pulled my fist out of his back, I turned and stupidly said,

‘Its nice to score first, wouldn’t it be nice if we could hold onto the lead!’

2 minutes later Kolo got roasted by a telegraphed dummy from Gerrard and the cross managed to bumble its way through to the most offensive face in football… John Merrick Junior.

elepman5.jpg


Well that lead lasted a long time didn’t it!

Notable other points in the game…

1.Hleb broke free on goal and was scythed down in the box by Kuyt, it was a clear cut penalty, but the ref decided not to blow.

What do you expect? Referee Pieter Vink lives in a village just five kilometres from Kuyt’s home town back in the Netherlands! What a shocker eh? Did Kuyts Mum talk to Pieters mum and perhaps promise her some fresh edam if her son goes easy on young Merrick?

‘Please go easy on him, the bigger boys steal his pocket money for his face is so offensive… I give you cheese?’

I don’t think it matters though chaps, judging by our luck last night Nikki B would have probably put the gloves on and saved it anyway!

2. Nikki B is clearly on the pay role of some sort of Russian mafia betting syndicate (Or Paddy Power). By my reckoning he has scored one own goal, set up a goal for the opposition and tonight he denied us a goal on the line!

Is he the clumsiest cunt in footballer or what? Is he trying to make Arsenal fans boo him!

How can you be angry at him though? He tries so hard and it just doesn’t seem to be happening for him does it! I thought his control looked much tighter than Ade’s last night and I think he is better suited to playing with RvP

3. Eboue has got to be the least respected Arsenal player of Wengers reign. He has less respect than that fat bitch coke head who does the Iceland adverts. I have never known a player to have so little support from the opposition fans and most importantly, the Arsenal fans.

Can someone please remind me what the fuck Eboue does? He doesn’t score goals, he rarely sets them up and he doesn’t do his share of the defensive duties. People come on the site and tell me he is a great player, they can never justify his qualities. The comments usually read like this:

‘Eboue iz da beast pleyer in da werld, you is a cont who naaz nuffin. Venga knws u spud.’

With that sort of analysis, its difficult to argue!

Seriously though, name me a player amongst the top four teams who has played as many games who is as ineffective as Eboue (30 games)?

You’d struggle.

4. Just as I run out of stupid things to say about RvP in the ‘RvP watch’ list, he goes and gets injured… again! Its beyond a joke! He looked out of sorts again tonight.

Do we really need the luxury of a player who makes a guest appearances every now and then? I’m not saying he isn’t a great player, but in a squad as thin as ours you need your first 11 to be healthy. Rosicky and RvP do not conform to those requirements and at 24 and 28… will they ever? I have just read that Wenger doesn’t think it is to serious… remember the last time he said that?

5. What is going on with the Arsenal boys and passing to Theo. I know he loses it sometimes, but tonight he was screaming for the ball on numerous occasions and he was not receiving it even though he was well positioned. I didn’t like it when Willy G screamed at him, it reminded me of how Thierry used to act.

6. Ok, I didn’t want to do this but I feel I have to.

The guy sitting next to me turned and said,

‘We need to be careful that we don’t go trophyless because Cesc will leave.’

I need to address this.

Cesc has been crap for virtually the whole of the 2nd half of the season. He doesn’t earn £100k a week, because he doesn’t justify wages like that. If you want to be ranked up there with the big boys, you have to start putting in big boy performances.

Ok, people will say he is only young. Who cares what his age is? When a player has a team built around him, he needs to be putting in performances for the ‘now’. Tonight he lagged.

Football isn’t about a 10 year plan, football is about winning trophies now. People pay huge amounts of money to see great players and at the moment Arsenal are failing to deliver and no amount of organic growth will convince me otherwise. Big teams have big players and Arsenal seem to lack the big game players to kill a game off.

When Cesc is off form, the whole midfield is off form. Hleb’s form in inextricably linked with Cesc’s. Flamini just does what Flamini does. He works like a dog, but he will never turn a game in the manner Paddy could.

Ask yourself this.

Who would your top 4 choices to score last night have been?

I’d go for these:

  • Ade
  • RvP
  • Gallas
  • Toure

I wouldn’t even consider the midfield. That’s bad isn’t it?

We are supposed to be a world class outfit. Why can’t we absorb teams? Why do teams always seem to find us out? Where is our killer instinct?

