There has been a lot of talk about the ‘Arsene Knows Brigade’ in recent weeks. I’ve had many e-mails asking me to point out how you can tell early on if your loved one might have been struck down with the disease.
Here is the list of the indicators:
- Inability to think for themselves. They can no longer sit down the pub with their footballing friends and enter into a reasoned conversation. His/Her friends will be bored of their debating tactics… ‘Arsene Knows’ grows tiresome after 3 years.
- Positive support for anything Arsene: Yes, when your loved one sounds like a propaganda machine for Arsenal.com, you know you’re in trouble. When you hear things like, ‘Trust in Arsene’ or ‘I am an ardent support of anything Arsene…’, you know that your loved one may think he/she is on the payroll at Arsenal. The sad thing is, they’re not…
- Acceptance of second best: If you get your meal at a nice restaurant and it looks good, but it is cold… you’ll find an AKB member won’t mind. They’ll accept anything as long as it looks good and the restaurateurs are relatively inexperienced. You will find they’ll even accept a price increase after the disappointment, as long as they are promised it will be better next year.
- Hours spent writing hate on blog sites: If your loved one gets so worked up by Arsene criticism that they start writing hate on fan sites that disagree with their mantra, you know they’ve been struck down big time. But hey, don’t worry, they would never have the guts to be that big time in real life… so don’t worry about the ‘Blog Tourettes’ rearing its ugly head in public… it’s a bedroom thing. Anonymity is a must for any budding AKB member.
- Everything positive is down to Arsene. You’ll be led to believe it’s ‘Arsene united’ down at the Emirates. Arsene built the stadium according to AKB’s, but he is not responsible for the corporate aspect of the Emirates. He is in no way responsible for the fact that ticket prices are now out of reach for many working class fans. Arsene doesn’t spend the money that is available to him, yet AKB’s will blame the board for not funding him. Mr Wenger is apparently responsible for bringing Arsenal out of mid table obscurity… well, by my reckoning, we finished 5th in Rioch’s last full season and in the last 16 years, we’ve only finished out of the top 5 twice? This list could go on forever, but the pattern is always the same. Wenger is a demi-god in the AKB’s eyes, he does no wrong and if he does… it’s just Wenger testing you as a fan…
So there you have it, if your loved one has any of the above symptoms be very careful… they can be quite dangerous if you broach the subject with them… you wouldn’t want to be called a spud would you?
The best thing to do is copy the link to Le Grove, e-mail it over to the AKB member in question and let the Grovers put them straight!
Pedro
Geoff
May 7, 2008 at 17:38
I agree with you there. I hate Man United but I hate the AKB’s more. Arsene is no God. He messing up big time and the AKB’s still believe in him.
I remember a few seasons back when United weren’t winning, most fans wanted Sir Alex fired. But with Arsene, it looks different.
I hate to say this but Mourinho was right, Arsene can go on not winning trophies and he will never get fired.(it seems)
PS: I hope ManPoo lose out on the Double… hehehehehe
May 8, 2008 at 02:01
OOOOhh To OOOhh To Bee OOOOhh To Bee a AKB
May 8, 2008 at 16:07
There is a reason why there isn’t the criticism of Wenger; simply he is the best manager in the world. But, he’s human. He fucked up in not locking down Flamini, or in his handling of the Flamini situation. But this is a guy who with less money than a bottom 10 team comes in 4th place and up season after season. He crafts players, he brings excitement to the game.
Yea, Man Utd are winning, but look at their first team, how much it costs. Now swap resources and what tdo you think would happen with Ferguson? Here is a man that spent upwards of 70million pounds ($140mil USD) last summer and when against Arsenal his team still can barely pull it out, if at all.
We’re a feared team the world over, destroyed Milan, at Milan and right now our future is so rosey you need shades to blind out the light.
Yea, we haven’t won in 4 years, but are you a fan of the club, or a passing spectator? The clubs from 5th place down (fuck, even 4th place, looking at you Benitez) wish they had our financial clout and ability to make returns on nothing. The life of Arsenal is bigger than Wenger, bigger than Fabregas and any other player that walks through those doors at Highbury or Ashburton grove.
Wenger knows this, hence he’s not going to trade long term stability and growth of the club for trophies now. In all honesty, we should still be challenging for the double, but bad calls, hubris and the pressure from glory-hunters like yourselves caused a meltdown.
