Oh my god. What the hell was that?
I put in a lot of time and effort yesterday getting hammered before the game, only to sit through a performance as convincing as an Oscar Pistorius alibi.
All jokes aside, the prospect of having to sit through another season in which we stumble and falter, put together a decent run of games and then scrape fourth place, kind of makes me want to cry.
It’s like constantly shelling out £1000 for a date with a girl who is pretty but only talks about cats. As much as you love cats, after the fifth or sixth time you start to seriously consider whether it’s worth the money, time or effort.
There were so many baffling things about yesterday. Why did we revert to a 4-1-4-1 formation when we destroyed Villa last week with 4-2-3-1? Why was Özil shunted out on the left again? Why was Ramsey starting when he is clearly knackered. And why did our star signing play 90 minutes in the league cup only to be left on the bench for the derby.
The only thing about all these baffling decisions is the degree to which they aren’t really that baffling. It seems whatever is the most obvious answer – using a formation that works, signing a DM – our manager will do the opposite. Why? I don’t know. Maybe to prove a point to people or to himself. Or to Jesus.
What I do know is it means we’ve dropped two points at home against the worst Spurs team I’ve seen in the last 5 years. They were so awful, they were like a U2 acoustic set in your front room where Bono talks about his charity work in between each dreadful song. Or a dinner party at the Redknapps where all they serve is port and offal and their dog keeps trying to lick your toes under the table and then you’re forced to play Nintendo Wii with them for hours while ‘Arry sings ‘My Way’ over and over again.
They had a player on the pitch whose shirt number was so high he could’ve been an American footballer. And yet despite being about 12 and absolutely shit, he had a worldy against us because that’s what happens when you play Arsenal.
We had a lot of possession, Özil, Gibbs, Jack and Calum played very well. But all that possession led to nothing more than intricate passing on the edge of the box and crosses into nobody.
And then there were the corners. Dreadful, dreadful corners. Can we have a moratorium on these please? Or better yet, every time we win a corner, just give the opposition team a goal because our corners are not only ineffective but almost always result in a chance for the opposition.
This should have been a comprehensive victory. This should have been an exciting derby. Instead it was another flat, turgid performance in our groundhog season.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. We will put together a decent run, and all the überpositives will crow about how we were wrong to judge the manager, but don’t kid yourself that we will see any improvement on last season. It’s fourth place all the way.
Ozil, Cazorla, Sanchez, Ramsey, Wilshere – we have a team bursting at the seams with quality. The fact we can’t mount a credible title challenge is down to the manager.
Still, enjoy what you can for the time being and remember, it’s only two more seasons until this team can start to fulfil it’s potential.
Follow me on twitter @aldo_doel