Anyway, we didn’t lose. We need to win at Anfield to go through. If you can’t win at least one of your Quarter final legs, then you don’t deserve it do you?

Saturday awaits… lets hope we can sort it out and kick on

If you read Le Grove, but never make a comment… why not get involved today? The more the merrier! We like to hear differing opinions and you wont get slagged off on this site! So punch in your fake e-mail address, a silly name and a few lines of raw opinion on last nights game!

Happy blogging grovers.

277 Responses to “Uphill struggle: Would you pay Cesc £100k p/w? Is Nikki B hiding a secret?”

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  1. Bud

    Fuck you all, I hate everyone, life stinks, well I do at least………. no i’m not being tetchy am I ???

  2. Geoff

    Nice post Pedro! it’s taken me half an hour to read all the comments. So know one likes Eboue eh? strange what Wenger sees in him isn’t it.

    I don’t think we have that many players in the squad that can come in, so it will be interesting to see who he rests, but if he plays Gilberto and Denilson in the team, I’ll be worried.

    I put £20 in the whip last evening, but I reckon I drunk more, so if I owe anyone a drink, I do it Saturday.

  3. charybdis1966

    About effing time ManUre/Salford Redsox/Old Trafford Soccer franchise had some injuries.

    Hopefully Wes Brown will take his palce as he’s well dodgy – Silvestre doesn’t usualy look too clever as a CB either.

  4. Bopnip Popdritso

    Yes I want some beer please Geoff. Give me one, I am thirsty. Who is your favourite Arsenal player?

  5. Stupid

    1-1 aint the worst result, the scouse fucks can’t play a 8-1-1 formation at anfield as the crowd won’t have it…

    i can forsee yet another 1-1 and extra time and if it goes to penalties.. WE are due some luck and the devils clubs is due some monsterous bad luck for all the decisions they get constantly in the champs league.

    never a truer saying than, luck always levels out….

  6. Bopnip Popdritso

    They won’t stop Adebayor.

    Adebayor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Give him the ball and he will score!

    Come on, sing it again!

  7. Stupid

    and btw

    did anybody else notice how much more effective hleb was through the middle last night?

    blessing in disguise, go back to earlier in the season when he was playing in the hole behind ade.. he was tearing team up… we got a glimps of that last night

    but can’t have theo starting yet, much more effective coming on when the defence is tired and game stretched.

  8. Steve

    It was good to meet you Geoff. No-one owes me anything, I was only buying them from the pikey shop. Did you lot make the kick off? I only just made it and you boys didn’t look ready to leave any time soon. I did have 2 pisses by the time I got to my seat though.

  9. Bopnip Popdritso

    I wrote a song for Arsenal

    Van Persie….score without mercy.
    Adbeyor, we want you to score.
    Bendtner, get it in with a header!
    Fantastic Hleb, look great in the pub on the telly!
    Rosicky now how to be tricky!
    Fabregas is Better than British Gas.
    Flamnini sets the stadium in Flames.
    Gallas is more dangerous than a bunch off dudes in Balaclavas.
    Toure could win the tour de france anyday. Sagna plays better than a Sony Playstation. Clichy is no chliche, you hear me?
    Sennderos he’s almost da Boss
    But Wenger is his name and winning is his game.
    I feel like I’ve gone to the moon when Almunia scores.

    Thats my poem. I hope you like it, you can sing it if you like.

  10. Odub

    Why can’t every trip to th pub be 2 hours long 2 quick glasses and that was it?!!

    BTW, what has become of Mike Geoff? And chris where are ya?!!

    If anyone has spares for saturday it will be much appreciated! Need 2 (greedy and I wish) I know Please!! will have to try and get the other half one as well because she has threatened to relieve me of my child bearing apparatus if I don’t take her to my next game!!

  11. Geoff

    It was good to meet you too Steve, we made kick off, just, I couldn’t find my ticket! and I didn’t have time to go to the loo.

    Did some serious drinking at half and full time though!

  12. RvP Fan

    Who r u talkin 2 steve? i could think of several people, including myself!!
    Lol.. im so tired.. got up early 2 watch the game, then went to school, then went 2 the shops.. then finallycollapsed at the computer to catch up…
    Love the face on vidic, looks like hes been possesed… hope he can pass it on…

  13. Odub

    Best wishes to him Geoff, what with his eye laserin and other ailments he could be related to young tomas the sicknote couldnt he?!

    i’m sure I speak for all when I say his humorous dry wit is sorely missed.