As a fan, you’re just sitting there, this is a man whose job it is to win, week in week out. And on top of that manage hundreds of millions of dollars, build a global brand, keep overpaid little glory-hunting shits of players happy, build a multi hundred million dollar stadium and still make it to the training ground 4-6 days a week twice a day.
You you think you feel anything even coming close to the anxiety, disappointment and anger he does? I seriously doubt it, yet, all of us still have the gall to try to chip away at what is being built.
I’m 25, been an Arsenal fan since I lived in London when I was about 3. I’ll be an Arsenal fan until I die. Many great and world class players will pass through the doors and many managers as well. Hopefully trophies too. But the passion of a team goes beyond just that, and you can’t even see that Arsene understands this. So, even if we’re challenging for titles on all fronts, or not challenging at all, my first loyalty is to the club, I get enjoyment simply from watching us crush Tottenham or bring it to the Mancs. Trophies are great, but at the end of the day, are they lining your cabinet?
Let these boys do what they do, and let Arsene do what he’s doing. He might fuck up, but overall he’s still the best in the world by a country fucking mile.
May 8, 2008 at 16:18
Deuce, you should read the article before you post.
It’s not a dig at Arsene, it’s a dig at those who swear blind faith to him and will not accept criticism of Wenger.
Wenger came out a few months back and said he should be criticised if things are going wrong. Its what reasoned people do… question things when they are going wrong. If you’ve ever had a job, you’d know that. It’s the way the world works.
The article isn’t actually slating Wenger if you read carefully…
May 8, 2008 at 21:30
i go one better, and fire the sod….
he still does not get it. we need 3-4 quality players to supplement the team
it also seems mamagement are content also. thats tells me they are money hungry bastards
with regards to flamini & helb, they can fuck themseleves, are no big deal. we can do better
May 9, 2008 at 20:51
Why didn’t Wenger sought out the Flamini situation earlier?
In order to attract the next batch of young players from around the world that’s to say the next Fabregas, Wenger has to be seen to be taking care of the players that do not work out because as we all know not every player makes the big time. Remember the father of the next Fabregas will want his son to go to a club that will help find him a career if things don’t go to plan and he has to leave.
At the end of last season Flamini was surplus to requirements he was viewed with the same pity as you would afford a blind person or a dog with a broken paw. He was going to be benevolently allowed to leave on a free at the end of his contract. No one expected Flamini’s transformation.
Ironically, Flamini’s success story will attract the next Fabregas – where would you recommend your son go.
Who is your player of the season? Bacary Sagna – of course. Did you expect that signing? No you didn’t. Which means Arsene knows best. Believe, believe believe.
May 24, 2008 at 09:39
Pedro -
AKB’s are so devoted that instead of thinking “What would Jesus Do?” they think, “What would a) Arsene do, or B) Eboue do”.
Take For example the simple concept of getting up in the morning. Person One would Pray for guidence, then go about their daily duties. Part A would get up, Give themselves an irritating comb over, then have breakfast and coffee, reading the paper and looking for jobs which require less skill, and he can use in 6 years time to become CEO, sell, and start over again. Pointless, because it probably wont work, and its a step backwards. Part B is more simple. They just get up, stretch, and promptly walk into a wall. Again, completely brainless. You can see here that i have expanded on your point one. Something, again, that an AKB wouldnt be able to do, simply because it requires too much brainpower.
So remember, Arsene Knows! Well, he used to, until he got Short Term Memory loss, and forgot that Football is all about scoring more than your opponent.
May 27, 2008 at 19:07
well…i am arsenal fan but not wenger’s fan…arsenal is not about wenger…so 3 years with no trophy to show..i think he should go. if he cant keep good players, i bet you will be hearing “i have faith in my team” every season. I think for club like arsenal, we have to win next season, if not, i welcome rijkaard or even mourinho.
fab contract is untill 2014 right??so, at that time he is around 27-28, the peak time for footballers…let say at the end of his contract, real madrid come offering fabs 200k perweek..most prob fab will go right>>madrid dont have to pay for transfer…waiting for the right time to come.hahaha
June 6, 2008 at 09:27
I am an AKB and unashamed. Arsene knows, yes he does. But in Arsene I don’t trust, he is not God, or perfect, he makes mistakes but is not as stubborn as I used to think as I have noticed he has listened to criticism and introduced a plan B (Everton away was a good example) he has tried to appease fans this season by trying to introduce signings in 2-3 weeks, look how it backfired though eh, like Arseblog said the little Marys got so annoyed
(I don’t think it was a swipe at Le-Grove though Wrighty7 God bless him amongst others got a little irrate about that), I was dissapointed also.
