‘Don’t worry loved ones, it’ll all be over soon,’ Arsene whispered as he rushed the children to the tornado shelter. The underprepared caretaker swiftly made his way out into the yard, sharply avoiding dangerous questions, dodging harsh realities, all whilst praying values would save the day.
Yes, this summer has been a disaster story for the records. The banter era of Arsene Wenger continues at a pace, but there maybe a sweet delicious apple pie waiting on the kitchen counter when he breaks out of the shelter to assess the damage. Will there be a house? No. But Liverpool could be the sweet taste of happiness our great leader needs to push him over the transfer deadline without needing to call the insurance company.
Come on, you know the drill by now, when Arsene is backed into a corner, or he’s caught dropping a whoopsie on a season, he plays the values card. He’s Eddie Murphy…
‘Baby, I f*cked her, yeah, I f*cked her… but I make love to you’
Make no mistake, this is one of the most tragic Arsenal summers of the last ten years. The manager took his contract right up to the wire and undertook even less preparation than usual.
He had three jobs this window.
One was to sell the deadwood that’s clogging up the squad numbers wise, but also from a salary perspective. My calculations yesterday left that figure at £32.5m in wasted wages this season. You can’t drop net £30.5m in CL money and not address an over indulged squad size (31 players). It is absolutely beyond the pale someone at the club wasn’t working on moving those players on or cutting a deal for them to go for free. So far, we’ve shifted 3 players.