  14. Steve

    A benefit of being a yuppie I guess Geoff. I had to make do with fuck all at half time. UEFA have rules for us pikeys.

  15. Geoff

    Come and join us Steve! Odub thanks I’ll be sure and pass it on.

    Bopnip, you are either an Arsenal nut or you need help!

  16. Pedro

    I’ve just picked myself up off the floor… and I thought ray gooner was mad!

    That is the funniest song i’ve ever read… so funny, I might post it on the funnies wall!

    Fabregas is Better than British Gas.
    Flamnini sets the stadium in Flames.

    Gold… pure gold.

    So Liverpool next… its boring isn’t it! We’re playing them so much, we’ve all forgotten its the mancs after!

    What a shitty run…

  17. Steve

    “Bopnip, you are either an Arsenal nut or you need help!”

    l.o.l

    Geoff, I don’t think i’d get away with upgrading my season ticket. Not whilst keeping my family intact. She moans enough already about the money I spend on Arsenal.

    One thing I did notice last night were the amount of Mickey’s in the club level. A fucking mob above us were jumping around when they scored. What happens to the officious cunting stewards when opposing supporters are antagonising the Arsenal fans? This fat silver haired scouser in a suit (must have came straight from court) was leaning over to us from the club level taking the piss and nobody up there said a word.

  18. Steve

    Come on El Tel explain your collegues’ lack of action. East Lower, right below the digital clock thingy.

    An Arsenal fan stands up and there is 20 of you threatening to turf him out and revoke his S.T.

    A bunch of Mickey mousers in the wrong end openly letting Arsenal fans have it and fucking NADA. Zilch, nothing.

    WHY!!!!

  19. Geoff

    If I’d have seen them I would have lobbed them over but I didn’t, Pedro said he saw a lot of them getting thrown out at half time. Cunts.

  20. Bopnip Popdritso

    I’m a big Arsenal fan! Everyday I sing, Adebayor….give him the ball and he will score!

    I want you to sing it too.

    Come on, we are all fans. Lets sing it together!

  21. Pedro

    Steve we’ll have more on that tomorrow.

    3 of them went nuts when the scousers scored and the were removed… only for the rest of the half! Then they were ejected at half time… its was ridiculous, they were wearing liverpool shirts!

    Wankers… the stewards couldn’t understand the problem?

    Fools… at least they did the right thing in the end.

  22. Steve

    Pedro, I can only see the front couple of rows of the club level behind me and there was quite a few of them up there. One older bloke (silver hair, long dark coat) was taking the piss most of the first half, but quitened down in the second. I’m sure he was still there though. The couple of younger blokes with him were certainly still there, although they weren’t as boisterous as the old cunt.

    I only wish he was sat in front of Geoff, the wolves were waiting for the fat cunt down below trust me.

  23. Steve

    Put 2 and 2 together Odub. Fuckind weird, writes songs in his spare time. Prepare for the mass implosion of shit stats.

  24. ethan_gunner

    pedro

    im not discounting his goals !
    yes goals are the most important part of any team !
    without them we don’t get 3 points ..

    But my problem doesn’t lay with him scoring ,
    its his 1st touch .. his ability to loose the ball often!!!..
    his constant runs being offside .if he does receive a pass , his greed to not pass off to his partner .. and his public display of aggression for his own team mates , i wouldn’t mind if head head butted Ronaldo ! . its all these other factors that make him wasteful
    and Un arsenal like ..

  25. Odub

    Steve I was kind of hoping it wasnt the return of ray the gooner as his alter ego!!

    So do you guys think the same lot will turn up for saturdays game?

  26. King Bergkamp

    Good day to all of you gunners. I really want to share a bit of ideas. Don’t be surprised to see eboue start on saturday. that’s because wenger will want theo to be rested for next tuesday. And i really believe that saturday will be eboue’s last starting game. Another thing is about the fabregas leave thing. I’m not trying to be disrespectful to all u gooners but i think that the players don’t have the passion for arsenal. it’s like beeing a QPR fan and playing for chelsea. The only player who owns this passion is the one and only GAEL Clichy. His passion is greater than wenger’s. do u agree? Finally, i think fabregas won’t stand the team any longer. Of course we say that if fab doesn’t play well, the whole team doesn’t play well. He’s physically there and has got alot of games on his shoulders. But he’s not mentally there. Give him few years and you’ll be surprised, he might be better than thierry henry(as a leading player). He should be the new captain. I just hope wenger turns to the wings for the future, cause our style is fading away. a few players will do quite fine. we don’t need big stars, but players like sagna. the best player available is ben arfa, he might be the new era for the french dynasty.

