There has been a lot of talk about the 'Arsene Knows Brigade' in recent weeks. I've had many e-mails asking me to point out how you can tell early on if your loved one might have been struck down with the disease.
Here is the list of the indicators:
- Inability to think for themselves. They can no longer sit down the pub with their footballing friends and enter into a reasoned conversation. His/Her friends will be bored of their debating tactics... 'Arsene Knows' grows tiresome after 3 years.
- Positive support for anything Arsene: Yes, when your loved one sounds like a propaganda machine for Arsenal.com, you know you're in trouble. When you hear things like, 'Trust in Arsene' or 'I am an ardent support of anything Arsene...', you know that your loved one may think he/she is on the payroll at Arsenal. The sad thing is, they're not...
- Acceptance of second best: If you get your meal at a nice restaurant and it looks good, but it is cold... you'll find an AKB member won't mind. They'll accept anything as long as it looks good and the restaurateurs are relatively inexperienced. You will find they'll even accept a price increase after the disappointment, as long as they are promised it will be better next year.
- Hours spent writing hate on blog sites: If your loved one gets so worked up by Arsene criticism that they start writing hate on fan sites that disagree with their mantra, you know they've been struck down big time. But hey, don't worry, they would never have the guts to be that big time in real life... so don't worry about the 'Blog Tourettes' rearing its ugly head in public... it's a bedroom thing. Anonymity is a must for any budding AKB member.
- Everything positive is down to Arsene. You'll be led to believe it's 'Arsene united' down at the Emirates. Arsene built the stadium according to AKB's, but he is not responsible for the corporate aspect of the Emirates. He is in no way responsible for the fact that ticket prices are now out of reach for many working class fans. Arsene doesn't spend the money that is available to him, yet AKB's will blame the board for not funding him. Mr Wenger is apparently responsible for bringing Arsenal out of mid table obscurity... well, by my reckoning, we finished 5th in Rioch's last full season and in the last 16 years, we've only finished out of the top 5 twice? This list could go on forever, but the pattern is always the same. Wenger is a demi-god in the AKB's eyes, he does no wrong and if he does... it’s just Wenger testing you as a fan...
So there you have it, if your loved one has any of the above symptoms be very careful... they can be quite dangerous if you broach the subject with them... you wouldn't want to be called a spud would you?
The best thing to do is copy the link to Le Grove, e-mail it over to the AKB member in question and let the Grovers put them straight!