However as someone else also believes he is probably one of the top five managers in the world, we will never get anyone better in this generation. Don’t be fooled by Flamoney’s comments trying to hide the fact that he loves money more than anything else, Arsene probably did try to extend his contract however Flamini probably demanded too much, Wenger may well have given him a season to prove he was woth that much and Flamoney after proving himself asked for an even higher wage (speculative I know, but AW bought flamoney because he had faith in him he played him ahead of Gilberto it is inconceivable that he would want to allow Flam to run his contract down.)
3 years without a trophy, so effing what! We were shit before Arsene Wenger and probably be shit when he is gone unless we get Usmanov on board and he wants to spend. But you guys would not like that would you.
We are not ManUre, Liverpool or Chelsea we are not that big and won’t be until we pay off the stadium or bring in Usy that’s the reality. When we can spend as much as those guys then we can complain about not winning a trophy in 3 years.
I do not agree with the over 30 policy, I still think it was a mistake not giving Pires a 2 year contract, he was irreplaceable. When Wenger had money to spend we won trophies, he does not now do not let anyone fool you as someone said much of his budget has to go on increasing wages to keep his present squad.
I don’t agree with the youth policy as it appears due to the likes of Flamoney the template has been set, train up at Arsenal, get good exposure and leave for higher wages. Unfortunately this scenario was was not foreseen by Wenger, I repeat he is not God. David Dean knows more about Arsenals finances maybe that is why he was so keen to get an investor on board as he knew we would be severely challenged financially.
AKBs anger at what they may deem to be unjust criticism or disrespectful statements from largely new supporters who did not witness or care about Arsenal in the days of i.e Terry Neil, is because they are seen as ungrateful. I also believe that a lot of Arsenal fans have been behaving like ungrateful spoilt children, and will only realise his true value when he has gone
You can all get your knives out if you want but that is my honest opinion. Arsene is the best manager we can have at this present time.
Thank God for Arsene
June 14, 2008 at 10:08
I agree with the above – we should have hung onto Pires. A man of his quality should have bee kept. We harp on about TH14 and DB10 (and rightly so !). Pires was just as great in my opinion – my favourate played since Brady !
July 20, 2008 at 22:32
I think critisism of Wenger is valid a lot of the time and to blindly believe in anyone is imo stupid. However it really pisses me of when I read things (on thes blog) Like “this fucker Wenger” or Wenger is a cunt. Wenger as far as I can see loves Arsenal and has been loyal for quie some time. Yes he earns good money but so does Ade and so did Hleb. AKB’s are boring but so are people who slate him unfairly.
September 2, 2008 at 15:32
A.F.C should give Wenger until the next transfer window closes before giving him the
LeSack , look at the poor barsted Keegan 21 games to get the toon back on track
even Walt Disney and his toons would struggle in todays premiur league its not about football any more its about business now, give the game back to the genuine fans not
these middle class nonces they should return to the game of rugby. I was born a gunners fan and will die a fan (i just wish i could afford the ticket prices) . Just ask Eltel
he seems to know whats needed?
December 5, 2008 at 21:29
im suffering with AKB syndrome,but its a mild dose,i know wenger is a gooner but i think he should sign a couple guys who already know the green cross code,am i beyond repair?
March 9, 2009 at 10:11
Did someone say sack AW are you mad or a manu fan they said sack fergie when he went 3 years without winning anything, but not now I can remember when we went 17 years without sod all , I still went every week. Since wenger has been here its like fantasy football and at the top most of the time look how close we were last year do you remember the look of relief on fergies face after the old trafford game if we had won it was out trophy thats how close we were . we have been building a team NOT BUYING one We will do it with class and style
May 6, 2009 at 16:37
What a brilliant article! So funny to read but the punchline is when you read the comments and see people acting like this right in front of your own eyes!!! Comedy genius
June 22, 2009 at 20:00
Literally dripping with irony, fantastique.