    For the remaining kidneypool games: Arsenal 2 – liverpool 0
    Liverpool 1 – Arsenal 1 —-> Liverpool on ET.
    i’m not trying to be disrespectful about my expectations either. Thank you gooners, raise your heads up high, and best of luck.

  27. Geoff

    I think we’ll do the scousers in both games, bopnip, I just watched your video and I’m calling the Police, you really are a sick puppy.

  28. Steve

    I don’t agree with any of it Begy. For a start, Arsenal would be in mid-table if players didn’t have the passion needed to fight for top honours. This team has far exceeded expectation and has only fallen short because of Wenger’s insistance that we don’t need a bigger squad with a few old heads.

    Are you saying that foreign players can’t get the same feeling for a club outside their country? Try telling that to Dennis Bergkamp, Robert Pires, Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, Grimandi etc who have all said Arsenal is the club in their hearts. I really don’t see how Cesc’s mind isn’t there.

  29. Bopnip Popdritso

    So put that on your beans on toast and add on a bit of brown sauce….and lick the plate dry too!

  30. Pedro

    I agree with you steve.

    Passion isn’t just for the working class and it isn’t just for the English.

    Playing for Arsenal is a big deal, ask Theirry, Bergkamp, Paddy, Sol Campbell… or go back in history… Platini nearly joined us!

    Gael Clichy our most passionate player? How about the Flamster revving everyone up last night? How about Willy G screaming his head off! How about Cesc G-ing the players up in the tunnel!

    Sorry King Bergkamp, I think you are off the mark a bit.

    I have my reservations about Arfa as well… the best winger available who is french would be Ribery… he’s doing it in Germany and he’s doing it for the national team.

    Geoff, remember Diego? That vid i put up the other month? He is being linked with us! Thats what his old man reckons anyway! Check out his videos!

    Arsene would probably play him in goal! I wont get to excited!

  31. Bopnip Popdritso

    I’ve got dinner plates with the Arsenal team oly 5 quid each, I’ll let you know when they are on sale.

  32. Odub

    Ive got a feeling we need to get the odd English player this summer, call me xenophobic,racist whatever, just think we need a couple of lads to come thru the youth system soon or buy a couple of hard nut chaps. David Wheater/Mark Noble/Micah Ricarhds/Nedum Onuoha/Adam Jonhnson all come to mind!

  33. Geoff

    I think we need to sign an English player too, what about Gareth Barry and Micah Richards, or Nolan and Micah Richards?

  34. agentmorris

    I have to agree with your opinion of Eboue. He is absolutely worthless. He’s the first player I’d love to see go somewhere else to take dodgey dives and take wayward shots that never ever seem like possible goals. Theo should be starting in his place. I think last night proved that within minutes of his coming on. His shot missed by mere inches.

    As for the blatantly missed penalty call–we only ever seem to get 1/3 of penalty calls to go our way, don’t we? It was disgraceful and those mugsmashers are extremely fortunate not to be trailing in the aggregate after last night. Here’s to the Gunners doing the business at their expense in the next two matches!

  35. Odub

    Geoff, most at Man City and even the U21 set up reckon Nedum Onuoha has the chance of being better than Richards

  36. Pedro

    Oh I didn’t realise?

    Man City have been shite for the last 4 months haven’t they! I thought they’d be pushing Liverpool for fourth after their start.

    Maybe the two are linked.

    What about that Noble from West Ham? What about Ashley Young or Agbonlohor?

  37. Odub

    I’m not racist Pedro, i hate all people equally!

    gareth barry I’m not too sure about, he can be world class one minute, and shit the next. I do think we need to raid west ham, boro or villa for some english talent

  38. Geoff

    Is he ready now though Odub or another prospect? Diego looks good but he also looks like center miidfield.

  39. Odub

    he was quite good for the U21’s in the summer and he can defend I give him that. Big lump too. Wheater’s the same.

    This Diego chappie plays Cesc’s position. Aint gonna happen! We’ve already got Denilson, Diaby for cover.

  40. Bud

    Odd site this afternoon……… i’m bailing out, its all getting a little too freaky, especially the beans on toast clown !

