AKB Guide
There has been a lot of talk about the ‘Arsene Knows Brigade’ in recent weeks. I’ve had many e-mails asking me to point out how you can tell early on if your loved one might have been struck down with the disease.
Here is the list of the indicators:
- Inability to think for themselves. They can no longer sit down the pub with their footballing friends and enter into a reasoned conversation. His/Her friends will be bored of their debating tactics… ‘Arsene Knows’ grows tiresome after 3 years.
- Positive support for anything Arsene: Yes, when your loved one sounds like a propaganda machine for Arsenal.com, you know you’re in trouble. When you hear things like, ‘Trust in Arsene’ or ‘I am an ardent support of anything Arsene…’, you know that your loved one may think he/she is on the payroll at Arsenal. The sad thing is, they’re not…
- Acceptance of second best: If you get your meal at a nice restaurant and it looks good, but it is cold… you’ll find an AKB member won’t mind. They’ll accept anything as long as it looks good and the restaurateurs are relatively inexperienced. You will find they’ll even accept a price increase after the disappointment, as long as they are promised it will be better next year.
- Hours spent writing hate on blog sites: If your loved one gets so worked up by Arsene criticism that they start writing hate on fan sites that disagree with their mantra, you know they’ve been struck down big time. But hey, don’t worry, they would never have the guts to be that big time in real life… so don’t worry about the ‘Blog Tourettes’ rearing its ugly head in public… it’s a bedroom thing. Anonymity is a must for any budding AKB member.
- Everything positive is down to Arsene. You’ll be led to believe it’s ‘Arsene united’ down at the Emirates. Arsene built the stadium according to AKB’s, but he is not responsible for the corporate aspect of the Emirates. He is in no way responsible for the fact that ticket prices are now out of reach for many working class fans. Arsene doesn’t spend the money that is available to him, yet AKB’s will blame the board for not funding him. Mr Wenger is apparently responsible for bringing Arsenal out of mid table obscurity… well, by my reckoning, we finished 5th in Rioch’s last full season and in the last 16 years, we’ve only finished out of the top 5 twice? This list could go on forever, but the pattern is always the same. Wenger is a demi-god in the AKB’s eyes, he does no wrong and if he does… it’s just Wenger testing you as a fan…
So there you have it, if your loved one has any of the above symptoms be very careful… they can be quite dangerous if you broach the subject with them… you wouldn’t want to be called a spud would you?
The best thing to do is copy the link to Le Grove, e-mail it over to the AKB member in question and let the Grovers put them straight!
May 7, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I agree with you there. I hate Man United but I hate the AKB’s more. Arsene is no God. He messing up big time and the AKB’s still believe in him.
I remember a few seasons back when United weren’t winning, most fans wanted Sir Alex fired. But with Arsene, it looks different.
I hate to say this but Mourinho was right, Arsene can go on not winning trophies and he will never get fired.(it seems)
PS: I hope ManPoo lose out on the Double… hehehehehe
May 8, 2008 at 2:01 am
OOOOhh To OOOhh To Bee OOOOhh To Bee a AKB
May 8, 2008 at 4:07 pm
There is a reason why there isn’t the criticism of Wenger; simply he is the best manager in the world. But, he’s human. He fucked up in not locking down Flamini, or in his handling of the Flamini situation. But this is a guy who with less money than a bottom 10 team comes in 4th place and up season after season. He crafts players, he brings excitement to the game.
Yea, Man Utd are winning, but look at their first team, how much it costs. Now swap resources and what tdo you think would happen with Ferguson? Here is a man that spent upwards of 70million pounds ($140mil USD) last summer and when against Arsenal his team still can barely pull it out, if at all.
We’re a feared team the world over, destroyed Milan, at Milan and right now our future is so rosey you need shades to blind out the light.
Yea, we haven’t won in 4 years, but are you a fan of the club, or a passing spectator? The clubs from 5th place down (fuck, even 4th place, looking at you Benitez) wish they had our financial clout and ability to make returns on nothing. The life of Arsenal is bigger than Wenger, bigger than Fabregas and any other player that walks through those doors at Highbury or Ashburton grove.
Wenger knows this, hence he’s not going to trade long term stability and growth of the club for trophies now. In all honesty, we should still be challenging for the double, but bad calls, hubris and the pressure from glory-hunters like yourselves caused a meltdown.
As a fan, you’re just sitting there, this is a man whose job it is to win, week in week out. And on top of that manage hundreds of millions of dollars, build a global brand, keep overpaid little glory-hunting shits of players happy, build a multi hundred million dollar stadium and still make it to the training ground 4-6 days a week twice a day.
You you think you feel anything even coming close to the anxiety, disappointment and anger he does? I seriously doubt it, yet, all of us still have the gall to try to chip away at what is being built.
I’m 25, been an Arsenal fan since I lived in London when I was about 3. I’ll be an Arsenal fan until I die. Many great and world class players will pass through the doors and many managers as well. Hopefully trophies too. But the passion of a team goes beyond just that, and you can’t even see that Arsene understands this. So, even if we’re challenging for titles on all fronts, or not challenging at all, my first loyalty is to the club, I get enjoyment simply from watching us crush Tottenham or bring it to the Mancs. Trophies are great, but at the end of the day, are they lining your cabinet?
Let these boys do what they do, and let Arsene do what he’s doing. He might fuck up, but overall he’s still the best in the world by a country fucking mile.
May 8, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Deuce, you should read the article before you post.
It’s not a dig at Arsene, it’s a dig at those who swear blind faith to him and will not accept criticism of Wenger.
Wenger came out a few months back and said he should be criticised if things are going wrong. Its what reasoned people do… question things when they are going wrong. If you’ve ever had a job, you’d know that. It’s the way the world works.
The article isn’t actually slating Wenger if you read carefully…
May 8, 2008 at 9:30 pm
i go one better, and fire the sod….
he still does not get it. we need 3-4 quality players to supplement the team
it also seems mamagement are content also. thats tells me they are money hungry bastards
with regards to flamini & helb, they can fuck themseleves, are no big deal. we can do better
May 9, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Why didn’t Wenger sought out the Flamini situation earlier?
In order to attract the next batch of young players from around the world that’s to say the next Fabregas, Wenger has to be seen to be taking care of the players that do not work out because as we all know not every player makes the big time. Remember the father of the next Fabregas will want his son to go to a club that will help find him a career if things don’t go to plan and he has to leave.
At the end of last season Flamini was surplus to requirements he was viewed with the same pity as you would afford a blind person or a dog with a broken paw. He was going to be benevolently allowed to leave on a free at the end of his contract. No one expected Flamini’s transformation.
Ironically, Flamini’s success story will attract the next Fabregas - where would you recommend your son go.
Who is your player of the season? Bacary Sagna – of course. Did you expect that signing? No you didn’t. Which means Arsene knows best. Believe, believe believe.