  41. Pedro

    I thought the same… then I checked the IP and its a complete newby…

    It was getting a but annoying, but it was so damn funny! What a strange person!

    So Big Al has singned a new deal, good thing/bad thing?

  42. Odub

    The video had me speechless!! that doesnt happen often I tell ya!

    Big Al signing on is great, I still think we need a world class goalie. we’ve been linked with Manuel Neuer and he’s meant to be quite good

  43. Pedro

    Almunia!

    I didn’t look at the video… but geoff told me about it.

    Very odd I hear!

    It takes all sorts!

    That song was so good I must reprint it:

    Van Persie….score without mercy.
    Adbeyor, we want you to score.
    Bendtner, get it in with a header!
    Fantastic Hleb, look great in the pub on the telly!
    Rosicky now how to be tricky!
    Fabregas is Better than British Gas.
    Flamnini sets the stadium in Flames.
    Gallas is more dangerous than a bunch off dudes in Balaclavas.
    Toure could win the tour de france anyday. Sagna plays better than a Sony Playstation. Clichy is no chliche, you hear me?
    Sennderos he’s almost da Boss
    But Wenger is his name and winning is his game.
    I feel like I’ve gone to the moon when Almunia scores.

    Beautiful…

  44. Steve

    I wonder what tune it should be sang to.

    “I feel like I’ve gone to the moon when Almunia scores.”

    Not that the rest of it is steeped in logic, but that bit is priceless.

  45. Steve

    “Gallas is more dangerous than a bunch off dudes in Balaclavas.”

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

    Get him back on ffs.

  46. Odub

    On a completely different note…..Some Kevin Keegan quotes below to amuse!!

    “You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw… ”

    “There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight. ”

    “…using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength. ”

    “Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice. ”

    “I’m not disappointed – just disappointed. ”

    “The tide is very much in our court now. ”

    “Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose. ”

    “That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved. ”

    “I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s totally different. ”

    “The good news for Nigeria is that they’re two-nil down very early in the game.”

    “The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today. ”

    “In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg. ”

    “The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful. ”

    “England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second-to-none. ”

    “I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time. ”

    “Young Gareth Barry – he’s young. ”

    “They’re the second best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that.”

    “Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa.”

    “Football’s always easier when you’ve got the ball.” .”

    “I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.”

    “There’s a slight doubt about only one player, and that’s Tony Adams, who definitely won’t be playing tomorrow.”

    “The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23.”

    “I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.”

    “We managed to wrong a few rights.”

    “We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine.”

    “We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.”

    “Nicolas Anelka left Arsenal for £23million and they built a training ground on him.”

  47. t-buzz

    sob, Pedro that was so good it almost brought a tear to my eye!! lol
    “Fabregas is Better than British Gas.” Quality stuff!!

  48. t-buzz

    Oi!! Odubs, youre not a computer hacker now are ya? A mate of mine just sent me those quotes a few seconds ago!! How weird…

  49. Odub

    mate, I can just about use sage and microsoft! what the hell do i know about computer hacking!!

    Coincidence my friend! same as the one that put a ref that went out for drinks with Kuyt’s mum in charge of our game last night! Coincidence…..

  50. chris

    holy fuck what happened here today, i hope its a lovely summers day where everybody is today,

    have we another swedish invader, where do we find them?
    i wish hleb would run into the box more often, when he is dis-possessed its generally by being fouled,

  51. Odub

    Where the hell have you been?!!

    Summer?! Mate I’m in central London, it’s grey, dark and gloomy all year round!

  52. goonerjay

    Here you go Steve… just for a bit of pressure mate

    There was a farmer in Alabama who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor’s bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

    “Yeah daddy, yeah daddy,” said the little boy.

    After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends. “Say, Pop,” said the boy. “Yes,” replied his father.

    “The bull just fucked the brown cow.”

    There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said “Excuse me” and took his son outside. “Son, you mustn’t use language like that in front of company. You should say ‘The bull surprised the brown cow’. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull surprises the white cow.”

    The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, “Hey, Daddy.”

    “Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?”

    “He sure did, Pop! He fucked the brown cow again!

  53. Odub

    pedro, I swear i never touched him!!!

    Good come back goonerjay!

    RIP ROARING POST TOMORROW PLEASE GUYS!!

    I’ve got a lunch with a bunch of rugby supporters so the only chane I’ll have to chat footie is before I head out tomorrow

  54. goonerjay

    On a seperate note… Bendtner needs to go and find a quiet corner to have a word with himself.

    As for the ref next time i suggest he brings his guide dog with him… that was fucking diabolical.

    Eboue… there’s a new playground just opened on the M25… top attraction’s called playing with traffic i strongly recommend it… our little secret though

  55. Pedro

    Someone said earlier Bendtner really hasn’t lived up to his self proclaimed hype this year?

    I thought he was going to be a goal machine!

    Remember him in the reserves! 30 goals for him, 30 for Lupoli!

    I still think he is going to he a big player for us… he is very young.

    I fancy Wenger to pick up a striker this summer.

  56. Odub

    hope he does and a centre back, left midfielder, defensive midfielder and an assistant manager!!! Love Pat Rice, but I don’t think he does a lot does he?!

    shit!! I hope no one on here has an undying affiliation with him!!

  57. t-buzz

    Just thought I’d share this with you all as Iam getting ready to leave my desk…

    Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

    Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He

    knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to

    touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire

    to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.

    Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to

    more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to

    arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

    The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a

    little bit into the Queen’s brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she

    dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned
    to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the
    King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours,
    would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the
    saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

    The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote

    for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next

    four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s voluptuous and

    magnificent breasts.

    The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied

    and hailed as a hero.

    Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment

    of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t

    have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this

    matter to the King, with a laugh told him to get lost.

    The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder
    into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

    The moral of the story – Pay your bills.

    Adios amigos!! Viva L’Arsenal!!!

  58. ScubaGooner

    The Cowboy

    A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.? She
    was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
    very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper
    for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job.
    One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else
    applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to
    have him around the house than the drunk.
    He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
    For weeks,the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
    Then one day,the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, ‘You have done a really good
    job, and the ranch looks great.? You should go into town and kick up your
    heels.’ The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday
    night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return. Two o’clock and no
    hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the
    room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass
    of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
    ‘Unbutton my blouse and take it off,’ she said.
    Trembling, he did as she directed.
    ‘Now take off my boots.’
    He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
    ‘Now take off my socks.’
    He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
    ‘Now take off my skirt.’
    He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
    ‘Now take off my bra.’
    Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the
    floor……

    Then she looked at him and said, ‘If you ever wear my clothes into
    town again, you’re fired.’ ?
    (Yeah, I didn’t see it coming, either.)

  59. Pedro

    I’ve updated the side bar!

    More jokes… excellent… more people making a mockery of my Funnies page!

  60. Ray Gooner

    Even if Bendtner would have jumped over the ball he would have been blown off for offside anyway (he was in the line of the balls direction towards goal) and he was behind Liverpools goalkeeper!
    Read the official football rules and you’ll see it’s true!
    So the only thing Bendtner could do was to disappear in to thin air…

  61. Matthew Wade

    Actually in a big game, Cesc would always be one of my 3 bets to score..and if it wasn’t for Nik’s panicking, he would have done so again.

  62. gazzap

    if bendy misses the ball totally then he’s not interfering so the goal would have stood, but you cant trust the linos to get them right. when he touched it he was offside (as long as he was behind Reina of course)

  63. Chipo

    just read Bopnips poem- ahahaahahhhhhahaahahhahahahhh

    Fantastic Hleb, look great on the pub on the telly!

    When does Almunia score?

    absolutely priceless. i think maybe that should be given permanent residence on Le Grove. Its total fucking genius.

  64. Alain

    For starters, i simply love reading articles on this website! and to comment on this one, i agree since Henry left, that including his last season coz he was barely ther, we seem to hav missed that killer instinct and mayb even that little arrogance which allows a player to take a shot at goal every once in a while, he used to do that n score occassionaly. Its quite pissing off when u see all ur forwards in the box, ur midfield playing around with the ball outside the box and ur fullbacks supporting the wings yet no one manages to get a shot off, cross the ball or find that pass 2 slice open the defence, they hav u on the edge of ur seat for a straight two minutes just 2 make u sit down again with ur head in ur hands and watching the opposition counter attack whilst u start biting ur nails or lighting the nxt cigarette to add to the alrdy overpiled ashtray. Oh and bout Nikki B, i like him in the way that he might get that little arrogance back which might b helpful but good god son work on ur placing, its quite awful!